Kidd Kraddick Remix

MOST RANDOM THING HEARD ON TODAY’S SHOW

“What about D Day?”  – Big Al about the Independence Day conversation – Um, Al – that has nothing to do with this conversation

“SAVE THAT” OF THE DAY

I just want him to feed me some bangers – Kellie talking about BGJ

Why you mixin’ up with crazy?? – Kellie

CHAT ROOM CONVERSATION OF THE DAY

Pita:  J Si sure is wearing a tight shirt today

Ross:  There it is!

Mr. Architect:  Yeah, it’s like an undershirt or something

** Pita shakes her head**

Mr. Architect:  I was wondering if he was able to breathe properly

Pita:  I wonder if he had a hard time putting it on

Ross:  I’m too sexy for this shirt… to sexy for this powder baby blue shiiirrrttt

J SI’S “I’M GREAT AT EVERYTHING” MOMENT

His Amy Winehouse impersonation – which was really not good – but J Si thought it was GREAT!!!!

FUNNIEST LINE OF THE SHOW

I did have a second cousin who was REALLY hot – Kellie

MOST UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT ON THE SHOW

“I did the UGPA – the Ugly Girl Push Away” – Al admitting he only goes for the hot chicks

and just in case you need to see it in person – Al demonstrated the UGPA, using Andrew as the Ugly Girl

“Things You Might Hear On Today’s Show”

Kellie says we’ll get to meet Not-Derek today

Big Al will soon get to sit and have a drink in the bar next to his

The office mailbox crashed down on J Si this morning

Shanon says it’s Al’s fault they were yelled at in the streets

Wall-E did over $60 million and Angelina Jolie’s movie did over $50 million – Wall-E looks like a kids movie since it’s Pixar and all, but don’t be fooled – it has some big environmentalist message that is “supposedly” causing people to talk – I don’t know about you, but I’m already doing my part to save the environment – I take my own bags to the grocery store, I recycle, I’m even usig cloth diapers – the last thing I want to sit through is a 2 hour “Inconvenient Truth” movie thinly veiled as a kids movie – no thanks!  I’ll take the hot home wrecking Angelina Jolie any day

It sounds like there was a Friday night of fun and nobody invited Kellie – now, Al says that it started out just being him and Steve – but then Shanon called and said she wanted to hang out so she joined Al and Steve – then J Si called since Kinsey is out of town – then Andrew “what are you talking about” called Al – man, you know you’re a loser when Andrew gets invited to Fun Night Out before you do

YOUR DAILY HISTORY LESSON (from the show who knows nothing about history) – I might have let this slide – because although I should, I really have no interest in history – but Kidd tried to call me out calling me a Kellie Rasberry A** Kisser – so for that ….

BGJ will experience his first 4^th of July in America – so Kidd asked BGJ what they taught over there about Independence Day – Kidd said they should be teaching that it was the day that we kicked their a** – Kellie said it wasn’t the actual day that the butt kicking occurred and tried to point out that July 4^th was the day the Declaration of Independence was signed even though we were not at war when we declared independence – Kidd told Kellie that she should be quiet because she was sounding really stupid and then he went onto say several things that were all incorrect (In fact they decided that the British surrendered – that it was over – the day it was made official) and contradictory – I don’t say this because I’m the authority on all things historical – I say it, because that’s what the Chat Room said …

Mr. Architect:  did you hear that July 4th conversation? I’m going to need them to google July 4th…  cuz Kellie was right

on that one

Brad3304:  Kidd is terrible with American history

Mr. Architect:  Kellie was actually right and then the other 3 just jumped on her

So what it comes down to is that regardless of what Kidd meant, he still said it wrong

After the Independence Day conversation, we had a long conversation about British food and why it sucks – I think the general consensus was that it’s very bland – although Kellie did admit loving bangers and fish and chips – I can’t go into detail, but I will say that off air, there was a very blue comment about Kellie and bangers – and then Kellie’s very comical and sarcastic retort – if you know the boys and you know Kellie, you can let your imagination run wild and I can guarantee that you’ll probably be on target!  Anyway, BGJ tried to defned the British food, but he lost me when he described Yorkshire Pudding (his favorite) as having gravy – um, pudding is dessert and at no time should it have gravy!!!  But I think Yorkshire Pudding is what Oliver Twist begged for more of because it prompted Al to say (in his very bad English accent “Please sir, can I have some muuuurrrrr”?

HIZZLE

J Lo is being sued because her dog bit a flight attendant

DMX is arrested again

Amy Winehouse punched a fan

Britney might be on the VMAs again this year

The Official Amy Winehouse-Off

After Amy Winehouse punched a fan, she said to the audience “Boo me one more time and I’ll find you and your phone and call your mum and tell her you ain’t got no manners” – Kidd decided that we would have an Any Winehouse-ff to see who could do Amy Winehouse the best (that’s what she said!)

Kidd went first and of course he was good

Al was louder than he was British

J Si thought his impression was way better than it actually was

Kellie – well, is there any question???

And Shanon??  Well Shanon’s impression was in the highest falsetto known to man – because that’s what Shanon does

According to BGJ – Kellie’s accent was the best with Shanon following closely behind her – and I have to agree – n oone does the “My Blake-y Incarcerated” better than Kellie – and Shanon just makes me laugh – and I don’t care if you think I’m just siding with the girls – I am a girl – and I support Girl Power!!!!

Billboard Top 100

Hot 100 – Katy Perry – I Kissed A Girl

Pop 100 – Leona Lewis – Bleeding Love

Rhythmic Top 40 – Lil Wayne – Lollipop – Kidd says he can’t say Lil – so instead he would like to insert Miniature, Microscopic, Tiny, Small in Stature

Hot R&B – Raheem DeVaughn – Woman – from the R&B charts – yet, Al has never heard of him – um, can we get a black person on the show please??

Modern Rock – Weezer – Pork and Beans

Everyone has some crazy, crooked limbs hanging off of their family tree – so when Kellie tells the convoluted story of how her family is related, it’s not really shocking – even when you find out that her aunt is really her grandmother and her grandmother adopted her mother who became – oh hell, i don’t know how it all works out – but it’s just funny to hear her explain it all – particularly because her Southern accent really comes out – plus she gets to talking about the wart talker who held Mother Price’s hand and talked about pigs and farming until the warts fell off – and then there’s the fire talker – but we didn’t get to him today …

The Weekend Rap Up – I think Al’s entire weekend can be described with one word … AWKWARD

The Ungrateful Gourmet – Al had a couple of girls over at 3am for breakfast but they didn’t say thank you and didn’t help clean up – and didn’t do ananyway – ything else, if you know what I mean … **wink-wink-wink**

Al went to a party for Korey and his new wife and who walked in … Al’s ex-wife – she was invited by Al’s mom and Al hasn’t seen or talked to her in 7 years

Al was flirting with some chick at a restaurant and her husband was outside on the patio – apparently they’re still technically married – which could be why he “coincidentally” showed up at the same restaurant as her – especially when she’s never been to that restaurant before – ya think maybe he’s following her??  And if he is, it was probably a bad idea for Al to take her wedding ring off of her finger (um, why is she still wearing her ring if she’s getting divorced?) and then mockingly get down on one knee and ask her to marry him?? anyway, the real drama started when everyone was leaving – Al grabbed her hand to “guide” her towards a cab and her husband  jumped out of the middle of nowhere and starts yelling at Al and suburban wife in the middle of the street – Al and Suburban Wife jumped in the taxi to try for a quick escape -  um, Al – it’s not like you’re just some random dude – people actually know who you are – and where you work – now would probably be a good time to look into some personal security

J Si went to the airport to talk to the soldiers who were coming home on leave – he talked to a woman whose husband had never met his baby and a woman who was waiting to see her son – most of these guys (and girls) only have a couple of weeks of leave – a lot of them can’t share where they’ve been or where they’re going – they don’t know how long they’ll be gone when they go back – the whole thing really sucks – then J Si talked to a veteran who was there to greet the troops – he fought in Korea and Vietnam – I could tell you what I think but the Chat Room said it better than I ever could

Abbeym32:  yay for soldiers

Valleyranchcharacter:  God Bless Our Soliders ! !

Laoleary:  Things are so different today. When my Daddy came home, he was spit on. All of us were waiting there and these people spit on him and my sister was yelling at them saying that he was our Daddy – hard to believe this has stuck with me for so long. My son is 19 and he’s over there right now.

Ross:  Wow I’m crying right now – damn you Mr. Kidd Kraddick!

I think that said it all!

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Benji Madden is helping Paris Hilton with her music career

#4 – MTV may give Britney Spears another chance to perform at the VMAs

#3 – Michael Lohan may have a 13 year old daughter that is not Dina’s

#2 – Amy Winehouse attacked a fan at a concert Saturday night

#1 – Jennifer Lopez is being sued because her German Shepherd attacked a flight attendant

The reason men don’t give birth …

Because they can’t have conversations about child birth without going “ew, gross” and freaking all out, as proven by the men on our show – funny how guys get all ooged out about the area when it has to do with childbirth but they don’t have any issues with that area when it comes to making the baby – idiots.  Anyway – Kidd asked if you would be interested in watching a video of your own birth – everyone said no except Kellie – why?  Well, because it’s you – we asked for calls from listeners to see if anyone had seen the video of their birth – listener Kelly was the only one who called – not only has she seen her birth video, but so have all of her friends- her mom played the video at every one of Kelly’s birthday parties growing up – um, okay – I’m all for seeing my own video – and I’m not opposed to seeing someone else’s – but I don’t think a  5 year old’s birthday party is exactly the right environment

Tomorrow, make sure you tune in to hear The Arrogant Bachelor – based on today’s teaser w/ Kidd as Dimitri and Kellie as Dimitri’s love interest – well … just be sure to check it out

KELLIE RASBERRY “IT’S ALL ABOUT ME” MOMENT – What can Kellie complain about today???

Kellie woke up with a fever blister

Kellie thinks she’s getting a bunion

Kellie can’t remember what time she was born and that may change the results of her chart

She has a couple of pimples

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID QUOTE OF THE DAY

No Blowing between 6 and 10am

ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW

Kidd as the unwilling Ross Perot

MOST UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT ON THE SHOW

Kidd trying to slam Kellie while her headphones were off – like she wasn’t going to find out he wanted to talk about the backs of her thighs, voting her the most difficult person on the show to get along with and suggesting that the guys are paying Not-Derek to date Kellie – good thing that Shanon had Kellie’s back

“Things You Might Hear On Today’s Show”

Kellie’s reflexology appointment is today and she’s starting meditation

Big Al got off the phone with someone and an hour later they were on David Letterman

J Si had a box of adult videos on his porch

Shanon didn’t get any sleep and she’s completely unmedicated

FLUSH THE FORMAT - click here to get the music from today’s Flush the Format

Clothes Off – Gym Class Heroes

Where Is the Love – Black Eyed Peas

Wall to Wall – Chris Brown

Dirrty – Christina Aguilera

Hips Don’t Lie – Shakira

No Sleep til Brooklyn – Beastie Boys

I Love Rock ‘n Roll – Joan Jett

American Idiot – Green Day

The Anthem – Good Charlotte

I Kissed A Girl – Katy Perry

Mash Up – Signs – Snoop Dog/Usher-Yeah

Booty Bounce

HIZZLE

Nicole Richie and Joel madden aren’t getting married … yet

Cameron Diaz is wearing a wedding ring

Madonna may be getting divorced

There was a story about Jamie Lynn Spears but Kidd decided his dream about Cameron Diaz was more important – here’s the dream – Justin Timberlake called Kidd and said “I have something important to tell you about Cameron” but Kidd refused to take his calls – so Kidd finally got back at Justin Timberlake … in his dream – well you showed him!!!

