Kidd Kraddick Remix

FUNNIEST THING HEARD ON THE SHOW TODAY

Al being called the Token Black Dude on the show by another Token Black Dude in LA

FUNNIEST LINE OF THE SHOW

“You must be the smartest person on the show because no one could act THAT stupid” – Al recalling a total stranger telling him this

MOST UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT ON THE SHOW

It’s a toss up – it’s between J Si singing “gimme, gimme, gimme more” while hugging it out with a guy or Kidd’s not so subtly pointing out B Wood as the cooler version of Big Al – though I would like to see a picture …

“Things You Might Hear On Today’s Show”

Kellie wants to see the Se and the City movie again even though she’s seen it twice

Al has a date with a hot Brazilian who doesn’t know anyone in town

J Si is going to Vegas with Uncle Daddy

Shanon has worst tan lines on the show

Kidd is live from L.A.!!!

FLUSH THE FORMAT

Hot in Herre – Nelly

Fergilicious – Fergie

Mash Up – This Love/Maroon 5 and Naughty Girl/Beyonce

Dirrty – Christina Aguilera

Intergalactic Planetary – Beastie Boys

Let Me Clear My Throat – DJ Kool

Shake That – Eminem

Low – Flo-Rida

Da Dip – Freak Nasty

Are You Gonna Be My Girl – Jet

HIZZLE

Clay Aiken is going to be a dad – through artificial insemination

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are a couple and have met each others family

Sanjaya will be doing insurance commercials

T.I is doing a reality show before he does to jail

We talked to David Archuleta today – despite what you’ve heard about his dad being a horrible stage dad and beating him when he performs badly (or maybe you just heard that beating thing from us – ha-ha-ha!!!), he says his dad loves him and is very supportive – and even though he had to sing a million different genres on American Idol and he really, really, really likes Wicked – he truly sees himself as a pop star! What? Stranger things have happened – Clay Aiken anyone??

The world may very well be coming to an end – at least for J Si – his 13 year old sister has a MySpace – and a 15 year old boyfriend – and the 2 of them together – well, let’s just say that J Si is ready to head to San Diego to start removing male appendages – apparently this kid is talking about “hittin’ it” and other things that are completely inappropriate for a 13 year old and 15 year old to be discussing – I’m not sure where we got off track here – when did it become okay for boys to say inappropriate things (sexually and otherwise) to girls? and when did girls decide that, not only is it okay to be treated that way, but to also like it? I tried to tell J Si that no matter how much he hates this kid, his efforts would be better spent talking to his sister – even if J Si does break every bone in his body, he’s probably still going to be a jerk who just wants to get busy with a 13 year old – ew. But how about teaching your sister a little self respect – and teaching her that there will be plenty of boys chasing after her – so many that she doesn’t need to bother with the ones that talk to her crazy – stay tuned because I know there will be more to come from this story!

FREDDY UPDATE

If you missed yesterday’s show, Freddy’s mom was diagnosed with cancer and surgery yesterday – the surgery went well and now she’ll have to go through chemo – please keep Nina in your prayers – cancer sucks.

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Bill Murray’s wife has filrd for divorce – Bill is a druggie and an abuser

#4 – Harrison finally proposed to Calista Flockhart … on April Fool’s Day

#3 – Britney Spears is not pregnant – medicine is making her fat

#2 – Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are officially a couple

#1 – Clay Aiken is going to be a dad

J Si going to Vegas with Uncle Daddy but Kellie wasn’t invited – Kidd tried to make it like Kellie was purposely excluded – and maybe she was – but she didn’t seem to torn up about it – could this be the end of Kellie and Uncle Daddy? Is it because she’s in love with British Guy? Will J Si be left in the middle – torn between Kellie and Uncle Daddy? All this and more on the next As the Radio Turns …

That’s What She Said for Trip A Day – this is my new favorite game – especially since i intend to use this as blackmail against J Si – anytime he gets out of line, I’ll threaten to call his mom and expose why he’s really calling and her so often (insert evil laugh here)

It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done

I wish I could relax more

I would jump up and down and scream – yeah, yeah, yeah

I hate when your dad comes in the back door and doesn’t tell me

I love Conan O’ Brien – I think he is hilarious – which is why I am horribly jealous of the person that will win the Forever the Sickest Kids contest – next week, you have to call us with your sickest voice and convince us that you’re sick – as an example, we replayed the time that Kidd called in sick … to a job that he doesn’t have!!! Here’s a tip for next week – don’t call us and say that you’re having problems in the bedroom – that’s too oogey – and don’t tell us that you have “the diarrhea” – because that’s just ew.

Movie Talk

Sex and the City Movie – GO SEE THIS MOVIE!!!!!! I can’t say it enough – I’ve now seen it twice!

With Kidd being in LA, we replayed Jason Mraz being in studio – I can’t say that I’ma fan of his – but I LOVE that acoustic version of him performing “I’m Yours” – and I love the jingle he does for us – that song will be in my head all day long today – but in a good way!!

Behind the Mic

I told you this was coming …

Al – I have 2 words for you – side.walk

Kellie – I have two words for you air.plane – Al do you just try to sound stupid – sidewalk has never been 2 words!!”

Hearing Kellie scold Big Al like he is a small child just tickled me to death – and hearing Al get all sheepish with Kellie like a puppy – oh, the hilarity – and the really funny thing that you didn’t hear on air – J Si reading his line – “I have 2 words for you – beach” – HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I think J Si and I were the only ones that thought that was funny – but I’m okay with that!!!

MOST RANDOM THING HEARD ON TODAY’S SHOW

“Because I don’t want it to sound read-y” – Al on why he tries to ad lib while reading liners

“SAVE THAT” OF THE DAY

“You’re so gay” – Al’s date to him at the end of his Exit Interview

BEHIND THE SCENES

Be looking out for a new Behind the Mic – I can’t describe it but believe me when I say it is LAUGH OUT LOUD funny!!!

BEHIND THE SCENES WITH J SI – things J Si says in the Geek Room that you won’t hear on air

Mexican Word of the Day – Chile

When my wife and I were dating she was fine, but since we got married CHILE herself go (insert J Si’s “I think I’m HI-larious” laughter here)

FUNNIEST LINE OF THE SHOW

I’m taking you down to Animal Control and you’re gonna be euthanized today – said by Kellie Rasberry in a sing song voice

FUNNIEST CONVERSATION FROM THE SHOW TODAY

From J Si’s Hip Hop Drive Thru bit

Taco Bell Employee: You watch too much tv

J Si: no, YOU watch too much tv

Good lord.  J Si is such a 5 year old!!

“Things You Might Hear On Today’s Show”

Kellie had Piggly Wiggly t-shirts in her chair when she got here this morning

Al wants the astronauts with the broken toilet to hold it

J Si’s sister has MySpace and a boyfriend

Shanon was invited to a grown up prom and all of her high school feelings of being rejected have returned

Kidd was going to come in with a hook on his hand to see if anyone noticed

Now that Kidd has discovered the “greatness” of the $40 intercom walkie talkie system, he’s going to put it to good use – well at least today – so he checked in with me and everyone else in the building and everyone is fine – aren’t you glad you know that J

Anyway, Kellie is convinced that she is a bad mom because she can’t change Emma Kelly’s diaper – Emma Kelly is at that stage where she won’t be still during diaper changes – she was so wiggly that Kellie ended up getting poop on the carpet – she was so concerned about Emma Kelly moving that she had to ask Nanny Laura to show her how to change Emma Kelly – imagine Kellie’s surprise when she found out that Nanny Laura pins down Emma Kelly’s arms and body with her leg – hey, as a mom, I can tell you – you do what ya’ gotta do!

