Kidd Kraddick Remix

CHAT ROOM CONVERSATION OF THE DAY

“Catholic girls can drink – well … maybe not” – Deviantlysweet

“They can drink … they just can’t sober up” – Mommasheila

DARK SIDE KELLIE

Kellie suggesting that Kidd be the hot, shirtless chauffer for the Bad Girls Day Out winner

“Kidd’s gonna drive you – Kidd’s gonna be Lestor” – Kellie

“Thanks Kellie – that’s really how I’m trying to get back on the horse – thanks for being so respectful” – Kidd

INAPPROPRATE MOMENT OF THE DAY

Kellie laughing when Kidd first told her and Al that he and Carol were getting divorced

THINGS KELLIE SAID THAT MADE ME LAUGH

Play one from before he was a pervert – referring to Al asking to hear some Michael Jackson during Flush the Format

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM KKITM

“Breaking the law ages you” – Big Al – if that’s not reason enough to walk the straight and narrow …

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie was invited to go spend the weekend at a villa at the Four Seasons

Big Al wants to wish John McCain and Michael Jackson Happy Birthday

J Si is mad because Andrew called Kinsey to ask her what she’s doing this weekend

Shanon broke up with both of her boyfriends

FLUSH THE FORMAT

All the Small Things – Blink 182

Brand New Lover – Dead or Alive

Come On Eileen – Dexy’s Midnight Runners

Swing Swing – All American Rejects

Chains of Love – Erasure

Mm Bop – Hanson

Here In Your Arms – Hellogoodbye

Paper Planes – MIA

American Boy – Estelle with Kanye West

Up In here – DMX

In The Ayer – Flo Rida

I’m Bossy – Kelis

Clothes Off – Gym Class Heroes

Disturbia – Rihanna

HIZZLE

Ashlee Simpson is worried about losing her post pregnancy weight

Kim Kardashian won’t be wearing skimpy outfits on Dancing With The Stars

Jessica Simpson is getting bad concert reviews

Kara DioGuardi might have been hired to cover for Paula Abdul

BILLBOARD #1S

T.I. – Whatever You Like – Hot Digital Songs

Jazmine Sullivan – Need U Bad – Hot R&B/Hip Hop Songs

Keith Urban – You Look Good in my Shirt – Hot Country Songs

Coldplay – Viva La Vida – Modern Rock

3 Doors Down – It’s Not My Time – Hot Adult Top 40

UNCLE DADDY FRONTS OUT J SI aka THE BREAK WHERE I WANTED TO CUT OFF MY EARS A LA VAN GOGH

I’m just going to give you fair warning – I officially think Uncle Daddy is a clown – so this will not be nice

First of all, let me give you the background on Uncle Daddy and how he came to be – before Kellie dated Uncle Daddy, he was actually J Si’s friend – and he got the name Uncle Daddy in high school when he used to throw wild parties – he was super responsible and wouldn’t let his friends drive home if they had evena drop to drink and everyone started calling him Daddy – then a cool black guy came to his school and said he wasn’t calling him Daddy – but maybe he’d call him Uncle – and Uncle Daddy was born

So fast forward to about a month ago – Uncle Daddy is some type of promoter and deals with artists and athletes and blah-blah-blah – he was going to LA for some big party at the Playboy mansion and wanted J Si to go – he offered to pay for everything because J Si isn’t rolling in cash and J Si said cool – a few weeks after that, Uncle Daddy started hanging out with a guy we’ll call TV Guy – J Si doesn’t like TV Guy and things got tense when Uncle Daddy basically ditched J Si to hang out with TV Guy when Danity Kane was in town – so J Si told Uncle Daddy that if TV Guy was going to be around, he wouldn’t be hanging out – in the meantime, it was getting close to trip time but Uncle Daddy hadn’t said anything else about it – now according to J Si, Uncle Daddy is known for making plans and then bailing at the last minute because he’s got other stuff going on – and since J Si hadn’t heard anything else about the trip, he assumed that’s what happened  – in the meantime, J Si had his wisdom teeth pulled, we went on vacation and then J Si developed an infection from his wisdom teeth surgery – here’s where things get confusing – Uncle Daddy said he made several calls and texts to J Si about the trip that went unanswered – and J Si can’t clearly remember exactly how many calls/texts he received because he’s not the most diligent when it comes to the phone – so Uncle Daddy thought J Si would show up for the trip and J SI thought Uncle Daddy would figure out that he wasn’t going – but J Si didn’t show up and Uncle Daddy got his feelings hurt