More improv – 3^rd times a charm right??

Today we decided to do improv without Al – and it’s appropriately titled “The Dating Game” – Kellie is the bachelorette – J Si is Bachelor #1 (has Tourette’s) , Shanon is Bachelor #2 (Amy Winehouse) and Kidd is Bachelor #3 (the baby duck) – the idea is for Kellie to figure out each bachelor’s identity through questions

Question #1 – If I was a Tootsie roll pop, how many licks would it take to get to my center ?? Amy Winehouse answered 2

Question #2 – If you could plan the perfect date night, where would you take me and what would we do? Tourette’s Bachelor answered something about a picnic but I couldn’t really hear anything else since all he kept saying was “refrigerator magnet, underpants and salmonella”

Question #3 – What will you do if my daddy answers the door? quack, quack, quack

Gee, do you think it was difficult for the smartest person on the show to figure it out – she did guess Steve-O instead of Amy Winehouse in the beginning – but that was a trick question because she thought Shanon was playing a man – and even when “Amy Winehouse” slipped and talked about the baby duck, Kellie was smart enough to figure out that Bachelor #3 was a duck – hmmm … maybe it was because he quacked!!! Not a bad bit (and I can’t believe I’m admitting this) but improv was funnier with Big Al

RYAN SEACREST (please read this in your deep Ryan Seacrest voice)

We were supposed to get some word about the reality show but the closest we’ve gotten to “official word” is a text message that says “MVG FWD” – i guess that’s good news …

Celebrity Birthdays

Kathy Bates

John Cusack

Gary Busey

The Fairy Godbrother Wish Getter aka The HUGE Liar

Ok – I don’t know if he’s lying but his story does sounds kind of sketchy – the deal was that he was supposed to play a round of golf on Saturday with the Fairy Godbrother, who was supposed to help him when – Justin practiced with a golf pro this week but as it turns out – he can’t play golf on Saturday anymore – he has to have his wisdom teeth removed on Saturday because he’s moving to California on Saturday – or Monday – huh??? So basically, the Fairy Godbrother is being reassigned – we would’ve gotten into it more but we were interrupted but the landscaping guy with his blower – we sent Ross from the Chat Room over to ask him to stop – then the Message Board wanted to know about Gary Busey and the “Tickle and Pee” story – basically, Gary Busey came into the studio and he was his normal cracked out, whacked out, crazy self – he walked over to Kidd and picked him up and tried to tickle him til he peed – yeah, we won’t be asking Gary Busey to return to the show

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Salma Hayek is having a $3.5million dollar wedding

#4 – American Idol is going to Puerto Rico for auditions this year

#3 – Paris Hilton made a BIG donation to a children’s hospital

#2 – Vern Troyer filed a lawsuit against TMZ for posting his sex tape

#1 – Madonna has contacted Paul McCartney’s attorney about a divorce

The Message Board/Chat Room Peeps came to see the show today

CONSUMER WATCH – YEEAAAHHHHH

Apparently this was the punny edition of Consumer Watch – actually, the best part of this bit was J Si and Big Al singing the theme with Kidd every time even though Kidd told them not to – tee hee – it’s the little things that make me laugh

The iPhone – if you have the old iPhone, you don’t have to buy the new iPhone – just download the updates

iPhone puns – phone for racists … the I-mus, phones for the rappers … the I-I, phones from the 80s … the I-CE, I-CE baby

Starbucks is removing the CDs from the stores because they aren’t selling well except for the 2 top sellers – Jon Bon Cup of Jovi and Green T Pain

Experts are predicting gas will be $5 by the end of the year and $7 by 2010 – great – gas talk makes my head hurt

Kidd’s Kid Michael Bilger is graduating from high school – WOO HOO!!!! We love to hear from past Kidd’s Kids and it’s a HUGE accomplishment when one of them makes it through high school! WAY TO GO MIKE!!!

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

It’s expensive every time he changes the ringtone

You know your dad, he couldn’t wait to hit it

First it gets all soft and squishy and then when you get it in your mouth it makes you gag a little bit

FREDDY UPDATE

Freddy is doing a show with Good Charlotte at the House of Blues in Dallas on July 25^th and are partnering with 7-11 – so how much will the tickets be? No J Si, not $711 dollars – $7 dollars and 11 cents – check this out if you want tickets

Kellie had a sexy dream about Freddy and Freddy had a dream about Kellie – he said it was about her animal instincts – then he brought her some gentle pampering items (to try and win her over, I’m sure – keep it up Freddy – it just might work!)

Freddy wants to perform with a marching band at his big July 4^th appearance but doesn’t have a band – so if you’re in a marching band and want to perform with Freddy on the Fourth of July, email him at helpfreddy@helpfreddy.com – Freddy performed “Nothing Lasts Forever”

Freddy’s has a crazy Vegas story that he’s going to tell us on Monday – but in the meantime, here’s a few crazy Vegas stories for ya’

Kidd had a crazy drunk woman passed out in front of his hotel room

Josh sees a buck naked man walking through the casino

Old Producer Scott sees a girl peeing on herself at the bar

Movie Talk turned into Somebody’s Hot for Wally because there is a new movie coming out called Wall-E – it appears that oogey Walmart Wally is being replaced because a. this bit is lame and b. the bit was stolen from the guy who created radio, Rich (yeah right!) and c. robots are cheaper than humans – plus there was that time that Wally came to work in a Speedo – so he’s being replaced by Wall-E – which is really just the oogier robotic version of Wally who talks really slow so that you can be ooged out and given the willys in slow motion – you have to go listen to this on the Kpod – I know it’soogey, but it’s worth it!

Next week is a short week because of the holiday – YAY!!!! Plus my birthday is Tuesday – double YAY!!! And to kick off vacation – we’ll have Paramour, Gym Class Heroes and maybe Katy Perry Thursdays show!!

RANDOM QUOTES FROM BIG AL

My life is not 100% sure – truer words have never been spoken

We’re black, we rhyme

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID QUOTE OF THE DAY

“I wasn’t gonna bite the stump” – Kellie when Not-Derek didn’t offer her any of his chile relleno

THINGS I LEARNED ON THE SHOW TODAY

Uncle Daddy dated Christina Aguilera

WHAT BIG AL LEARNED ON THE SHOW TODAY

Viet Cong actually exists and was not something Muhammed Ali made up

“Things You Might Hear On Today’s Show”

Kellie got slammed by Kidd first thing because of a drop where she said “you look like S”

J Si now knows how it feels to be Big Al

Shanon is mad because no one showed up at 5:30am for the pre-show meeting

Big Al wants to know the appropriate response to “God Bless You”

Kidd’s shirt is too small

HIZZLE

Justin Timberlake has OCD and ADD

Russell Simmons has to pay $480k a year in child support

Denise Richards is sending her kids to therapy

Nicole Richie has a guest starring role on “Chuck”

The Improvisational Expert aka Patrick is back – Kellie (who clearly did not want to do the improve bit) defined improv as anything that isn’t scripted – therefore, 99% of what the show does is improv – so there’s no need to go any further, right?? Oh, come on Kellie – you didn’t actually believe that would work did you?? So today’s game was called Change It – you start off your situation and when you hear the bell, you have to change the last thing you said – the first scenario was with J Si and Al on a playground – there was nothing that really stood out about this scene except that Al talked and talked and talked and never really let J Si get a word in – and you know what that means – it wasn’t funny – Kidd, of course, got annoyed and decided to move on – the second scenario was with Al again – this time, he and Kidd are in a grocery store – now Patrick pointed out that Al should be really good at improv since he is so random and that’s what improve is – tell me what you think …

Kidd – That guy is shoplifting. He just put a head of lettuce *DING*down his pants

Kidd – He just put a cashier *DING*down his pants

Kidd – He just put pants *DING*down his pants

Al – Do you think we should call the security guy

Al – Do you think we should call somebody

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH – that’s the show coming to a screeching halt yet again – but this time it was just comedy – leave it to Al to do the bit wrong – and Kidd, never one to let an opportunity to “teach” Al pass by tried to show Al what he had just done

Kidd – Do you think we should call the security guy *DING*

Kidd – Do you think we should phone the security guy *DING*

Kidd – Do you think we should dial the security guy *DING*

Kidd – Do you think we should text the security guy

By this time, I was laughing so hard, I had to lay my head on the desk – my mouth hurt from laughing so hard – and Kellie actually had tears in her eyes – I swear the times this show is the funniest is when they don’t mean to be – Insert the Big Al “not good” drop here

Kellie, Not-Derek, Big Al and J Si went to dinner last night before the screening of Hancock (which they all loved)- Kellie had coupons for dinner and we all know how Kellie likes to save money – too bad Kellie using coupons made Not-Derek feel old – whatev – he should’ve been glad because he only had to throw in $20 on a $250 tab!! Dinner went fairly well but someone should have filled Not-Derek in on the rules of eating dinner with Kellie Rasberry – the #1 rule – when your plate comes, you have to offer Kellie a bite – Not-Derek ordered the Chile Relleno and that’s Kellie’s favorite, but he neglected to offer her a bite – and that’s a huge rule with Kellie – you have to offer her some of your food – but Not-Derek opened the doors for her all night so he earned back a couple of points there -

THINGS WE LEARNED ABOUT NOT-DEREK

His last girlfriend was 21

His mom clips coupons, says pocketbook and her favorite band is the Monkees – just like Kellie

Kidd wants to start a new catchphrase – so the whole show has the summer to develop a catchphrase and use it on air and see if you can get the phrase to catch on

3 year old Madeleine called 911 on a cell phone when her mom fainted – her mom, Jessica has a condition that causes frequent fainting – so she made up a song to teach her daughter how to call 911

FROM THE LIFE OF BIG AL MACK

Al has so many phone numbers in his phone number that he frequently texts women in his phone that he doesn’t know and invites them out to meet him – one time he invited a girl out to meet him but he didn’t remember exactly who she was or what she looked like – she said she was tall, hot and blonde – so when a tall, hot blonde walked in, Al started talking to her – he spent the entire night hanging out with this girl and it wasn’t until the end of the night that he realized that she wasn’t the girl he invited out – another time he invited a girl out to meet him and when he got there, she was surprised because she thought he was a different Big Al

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

I’m really careful with what i put in my mouth

Just bend over and blow really hard

I love their taste – they’re sweet

My face and my shirt are always sticky afterwards

Colby O’Donis live in studio – he sings that song “What You Got” (which he performed for us in Spanish) and has the craziest laugh ever – he’s also the only person we’ve ever had in studio that is more ADD than Kidd – Colby is 19 years old and signed with Akon – he did some work with Full Force – the Full Force reference caused Kellie to remember Lisa Lisa – pause while the show sings “Head To Toe” – that’s an old school reference – Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam – wanna know what she looks like now??