HIZZLE

Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Pete Wentz are finally confirming her pregnancy

George Clooney is single again

Gary Dourdan will not go to jail for drug possession

American Idol producers won’t let Paula Abdul do Dancing With the Stars

iTunes Top 5

5. Natasha Bedingfield

4. Rihanna

3. Katie Perry

2. David Cook

1. Coldplay

Taco Bell has ripped off the Hip Hop Drive Thru from J Si – that’s right, I said it – and if it was me, I’d be all over Taco Bell getting PAID –  J Si doesn’t want any money though – he just wants to be in the commercial – so he took Andrew “what are you TAAALKING about” with him to Taco Bell to tell them that they stole his bit – I’m not sure why he took Andrew, but Kellie suggested that Andrew and J Si have some sort of intimate bond going on – I’ll keep you updated on that developing story – in the meantime, Kellie suggested they call Taco Bell and pitch the Incompetent Rap Duo because while J Si is good, he’s not quite as good as the Taco Bell commercial – personally, I think they should pitch themselves as the Illiterate Rap Duo because neither one of them can read worth a crap – I’ll give J Si some leeway because English is his second language, but Andrew – there’s no excuse – he just sounds like a Kidd who is just learning to read – so imagine what he sounded like trying to rap to Souljah Boy having never seen the words – and apparently Andrew lives under a rock because it sounded like he had never heard the song either – to truly appreciate this bit, check out the Kpod

Al finally had a semi-successful match.com date – when I say semi-successful, I mean he didn’t get stood up – now let me start by saying that I was at the movie screening with Al and I’m telling you – this chick looked liked she was a freshman in college – not like “I toured Europe for a couple of years to find myself” freshman – more like an “I graduated a year early and I’m 17″ freshman – so Al takes her to the “Sex and the City” movie screening – as is Al’s M.O., he arranged it so that he hardly had to speak to her – he picked her up with just enough time to sit down before the movie started and took her home right after the movie – she lives about 15 minutes away from the theater so basically, it was 30 minutes worth of talking and since 10 minutes of it was wasted on Al’s latest idea “The Exit Interview” …  this started out as a good idea – have the girl rate the date and give Al feedback on what he can do better – Al’s first downfall was pointing out that the girl can’t pronounce the plural of the word “text” – instead of saying texts, she says “Texas” – Al spent the majority of the interview trying to correct her – come on Al, what type of grammatical skills do you expect from a 9^th grader?  If Al had any sense, he would have ended the bit here – but instead he turned Oogey Man with the scary voice and then said the phrase “Kissy Kissy” – are you kidding me??  I think Cory from the Chat Room read my mind, “Gee, I can’t see why BA is still single.. he has such a way with words” – Obviously this girl’s parents never taught her about Stranger Danger because this would have been the part where she started screaming for the police!!!  As Mrs. Jane said, “she should have punched him in the face and ran!” – It’s been a slow week comment-wise in the Chat Room but this bit brought everyone out of the woodwork – Ross used his online oogey voice to do his imitation of Big Al: “Say baby… how about you put down your backpack and Chemistry Set, let’s go to the Sweat Motel…for some sweat time” ewwww – Abbeym32 thinks, “all the ladies at match.com are blocking big al right now” -

Poor Al – Cory thinks Al is in the wrong business, “if Big Al would’ve opened a Chuck E Cheese instead of a bar, he would have dates for life” or like SpeedHighway said, “Big Al! DJ by day! Stalker by night!”

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – thedirty.com says that Kobe Bryant had an affair with a Laker Girl named Vanessa

#4 – Paula Abdul wants to compete on Dancing With the Stars but American Idol won’t let her

#3 – Over 1000 people weren’t able to get into the Sex and the City screening

#2 – George Clooney is single again

#1 – Pete and Ashlee Wentz are acknowledging their pregnancy

That’s What She Said for Trip A Day

Dad is eating a taco and I’m just watching him

I don’t know but very little – probably about 3 inches

I don’t have a favorite – I just have to do them

My favorite thing is that you were a mama’s boy – (awww, J Si is a mama’s boy)

There was a boy behind me and then I reached back and felt my hair was all sticky

Everyone on the show has a flaw: Kidd is an interrupter, J Si thinks he is the best at everything (which of course J Si doesn’t see as a flaw), Kellie is acerbic, whiny and a complainer and Big Al – well, Big Al unintentionally turns everything into a lesson for something else – which is why Al thinks he is qualified to give Big Al’s Business Tip of the Day – today’s tip?  WAITING – Al thinks that you should always make people wait 30-45 minutes when they come to your business – why?  because people like to wait – huh???  now I am a person that thinks Al is funniest when he fails – Kidd, on the other hand, not so much – which is why when he asked Shanon if she thought this bit was worthy of being played on Kidd Kraddick in the Morning, Shanon screamed out “Just punch me in the head!!”  poor Shanon – there isn’t enough money in the world to produce this show!!

Sex and the City preview – one word FABULOUS!!!!  If you were a Sex and the City fan before, you will LOVE this movie – here are a couple of teasers, but none of them spoilers!  The closet – AMAZING!!!  The clothes – as fabulous as you remember, the shoes – fabulous-ER!!  Big has upgraded from a Town Car to a Mercedes – very nice!!  Lily is the sweetest little girl ever – Carrie’s dark hair – not so great!  Jennifer Hudson’s accent is annoying – lots of laughs and lots of tears but you will love it all!!

FREDDY UPDATE

The big reality TV meeting today has been postponed because Freddy’s mom was diagnosed with cancer this week – she’s having surgery today and Freddy went home to be with his mom – the meeting will happen tomorrow instead but in the meantime, we want to send lots of prayers to Freddy’s mom, Nina – if you want to leave Freddy’s mom a message, you can do it here:  http://friends.kiddlive.com/profile/Freddy – The Way – is actually about his mom – after seeing people change after he got dropped from his record label, Freddy wrote  “The Way” because the way his mom is now, is the way she will always be – our prayers are with you Nina!

MOST RANDOM THING HEARD ON TODAY’S SHOW

Let’s whistle our names instead of saying them

FUNNIEST LINE OF THE SHOW

We only drank ourselves into comas at night – we had the whole day – J Si

THINGS KIDD COMPLAINED ABOUT TODAY

What didn’t he complain about today

MOST UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT ON THE SHOW

Kidd reading a letter from his “dad” and Kellie pointing out that the mail must be really delayed since Kidd’s dad has been dead for a couple of years

“Things You Might Hear On Today’s Show”

Kellie gained 8 pounds while in Mexico

Al got a call from Redneck Steve at 12:30am so Al could talk to an employee

J Si hung out with Andrew watching samurai stuff since Kinsey’s out of town

Shanon is still on beer time

Love Letters to Kellie

You absolutely cannot buy your wife a treadmill for her birthday – unless she specifically asks for it

If you have a baby with a man and he wants to marry you, either marry him or prepare to be a single mom

If your daughter is 13 and hairy, you need to let her shave her legs

If you hate the fact that your girlfriend of 8 months won’t let you go out with your friends, she’s probably not the girl for you

Well, Kidd is here today so obviously he survived his “major” surgery – too bad he’s still whining about it non-stop – most of the conversation went like this

Kidd: I survived the surgery – I’m glad you guys cared enough to call

Kellie/Al/J Si/Shanon: Kidd, we knew -

Kidd: That’s okay – you didn’t have to visit … or write, or call, or text

Kellie/Al/J Si/Shanon: But Kidd

Kidd: no, really – there was no need for you to check on me- I’m sure the people I’ve hired to take your places will care enough to call the next time I have a limb removed …”

Ok – I can’t say for sure if that’s exactly how the conversation went because by that time all I heard was Charlie Brown’s teacher saying “whaa-whaa-whaa” – now, that may not be totally fair – especially since Kidd has to hold his hand up for the next 2 days – but when you’ve worked with Kidd as long as I have, your sympathy tends to wain – especially when he over exaggerates and turns a piece of glass in his foot into gangrene that requires amputation – after all, you didn’t hear Kellie complain when she had gallbladder surgery – and J Si has a hernia and he didn’t whine and moan – and Shanon aka “Typhoid Mary” (Kidd’s name for her, not mine) always has some ailment and she came to work with an IV tree – so Kidd’s outpatient surgery doesn’t leave him in quite the dire straits that he makes it out to be – though Ross from the Chat Room say s that, “Kidd can totally become a greeter at Wal-Mart with his hand up like that.”