Now what should have happened next was Uncle Daddy should have confronted J Si and asked him to pay for the ticket since J Si had agreed to go and bailed – but instead, Uncle Daddy pulled a punk move and wrote some sob story letter complete with pictures about what a miserable time he had in LA because J SI want there with him – and if that wasn’t sorry enough, he then sent the letter and pictures to everyone on the show – seriously?  seriously.  like Lucy said, “sounds like Uncle Daddy is a bit of a baby – maybe he should be called Uncle Daddy Baby” – see, the consensus from the Chat Room is that Uncle Daddy is a psycho attention whore – and not in a good way – and sorry Uncle Daddy, but I have to agree – I mean, I understand you were hurt and mad – and I understand that you spent a lot of money – but for you to take the time out to write a letter – and to have someone take pictures of you all over LA sitting alone with your arm around no one – and then to send it to everyone on the show – well that just makes you look crazy – and if you did it so we would talk about you on the show – well, that’s just narcissistic and self serving and frankly, a little pathetic

So you know that Uncle Daddy called into the show to “tell his side of things” – and he whined and complained told his side of the story about how he spent $550 for the plane ticket and $1800 for the suite and $950 for the VIP tickets to the Playboy Mansion – braggart.  Are you tired of this story yet?  I am – the end result was that J Si and Uncle Daddy were both at fault to some degree and J Si would pay Uncle Daddy for a portion of his expenses on a poor DJ salary payment plan – ugh.  if you stayed all the way through this – then you’re a true fan and we love you for it – if you bailed – well, I don’t blame you

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – David Duchovny has gone to rehab for sexual addiction

#4 – Jessica Simpson got slammed in a concert review by a Canadian reviewer

#3 – The Game punched his cousin in the face at a funeral and went to jail

#2 – Michael Phelps has landed a cameo on Entourage

#1 – Lindsay Lohan responded to her dad’s allegations … through MySpace

KIDD’S TRAIN WRECK STORY

It’s not really a train wreck and it certainly isn’t funny – ugh.  my stomach hurts just thinking about it and writing this is, well – there really isn’t much for me to say – well, that’s not true – there is a ton for me to say – but I’ll do it in my personal blog – which I PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE to have up later today – and I can make that promise because I’ve actually started writing it already – anyway.  Today Kidd announced that he is no longer married – if you’re a hard core listener, you’ve noticed that it’s been a while since Kidd has talked about Carol and Caroline – and since for years Kidd talked about his family non-stop, it was a noticeable and significant change  – and when people have asked me directly, I would always say that Kidd is just protecting the privacy of his family and left it at that – and that was and still is the truth – I could go on, but no one can tell the story better than Kidd – so here it is

I know that everyone just has Kidd’s best interest at heart and we all love him and want the best for him – and who better than to put it into words than our ultimate fan, Ross:  “You have to respect and admire both Kidd and Carol putting their situation aside to be there for Caroline. Kidd didn’t have to say what he did about his divorce, it’s not easy and I love you Kidd and Carol for being there for your daughter first.” – I think that pretty much says it all

AL AT THE COURTHOUSE

Or as Megg from the Chat Room called it – Al’s Train Wreck Courthouse

The last time we did this bit, it seemed like the participants were a little skewed to one side of the ethnic scales (Black) so this time Al decided to look for people on the other side of the racial line – as Al so offensively put it, “So Whitey – what are you doing at the courthouse?”  **shakes head** this week at the courthouse, Al ran into a white woman that was at the courthouse because she worked there and a white man who was called for Jury Duty – then things got kind of confusing – there was someone who was paying court fees for some “pharmaceutical’ issues, an 18 year old who “beat up some hos” and someone who stole a credit card – well, like she said, “I didn’t steal it – I just used it to buy gas” – yeah, that’s not the same thing as stealing – why didn’t I think of that??  Be sure to use that when you represent yourself!  Anyway, I couldn’t tell if these were all different people and whether or not they were together – there was also a 2 year old in the mix that pointed out that someone was in trouble for drugs – I’m sorry, but when did 2 year olds become so knowledgeable about drugs – I think these people were all somehow related and also biracial – I guess it doesn’t really matter – because when it comes down to it, it doesn’t matter what race you are – G-HETTO does not discriminate