Random facts about Colby:

• his mom was Miss Puerto Rico 1982
• had 6 independent albums before signing with a record label
• he’s on the Six Flags tour with Mario
• he lives in L.A., drives a Hummer and it gets 8 miles to the gallon
• was with his girlfriend for 3 years and then she dumped him

What’s In Barack Obama’s iPod

John Coltrane

Charlie Parker

Howlin Wolf

Miles Davis

Bob Dylan

Bruce Springsteen

Start Me Up – Rolling Stones

September – Earth Wind and Fire

Jay Z

Yo Yo Ma

Sheryl Crow

Elton John

What’s NOT In Barack Obama’s iPod

White Wedding

Hillary’s Campaign song

White Christmas

Milkshake – Kelis

Dirty White Boy

Lollipop – Lil Wayne

Who Let the Dogs Out

I Am Your Brother – Reynaldo from American Idol

Jet

What’s In John McCain’s iPod

Please pay attention to my sarcasm font

The theme to the Golden Girls

Sucks To Be Me

Breathe In, Breathe Out

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Denise Richards put her kids in therapy

#4 – Jennifer Garner says that she and Ben Affleck are not breaking up

#3 – Russell Simmons has to pay $480k a year in child support

#2 – Justin Timberlake has OCD and ADD

#1 – Tim McGraw grabbed a fan that was harassing a woman

Billboard Top 5

5. Definition of Real – Plies

4. Now 28

3. The Soundtrack to Camp Rock

2. Lil Wayne

1. Coldplay

We finished the show with Al trying to guess the race of callers – this might have been offensive if Al wasn’t so clueless – I mean, did we really think that Al would be able to do this?? Pretty much every caller he said, yeah she’s white – uh, yeah – she’s white – uh, yeah – you’re white – do you see a pattern??

“SAVE THAT” OF THE DAY

If anybody listening wants to send me a coupon, I will take it!!! – Kellie Rasberry

KELLIE RASBERRY “IT’S ALL ABOUT ME” MOMENT

Kellie whining because Al wants to move from their neighborhood

RANDOM CONVERSATION OF THE DAY

Kellie: You can throw $20 cause you’re so stinking rich?? (directed towards Al)

Kidd: I can!!!

BEHIND THE SCENES

J Si – is there something you need to tell us??

THINGS KIDD COMPLAINED ABOUT TODAY

Shanon typing during the show – um, that’s part of her job, dude

MOST UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT ON THE SHOW

Big Al trying to recall a quote from the Sex and the City movie

SpeedHighway called it: **chirp chirp**

“Things You Might Hear On Today’s Show”

Kellie has a date with 3 hot guys tonight and she’s treating because she has a COUPON!!!

Big Al is going to do something life changing

Shanon accused “you people” of stealing her pop tart – screeeeeeech. That’s the show coming to a complete stop – apparently it was J Si that stole Shanon’s pop tart and it was the special princess pop tart – or something like that – all I know is she was really mad – and just because J Si is her temporary boyfriend for the next 3 weeks didn’t givehim the right to eat her pop tart – Shanon even said that she would wash his underwear (or buy him new ones) but that she was not willing to share her food – so there.

We have new phone screeners – Nathan/Nate aka the guy whose car you can throw up in and it’ll be okay and Michelle

HIZZLE

Ruben Studdard is getting married this weekend and has 20 groomsmen

Britney regained overnight visitation of her boys

Heather Locklear is in rehab for depression

Lindsay Lohan is actually going to work when she is supposed to

FREDDY UPDATE

Freddy was in Vegas for an event that ended up being canceled – so he was stuck in Vegas with nothing to do – ran into Robbie, the manager for Forever the Sickest Kids and ended up introducing the band at their concert – they’re going to play together sometime in the future – wanna see an exclusive performance from Freddy? Check out alloy.com – and here’s what else Freddy has been up to

What’s that I hear? The comedy train – and it is hauling a load of comedy

Apparently a lot of people in on the show have interns these days – and Kidd Kraddick is one of them – 17 year old Patrick is Kidd’s intern and is an improv genius – not only that, he runs an improv group at his high school – and that qualifies him to lead the show through a couple of improvisational exercises – but before we got started,Kidd wanted Patrick to rate the improvisational skills of the show – of course, first on the list was Kidd – then Kellie – then J Si and Shanon – BGJ esd 5^th – do you notice anyone conspicuously missing – yep, Big Al – why? Because we didn’t have time to list the other 125 people that work in this office to get to Al!!!

now as we go through the lessons, keep in mind, there are 3 rules of improv

Improv – The 3 Rules Of Improv

1. Make the other person look good

2. Listen to what the other person is saying

3. Be Spontaneous

The first example was where Patrick would throw out a topic and then everyone adds a sentence to the story by using the corresponding letter of the alphabet – this one didn’t last long – Al got stumped at the letter B – time to switch gears – so next you’re supposed to act like you ‘re in a foreign film – J Si and Al are the actors and Kidd and Kellie are the translators – our choices for Foreign Film were in Italian or Japanese – Kellie thought, I think the Italian accent would be much less offensive – so go with Japanese” – so that’s where we went – Kidd decided that the name of the movie would be “The Riff” only he pronounced it in Japanese and said “Wiff” – get it?? Kellie didn’t – and that nearly sent Kidd over the edge – especially when Kellie decided that was stupid because “Japanese people can say their ‘R’s ‘”- again, there is really no way to explain the hilarity that ensued – you HAVE to listen to the KPod – but know that it went from bad to worse to so frekain hysterical – does Japanese sound anything like dogs barking? It does if you’re Big Al – then we tried Italian which was only a slight bit above the Japanese – yeah – there are no words – and I can’t wait to listen to the Warm Up Show tomorrow – ciao bella!!

Kellie has a hot date tonight with Not-Derek, J Si and Big Al – there was some talk about where everyone might be sitting and it looks like Big Al will once again be alone **singing** One is the loneliest number …” Kidd did his impression of Not-Derek which was hilarious – but I don’t really understand why Not-Derek sounds like a surfer dude – or why he uses words like epic and stellar – but then, as hot as he is – does it really matter?? I’m thinking no – he doesn’t have to be anything but hot

Al got an email from a girl that basically dogged out his bar – it seemed like a really mean email until it was revealed that a few people on the shoe **cough*Shanon*cough*** left Al’s bar to buy drinks from the bar next door because they were cheaper – Shanon told J Si, and he headed next door also – poor Al – it’s a not enough that the regulars are nailing on him, but his very own friends and coworkers – if they keep this up, they’ll be next door all the time – Kellie will be flirting with their hot male bartender – J Si will be eating some of their yummy food – Shanon will be sitting in the air conditioned room watching tv – and AL? well, he’ll be at home wondering why he and Redneck Steve opened an inferior bar that is more expensive

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Michael Jordan blew off a little boy and made him cry

#4 – Heather Locklear has checked herself into rehab for depression

#3 – Shaq had to turn in his badges because of his rap about Kobe

#2 – Britney got overnight visitation of her sons back

#1 – Chris Brown’s mom says Rihanna and Chris are dating

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID - what should have been a fun Trip A Day game went horribly wrong – the contestant didn’t win and Kellie expressed her opinion that the last one should have been a “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID” even though J Si and Shanon had already decided that it wasn’t – the contestant begged for the trip and Al decided that we’d give her a chance to get the trip if she was hot – since when does that work?? Shanon got really mad and said there was no way she was getting the trip and that was that – in the meantime, Al and Kellie are looking her up on MySpace and Kidd is being his typical A.D.D self and throwing in random comments left and right – this, boys and girls, is what we refer to as “wheels OFF” – Shanon even tried to hit the button to go to break but Kidd just ignored the jingle and kept on talking – I’m not sure why this went on for so long because at the end of the day, you knew Shanon was going to get her way since just about everyone is scared of her – and finally the madness came to an end – and when I did, I went to give her a hug – but I don’t think it helped because this is what she put on the schedule for tomorrow “TRIP A DAY CONTEST- THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID- IF YOU GUYS WANT TO GO THRU THE ANSWERS FOR A CONSENSUS, WE WILL DO SO AT 5:30am TOMORROW MORNING.”

In case you still care, here is the THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

I liked everything

Your dad poked me in the eye with a stick

I just took a load of your dad’s stuff down South

Even though it was really small, It hurt a lot

I like people who can play an instrument

Meet Forrest – he’s Andrew’s sidekick/intern and to be honest with you, he annoys me just as much as Andrew does – again, he’s a nice kid – but makes me want to bang my head against a concrete wall

Andrew (ohhhhh Andrew – he makes ME nervous says Pita from the Chat Room) liked Brandy and wanted to ask her out again – isn’t the best way to get a girl to go out with you again to call her from the radio station and record the phone call?? I bet you can guess where this is going – no second date for Andrew – oh, Brandy tried to break it to him softly and said that she would check her schedule and see when they could get together for some bowling -but I’m thinking there will be no more contact from Brandy – and can someone tell me why Andrew sounds like Kermit the Frog?? Anyway, don’t worry – Al has Andrew’s back – who will he set Andrew up with next? Either LorenaKinky, Marissa36 or LaceyPrincess

someone on the show got flowers – 5 points if you guess who and why – duh. They were from Rich – I’m not going to spend a lot of time even bothering with this – because it’s all crap – Rich sent J Si flowers under the guise of “apologizing” – oh BS – if Rich was really sorry, he would have told the full story on his show – or he would’ve called into our show to apologize to J Si directly – or he would have emailed J Si – instead, he sent a cheap floral arrangement and misspelled Kidd’s name on the address label – I’d be willing to bet a million dollars that yesterday, Rich spent the majority of his show ripping J Si (and the rest of the show) – why? Because he’s a huge jerk – ‘nuff said

do these say “i’m really sorry for being a HUGE A**”? i didn’t think so.

THIS IS WHY ANDREW BUGS THE CRAP OUT OF ME

God love him – he’s a nice guy but he can be so ding-dang frustrating – so they’re having the conversation on air about the flowers that Rich sent to J Si and Andrew announces to the Geek Room that this must be fake – because how in the world did Rich send flower to J Si all the way from Boston – WTFill in the Blank??? This kid is killing me – you’re 22 and you’re not familiar with the Internets?? Everyone in the room is like “Andrew – are you serious?” and then 5 minutes later he’s all, “oh, I never thought of that’ um, maybe because you spend way too much time in imaginary WoW world instead of the living world with the rest of us!!! :shakes head: he’s hopeless

Ian (Ian – do you know what they told me?) and Laura fell in love and got married – Ian moved from England to Australia – they were building a house and then Laura dumped Ian for another man – so Ian decided to sold his entire life on Ebay – his home, her friends. CD and video collection – why did we tell you this story – to let you know that Al is making a huge life change – he wants to move to where things are happening – that means away from his home that is a mere 2 blocks from the great Kellie Rasberry – stay tuned to see how that plays out – I’m predicting Kellie putting the kibosh on that!!