We tried to do the Hizzle here but we got a little distracted – imagine that – Kidd asked me about the Chat Room and wanted to talk to me – but instead of calling me in the studio – he invested $40 in these walkie talkie type wireless intercom – now, I’m not completely technologically inept – I can work a lot of stuff – but I think these things are defective – they certainly aren’t’ user friendly – I gave mine to Shanon and while she walked through the office trying to show how well they work, somehow Shanon got locked out of the office – if you were watching the webcam, the look on Kellie’s face was priceless – we were all amused and nt being able to hear clearly made it even funnier – but clearly Kellie did not share our passion – oh well, I hope Kidd kept the receipt

Kinsey is in San Diego and even though she doesn’t understand the whole time zone thing, she still managed to figure out how to dial the phone and share some NEWSES with us – Kinsey is excited because Gossip Girl is returning on May 30^th and The Hills is returning on June 1^st – now this is info that came from Kinsey, so don’t hold me to that – but I know she had one thing right- the return of Tori Spelling to the 90210 spin off – or as Kinsey calls it, ninety thousand , two hundred ten – I know I’m excited about it because I still watch 90210 on Soap Net every day and as Kinsey says, Tori Spelling is like Mother Teresa – I love that girl!

FREDDY UPDATE

Kidd is headed to L.A. tomorrow for the big reality TV show meeting and it seems that (insert dum dum da dum music here) Ryan Seacrest might be there – now, in the past Ryan has said that he wa a big fan of Kidd’s and that he actually looked up to him – let’s see what Mr. “I have a star on the Hollywood walk of fame and you don’t” has to say when he finds out that Kidd discovered the next big thing i.e. Freddy!

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Xzibit’s new son was born prematurely but passed away

#4 – Ray J was thrown out of the Hyatt Regency in D.C because of drugs

#3 – New season of Celebrity Rehab will include Aaron Carter, Heidi Fleiss and Sebastian Bach

#2 – American Idol winner David Cook is dating ex-American Idol contestant Kimberly Caldwell

#1 – Jessica and Tony are back together but Papa Joe has to stay out of their business

What Came Next for Trip A Day – here’s what we learned happened in Mexico

Redneck Steve tried to get with Kellie, one of J Si’s female friends and some listeners at the bar

Kellie took the “master” bedroom even though she was sleeping alone

Shanon got drunkity drunk drunk and lost her pants in the condo – so she walked around wearing a tank top and a towel

Kidd attributed this to the fact that the show drank themselves into comas and that is why there was no actual audio of the trip to Mexico – he then renamed Psycho Shanon Producer No Pantalones because she was so drunk she misplaced her pants – yeah, I don’t really know how that happens – anyway, the name Producer No Pantalones may not stick since Shanon claims that she found her pants after searching for 20 minutes – plus she tried to use the excuse “Who hasn’t lost their pants at least one night” – um, me …

MOST RANDOM THING HEARD ON TODAY’S SHOW

Al thanking God for allowing him to open a bar filled with sin and debauchery

FUNNIEST THING HEARD ON THE SHOW TODAY

Al pointing to his teeth when trying to explain to the Mexican Walmart employees he needed a GRILL!!!!

MOST UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT ON THE SHOW

Sometimes we forget you have “girl stuff” – Kidd in response to Shanon saying she was sick in Mexico with “girl stuff”

“Things You Might Hear On Today’s Show”

It’s all about Mexico

HIZZLE

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz were paid $1.4 million for their wedding pictures by People magazine

Jessica and Tony were seen together in Dallas over Memorial weekend

Diddy is writing a screenplay

Beyonce is replacing Amy Winehouse in recording the new James Bond song

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have been dating for months

New Music Tuesday

Sex and The City soundtrack – I cannot WAIT for this movie – I already have plans to see it 3 times!!

Cyndi Lauper

Al Green

Usher – it’s his 5^th album and it’s called Here I Stand – don’t expect the Yeah and Confessions hits that you’re used to – now that Usher is married, you’re gonna here songs about commitment, staying home with your woman, love, blah, blah, blah – get ready …

Big Al’s Weekend Rap Up

The weekend started off with Al screwing up (surprise, surprise) – he forgot to change the name on Kidd’s ticket to Kinsey’s name – so that was the first delay – poor  Kinsey was trying not to cry because she thought she wasn’t going to get to go – but Al stepped up and fixed the problem – to the tune of $500 – turns out he couldn’t change the ticket – he just had to buy a new one – then Al had to pay a $150 “tax” to bring his promotional t-shirts into Mexico – and even though Al paid for “permits” to open the bar, it didn’t open on Friday like it was supposed to be – then, the bar was supposed to serve food but Angry Bar Guy took his grill and went home so Al spent $670 buying a grill and food so that he could sell $5 hamburgers – too bad he only sold 10 of them – and it was the show that purchased most of them – maybe it was due to the fact that there is a Burger King across the street that sells Whoppers for $2 – I’m thinking they should rename the bar – how does Big Al and Redneck Steve’s Money Pit grab ya’?

Caroline graduated from high school this weekend and although Kidd says he didn’t cry, he sure did whine about the seat saving – now first of all, you have to remember that the “NSSP” (National Seat Saving Policy) that Kidd wants to implement is being instilled by the same person that thinks all the tall people should have to sit in the back because they have enough advantages in life because they’re tall – geez?  Bitter much??  I guess that means that the short people should get to sit in the front because their lives suck do bad – whatev.  so Kidd, Carol and his mother in law ended up with crappy seats at the graduation because even though they got there early, there were people saving seats – one guy was saving 17 seats and another woman (who apparently was someone’s grandma who was sent to sit and save seats because that’s what old people do) was saving 45 – 45 FREAKING SEATS???  I’m sorry – somebody would have had to give up their seats – but I guess I’m just rude like that – because not Kidd – instead, Kidd decided to avoid the uncomfortable “Curb Your Enthusiam” confrontation and sit in the crappy seat section – you know what I learned from this segment?  I learned that Kidd has a deep seeded hatred of J Si because J Si should be a short Mexican, but instead he’s 6′ 1″

It’s no secret that the price of gas is astronomical – they’re talking about the price of gas reaching $4 soon – and while that is unbelievable – it’s not as unbelievable as Al saying he stopped pumping gas at $73 instead of $75 – why?  Because he got tired of pumping gas because it’s so expensive – uh, it doesn’t take longer, doofus – it just costs more!

In case you’re curious – here’s a sample of what gas costs throughout the world

England $8.53

Sweden $ 8.372

Denmark $9.18

Brazil – $6.00

Iran – .41

Saudi Arabia .45

Canada $5.18

Kuwait $1.08

Bahrain $1.02

China $2.83

Spain $8.90

Australia $5.60

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Hugh Hefner wants Robert Downey Jr to play him in a movie

#4 – Hayden Panettiere wants to change the drinking age

#3 – The battle between Denise Richards and Charlie continues … YAWN.

#2 – Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson did not honeymoon in their basement – they went to Turks and Caico

#1 – Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo were seen together in Dallas over the weekend

What Comes Next for Trip A Day – basically it was all about Mexico – and this is what we found out that happened on the trip

Al screwed up and Kinsey’s ticket – and had to pay for it

Al tried to bring in a million t-shirts to Mexico – and had to pay for it

Big Al gathered 60 people and paraded through the streets to the bar only to find that it wasn’t open yet

Kellie hung out with hot girls and took shots

Redneck Steve drank tequila with the landlord, played drinking games with hot girls and showed off his abs to anyone who would look

Al spent $680 on a grill and food to sell hamburgers and only made $50

Big Al and Redneck Steve hired 4 hot bartenders but Al ended up making out with Shanon’s girlfriend

Shanon played her iPod over the loud speaker and played “Crazy B” while a 10 year old sat in the bar with her parents

Kinsey sold t-shirts

JC guarded merchandise

Kellie did an appearance and took pictures

Shanon’s friend bartended

And after a wild drunken Saturday night … J Si woke up with a cigarette down his pants, Al was covered in toilet paper and had pepperoni on his forehead and Redneck Steve was wearing an afro wig and glasses and had food all over his face

I’m not sad I missed the trip but I would give anything to have blackmail photos!!!

FREDDY UPDATE

Freddy is in California because he needed a marching band for one of his songs – um, okay.  The real Freddy drama is that one of the guys that was working with Freddy threw back a few too many, took an Ambien and in a drunken, sleeping pill induced haze, peed all over Arthur and his room – after everything came to light, everyone dedcided it would be best if dude left the loft and took care of his sleeping issues elsewhere – the key here is that Kidd wanted cameras in the loft 24 hours a day but everyone nixed the idea – and because of that we missed the greatest reality tv moment of all time – see, there’s a reason that the show is called KIDD KRADDICK in the Morning and not EVERYONE ELSE WITH AN OPINION in the Morning – though I’m pretty sure I’ll be okay not seeing some guy pee all over another guy – ew.  And then here comes the pun – lowest form of comedy anyone??