WINNER OF THE TRAIN WRECK CONTEST

Normally I try to paraphrase when we read letters on air – but this one was so funny and so well written – I just C&P’d it …

Dear Kidd-

Here’s my biggest train wreck moment.

I was going on a second date with my man, his friend, and my roommate. Call me cheap, but I convinced my roommate that it would be cheaper for us to drink a little at home so we wouldn’t have to spend much money on the date. I had no idea that my date didn’t drink AT ALL.

We didn’t have shot glasses, but figured that half a wine glass was about the same as a shot. We had 4 “shots” each.

By the time he got to the door, I ran to the elevator to greet him, but passed out before I ever got there. He helped me up and took me inside where we found my roommate laying pantless. I accused my date of checking her out, so he got mad at me and sat down on the couch. I proceeded to throw up all over him and myself. I threw up all over his nice pants and got it in my hair…he cleaned me up and layed me on the couch.

He got up to leave, so I started crying. I made him sit down and begged him to stay. Meanwhile I kept rolling off of the couch right into the throw up. In my drunk mind, this guy loved taking care of me.

But then he got up to leave, so I grabbed onto him to force him to stay with me. But he was so furious he broke away and stormed out. Needless to say he never called again. I see him at church sometimes and always wonder if he will ever date another girl he meets on Catholic Match.

BWAAAHHHHH – as a fellow Catholic girl – this was even funnier to me – and Laura had so much personality when we talked to her – I’m glad she won – not that I think she should be rewarded for her drunken behavior – but you know what – I’ve been there – and so have many of you – and I think she’s learned from her mistake – so I think it’s okay to reward her for it – have fun at the VMAs Laura – and if you run into Nicole Richie – let her know that I’m still waiting to be her BFF!

BAD GIRL’S DAY OUT

Marlen won a $1000 shopping spree to JC Penney for her Bad Girl Day Out wish – she would play hooky from work with her bad influence BFF and be chauffeured around all day in an expensive sports car by a hot chauffeur named Lestor – she would call in for her friend and tell them she was having a bad period (oh,god.) – they would start the day at Hooters with wings and beer for breakfast (yes I said breakfast) – then they would head to the tattoo parlor where she would get a tattoo of Johnny Depp or Tony Romo on a very special place on her body (ew.) – next they would go to lunch and do body shots off of random guys (double ew.) while being completely obnoxious to the wait staff – next Marlen would head to have “lunch” with her husband at a raunchy hotel and send her BFF on a beer run with Lestor – then she’d go pick up her kids from school – very nice.  I will say that her Bad Girl’s Day Out sounds like fun – or it would’ve when I was 19 – now all I can think about is how I would be hung over for about 4 days – but part of the contest is that we would try and fulfill her day – and I cannot wait to see pictures of that tattoo!!!

“SAVE THAT” OF THE DAY

God please don’t let me die naked – Kidd

I’m big on the pig – Kellie

ANDREW SLAM OF THE DAY

Andrew is 22 years old and has a full time job – so why does his Daddy call him every morning at 3:30am to wake him up

for work – and why is he still habitually late – maybe it’s because his hair looks like this

INAPPROPRATE MOMENT OF THE DAY

Al asking Nastia if she’s ever been on Russianbrides.com

KIDD KRADDICK “IT’S ALL ABOUT ME” MOMENT

Kidd Kraddick was mentioned on the MTV website and Us Weekly when Barack Obama talked about his daughter’s loving The Jonas Brothers

OOGEY QUOTE OF THE DAY

“That’s the way I wanna go – heh heh heh” – Kellie quoting men who would be proud to die while doing  ‘laundry’