KELLIE RASBERRY “IT’S ALL ABOUT ME” MOMENT

Don’t make me be a lightbulb – Kellie

FUNNIEST LINES OF THE SHOW

“You’ve got something he doesn’t … a head full of hair” – Kellie talking about Rich

“I got my gun, I’m packing … bring it Rich!!!” – Shanon

THINGS KIDD COMPLAINED ABOUT TODAY

Kellie’s use of the word “pocketbook”

MOST UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT ON THE SHOW

Kellie talking about making out with a preacher

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM KKITM

Carry $10 ones in your front pocket in case you ever get mugged – then if someone says give me all your money – take the money out of your pocket, throw it at the robber and then run in the opposite direction – thanks Kidd

“THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW”

Kellie took Vicodin that expired in March

J Si found his wallet after 2 weeks

Shanon is going to be J Si’s girlfriend for the next 3 weeks

Big Al wants Fairy Day to be cancelled

Kidd has something for Kellie’s dental work

HIZZLE

Heidi and Spencer from The Hills are finally getting married … sort of

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon’s marriage may be on the rocks

Shaquille O’Neal dissed Kobe Bryant onstage in a rap

Michelle Smith is mad about Heath Ledger’s estate

Today is Fairy Day – and because of that, our presence was graced with a visit from the Fairy Godbrotha aka Big Al Mack – I’m not sure what Al did wrong that he was forced to be the Fairy Godbrotha – and I can’t even guarantee that today is truly Fairy Day – but I can guarantee that whether or not this bit actually played out as planned – seeing Al in the Fairy Godbrotha costume will be entertainment enough!   Especially since Big Al is such an unwilling participant – poor Al – I’m not sure why he was so upset – it’s not like we didn’t get him a really good costume – it came with wings and a tiara – and even after Al “accidentally” broke his magical wand AND the backup magical wand, we managed to produce an unbreakable titanium back up wand – you have to admit Al, this show went above and beyond for you – the least you could do is play along – hahahahaha!!!!  who am I kidding?  this bit was created for the sheer humiliation of Al – much like SpiderMack, the bunny suit, the Fairy Prombrotha – and while it may be a tad bit humiliating to be a 6′4″ fairy – it’s also funny – at least to us – and that’s the price you pay to have such a fun job – sometimes you have to give it up for the show – and at least no one forced you to kiss Adolfo like Shanon!!

oooh – check out those legs!!

doesn’t he look enthused??

now THIS is a Fairy Godbrotha’!!!

So the Fairy Godbrotha’s first task was to grant a wish – he first ran into Annika who must have been beautiful because Al, I mean FGB, seemed very interested in talking to her – as we talked to the lovely Annika, we found out that she had a boyfriend (Justin) whose only wish in life (work with me here) is to shoot the round of his life at one of the best golf courses in the world – so not only is FGB going to accompany Justin to the Four Seasons golf course Saturday morning (while waving his titanium wand and wearing his Fairy Godbrotha costume), FGB will also distract the other members of Justin’s group so that Justin is guaranteed to shoot thr round of his life – see, it’s not that hard to grant wishes!!  Plus there is some incentive for FGB because Annika said she is much more likely to date Big Al since he granted Justin’s wish – huh???  Oh well – it works for the bit!

Fairy Godbrotha’s second task for the day was to get thrown out of the Starbucks – except we can’t call it Starbucks – we have to call it Dartrucks – or Flarmucks – or Carsucks – but we all know that it’s the place that sells the deliciously overpriced caffeine treats and the yummy espresso brownies – now in the past, Big Al was thrown out of this very same coffee establishment as another character – I believe it was cymbal man – he was even banned from returning – but that mean old barista has since moved on and there was another woman who was more than accommodating – so accommodating that a 6′4″ black man wearing a pink tutu and a boa and sporting boobs bigger than my baby belly could not get thrown out of the store – even after promoting his own coffee shop around the corner selling brown flavored coffee – even after falsely announcing to everyone that the Starbucks coffee would be free all day – even after going behind the counter to make his own coffee and possibly destroy expensive coffee machinery that a poor Mexican bar owner couldn’t possibly afford to replace – still, the lovely barista was kind as she could be to the Fairy Godbrotha and Big Al had to return to the show with the dejected feeling of failure – I have to admit, I thought it was pretty funny – that is until we overheard Big Al privately berating himself – at least he thought it was private – Al was having somewhat of a Come To Jesus moment with himself and didn’t know he was still on air – I felt a little sorry for Big Al when he worried about getting fired and deemed his bit “not good” – I mean what’s a black man gotta do to get kicked out of the Starbucks that he’s already been banned from

About 2 weeks ago, J Si lost his wallet – he was kind of confused about the last time he actually had it and really thought he had left it at a restaurant – he wandered around here for a couple of days complaining about his wallet being missing and even waited a couple of days to report everything because he wanted to see if anyone was using his cards – after a few days, he just assumed someone had taken the cash and tossed the wallet – so he went through the hassle of cancelling his bank cards and replacing his driver’s license and credit cards – in fact, he still hasn’t received all of his replacements yet – then yesterday after the show, we were all sitting around the studio – J Si stood up from his chair and looked down and out of the middle of nowhere, there was his wallet lying on the ground – he has no idea where it came from but the only logical explanation is that it was in his jeans – but where in his jeans??  Wouldn’t he have noticed if they were in a pocket when he put them on??  wait, maybe it was a gift from the Fairy Prombrother -  that  wand was good for something  after all

I know I said this last week – but I really hate Rich – I know you’re not supposed to say hate and hate is really a strong word but you know what – blah, blah, blah – the other thing is that I am fiercely protective of my people – and while as a show, sometimes we argue and fight – at the end of the day, we really love each other and will protect each other to the end – ok, so now that you have the background …

The running joke on the show is that Rich was greatness and that J Si can’t live up to Rich’s name – notice how I said “joke” – so to get back at Kidd for always singing Rich’s praises – last week, J Si decided to do one of Rich’s bits better than Rich – J Si decided to do the Musical Movie Review for the movie The Love Guru – now anyone who heard the entire bit completely understood this – everyone but Rich that is – wait, I take that back – Rich understood it – he just chose to ignore it for the sake of a bit for his show – talk about “TOOOT TOOT’ – Rich decided to pull the audio of J Si’s version of the Musical Movie Review and completely rip it on his show – but that wasn’t until he made it sound like J Si tried to take over the bit as his own – he neglected to mention the part that J Si made it quite clear that it was Rich’s bit – instead, Rich went on and on about how J Si and  KKITM steal his bits and how he is the greatest thing since sliced bread – bored yet??  Well how about the part where Rich thinks so highly of himself that he actually sent audio of him ripping our bit on his show to Kidd – now, I’m sure that Kidd and other Rich defenders would say that Rich was giving us a heads up – but i don’t think that’s why he did it – he did it because he knew we would talk about it which will in turn make people talk to him – gee, narcissistic much?

Actually, I was kind of glad this came to light – because it did something for us too – it showed Rich’s true colors – for all of you Rich supporters who thought Rich was so original and so funny – now you can see Rich for who he really is – a rude, self-righteous jerk who thinks he created radio – never mind the fact that he has gone from show to show recreating bits as if they were original ideas that he “just” came up with – some of you will remember Adolfo’s first kiss – no, not the “first” kiss that Rich had Adolfo recreate for his show in Boston – his real first kiss that occurred on KKITM where Adolofo kissed Shanon – Or maybe you’ll remember how when Rich was here, he went on and on about how he got national exposure for holding up the “Iron My Shirt B****” in Augusta at the Masters when Martha Burk protested – but when he talked about it, he left out the “B****” part – and why is it that when he sent Adolfo to recreate that bit at Hillary Clinton’s rally, he left the “B****” off the sign – oh, is big, bad “I’m a rock radio guy” Rich scared of the Secret Service??   Funny how on our show Rich portrayed himself as a nice and sweet, Kidd’s Kid loving, kind and good hearted Catholic but over on his new show, he’s the “I wouldn’t be caught dead listening to that Top 40 drivel” hardass?  Why?  Because he’s fake – he’s insincere and he’ll do or say whatever is necessary to get what he wants – and hey, if that’s who you really are – then I can’t be mad at you for that – but don’t pretend to be something that you’re not – and that was my biggest issue with Rich – he came to our show and cheesed and grinned and fooled people into believing that he was this funny, sweet guy instead of someone who would totally misrepresent a situation and slam someone he barely knows just to get a good (or what he thought was good) bit -

And lest you think that I’m just bitter towards Rich – here’s just a sampling of what the Chat Room had to say about Rich

Nonenonenone – I have an extreme dislike for Rich now after hearing all of that – I personally liked him on the show but hearing him now towards a different audience is just…wow

Allegedlyme – If this is Rich’s M.O., then doesn’t that make him a wannabe shock jock who in turn is ripping off people like Howard Stern?  This Rich dude sounds like yet another dumb radio jock who has his button stuck on ‘god’s gift to the world”

SpeedHighway - He took J-Si’s joking bit of the musical movie review and basically flamed it over the air. His response was about 40% cussing and 100% BS.

Ross – Here’s the bottom line, on-air Rich has a lot of funny bits. However, since Rich has gone to the WBCN network his true colors are displayed because he took J Si and did a punk move by trashing him on air. Rich is perfect in the geared to male market because he brings the ratings because he’s “racy” on the air

All i have to say now is good riddance Rich – I hope that you and the sainted Mary and your blessed child live a wonderfully happy life – I truly do – I’m just glad that while Rich is making stupid faces and annoying voices and grabbing and pulling at all of his orifices, he’s no longer doing it here!!

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Ruben Studdard and his fiancé have applied for a marriage license

#4 – Larry Birkhead bought Anna Nicole’s Playboy lingerie for their daughter

#3 – Audrina Patridge vacuums in high heels and lifts weight while watching tv

#2 – Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri are gonna think about having a baby

#1 – Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon may be headed for divorce

Erika Super Hot bailed on her date with Andrew – instead, Brandy came – Brandy is the girl that Al went on a date with after his 28 mile bike ride – and you know that she has to be a nice person if she sat through a date with stinky Al – the date was to happen at the Foundation Room at the House of Blues – which, if you’ve never been is ultra swanky and ultra cool – Andrew, knowing that this was a step above than your average bar asked Al what the dress code was – Al replied (by text message of course) that Andrew should wear a suit – poor Andrew – I’m guessing that 22 year old guys who normally dress like 10 year olds only have one suit – and Andrew’s happens to include a suede jacket – um, it was 100 degrees here yesterday – stupid Al – that wasn’t very nice at all – the other nice not nice part was that Al pumped Andres up to Brandy by misrepresenting Andrews looks – he’s not what I would call tall or buff – but he is a very nice person – I guess that combined with Andrew’s pick up lines of “you have very, very nice bangs” and his incessant talk of video games was enough to win her over – at least temporarily because she didn’t bolt – the non drinking Andrew was talked into doing a shot (a wimpy Chocolate Cake shot, but a shot nonetheless) and I guess that gave him a little liquid courage because Andrew was able to score a goodnight kiss – ok, so it was behind the ear – but that counts, right??