Master P

P Diddy

Urine my Dreams

Pee Wee Herman

3 guesses at which 7 year old member o the show laughed the most …

Freddy couldn’t say where he’s staying in LA – but it’s somewhere that has cameras that are recording audio and video 24/7 – we’ll get the scoop tomorrow

Big Al’s bar doesn’t have any cash registers – just tackle boxes – PLEASE tell me that Redneck Steve has some type of business acumen – because if Al is in charge, he’s screwed – now the bar is being run by Jez – (I’m willing to bet that this guy’s name is really Jesus – pronounced hay-seuss – but someone read it as Jesus – like the son of God – and they shortened it to to Jez) – anyway, Jez doesn’t have an official money management system for the bar – instead he just takes the money home with him at the end of the night – but never fear -  Jez has Quickbooks – yep that’s what I said too … Kidd is predicting that Jez will claim he was robbed on the way home – I have predictions too – failure – because at this rate, it’s only a matter of time – the chat room thinks so too …

2 months – BaronessBeaverbrook

Within a year – trufan4life

6 months – Uterus Michelle

7 months or after Labor Day – nolalatina

3 weeks – deviantlysweet

think the bar will go under on exactly august 21st 2008 – tigernamedtony07\

i give it a good 6 months… gotta get through summer – tatitony0906

im going to say never, but im an optimist – lisa

i hope it doesn’t i say 2 years – lmfp4life

and my favorite prediction from Abbeym32 – 2 weeks tops but Al wont realize it till 6 months later

now that’s a woman who knows Big Al!!!

FUNNIEST THING HEARD ON THE SHOW TODAY

We can say great things about you if you write ‘em – Al in reference to all the nice things the show said about Kidd in his Mexico script

J SI’S “I’M GREAT AT EVERYTHING” MOMENT

J Si’s British Accent – need I say more??

FUNNIEST CONVERSATION FROM THE SHOW TODAY

There was a listener outside who wanted Kidd to say hi to Kidd – Shanon told her to have him call back – um, yeah – her husband was calling from Baghdad – !!!

THINGS KIDD COMPLAINED ABOUT TODAY

Kidd cried because no one asked Kidd to write a Mexico script

Kidd’s mad because the show doesn’t seem to be excited about the possibility of the Freddy TV show

“Things You Might Hear On Today’s Show”

Al ‘s bar opens today

J Si got a drunk dial from Redneck Steve at 11:30pm last night

Shanon is going to Mexico with a girly man (J Si)

FLUSH THE FORMAT

Mr. Lover Lover – Shaggy

I Didn’t Mean TO Turn You On – Robert Palmer

Shake It – Metro Station

4 Minutes – Madonna

Lollipop – Lil Wayne

Miss New Booty – Bubba Sparxx

Mash Up – Paul Revere – Beastie Boys/Bust a Move – Young Mc

Can I Get A – Jay Z

Shorty Get Loose – Lil Mama

Boys – Britney Spears

Senorita – Justin Timberlake

Tipsy – J-Kwon

HIZZLE

Eva Mendes may not have a drug problem after all

Benji Madden thinks he could run the country

Reality show “Ruby” about severely overweight woman

So there’s a new British guy on the show – I’m not sure what his role is here other than being British and having a really great accent – but for me, the accent is enough – from here on out he will be referred to as – British Guy Jack or BGJ – he’s 23 and he’s from Surrey and Kellie seems to be quite taken with him – i’m pretty sure I saw some flat out flirting – and it didn’t even matter that Uncle Daddy was here – what is that about?? Uncle Daddy was standing right in front of me and Kellie didn’t seem to be at all concerned while she swooned over BGJ – I’m wondering if there will be any fallout from that – anyway, BGJ is kinda cute and doesn’t have jacked up British teeth – he plays rugby and his dad thinks Americans are too polite – and if you think that all British people think they’re cooler than Americans, you’re right! BGJ has also worked in college radio and can do American accents – too bad the reverse isn’t true for the show – everyone tried to wow BGJ with their awesome British accents – you can guess how that went …

Kellie’s British accent sounded Australian

Al’s British accent was typical Al

J Si’s British accent – well, it doesn’t really matter what i think – because J Si is from the Fake Self Esteem Nation and HE thought it was really great – but Tigernamedtony07 from the Chat Room thought “J Si sounds like a Brexican – a British Mexican” ha-ha-ha!!!

After a very long drawn out diet contest – it was finally time for Kellie to weigh in – I’ve been back to work 5 weeks now and I think the contest started before I came back – Kellie weighed 155 and her goal was to get back to her wedding weight of 143 – Kelly from Plano Aesthetic Center brought in her scale – you know the fancy Tanita scale that measures your body fat – and everyone on the show tried it out -

Kidd weighed in at 145 pounds and 15% body fat – the scale says he needs to gain 8 pounds

Big Al weighed in at 225 pounds and 22% body fat – the scale says he needs to lose 8 pounds

J Si weighed in at 186 pounds and 18% body fat – the scale says he needs to gain 4 pounds

And then it was time for Kellie to weigh in …

140.2 pounds – WOO HOO!!!!!! Not only did she beat 143, she kicked its BUTT!!! I’m really proud of her because ei think she’s going to stick it out this time – there is a maintenance program that goes along with this weight loss thing and she seems to be really set on keeping the weight off this time – so congratulations Kellie – no tankini internet pictures for you!!

In honor of graduation, we found the Top 10 graduation songs of all time

1. Time of Your Life – Green Day
2. A Moment Like This – Kelly Clarkson
3. The Best of Times – Styx
4. Graduation- Vitamin C
5. I Will Remember You – Sarah McLachlan
6. I Believe I Can Fly – R. Kelly
7. The World’s Greatest – R. Kelly
8. Lean on Me – Al Green
9. Stand By Me – Ben E. King
10. Where Everybody Knows Your Name – Theme from Cheers

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony don’t have a nanny

#4 – Tom Cruise sent Petit Tresor a cease and desist order

#3 – Drew Barrymore and the Mac guy are talking about marriage

#2 – Bally’s kicked customers out of a workout room for Britney Spears

#1 – Patrick Swayze and his wife renewed their vows because he may not have long to live

Kidd is the only one on the show that isn’t headed to Playa and he was obviously feeling a little left out because he wasn’t asked to write a script – well duh, how can you predict what’s going to happen when you won’t be there to see if it comes to fruition – but you know Kidd … talk about “all about me” – almost the whole script consisted of the show saying how they take Kidd for granted, how much fun they always have when they’re with Kidd, how much they miss Kidd when he’s not around – are you sending a theme? And do you really believe this crap?? So it turns out that Shanon has been doing shots with the pilot and he can’t fly so they have to end up driving – but no one knows how to use the GPS except Kidd – awww, too bad he’s not there – 13 hours later, they’re still a million miles from Mexico – sounds a little Gilligan’s Island-ish to me – maybe they should pitch THAT as the reality show next week!!

Kidd is going to LA next week with Freddy to meet with tv execs about turning Freddy’s story into a tv show – too bad Kidd and Freddy are the only ones excited about it – at least that’s what Kidd thinks – I don’t think that it’s that no one is excited as much as no one wants to count their chickens before they’re hatched – besides, it’s not like the show is going to be about the show – it’s going to be about Freddy – the show will just be background – or at least that’s what we’re thinking!!

Today’s Trip A Day winner went to someone from the Message Board Contest – it was somewhat of a KKITM Online Scavenger Hunt/Trivia Contest – you had to answer all the questions and all the answers could be found on the website:

Who submitted the soldier’s wives poem? Kathleen Mills

In one of his stunts, Big Al gave a man $50 – who did he work for? Pepsi

What holiday cd does Kellie admit she sings along to? Josh Groban

Which lead singer showed the show how to do yoga in the Bahamas? Carmen from I Nine

Where was Al when he asked a stranger “if you came home and asked your wife …”? McDonald’s

I can’t remember the winner’s name (because clearly, I suck!) but she was quite possibly one of the best winners we’ve ever had – Kidd actually had to tell her to calm down because we couldn’t understand what she was saying – now THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win a contest!!!