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID – yeah, it just doesn’t get old

Girls will be girls i guess

Don’t stick your fingers in there

No, I’m not gonna tell her that – you’re crazy

Because it’s cleaner down there

I usually give it to your dad so he can lick it

Talk about missing the boat – if we had only thought if this idea before these guys – Kellie grinds her teeth so badly that she needed to get a crown yesterday – too bad we didn’t know about this little invention before yesterday – Kellie does find David Letterman very sexy – what better way to win him over than to have his face imprinted on your teeth

Coming up tomorrow – IMPROV!!!   I can tell you right now – this will be comedy gold – not necessarily in a “this is the most successful bit ever” way – more in a “please stop – you’re making my side hurt from laughing so hard” way – and no, I’m not overselling it – I have 3 words for you – Matadora de Chiste

MOST RANDOM THING HEARD ON TODAY’S SHOW

At Christmas Brunch, – we’d go crazy – RICE!!!! – Al

RANDOM CONVERSATION OF THE DAY

It’s everywhere like Souja Boy – Kidd

Like Whoomp There It is???  Al

When talking about Green – the top song in Japan

FUNNIEST LINE OF THE SHOW

Is he black – cause he is NOT my husband – Kellie when told by the 1^st Class flight attendant that she was to cover her husband’s drinks

THINGS THE BOYS SAID TO TRY AND RUIN KELLIE AND NOT-DEREK

Does he have a back pack?

Did you drop him off at the bike rack?

Then there was an entire recreation of Kellie and Not-Derek who sounds like random surfer dude – the funniest line?  “All of my mom’s friends are jealous, because you’re the same age as them”

“THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW”

Kellie wished Andrew “what are you taaaaalking about” Video Guy a happy birthday

J Si sat between two 250 pound guys on the plane

Shanon was stranded on the street at a concert by “friends”

Big Al saw someone in the Las Vegas airport win $1.4 million

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS

Randy Jackson,  Selma Blair, Duffy, Clarence Thomas , Francis McDermott, KT Tunstall

6:12am – THE EXACT TIME OF MY FIRST KKITM LAUGH OF THE WEEK

Kidd’s impression of Al hanging out in the “party quadrant area of the city”

FREDDY UPDATE

Freddy is performing tonight in Albuquerque at Coors Blvd and Hanover – if you live in the ABQ, be listening this afternoon for details

HIZZLE

Amy Winehouse has emphysema

Jennifer Lopez is a diva

Jamie Lynn Spears evaded the paparazzi

The paparazzi was attacked by a bunch of surfers protecting Matthew McConaughey

6:33 AM – THE EXACT TIME AT WHICH KIDD LOST KELLIE FOR THE REST OF THE SHOW

Kellie said she thought Hancock (the new Will Smith movie) was a comedy until she saw the trailer – Kidd accused Kellie of talking out of her butt – you know how Kellie hates to be wrong and you know how Kidd loves to antagonize Kellie – you can see where this is going, right??

George Carlin died last night – Kidd thought so highly of George Carlin as a kid that he memorized his monologues and recited them to girls in an effort to impress them – he recited something of George Carlin’s that he still remembers all these years later – it had to do with George’s ponytail and had a gazillion words that rhymed with ‘hair’ – I think now we know why Kidd wasn’t known as a ladies’ man back in the day – Kellie nailed it when she said “Not good make out material”

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID - I love this game – not because it’s completely wrong and inappropriate, but because J Si thinks it’s so funny

He squirted me with his hose and got me all wet

I get rid of them – I put them in a bag and take them to a Salvation Army store

I sit there and just take it with a big smile on my face

Your dad was telling me to wait but I just couldn’t and went down there

Today is National Let It Go Day – so here are all the things that the entire world needs to get over (according to the listeners) …

Gas prices

Pictures of animals dressed up like people

Microsoft Windows

Tomatoes – because in case you didn’t know salmonella sucks

Steroids

Tom Cruise

Global Warming

You Tube especially the Charlie Bit My Finger Video and the whole Leave “anyone” alone

Barack Obama is a Muslim

John McCain is too old to be President

The Hills is fake

Gay jokes about Al – nah, this totally makes me laugh

Shanon – are you or aren’t you

The Kellie UNNGGHHH drop – um, yeah – ooged out every time I hear it

Ryan Seacrest

Barry Manilow

J Si’s “Shout Out”

Rich Shertenlieb – PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!!!!!!!

Big Al’s Weekend Rap Up

Big Al chasing women half his age – from E-nigma in the Chat Room and

From Mr. Architect in the Chat Room – Kidd needs to let go of the “Al voice”

And then there were the Let It Gos specifically directed to the show from the show …

To Kidd – J Si having your Rock Band game, the time Al took the family on a Christmas Light tour and they didn’t see any lights, you constantly making reference to your height (or lackthereof) – and from me, whining about the all the times no one on the show called to check on you during one of your many ailments and blaming Shanon for giving you the staph … LET IT GO!!!!

To J SI – speaking Spanish (which makes absolutely no sense- Big Al), your man crush on Andrew, and realizing that you’re not Mexican or White, you’re both … LET IT GO!!!!

To Kellie – the huge bows in Emma Kelly’s head (aww, I love the big bows!), Al leaving you in the parking lot under the supervision of the hot dog vendor, thinking that you’re fat, and for J Si wanting Maria Todd to stay instead of you … LET IT GO!!!!

To Al – your Compton persona, the bar that will go out of business and cause you to lose everything, the dream that you ever played for the Dallas Cowboys, the realization that as a black man you aren’t athletic, can’t dance, can’t rap and don’t really have a huge … WOAHHHH – WOAHHHH – WOAHHHH there Kidd Kraddick – this is a family show!  But … LET IT GO!!!!

To Shanon – that Big Al did French kiss your girlfriend, that J Si does NOT  want you grinding on his girlfriend, wearing free t-shirts, hats and other sponsored clothing , the obsession that you’re the worst producer ever, that you have to save everyone around you and your best friend Keith … LET IT GO!!!!

THE MOST ANNOYING BIT OF THE DAY

Al ran into some annoying chick in a bar who somehow decided that she was the authority on all things fashion related – I’m not quite sure who or what deemed her the ultimate in fashion (because I’m about 110% sure she is no Carrie Bradshaw) – but this is what she had to offer – men are not allowed to wear V-neck shirts, jorts (jean shorts) are not allowed and no highlights for men –  for women … no muffin tops , acne boobs, no sharpie eyebrows, eye shadow that matches your outfit or puffy hair – um, here’s a thought – no fashion advice from annoying girls who can’t offer any personal details about themselves other than that they look bad – here’s what I got for you annoying girl – SHUT UP!!!!!

“Kinsey” calls in because she texted J Si in Vegas and her blew her off saying that he was asleep – but then the next day, he told her about all of the really fun and cool things he had been doing – other things we learned from Kinsey this time around – she didn’t know that Vegas had the first name of Las – she is the QOA, (Queen of Abbreviation) as in text abbreviating – lol, brb, that kind of thing … she also has big plans for when her sister moves in with her and J Si and none of them involve Playstation – hahaha – poor J Si

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – George Carlin passed away at the age of 21

#4 – Blake Lewis has lost his record contract

#3 – The Olsen twins are feuding and are talking separate meetings

#2 – Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi have a ring and a date

#1 – Paris Hilton ran into her ex, Stavros Niarchos while filming her new reality show

WHY KIDD IS A RADIO GENIUS!!!!

On any other radio show, this would have been the lamest story ever – but thanks to Kidd Kraddick, I had a few good old belly laughs – Kellie and Las Vegas – is there a bigger oxymoron??  I think not!   You have to listen to the KPod to get the full effect because there are n owords to effectively describe this bit – but you know it’s funny when Kidd is makig fun of Kellie and Kellie is laughing – even Mr. Architect noticed because he asked the Chat Room, “are yall listing to the show…i haven’t laughed this hard in a while?”

Today is Andrew’s 22^nd birthday – the show determined that Andrew’s 22^nd birthday was probably equally or lamer than his 21^st birthday – for his 21^st birthday, Andrew went to a movie and he can’t even remember what movie it was – um, slow motion LAAAAAAAAMMEE – so for his 22^nd birthday he says he ‘celebrated’ all weekend – but come on … so the show decided that the guys should take Andrew out tonight for his 22^nd birthday – and you can guess who decides to take charge of that – Big Al, of course – so where does he start?  With his phone – he scrolls through the address book – hmmm,  Leigh New Boobs? Nah – Hayley 23?  I don’t think so – Erika Super Hot?  YES!!!  If you don’t remember her because of her all too familiar name (not.), you’ll remember her as Al’s match.com date that he dq’d because she said ‘texes” instead of ‘texts” – but because Al is a giver, Al bequeathed Erika Super Hot to Andrew – so we called her to ask her if she would go out with Andrew – and guess what – she said yes!

Here’s where we may have gone wrong – by allowing Andrew to talk to her before the date – let’s just say that is now infamous “what are you taaaaaalking about” has been replaced by the almost sweet but much more oogey “you sound pretty” – then he asked her if she had ever been to a battleship party?  I’ll just let the Chat Room take over from here …

SpeedHighway:  A what??

Jaimi: Battleship party??

SpeedHighway:  A what??

Cali Mike 120: wow. Battleship party

Valleyranchcharacter:  can you imagine a Battleship Party – hahaha

Yodjent: battleship gets boring fast … unless its strip battleship.

SpeedHighway:  You sunk my…aw forget it, can we play something else

T bug:  Sounds like watching paint dry

THINGS YOU’LL PROBABLY HEAR ANDREW SAY ON HIS DATE TONIGHT

Do you guys have Ovaltine?

What are you talking about?

Do you have comic books?

Would you like to come back to my place and play WoW?

Stay tuned for the update tomorrow – Andrew’s date combined with the return of Big Al’s Fairy Godbrother Outfit – it’s guaranteed to be another great show

FUNNIEST LINE ON TODAY’S SHOW

I’m not down for insectual things – Al talking about being scared of bugs

KIDD’S L.A. CELEBRITY SIGHTING

Adam Brody (but I think he meant Brody Jenner), Lauren Conrad and Lindsay Lohan at Nobu

MOST UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT ON THE SHOW

The double entendres in reference to Will Smith’s new movie, Hancock

Today’s show was pure greatness – I laughed. A lot.