So the show is just a couple of hours from heading to Playa for the Grand Opening of the Two gay Guys In A Bucket bar and Al gets a call from one of his “people” who says that the bar may open a day late because of permit problems – is this a surprise to ANYONE???? Stay tuned next week because there will definitely be more to this story!

Billboard Top 5

5. Leona Lewis

4. Duffy

3. Jason Mraz

2. Frank Sinatra

1. Death Cab for Cutie

Tuesday could be the last time you ever hear Kidd Kraddick live on the radio – why you ask? Because Kidd tore a tendon in his hand and is having surgery on his hand – apparently there’s only a 99.9% success rate and for some reason, Kidd seems to think that he may be in that .01% of people that may die on the operating table (though I’m pretty sure it’s an outpatient procedure) – but then again, Kidd may be on to something – after all, who has worse medical luck than Kidd? He’s terrified of the dentist, there was that time he almost lost his foot because he stepped on something -and then when he had to have 1000 shots in his face because he claimed to have caught the staph from Shanon – and then when he stabbed himself in the throat with a straw – oh well – at least we have the KPod …

Uncle Daddy didn’t get his passport in time – there was a slim chance that it would’ve arrived in the mail yesterday – but no luck – so instead of going to Mexico with the crew, he’ll be at home – Kidd suggested that British Guy Jack go to Mexico in place of Uncle Daddy – since he already has a passport and everything – it only costs $100 to change the name- let me just say, I didn’t hear Kellie protesting like she normally does – she even (jokingly??) offered to pay the name change fee – hmmm …

MOST RANDOM THING HEARD ON TODAY’S SHOW

I kept waiting to see her hoo-ha – Kellie talking about Carrie Underwood on American Idol

“SAVE THAT” OF THE DAY

I already claimed the master – Kellie

“Things You Might Hear On Today’s Show”

Kellie gives the American Idol finale a thumbs up

Al is going to do something on every first date from now on

J Si was asked to go on a cool Vegas trip and Kinsey is not down with the trip

Shanon cannot sit through 2 hours of American Idol

Kidd asks what am i? (INSERT BEATING SOUNDS HERE) David Archuleta in a room with his dad

HIZZLE

Steven Tyler is back in rehab

Vince Vaughn trying to warn Jennifer Aniston about John Mayer

Mariah Carey has a personal assistant who just makes her smoothies

Simon Cowell apologized to David Cook for his harsh remarks

I think Al has had more attempted dates in the last week than he has in the last year – too bad they all keep standing him up – so match.com date #1 stood him up, match.com date #2 cancelled on him and as a result, he got date #3 – Al took the girl to McDonald’s – really? McDonald’s – Al really does want to be single forever – I mean, if you’re 15 and you take a girl to McDonald’s? no problem – when you’re a grown man and you’ve just poured your life savings into a bar in another country, you should probably spend more than $9.77 at a fast food restaurant – at least splurge with some Chick-Fil-A!!! he says they won’t go out again because there was really no love connection, but I think it’s because he took her to Mickey Ds – plus, when Kidd asked Big Al if she was hot, he faltered before he said “um, uh, she’s uh …”

And now for the SLOW MOTION LAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMEE bit of the day – Mommy and Me for a Trip to Mexico – normally Kidd is really good at coming up with contests – but he’s been 0-fer on contesting lately – I think his game had potential, but it was unclear exactly what the contest was – so we get three sets of moms and daughters on the phone – and they are supposed to trade roles – ok – but no one said that how well they traded roles was the actual contest – I think we were expecting more – so we talk to Helen and Mary first – I can’t remember which was the mom and which was the daughter but she was an adult, so there wasn’t a whole lot of “trading” to be had – next was Lisa and McKinley – McKinley was super cute because she was only 8, plus I really like her name – but it’s kind of hard for an 8 year old to trade places with her mom – next was Carol and Nina – Nina is 18, so it was WAY easy for Carol to act as Nina – all she had to do was say “ya’ know” and “like” a lot and give a little attitude – so Carol and Nina were the obvious winner – even though the contest was never really defined

FREDDY UPDATE

Freddy got a call from a network that wants to meet with him about a reality show following his story – and since Kidd has been instrumental in helping, he’s going to go with Freddy to the meeting in L.A – but all of a sudden everyone (Big Al) thinks they (he) should tag along and negotiate (ruin) the deal – maybe someone should tell Al that he has his hands full with the 2 Gay Guys In A Bucket bar – so let’s predict what would happen if Big Al went on the trip – Al is the smooth talking “playa” that throws out lines like “Pipe down singer boy – I got this” – J Si is Chad, the ambiguously gay creative director who is a little too interested in Freddy and Shanon is the Swedish/Danish/British/Asian assistant that, well, I’m not really sure what her role is other than to throw out a million different accents to make the bit funnier – the outcome? Al will be here instead of in L.A. with Kidd and Freddy

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Lou Perlman going to jail for 25 years

#4 – Steven Tyler in rehab for substance abuse

#3 – Mariah Carey denying the $4 million dollar price tag

#2 – Denise Richard says she needs the money and that’s why she’s doing the reality show

#1 – Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have set aside $20 million to cover the costs of the birth of their twin dollars

I previously picked Kellie’s as the most realistic but I moght have to change my vote – I can’t say that J Si’s mexico script was all that funny but it was pretty realistic – I mean, can’t you totally see Big Al invitingthe entire show to the opening of his bar and anticipating showing them the best time of their live s- only to have one thing after another go horribly wrong – like everyone getting into the bar on opening night but Biog Al – and finding out the next day that the bar is being closed for the next 6 months – and that Redneck Steve is selling his share backl to the guy that hates the bar and taking his money and going home – can’t you see this happening?? I TOTALLY can – man I can’t wait until Tuesday – I think this is what we commonly refer to as “Radio Gold”!!!

American Idol – blah, blah, blah …

David Cook is the new American Idol – there really isn’t much else to say – Laura Hernandez was our American Idol Finals winner and called with the scoop from the show – there was a pyro incident and Jason Castro almost caught on fire – the judges have hair and makeup touch ups between every break – Reynaldo “I am your brother” was there and had to be escorted off the stage because he sang too long

WHAT KIDD WHINED ABOUT TODAY

Now he will deny it til he dies, but Kidd is a whiner – I would even dare to say that he whines almost as much as he accuses Kellie of whining – but today, he was in rare form – it all started when Kidd got his feelings hurt because someone on the message board talked about his shirt – granted it’s a designer shirt – but it is a little small – and it’s multicolored – think sidewalk chalk meets Punky Brewster – anyway, obviously Kidd wasn’t feeling enough love because then he busted out with a secret recording of the show talking without him in the room – it looks like the show is going to have a blast in Mexico without him and although I suspect Kidd doesn’t really want to go to Mexico – he doesn’t want the show to go and have fun without him either – here’s where the show took a turn for the worse – it started with Shanon calling Kidd a whiny little baby – Kidd shot back by threatening to bringing replacements over the weekend to audition for everyone’s jobs and then make them compete for them when they get back – then he made more references to Kidd and Redneck Steve’s secret love affair, the fact that Uncle Daddy may or may not be able to come and then threw Shanon under the bus in regards to which “friend” was coming with her – Big Al, made a comment about how hot Shanon’s friend is and asked how she pulled someone that hot – Kellie stood up for Shanon and Big Al and Kidd got into it because Al spent $300 on a golf present for Kidd and Kidd called it crappy because he already had it – oh yeah, J Si was sticking up for Kidd and Kellie threw him under the bus because he still hasn’t returned Kidd’s rock Band game – never let it be said that this show isn’t one big happy family – because we are – a tad bit dysfunctional, but hey – we put the FUN in dysfunctional!!!

i was in the bathroom and all of a sudden i hear Emma Kelly in the hall screaming “DIE, DIE, DIE , DIE!!!!”

BEHIND THE SCENES

J Si used to be a B Boy dancer – he even took breakdancing classes when he was in middle school – I would pay ANY amount of money to see pictures of that – he claims to have forgotten all of his moves

CUTEST THING I’VE SEEN TODAY

Emma Kelly throwing her arms up in the air and saying “HOLLA”

MOST UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT ON THE SHOW

The silence/crickets when Kellie offered to take off her shirt for Al’s bar

“Things You Might Hear On Today’s Show”

Kellie had a traumatic day buying a bathing suit for Mexico

Al made a woman upset yesterday (big surprise there!!)

J Si doesn’t have anything to wear because Kinsey packed all of his clothes for Mexico

Shanon is officially having panic attacks

HIZZLE

Jessica Alba and Cash Warren are married

Starbucks barista gave the Olsen twins full fat milk instead of skim

Jude Law is dating Kimberly Stewart

American Idol producers want David Cook to win American Idol

LOVE LETTERS TO KELLIE

The highlight was when Kellie told a listener that she was an embarrassment because she’s pregnant and the Baby’s Daddy could be one of six people – the only thing that could have made it better would have been if we’d had the listener on the phone

In honor of American Idol, the show performed their Cheesy Manufactured American Idol songs – except Kellie took hers seriously and it wasn’t cheesy at all – well, I take that back – it was still cheesy – but not on purpose – the webcam was on Freddy and Arthur during this bit and it was totally wasted on them because if you could have seen Kellie, you would have crowned her the winner hands down – I swear she looked like she was on Broadway!! Kellie’s song didn’t actually have a hook (which is what the contest was supposed to be) and J Si complained because it was longer than 10 lines – but I still think hers was the best

Next came Kidd – wow – um, hmm … does he read this thing?? Well I’ll just give you the chat room responses – Allegedlyme said, “OMG- he’s totally going NEIL DIAMOND on our A**” and Abbeym32 said (in her best Randy Jackson impersonation), “so dawg i didnt like the song but you can sing ads on a laundromat wall and sound good” – and there you have it

J Si’s song was called “My Future Is Here” and it didn’t really matter what anyone else thought about the song – because J Si’s a member of the Fake Self Esteem Generation – and he clapped for himself well after the song was over

We saved the best for last – sort of … Big Al’s song was called “Thank You For Me” – let’s see, it was really LONG – and not only did Kidd talk over half the song, he played the “it’s random man” drop right right in the middle of it – is it a bad sign when 3 out of 4 of the Chat Room comments contain some form of the word fail??

From Uterus Michelle – “The one thing I can say about Al, and I think Dianthe would agree, he’s not afraid to fail SPECTACULARLY “

From Mr. Architect. “the thing is – if you’re going to fail – fail big. that ‘s what makes it funny”

From Abbeym32 – “he’s very good at failing, i think he’s got that down “

And then there was Ross who summed up the entire bit – “I voted for JSi’s but I still wanted to kill myself on all 4 songs… does that make me crazy… “

J Si cameup with what very well may be the funnest/funniest game ever – it’s called That’s What She Said, but it’s not the same That’s What She Said that Kidd came up with for the Game Show Challenge – basically, J Si recalls a conversation he had with his mom and you have to decide if his mom’s response will be a “That’s What She Said” moment or not – a few things we heard during the game …

What time do you get off?

I’d rather have it in my torta

I put nuts on the table

Sit on it and then go up and down

I tried to push him to go faster

Explode in your face

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Paris Hilton wants to have a baby next year

#4 – Heidi and Spencer got booed at the Dodger baseball game

#3 – Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson are honeymooning in their basement

#2 – Jessica Alba and Cash Warren got married

#1 – American Idol producers want David Cook to win, not Archuleta

FREDDY UPDATE

If you have yesterday’s USA Today, make sure to check out the full page color ad of Freddy! That’s pretty cool! Plus, the new Freddy site is up on kiddlive.com/freddy – it’s a totally cook site that ha a lot of music and pictures and interactive stuff – check it out! In other Freddy news, Freddy has less than a month to finish his album – he’s been working on a song called “Even If” – he’s worked on a couple of different arrangements and has even considered scrapping it – but we’re gonna put it on the web so you can hear it – and then the highlight of my day – KINSEY!!! Kinsey called in to interview Freddy for a newsletter for a magazine – if I was J Si, I’d definitely be jealous – I mean, pretty much every time Kinsey said Freddy’s name, she followed it up with “you’re HOT!” now in Kinsey’s defense, sometimes you just can’t help yourself – I mean, whenever I see Jason Taylor on Dancing With the Stars, I automatically yell “HOT!!” – I can’t help it – it’s completely involuntary – besides, it’s not like I would actually leave my husband for Jason Taylor – at least I don’t think I would …

Day 2 of What’s Going to Happen in Mexico – according to Al

The show missed their flight because Al ordered a limo for 10:45 pm, not a.m. All of Al’s employees quit so he put everyone to work but not before the rude guy who used to own the bar before Al started chasing away all of Al’s customers – ok, so not a particularly funny skit – but probably pretty close to what might actually happen in Mexico – it’s going to be a long weekend!

New Music Tuesday

Three Doors Down

Donna Summer

Bun B

Scarlett Johannson

FUNNEST GAME ON TODAY’S SHOW

No, not Same Name Celebrity Game – it was the Frank Game – Kidd ended up being crowned The King of All Franks!!

KELLIE RASBERRY “IT’S ALL ABOUT ME” MOMENT

I’m dying to get my chakras balanced – that would be SO cool

KIDD KRADDICK IMPERSONATION

We called “Michael Jackson” during the Hizzle to ask him about Janet’s new tour

FUNNIEST THING HEARD ON THE SHOW TODAY

“I would eat m&m’s out of his underwear” – Kinsey talking about Chuck from Gossip Girl

THINGS KIDD COMPLAINED ABOUT TODAY

Kellie not singing in his key while she was singing her song

“Things You Might Hear On Today’s Show”

Someone stole Kellie’s nanny’s wallet

Al  has already had his first match.com date

J Si went on a man date with Andrew

Shanon is worried about wearing a swimsuit next to Kinsey all weekend

Al has no idea how many people fit in his bar and there is a woman who said she wants to make a reservation for 40 people, but Big Al doesn’t know exactly how many people the bar will hold.  Now, I’m not sure how (or why) you invest your life savings into a business that you know absolutely nothing about.  He thinks you can squeeze 40 people into the downstairs area, and then there’s the upstairs area and then there’s the outside area.  Except the outside area isn’t like a patio or designated area specific to the bar – it’s the street!!  Can you really count the street as part of your bar??  I’m thinking not so much!

We are 3 days away from finding out the results of Kellie’s Weight Loss Challenge – Kellie is right on the fringe but she’s still nervous because she still has 3 days to blow it – it drives me crazy when people get on Kellie about her weight – people love to tell Kellie that she’s begging for compliments when she complains about her weight – or that she’s a bad example for younger girls by being constantly obsessed with her weight – but the thing that most people don’t realize is that Kellie has struggled with her weight her entire life – it all started back when her 6^th grade teacher weighed everyone and announced their weight in front of the whole class – Kellie was a little chubby at that point and it affected in a way that has followed her the rest of her life – yes, Kellie is super skinny now, but having topped out at over 200 pounds, Kellie still sees herself as a fat girl – but I’m proud of Kellie – because has been serious about this Dr. Ted diet (a doctor assisted diet) and has embraced it like I’ve never seen her embrace anything – and she’s doing it all for Emma Kelly – Kellie knows the chaos a weight obsession can create in your life and she doesn’t want Emma Kelly to have to experience that – so she’s working with her wellness coach to get this weight thing under control so that she doesn’t pass it on to Emma Kelly – and love her or hate her, you have to respect Kellie for that!!