FLUSH THE FORMAT

Touch My Body – Mariah Carey

Clumsy – Fergie

Woah Oh – Forever the Sickest Kids

4 Minutes – Madonna

Baby Get Back – Sir Mix-A-Lot

Love in the Club – Usher

Sensual Seduction – Snoop Dogg

Tubthumping – Chumbawamba

S.O.S. – Rihanna

Mash Up – Good Time-Chic/Triple Trouble-Beastie Boys

HIZZLE

David Beckham’s Armani ads may have been digitally enhanced

Lauren, Lo and Audrina are all friends again

Jamie Lynn Spears had a baby girl

Matthew McConaughey and Camila Aviles are having a baby boy

J Si found a cockroach in the studio and as is standard for the course, had to torture Big Al with it – I don’t know how Al could not have seen it coming – he’s such a chicken when it comes to bugs – well, let’s just be honest – he’s a chicken when it comes to most things – so J Si, killed the roach and scooped it up with a piece of paper and started chasing Al around the studio – I immediately ran into the studio to get a closer look – are you kidding me?  It’s not even a roach – it was a beetle – not some big scary flying cockroach that came from the canal – it was a freaking beetle – Al is such a baby – Kidd asked me if I would date a guy who was afraid of bugs – uh, no.  and just in case you don’t believe what I said about the beetle, here’s proof …

Yesterday Al was sitting at a bar (as he often is) and met a woman who works as an American Airlines reservation agents from home – for some reason Al thought this was the coolest thing and he’d never heard of it – the whole telecommuting thing is becoming more popular and as Kidd pointed out, will probably become more popular as gas prices continue to rise – companies will allow people to work from home to avoid giving them a raise – um, Kidd Kraddick – just so you know – that won’t work here – GIVE ME THE RAISE!!!

J Si hasn’t heard from his “BFF” from the Oprah show – so he decided to call him back – I think I know where this going … nowhere fast – instead of leaving the idea on Chris’ voice mail, J Si decided to write Oprah’s monologue/intro and leave that on the voice mail – there are 2 problems with this – well, maybe more than that – but here are the major ones – first no one is going to listen to that long a** voice mail – and second, you probably shouldn’t describe your boss as a guy who has a severe cut over his eye, screw in his hand, extreme nose hair issues, rosacea and  short man syndrome – and oh yeah – don’t leave the message in your Oprah voice – I would tell you what Kidd’s reaction to this promo was, but after hearing it, B Woods said Kidd left the studio – uh oh …

Kellie’s had a big date with Not-Derek last night because he wanted to see her since she is going to be in Vegas all weekend – Kellie and Not-Derek met at Blockbuster, rented “To Each His Own” (Ross from the Chat Room said “Not Derek asked Kellie if they could rent “Carebears save the world”… awwwww HOW CUTE!) and picked up some food from Jack In The Box - again, not a lot of detail from Kellie about the date other than Nanny Laura stayed in her room like a good roommate and the date ended at 2:30am – but never fear, the boys didn’t have any problems filling in the details – they spent about 5 minutes trying to come up with original ways to ask what went on – did you watch the movie in your room?  Did both feet remain on the ground?  And then B Woods asked the question that everyone really wanted to know “did you get some?” gee B woods – did you not get the whole subtle part?  Kellie didn’t take too kindly to that – bet son how much longer this whole Kellie and Not-Derek thing lasts?  I’m not giving it too long – not because it won’t work – but because the boys won’t rest until they have single handedly destroyed this relationship – it doesn’t look like Al will ever have a date again, so Kellie it is!  Kellie and

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Christie Brinkley wants to make her divorce proceedings public

#4 – Mike Myers was a demanding diva when on Conan O’Brien’s show

#3 – Snoop Dogg is doing a country video w/ Julianne Hough and Brad Paisley

#2 – Amy Winehouse has been diagnosed with an irregular heartbeat

#1 – Jamie Lynn Spears had a baby named Maddie Briann by C-section

Remember Rich?  Rich, who I can’t stand? Well, if you’re new to the show, Rich was the guy here before J Si – and Kidd loved him – and poor J Si – well, Rich is J Si’s Ryan Seacrest – so to try and get Kidd over his obsession with Rich, J Si decided to tweak one of Rich’s bits … the musical movie review – but before we could get to it, Kidd’s phone went off – now the rule is if your phone goes off during the show, you have to run laps around the office – but since we couldn’t see the LA studio, we don’t know if there was even a place to run laps – instead Kidd read the text message – “I’ve really enjoyed today’s show -it’s been really good” from Josh – well that was all this show needed – a little A.D.D. for us to run with – after that, the messages just came one after another …

“I agree with Josh” – Rob

“I think that McDonald’s has the best hamburgers” – Josh

“Today’s show has been really good – i’ve laughed a lot – if you missed any of it, you can catch it in today’s Remix on Kiddlive.com” – dianthe

“I’m a whopper guy “- Aaron Cappatelli

“Kidd, you’re screwing up the show – do the musical movie review” – Shanon

“Hey bring me back a prize from LA” – Rob

“Can you stop by Fred Segal for me – I need you to sign for a gift certificate” – Robin

Finally, we got to J Si’s version of the Musical Movie Review for the new Mike Myers’ movie, “The Love Guru” – I’ll never be able to do the review justice – so just know that J Si deemed it the worst movie he’s ever seen – and then go listen to it on the KPod -  personally, I hate the music and I think J Si tried too hard to make it like Rich’s – but then you have to take into consideration that I was not a fan of Rich’s – and you can take my opinion with a grain of salt because the Chat Room had a completely different take on it:

“Pretty good, not bad at all – Tell Kidd that was a whooooole lot better than rich’s” – bigdogg67

“I kinda dont like it”- deviantlysweet

“J-Si is doing great, did we expect anything less” – abbeym32

“It could use a different song so that it’s not Rich all over again” – SpeedHighway

“It is not like rich’s but it is cute, and not too bad” – annas

“I have to say… Rich who? J Si knock this out of the park. I loooooooove this bit.. bring it back J-Si!” – Ross

And the ultimate praise from BaronessBeaverbrook “Heck J-Si is the one who needs his own show ! Not rich!”

FREDDY UPDATE

Kidd said that Freddy is making too many songs – we only need like 11 songs and Freddy has written about 30 songs – I guess no one told Freddy that is costs money every time he records another song

Still can’t say anything about the possibility of the show – we just have to wait until Tuesday

Freddy is performing a t a free lunch at Canal Side Lofts

Freddy is headed back to LA to record a song with Matt Squire but he needs a place to stay – if you have a plce send an email to helpfreddy@helpfreddy.com

J Si has been living with Kinsey for the last 2 years and Kinsey’s sister, Kelly is thinking about moving out here – so Kinsey and Kelly think it would be a great idea if Kelly lives with them for a year – J Si is a little worried about how it’s going to change the dynamic of his relationship with Kinsey and Al thinks it would be a great idea if Kelly moved in with him – dirty man!  Anyway, J Si is looking for advice – so if you have any, leave it for him on the message board

Next week, Kidd will be back and you’ll find out about the Las Vegas Challenge!!

FUNNIEST LINE OF THE SHOW

Shanon, I’m gonna beat you with a stick – Kellie to Shanon for playing the “Unnnnh” drop

FUNNIEST CONVERSATION FROM THE SHOW TODAY

Kellie: “Was Billy Dee Williams the one who sang Ghostbusters?”

Al (exasperated): “No Kellie – that was Ray Parker Jr”

Kellie: “What?  They both have 3 names and they’re both black”

BWAAAAHHHH!!!!  See how it feels Al!

THINGS THE BOYS SAID TO TRY AND RUIN KELLIE AND NOT-DEREK

Ask him where you go for a fake idea – Kidd

Have you had the talk about where this relationship is going – Kidd

His mom doesn’t want him to have company after 9 o’clock – Big Al

And we also found out that Not-Derek’s mom listens to the show and thanks to the boys, she now knows how many times Kellie has frenched her son – NICE!

MOST UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT ON THE SHOW

Big Al’s allegation to Ryan Seacrest doing Xstacy because whenever Ryan is on the phone, he’s always tells people “I’m rollin dude, I’m rollin” – I’m sure we could have taken the time to explain to Big Al the dangers of making untrue drug references about a man who runs the entertainment world and could possibly put the show on television – but why bother?  I mean, it’s Al!!

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM KKITM

You gotta let a man be a man even if he’s a whole pregnant teenager younger than you – Kellie Rasberry

“Things You Might Hear On Today’s Show”

Kidd is still in LA and everyone misses him – and Kidd is having such a good time in LA, he says he might not come back – he says he’s even setting up a whole new life for him and Kellie – of course Kellie wanted to know if she could have a whole new identity – insert “ME ME ME” clip here – and what about the rest of the show?

HIZZLE

Tori Spelling’s pug, Mimi LaRue passed away

Matthew McConaughey was drunk and hitting on women in Nicaragua

Young Jeezy got a DUI

Shanon is apparently a big Tori Spelling fan (how did I not know this?  I love Tori also) and is taking the death of Mimi LaRue hard – Shanon is even considering reading Tori’s new book even though she’s not really a person who reads books – and because it’s highly unlikely that Tori’s book is available on Books on Tape – so Kellie offered to follow Shanon around reading the new Tori Spelling book for her birthday so that Shanon won’t actually have to read it

Benji Madden is back on the show again and I realized just how much I love those Madden boys – they’re just so cool and down to earth – the boys are from Maryland and live in LA because of what they do – but instead of living in the hills like the rest of Hollywood, they live in Glendale which Benji says is much more “mom, dad, 2.2 kids and a dog” than L.A. proper – the dog thing prompted a whole conversation about dogs and black dogs and white dogs – not the color of the actual dog but which race has the dogs – it was decided that Golden Retrievers, Collies and Labs are all white people dogs  – Chihuahuas are obviously Mexican dogs (shout out to J Si) and even though Joel has a Pit Bull named Easy, Pit Bulls are black people dogs (thanks Michael Vick) – Kellie was extremely concerned about baby Harlow being around a Pit Bull, but Benji sys that Easy loves Harlow – besides, Harlow has pretty much taken up all of Joel’s attention – so it looks like Easy may be headed for a new home with one of the friends of the Madden boys

In the spirit of the dog talk – we moved on to animals in general – Benji was telling us about the time they went on a safari while touring in South Africa – except that it was a safari reserve – similar to the Lion Country Safari – Lion Country Safari was the brilliant idea of some dude that thought it would be cool if you could drive your car through a wildlife reserve – wild animals could then wander up to your car while you held out a bucket of generic animal food and crossed your finger that an elephant wouldn’t step on your car – is there any wonder that that place is no longer in business?  They probably closed down after Big Al drove through there and got his car scratched up while trying to feed a rhinoceros a bucket of food

And in the spirit of animal talk, Benji told us about going to visit the zoo for retarded animals – this was one of those “wrong, wrong, dirty and wrong” moments that you couldn’t help but laugh at – animals wearing helmets and riding the short bus – this is where the conversation goes when you let 4 grown men that are trapped in the bodies of 12 year olds get together – the other place it goes is making fun of Big Al – because we’re the show that never let’s anything go, we made a call back to Al’s random “Good Looking Out” comment from yesterday – all of a sudden, everyone had a ‘Looking Out’ for Big Al – Good Looking Out became GLO – then Barely Looking Out became BLO – Just Looking Out became J-LO – thank God for Kellie who put the kibosh on the ‘Looking Out” talk and we got back to the really interesting stuff – Benji having issues with J Si

It seems that every time Benji mentions Kidd’s name, Paris brings up J Si – and Benji wants to know why – now, so far J Si’s only encounter with Paris was when she was in town for The Hottie and the Nottie movie premiere – J Si talked to Paris on the red carpet and asked her for her  phone number – he also managed to get a hug (and probably a  little groping) and Benji was not happy about it – I really thought this might be going somewhere until Benji gave up the scam and said that it was all a joke – Paris never mentioned J Si’s name and they were basically trying to make J Si think he was important enough to have stood out in Paris’ mind – yeah, out of the thousands of people that Paris Hilton comes into contact with, she would remember random radio guy that hit on her – I bet that NEVER happens – oh well – to make up for tricking J Si – Benji said that he and Paris would go out on a double date with JSi and Kinsey – um, yeah – is Nicole coming – and can I get in on this double date action – yes.  It is all about me!