HIZZLE

Janet Jackson is going on tour and you can call and tell her what you want to see her perform – 323.622.8139

Lindsay Lohan will not be appearing on her mom’s reality show

Justin Timberlake may be getting ready to propose to Jessica Biel

Mariah Carey called Nick Cannon at 1am and told him to bring his butt home

“Kinsey” called in this morning and was feeling a little feisty – we told her that we would call her, but she called us first and then got mad because she had to wait on hold for a while – that would have been fine until she got attitude with Shanon – I guess Shanon is serious about not wanting to wear a swimsuit in front of Kinsey all weekend because she went psycho on Kinsey in about 2.2 seconds flat – the conversation ended with Shanon yelling “SUCK IT” to Kinsey – I’d be worried if I was her … I’m pretty sure that Kidd bribed Kinsey – I mean, why else would she call in and spend 5 minutes telling Kidd how hot he is – I mean, Kidd’s a nice looking guy and all – but super, mega hot?  Come on now … maybe it’s because Kinsey and Kidd share a love of Gossip Girl – besides me, no one else on the show is watching Gossip Girl – maybe I should call Kinsey and talk to her about it

Anyone who has listened to this show any length of time knows that Kidd LOVES the song “Butterfly Kisses” – back when Caroline was really young, we added some clips to the song and people fell in LOVE with it – the downside is that we’ve never been able to give out that version of the song even though we’ve been inundated with requests – now Kellie has been pretty vocal with her disdain for this song because it’s totally a song that was designed just for the sole purpose of making you cry – and I have her back on that – and even though I’m a new mom, Butterfly Kisses still makes me want to hurl – but despite all of that, Kidd still loves it and wanted to play the song one last time in honor of Caroline, who is graduating from high school this weekend the chat room had mixed feelings about the song – the sweetest thing was from Lauren24 who said, “Wow that song was really emotional for me…I just lost my dad last year…thanks so much it was a beautiful song” and then there were the comments from the men – men who clearly don’t have daughters – Ross said, “Women…get your tissues… Guys get the vomit bucket” and TigernamedTony wrote “* goes to Al’s bar* “excuse me, can i borrow an empty beer bucket i need to puke!! Butterfly Kisses invoked a different kind of emotion for Allegedlyme and her son – she said,”i am really gonna lose it when he gets married, especially if he married some psycho hose beast that hates me and married my baby just to spite me!” um, okay – not exactly what I was expecting – but funny nonetheless

So Friday after the show, everyone but Kidd is headed to Mexico for the opening of Big Al’s 2 Gay Guys In a Bucket Bar – they are sure to come back with tons of stories, but in the meantime, the show is creating stories about what they think will happen – Kellie’s story was today and I’m gonna go ahead and say that hers is the most realistic:

Kellie misses her diet by 8 pounds – and spends the rest of the trip stuffing her face with everything in sight

J Si acts like the 8 year old boy that he is and sings the diarrhea song the entire trip

Al makes everyone miserable by monopolizing the karaoke machine and singing Marvin Gaye because it’s the only song (besides Rapper’s Delight) that he knows all the words to

Shanon sings Alicia Keys and hooks up with blonde hot chic

Yep – I think this is exactly how it’s gonna go down

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Shania Twain is getting a divorce because her husband was cheating

#4 – Janet Jackson is going back on tour

#3 – Bruce Jenner called Spencer Pratt a bad influence on Brody Jenner

#2 – People magazine say that Jessica and Tony are still together but that’s not what other sources are saying

#1 – Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey are renewing their vows with a $4 million ceremony and reception

The American Idol finals are tonight and you know what that means – we’re going to be tortured with the cheesy “I won American Idol and now I have to sing this stupid song” song – and because the songs are always so cheesy, Kidd decided that anyone could write the song – including the show – so starting tomorrow, everyone will write their own chorus and see if it will fit into the final song – it doesn’t matter what the words are because don’t all cheesy songs have basically the same lyrics – Kellie started on hers early but Kidd didn’t think she was doing it right, so we ended up just going to break

THE BEST OF UNSCRIPTED RADIO!!

Poor Big Al – he just can’t win for losing – so Al was all excited because he set up a date with someone he met on match.com – the girl said she wanted to bring a friend so Al decided to bring Redneck Steve – and since she was a hockey fan, Al suggested a sports bar – after emailing back and forth several times, they agreed to meet at 8:30pm – Al and Steve arrive at the bar and 8:30pm passes, 8:45pm passes, 9:00 passes … finally at 9:15pm, Al realizes that this chick is a no show – how rude!  The least she could’ve done was text Al to let him know she wasn’t coming= after all – it’s not like they were in love – and with a text she wouldn’t have even had to talk to him – everyone on the show agreed what a ‘Rude’-y Huxtable this chick is and suggested we call – I guess she wasn’t listening because she answered the phone – Kidd talked to her off air and asked her why she stood Al up – she never gave a valid response only saying that she had a valid reason – yeah, I know the reason – she’s a huge B!!  oh well – even though last night’s date was bad, it provided a good story – and  it does stand to reason that there will be more of that to come!

“SAVE THAT” OF THE DAY

Where are the damn chips – Kellie Rasberry

KIDD KRADDICK IMPERSONATION

Kidd recreating the shrill guitar sounds that he suggested Freddy change on Defying Gravity

FUNNIEST THING HEARD ON THE SHOW TODAY

Al just ran right into his microphone

DAILY SUCKING UP TO RYAN SEACREST MOMENT

Kidd saying that the Denise Richard’s reality show is gonna be GRRREAT – um, who really believes that nonsense?? You know it’s gonna SUCK IT!! But that didn’t stop Kidd from mentioning Ryan Seacrest FIVE times!! Boy, I hope they hurry up and close the deal with Freddy’s reality show with a quickness – because I’m already tired of us having to suck up tio Ryan – I liked it better when we made fun of him! Today’s random Ryan Seacrest mentions – up to 5

“Things You Might Hear On Today’s Show”

Kellie is so skinny that the designer jeans bought for his Favorite Things are too big!!

Al is on match.com and has gotten anything but winks

J Si feels vindicated because MTV rated Lil Wayne the #3 rapper instead of #1 like Kidd said

Shanon fell asleep at her own party

So Big Al has his feelings hurt because no one is actually making the effort to talk to him on match.com – so he decided to make the first move – too bad some girl realized that he was Big Al Mack from the radio – she sent him a note that said “your that dude from the radio – move on radio man, your pathetic” – and Al, having his feelings hurt, decided to clown her – he messaged her back and said, “at least I know the difference in when to use you’re and your - I’d rather be pathetic than a dumbass!” now those are pretty strong words coming from Big Al – I think being dumped by Bartendica has made him bitter – and if you heard his Weekend Rap Up, you’ll see that it’s true – this week’s Weekend Rap Up was another long one – but this one was worth it – Al’s been in a funk for the last couple of months since his break up with Bartendica – and it’s really affected all the areas of his life- but with his lifelong dream coming to fruition this weekend (2 Gay Guys in a Bucket), he’s decided to turn the funk around and count his blessings instead of dwelling on the negative and the woulda/coulda/shouldas – he’s even decided that he will find love again – normally I take any opportunity to slam Al – but I’m really proud of him – It may not be much but it sounds like Al is nearing, dare I say it … MATURITY?!?! say it isn’t so

Freddy Update

It takes about $8000 to have one of Freddy’s song mixed – and we’ve made about $300 while he was on the road and another $300 for Freddy’s song being used on The Bachelorette – so we only have to make another $7400 – Kidd hung out with Freddy this weekend and sat in while they mixed and produced Freddy’s songs on iChat – too bad Kidd didn’t really know what he was doing – in the meantime, Freddy has written another song and this time it relates to our very own Big Al – with Big Al’s new found positivity and his determination that he will find someone and not end up alone, Freddy’s new song is called “Find You”

Will this show ever learn? Kidd decided to call Justin Timberlake – why? Because he has his number – pay no attention to the fact that Justin totally blew off Kidd the last time he called and texted him – and disregard the fact that it’s 4am in L.A. – aren’t you anxious to answer calls from unknown numbers in the middle of the night – I know it’s shocking, but Justin didn’t answer – I’ve given up on thinking that Justin will ever be BFFs with Kidd – I need Kidd to let go of the Justin dream and focus on Joel Madden – then he can hook me up with Nicole Richie (who I love) and she and I can become BFFs – helloooo … all about me!!