BENJI MADDEN AWWWWW MOMENT

Benji says that he’s not a particularly jealous dude – but that he is protective and that he would never allow anyone to disrespect his woman – he would even be willing to go to jail for her – and that the 5 women he cares about most in the world are his mom, his sister, his 2 nieces and of course, his girl … Paris Hilton – how could you not love this dude???

Kidd had to leave the room so of course Big Al took advantage and threw out a Two Gay Guys in a Bucket update – apparently the bar manager needed money for business expenses to the tune of $3000 – Al isn’t sure, but he thinks the manager night be using it for personal use and not the business – um, okay.

NEW RULE FOR CONTESTS

Normally, I don’t go into detail about Trip A Day in the Remix unless you can play along at home – and since I can’t recreate the song that Freddy sings in writing, I’ve been skipping this round – but there was some controversy with 21 year old Britney today – her guess was “Lollipop – yeah Lollipop by 50 Cent”  - and as soon as she got it wrong, Shanon hit the buzzer and then she instantly said “no, no, Candy Shop” – well, the answer  was Candy Shop but she said it AFTER the buzzer – the show went back and forth about whether or not she was allowed to change her answer and if so, when – does she have a 5 second window?  Did she change her answer because of the buzzer?  Here is the part where Kidd would have forced Kellie to make the decision and then when she made the “wrong” decision – people would email her and call her really mean names – today, since Kidd was out of the studio – Kellie decided to take charge and force Shanon to make the decision – because as Kellie put it, “It hurts my feelings when people write in emails and say that they hate me – but Shanon, well she doesn’t care” – so Shanon had to make the final decision – and because she is hard core, she decided Britney did not get the trip – and then she instituted the Final Answer Rule – we will now have to ask listeners if that is their Final Answer in order to be fair

RYAN SEACREST

Kidd went out to Ryan’s last night for the big meeting about the show – apparently Ryan’s house is far out from everything and is living LARGE (I’m just repeating what I was told) – I’ll just go ahead and tell you – there’s still no news – we don’t have any confirmation – Kidd isn’t at liberty to offer up any real details – but something big is happening on Wednesday – so much for me giving you the scoop – I know what you know!  Dang Pooty.

THE MOMENT WHERE B WOODS JUMPED THE SHARK

B Woods said his last man crush was Billy Dee Williams – HUH???  Not Denzel, not Tiger, not Snoop – Billy Dee Williams from Lady Sings the Blues and Schlitz Malt Liquor commercial fame – granted Billy Dee did have a small role on the General Hospital spinoff on SoapNet – and even though he is still quite nice looking, the reference was way too old to be retro – plus, he knew what character Billy Dee played in Star Wars – um, i had forgotten that Billy Dee was even in Star Wars – and you get 10 points off for even mentioning Star Wars – even Al wouldn’t do that – so I’m officially off his bandwagon

and here’s the picture that Shanon found when Googling Billy Dee

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Tori Spelling is mourning the loss of her pug, Mimi LaRue

#4 – David Archuleta is going to be home schooled

#3 – Brangelina is already planning to adopt another son

#2 – Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis both had cosmetic procedures done after seeing themselves on the big screen

#1 – Britney is back in Kentwood because Jamie Lynn is rumored to be having a c-section today

Billboard Top 5

Kellie did the Billboard list because Kidd didn’t get the email with the info – the thing that made it funny was that instead of making the artist info conversational a la Kidd Kraddick – she read it right off the sheet in radio voice – just another reason why Kellie is the funniest woman in radio

5. Usher- Here I Stand – n the song “love in this Club” Usher received some help from Young Jeezy. Well, he won’t be able to do that anymore because Young Jeezy was arrested and charged with seven offences including driving impaired by alcohol or drugs.

4. Disturbed- Indestructible – last week it was at number 1, this week Indestructible by Disturbed dropped to the number 4 slot selling only 102,000 copies a tenth of what this week’s number 1 sold.

3. NOW 28 – This album joins the ranks with all the other NOW albums in that every single NOW album has broken into the Top 10. Some of the artists on this album include Leona Lewis, Britney Spears, Lil Wayne, Chris Brown, Metro Station, and Colbie Caillat.

2. Plies- Definition of Real – This album includes a ton of guest. Janet Jackson recently lent her vocals to his song “Bust It Baby Part 2″ without Plies even knowing, along with that Jamie Foxx, The Dream, Trey Songz, Keyshia Cole and J. Holiday all show up on songs in this album.

1. Lil Wayne- Carter III – Carter III features appearances from Jay-Z, Fabolous & Busta Rhymes but the real story is the fact it scanned 1,007,700 discs in its opening week. That is the first time an album debuted over 1 million sales since 50 Cent’s “Massacre” three years ago.

SMACKDOWN AT THE POST OFFICE

Al was at the Post Office and witnessed a near smackdown between a 60 year old white man and a young gay guy – the 60 year old was throwing down words like “maybe you should go back to San Francisco” and the gay guy shot back with “why don’t you go back to Alabama” – ooooooh – them’s fightin’ words … or not – Al was all concerned about a riot (or something) breaking out and tried to diffuse the situation with a light hearted joke – good thing because no telling how rough things might have gotten – please tell me you can see my sarcasm font

Demi Lovato phoner – the best part of the interview was when Kellie asked her flat out if she was dating Nick Jonas because Kidd was hinting around instead of going for it – Demi laughed it off and said no – I think she may have laughed it off a little too much and I’m going to continue the rumor that she and Nick have a thing – she’s a cute girl, they’d make a good couple and I like her laugh!

We ended the show with the Hip Hop Drive Thru – PLEASE listen to this on the KPod – J Si did this bit with Kinsey and as you can imagine, HI-larious – I don’t know whether it was the catchy “can I have it my way/you can have it your way” hook or Kinsey’s one line, but it was the best one so far!!

BIG AL RANDOM QUESTION OF THE DAY

Have you seen Britney?  - um, was Kidd supposed to see Britney??

BIG AL RANDOM QUOTE OF THE DAY

Good looking out – Big Al in response to Kidd spilling salad dressing on his shirt

MOST UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT ON THE SHOW

Al referring to Freddy’s grandma as a GILF – WHAT???  Only Al …

“Things You Might Hear On Today’s Show”

Kidd is in LA

Kellie is NOT in LA

J SI is NOT in LA

Shanon is NOT in LA

Al is not in LA either but he screwed up the line – are you surprised?

Kidd is in LA and totally frustrated with LA traffic – it took him 55 minutes to go 15 miles – Kidd was supposed to have drinks with Elliott Yamin last night but he had to fly to Miami instead

HIZZLE

Amy Winehouse is mad because R Kelly got off but her Blakey Incarcerated is still in jail

Katherine Heigl has ticked off the Grey’s Anatomy writers

Denise Richards is thinking about posing for Playboy … again

Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri might finally be getting married

And in a special Hizzle appearance – Amy Winehouse … well, “Amy Winehouse” – and because I think it was hilarious … here’s the audio \”Amy Winehouse\”

LOVE LETTERS TO KELLIE

Just because you’ve lost respect for your ex-husband doesn’t mean your kids have

5 months is too long for your wife not to have resumed marital relations post baby

If you want a new car and you can’t afford one, get a 2^nd job or give it up more

If you’re too chicken to break up with your girlfriend, blow her off and hope she dumps you first

FREDDY UPDATE

“Defying Gravity” is being played on satellite radio

Freddy wrote the song “The Way” about the perfect woman – and so far, his mom is the closest thing to perfect he has found – the first time he sang the song was to his mom at a surprise birthday party that his dad threw for her found

Kidd and Freddy met with Ryan Seacrest and Ryan basically interviewed Freddy during the meeting – the show producers wanted to know what characters from KKITM will be on the tv show – Kidd cast Kellie as the skeptic and they loved it – conflict is apparently great for tv – as they said, “it’s so fascinating that the people that work for you don’t support Freddy” – anyway, Kidd has another meeting at Ryan Seacrest’s house tonight so he has to stay in LA another day and Kidd promised going to steal something from Ryan’s house – I’m sure that won’t screw up our chances for a tv show at all

RYAN SEACREST SECRETS

Ryan Seacrest is much better looking in person than on tv

Ryan has been working out and isn’t as scrawny as he looks on tv

Randy was late to a meeting with Randy Jackson because he was at the Freddy meeting

Top Ringtones

Lollipop – Lil Wayne

Last Name – Carrie Underwood

Te Quiero – Flex

Down With the Sickness – Disturbed

Kidd thinks that the Sex and the City movie has had a direct impact on the behavior of women – making them more  forward and sassy – so he talked to his friend “Carl” the Taxidermist to prove his point – Carl sounded familiar – but I couldn’t really place it – but NikitaFromGeorgia thought Carl was “a mixture of Jerry Rasberry and Redneck Steve” – maybe that’s why Carl sounded like I knew him – anyway, Carl went to see Sex and the City last week and said he feels a little different – he’s interested in fashion now – Carl says he’s a Carrie – wanna know how that bit went? Pretty, pretty good

I’m not sure how, but that was supposed to segue into Movies That Make Guys Cry – Kidd listed a bunch of movies that make guys cry (see below) and even though he didn’t add Somewhere In Time to the list – it’s really THE movie that makes Kidd cry – and just a random fact for you – way before I worked here, I rented the movie, Somewhere in Time, on Kidd’s recommendation – yeah, it’s the dumbest, cheesiest movie EVER!!

I haven’t even seen half of these movies, but the ones I have – I can see a guy crying

Saving Private Ryan

Forrest Gump

The Green Mile

Schindler’s List

The Passion of the Christ

Rudy

Braveheart

And Kidd’s #1 movie – The Shawshank Redemption – Kidd said this movie affected him more than any other movie – I can relate to this because I have to watch it ANY time it’s on

Big Al G-A-Y ALERT (not that there’s anything wrong with that)

Al volunteered his choice for movies that make guys cry – and volunteered Top Gun – um, not so much – Kidd and Kellie called him on it and Kellie dared him to come up with one moment in the movie that made him cry – yeah, he couldn’t think of one – he tried to fake his way through it saying something about riding on a motorcycle – but he couldn’t really remember any of the other scenes from the movie – but he could remember “The Bodyguard” – and watched “The Bodyguard” instead of hanging out on the beach running behind women – okay, maybe that’s not exactly how it happened – but that’s how I remember it – and we all know that my memory is better than Al’s – which is why I remember that one of the movies that made Al cry is “John Q” with Denzel Washington

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Megan Fox has stopped wearing Brian Austin Green’s engagement ring

#4 – Mario Lopez has been cheating on Karina Smirnoff with a Hooters girl

#3 – Jennifer Aniston demanded Jennifer Connelly not be on the cover of Marie Claire with her

#2 – Whitney from “The Hills” says she’s NOT getting her own show on MTV

#1 – Jessica Simpson was slamming Carrie Underwood with her “Real Girls Eat Meat” t-shirt and is in trouble with PETA

So Kidd hanging out in LA means what – CELEBRITIES – and who is Kidd’s latest celebrity BFF – Joel Madden – and why do we love him – because he is madly in love with the celebrity I love most – Nicole FREAKING Richie!!!  Last night, Kidd met up with Joel and Benji Madden at Chateau Marmont and Nicole was there – and guess what – she told Kidd to tell me she said “hi” – YAY doesn’t even begin to describe my excitement – I LOVE LOVE LOVE her – she and I could totally be BFFs and then because we have daughters that are almost the same age, THEY could be BFFs!!! Okay – I know I sound like a crazy person and I promise I’m nt a celebrity stalker – but i think she is so cool and so pretty – and it’s like we’ve led parallel lines – she’s a reformed party girl, I’m a reformed party girl – she’s madly in love with her man, I’m madly in love with my man – she has a baby girl – I have a baby girl – do you see where this is going??  ME, ME, ME!!!  Ok, I digress …

Anyway, when Kidd goes to LA you know who can’t be far behind – B Woods -p you know – I tried to be supportive of B Woods – even I can tell he’s trying to take over Big Al’s job – but he lost all points today when he tried to clown me for my love of Nicole Richie – I had to threaten him with bodily harm – um, hello – my name is NOT Big Al – I’ll beat a brotha’ down and then call your momma and tell her I did it – whateve, he’s just bitter because his sad little Lakers got spanked by the Celtics last night – that’s what y’all get for supporting that punk Kobe – that’s right, I said it – Kidd and B Woods tried to say that women don’t like Kobe because of that whole Colorado white girl incident – but I have news for them – Kobe was sorry before that!!

So back to Kidd and his celebrity sightings – while hanging out in the bar of Chateau Marmont (you have to say this in a really bad, heavy French accent) Kidd saw Mischa Barton and Taye Diggs – no word on whether or not Mischa’s cellulite-y thighs were showing (and that’s according to TMZ, not me!) and Taye Diggs was there without his wife Idina Menzel – ugh, Taye Diggs – HOT!!!  There are rumors that Taye and Idina have split up, and if that’s the case – well I may have to leave my husband – but I’ll get back to you on that – I told Kidd that even though Idina is beautiful, she’s not hot enough for Taye anyway – of course Kidd disagreed because Idina is al “broadway chick” so Kidd loves her – and he was even offended enough to tell me that I wasn’t hot enough to be Nicole’ BFF – um, whateve – I most certainly am – and then I had to threaten to give Kidd some stitches on his eye to match the ones he already has – I hate to be violent but you see how they treat me??  Anyway – all of that is secondary to Kidd mistaking the male Andy Milonakis as a female – I didn’t even know who this person was – but the consensus in the studio (after a Google Image search) was that Kidd didn’t need to feel bad – except fo r the fact that Benji and Joel know Andy and know that he’s a guy – oh well – I guess they weren’t too bothered because Benji stopped by for a few minutes at the end of the show – he even offered to come back tomorrow!!

Benji gave us a quick preview of Paris’ new find a Bff reality show and said that it looks like it will be really good – and told us that Paris isn’t really into politics but that he and Joel are Obama supporters – check back tomorrow cause we’ll have more from Benji and Demi Lovato will be on the show

RANDOM CONVERSATION OF THE DAY

The boys had an entire exchange talking about the super hero Screwman (Kidd’s alter ego) and using the word screw – yes, they’re 12

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID QUOTE OF THE DAY

I’m not going to make ooh-ooh sexy noises like you want – Kellie

ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW

Al Gore sounding oddly like Forrest Gump

THINGS KIDD COMPLAINED ABOUT TODAY

Kidd’s eye hurts and looks really bad and the screw in his hand is starting to come out

MOST UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT ON THE SHOW

Pressuring Kellie into admitting how many times she frenched Not-Derek

“Things You Might Hear On Today’s Show”

Kellie is spreading love and sunshine everywhere she goes

Al can’t sell his car

J Si says not to give your dog wet food before he goes to bed

Shanon had a dream about Kidd fighting with Ryan Seacrest

Kidd’s eye is getting worse and he can’t sleep and you can see the screw in his hand

It’s Barry Manilow’s birthday – and Kidd wants the show to go to Vegas to go see Barry for his birthday – I’m betting you can guess what the show thought about that

HIZZLE

No charges will be brought against Britney Spears for running over a paparazzo’s foot

Mary J Blige bought a dress for a girl who didn’t have enough money

Paris Hilton was denied buying a puppy

Denise Richards lied about hitting on Richie Sambora while he was married to Heather Locklear

THE BREAK WHERE THE SHOW LOST ME

is there anything more boring than watching golf – oh yeah – listening to someone talk about golf – I’m only interested in the highlights anyway, so to hear Kidd go on and on about Tiger Woods and how he rooted against Tiger because he wanted generic middle-aged white guy to win – well. I was just bored – and I wasn’t the only one – because Kelley yawned and stretched while Kidd was talking about golf – which of course was all A.D.D. Kidd needed to call her out – never mind the fact that Kidd was the only person bothered by her yawning – what?  People have to yawn ya’ know!!

Are things getting serious between Kellie and Not-Derek?  Well, I don’t know about that – but they did go to dinner last night – Not-Derek may not have age on his side but he has something because Kellie is very impressed with him – who knew that knowing how to order wine and having the valet pull her car around was the way to Kellie’s heart – Kellie didn’t really offer up any other details other than the fact that Not-Derek knows about wine – and really, who could blame her?  Especially when you have the boys on the show (and yes, I do mean BOYS!) asking questions like “did you have to pay?” or “did you go dutch?” – or Al trying to throw her under the bus by asking “Who’s hotter – Uncle Daddy or Not-Derek” and “Who’s a better kisser??” – I think Al is trying to get some payback  …

RANDOM FUNNY STORIES ABOUT YOUNG AND NAIVE KELLIE

When Kellie was 24 years old, she met this smooth talking older man with a diamond earring and a ponytail – and his name was Otis – if I recall correctly, Otis was loving him some Kellie Rasberry – too bad he was married – but it was okay – Otis’ wife didn’t mind – how could she – she was in a coma!!  At least that’s what Otis said – so why was it that Kellie wasn’t allowed to talk when Otis’ phone rang????

Back when Kellie interviewed for the show – Kidd and Carol took Kellie took out to dinner at an Italian restaurant in an effort to get to know her – let me start by saying that Kellie didn’t make the best first impression on Carol – and when Kellie asked “Is this an Italian restaurant” and then proceeded to order  a margarita – well, let’s just say that Carol was not impressed – at the end of the night, Kidd told Carol that he was going to take Kellie back to her hotel so they could talk business – Carol flippantly said “just get her a cab” – but don’t worry – Kellie and Carol are good friends now – so it all worked out in the end

British Guy Jack made an appearance today to give his opinion about Ian Clayton – Ian Clayton is “TV presenter” from Wales who had to choose which of his twins to save in a river accident – it’s a very sad story and I don’t know how any parent could ever make that decision – so what were we able to take away from that heart wrenching story??  the fact that BGJ hates Wales and Scotland – Shanon was going to treat us to her first ever Scottish accent but she was having trouble talking without raising her voice by 5 octaves – that’s when Kidd declared that Kidd Kraddick in the Morning remains talent free

Screw this whole Freddy reality show – J Si gonna get us on Oprah – at least that’s what he said – and so Round 1 in the “I Can Get Us On Oprah” campaign begins – J Si went through the trouble of finding a kit that tells you how to get on the Oprah show – but J Si didn’t have $250 to blow – so he thought he would just call the Oprah show directly – because I bet NO ONE has ever thought about that – J Si called and told the operator that he had a show idea and the operator connected him to the right department – score, right??  Not exactly – apparently the Oprah show no longer accept unsolicited mail, packages, manuscripts or show ideas and everything has to be submitted through email – after spending 10 minutes being passed back and forth through the maze of the Oprah phone system – J Si tried a new tactic – he decided to pitch his idea directly to the receptionist – his idea??  a show on manorexia – based on his boss Kidd Kraddick … in an effort to get further than the receptionist, J Si also went down the list of all the sad and pathetic things that have happened to Kidd – and I can see where J Si might be going with this because a lot of times it’s the sad and pathetic people that make the really good shows – right?? But that went nowhere quickly also – so J Si tried one last ditch effort to make Oprah contact – he lied – that’s right – J Si lied and said that he had already made contact with someone from the production department – and it sounded like a great idea until the receptionist asked for a name – oooh – the pressure of a name – um, Steve??  because according to J Si, every office has a Steve – um, our office doesn’t have a Steve … anyway – he said Steve who is British (the girl he was talking to was British) and then he gave the last name Martin – and then the radio guys looked down on J Si because apparently there is a Chris Martin that works in the Oprah offices – WHAT???  Only J Si – as abbeym32 said, J Si just never fails to be adorable – Chris Martin is out on hiatus, but I’m sure he’ll email J Si as soon as he hears that ultra professional voice mail J Si left – yeah right – I wonder what J Si has planned for Round 2 – maybe J Si should get with Lola – her advice is “just to watch the Fresh Prince episode with Oprah to figure out how to get on Oprah. Way cheaper.”

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Paula Abdul has broken up with her restauranteur boyfriend

#4 – Tommy Lee has given up meat for Pamela Anderson

#3 – Joel Madden pulled a trick on his website about he and Nicole’s fake

#2 – Amy Winehouse passed out at her home and was hospitalized overnight

#1 – Kanye West was booed after showing up to perform at 4:25am

Poor Kellie – forget Uncle Daddy, forget Not-Derek – Kidd is bound and determined to get her with Big Al – uh huh – Big Al – I’m not really sure why – I mean there’s no denying that Al has a crush on Kellie – but it’s not like he could maintain a relationship with her (or anyone for that matter) – and I think it’s pretty clear that Kellie  has absolutely no interest in Big Al – i think the only reason they’ve gotten so close lately is because they live 2 blocks from each other – after all, it wasn’t that long ago where Kellie was wishing death on Big Al – I don’t know where this is going (if anywhere) but the only way Kellie is willing to get with Al is if her job depends on it – and don’t put it past Kidd Kraddick to go there – now that Kidd knows Kellie can be manipulated through fear …

Kidd had to step out of the studio, so Al took this opportunity to talk about the “Two Gay Guys in a Bucket” bar – because you know he would not have gotten to talk about it for any length of time with Kidd in the room – So Big Al’s big money making idea was to have a huge 4^th of July party at the “Two Gay Guys in a Bucket” bar (that joke never gets old for me!) – but Al doesn’t really have a lot going for him – he has plasma tvs but no satellite service – his bar is REALLY tiny and it’s off the main strip and 2 blocks from the beach – and the biggest thing is that he has to compete with the ultra cool bar that is on the beach, has a band and roasting a pig – Al is selling hamburgers made on his grill purchased at Walmart – yeah – it’s not looking good for the Two Gay Guys