HIZZLE

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are officially married

Carmen Electra is mad because her engagement ring came from an internet site

Will Smith is building a school for his kids

The CW has cancelled a ton of shows

The American Idol finals are tonight and tomorrow there will be a new American Idol – I’m guessing the winner will be David – ha-ha-ha – I’m HI-larious – and in case you’re wondering the most popular American Idol ever … Carrie Underwood – and the most overrated contestant this season … Jason Castro – I’m sure there will be more AI talk Wednesday and even more on Thursday since we’ll know who the winner is then – and as for me, well I’ll be doing something much more important – like counting gray hairs or something …

Can you believe that Freddy has never been to WalMart?? WHAAAA?? I mean I understand he’s from the big city and they don’t have a lot of extra land for the expansive greatness that is WalMart – but never?? I can’t imagine – I’m a girl that hit up WalMart at least 4 or 5 times a week – at least I did before the baby was born – now it’s just too much of an effort to pack her up and head out every day – so I’ve had to condense my trips into a once or twice a week trip – so I can’t even fathom never having experienced the greatness – so Kellie, who loves WalMart as much as me, has volunteered to share her love of WalMart with Freddy – stay tuned

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Nicole Kidman had a pregnant meltdown at a Cracker Barrel in Tennessee

#4 – Kate Hudson is dating Lance Armstrong, NOT Owen Wilson

#3 – Gossip Girl stars are making out in public

#2 – Heidi and Spencer ran up a $783 tab and only left a $16 tip

#1 – Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz are married

Inside The Brain of An 8^th Grader

Shannon, Hayley and Kimberly are 8^th graders and they stopped by the show to give us some insight into what 8^th grade girls are thinking – it’s been a while since I was in 8^th grade – not so long that I don’t remember what 8^th grade was like though – and pretty much everything they mentioned, I remember thinking – thinking you’re the coolest kid in school whether anyone else thought so or not – excited about going to high school, new experiences, new friends and new boys!! What do they want to be when they grow up? Actress, Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader, professional soccer player – yeah, I didn’t have a ton of realistic career aspirations at that age – 8^th grade is a pretty narcissistic age – as proven by the girl who said she’s saving the earth by buying a green bag – not because she really cares about the environment, but because the bag is so freaking cute! Welcome to 8^th grade!!

I know Kidd must be getting sad – after all, his baby girl is getting ready to graduate from high school – and they had a big party for her this weekend, complete with alcohol treats for the adults – the problem with alcohol treats is as you consume them, stupid ideas suddenly seem like good ideas – things like showing your teenager “how it’s done” – here’s a word to the wise – there are very few situations where adults where adults should be dancing within the vicinity if their children – things like weddings and family reunions are okay – proms and high school parties? Not okay!! Unless of course you’re looking for a way to purposely embarrass your children – after all, the power of humiliation is the only power you truly have over your children – remember that – I know I will!

MOMENT WHEN I REALIZED KIDD HAD TOO MUCH DIET COKE

Kellie is thinking about having a dinner party – but instead of saying dinner party, she said dinnernet party – this led into Kidd and Al coming up with the concept of the dinnernet party – you set up a webcam at your computer and hook up with all of your friends while they’re at their computers and have dinner together – Kidd was all over it until he found out the domain was already taken – it was a moment of sadness – but not a moment of calmness – the concept put Kidd into overdrive – A.D.D. and caffeine at it’s best

Best Bit of the Day

Al needs new permits for his bar and one of the guys offered to bribe the Mexican government for him so that he won’t have to wait the 60 days to get what he needs – we questioned whether it was really that easy – can you just call up the Mexican government and ask for the department that gives permits to people who are willing to slip the officials a little extra cash? According to J Si, the answer is yes – just call up Manuel and get this thing done – I wish I could put into words just how great this bit was – but you’ll just have to listen to the K Pod – but listen for the following words: bribery, blackmail, extortion, drug running, kidnapping, corruption and prostitution

Kellie has lost a ton of weight but like she said, “she still has time to screw it up” – I’m a tad bit concerned because she is skinnier than I have ever seen her- she’s actually skinnier than anyone on the show has ever seen her – but I trust her and I know she wouldn’t do anything that would jeopardize her health – because she’s got Emma Kelly to think about it – but it’s still a little disconcerting – anyway, i’m not going to reveal her weight – but I think a lot of people are going to be shocked on Friday!!

MOST RANDOM THING HEARD ON TODAY’S SHOW

I’m a bush beater – Kidd (and he doesn’t mean George Bush)

“SAVE THAT” OF THE DAY

Keep it real cracker – Kellie – PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE listen to Flo Rhonda

MOST RANDOM CONVERSATION FROM THE SHOW TODAY

Somehow we got distracted with text message abbreviations

OMWSYS – on my way, see you soon

TOU – thinking of you

OMW COPBFOMH – on my way, can of peanut butter fell on my head – ba dum chh

“Things You Might Hear On Today’s Show”

Al is about to ride the new Tony Hawk ride and Kidd is late so our very own Psycho Shanon is running the Flush the Format today and I have to say – she is ROCKING THE HOUSE – SHOUT OUT!!!!!!!!!   Where is Kidd this morning??  According to irange55, “he’s probably still in his bubble bath “

FLUSH THE FORMAT

One Thing – Amerie

Roller Coaster – Red Hot Chili Peppers

Shorty Get Loose -Lil Mama

Outrageous – Britney Spears

She Ain’t Got the Boom Like I Do – Blaque

I Got It From My Mama – Will I Am

Like I Love You – Justin Timberlake

Al is riding Tony Hawk’s Big Spin today – he’s going to be the first person to ride the ride and I have to say I’m worried for Big Al – he has done some pretty crazy stuff over the years – but I have NEVER heard Al sound as nervous as he sounded this morning – the weight distribution determines how much spin there is on the ride – and Al is pretty big – so I’m thinking this thing is going to be spinning out of control

Unlike last time where Al cried like a be-yah be-yah when he rode Mr. Freeze, Kidd wanted Al to give a play by play – it was supposed to be “I’m going up the hill, it’s turning around …” what we got was this …

• I’m upside down, I’m upside down, I’m upside down, I’m upside down
• Don’t hit the tree, Don’t hit the tree
• Oh my , Oh my, Oh my, Oh my, Oh my, Oh my, Oh my, Oh my
• Circles, Circles, Circles, Circles, Circles
• I think I peed in my pants

Apparently there was a “video problem” and Al had to ride again (how convenient) – but this time they’re going to blindfold him – and make him sing – so for Big Al Riding Tony Hawk’s Big Spin Round 2, he’s blindfolded and singing Kelly Clarkson – too bad he doesn’t know the words – instead of “Since You Been Gooooone” we got “Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow” and “Oh God – help me Lord!”  prepare to hear these clips for the next year – or at least til we send Al on another roller coaster!

HIZZLE – the most convoluted Hizzle ever – we started talking about Miley Cyrus – Miley Cyrus is being accused of stealing the song of an LA group called Lystra – and one of her other songs sounds kind of like Avril’s song “Girlfriend” – which sounds just like the Japanese version of Girlfriend – which sounds like the German version which sounds like this Spanish version which sounds like … do you see where I’m going with this?  If not, just check it out on the K-Pod – it was actually very funny – just very hard to describe!

MOST UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT ON THE SHOW

So everyone is freaking out because Barack Obama called a reporter “sweetie” – I don’t think it’s that big of a deal – he wasn’t being condescending, at least not purposely – I’m willing to bet that girl was really young and he called her sweetie just like he would his daughters – anyway, Kidd thought it was a big deal and said he bet Obama wouldn’t call a man sweetie – but the real question is would a gut be offended if he was called “sweetie” by another guy- so we called “guy” places – you know like the tire store or the oil change place

Guy Place One – Kidd called him sweetie 3 times and he wasn’t phased

Guy Place Two – J Si called him sweetie a couple of times but Kidd got ooged out and hung up

Guy Place Three – Kidd called him honey, sugar, sweetie and hon and there was no reaction

The verdict – guys don’t care and women are too sensitive

FREDDY UPDATE

Record company execs are calling every day to ask about Freddy’s record but Freddy says “Dear Record Company Execs – you can SUCK IT!!” or at least that’s what Kidd said

BEST BIT OF THE DAY

Flo Rhonda – I can’t even begin to describe the greatness that is Flo Rhonda – there are many reasons that I love Rhonda – one of them being that we share a love of WalMart – I mean, really – is there a better place on Earth?  I think not!  Cause like Rhonda said, they have EVEYRTHING!!  And now that Flo Rhonda shared the information that you can buy Mad Dog at WalMart … I’m moving in there – other than that, I only have 2 words – Kidd Cracker – and after that, you have to check the K-Pod – I think Ross from the Chat Room said it best, “Flo Rhonda knocks my socks off and returns them to WalMart for a PetFish or Lawn Darts”

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Charles Barkley owes $400,000 to the Wynn Casino in Las Vegas

#4 – Suge Knight has been invited to fight the guy who punched him out

#3 – Beyonce doing a guest role on Desperate Housewives

#2 – Ellen DeGeneres and Portia DeRossi to get married in California

#1 – Tony Romo dumped Jessica because he was sick of Joe Simpson