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Big Al learned that the tallest girls in the world are from the Netherlands

J Si apologized for not going to Shanon’s Fantasy Football Fan

Shanon is breaking up with J Si as her step in girlfriend

Kidd is hopping his voice will last for 2 more days because he’s getting sick

THE BIT WE NEVER GOT AROUND TO

Remember back when Big Al and I said that all black people know who Morris Chestnut is – well, we were right – All black people DO know who Morris Chestnut is – too bad we’ll never hear the audio of J Si saying “dammit” as he talked to 20 different black people who ALL knew who Morris Chestnut is – instead, we just had to hear J SI say “yeah – all black people know who Morris Chestnut is” – eh, not the best apology – but I take solace in the fact that I was right!!

HIZZLE

Matthew McConaughey’s mom said her husband died while they were doing laundry

Suge Knight was arrested for beating his girlfriend

Hilary Duff’s dad is going to jail

Kevin Federline and Shar Jackson might be getting back together

SOLANGE OR SOLANGÉ

We did a Hizzle story about Beyoncé’s little sister Solange going off on a news anchor for mentioning Jay Z – the problem was that the anchor had been asking if it was okay to ask about Jay Z … OFF AIR!!!  I guess Solange went into Big Al mode because she wasn’t paying attention and thought it was asked on air – when they introduced her, she got all pissy – anyway, there’s audio and we played it – but not before we had a major discussion about whether Solange’s name was pronounce Solange or Solangé with an accent – although we tried and tried to tell Kidd there was no accent over the e, he decided that it sounded French (instead of made up like her sister’s name) – even though I was screaming at Kidd from the production room – I found this whole segment to be hilarious – and so did Nastia Liukin and her mom – don’t take my word for it – go catch it on the KPod – I promise it’s worth it!!

FRONT STREET WHOA, FRONT STREET, WHOA!!!

I’m not sure where this segment was supposed to go – but instead of that direction, it turned into putting Kidd Kraddick on blast – first Kidd walked into the studio drinking MuscleMilk – he’s been drinking it for about a year now but has yet to actually put on any muscle – or any weight at all now that I think about it – and J Si noticed too because he said that Muscle Milk would probably pay Kidd to stop drinking it – FRONT STREET, WHOA!!!  That led into Shanon pointing out that Kidd would probably try to shoew off in front of Nastia Liukin by doing some curls – she said that while Nastia was in studio, she could pretty much guarantee that Kidd would lift a 45 pound dumbbell over his head – FRONT STREET, WHOA!!!  Kidd said that the US beat the Chinese but Kellie pointed out that we lost the team medal and that Nastia alone won the All Around – FRONT STREET, WHOA!!!  We were talking about K-Fed and Kidd played the clip from when he beat K-Fed at Dance Dance Revolution – after he was done being called names by the announcers, Kellie said, “I don’t know how anyone can lay with you after that” – FRONT STREET, WHOA!!!  And the last (and funniest) one – Nastia told us that she was fluent in Russian ans Kidd said he was too – but you know Kellie busted him and said, “Why Don’t you throw down some Russian, Vladmir?”  FRONT STREET, WHOA!!!

NASTIA LIUKIN IN STUDIO

omg – she is SO tiny – I mean, I completely expected her to be small but she’s actually pretty tall for a gymnast – plus, when you see her on tv, you can’t really tell how tall she is – for the record, she’s 5′2″ – and about a 1/4 of my size – and super sweet!!  her mom came too and they look exactly alike!  Nastia is actually from here and they are both fans of the show – which I guess is why they didn’t get offended when Big Al got that lecherous look on his face when he found out Nastia will be 19 in a couple of months – yeah, it didn’t take long for him to go from cool radio dude to oogey man in a Piggly Wiggle t-shirt!!

Kidd said that Nastia does the one thing that all world class athletes do that normal people don’t do – VISUALIZATION – Nastia said that she practices visualization and read The Secret – she also had an extremely vivid dream about her winning the gold in the Olympic All Around and dreamed it exactly the way it happened BEFORE she won

MISCELLANEOUS FACTS ABOUT NASTIA LIUKIN

Her parents tried to discourage her from going into gymnastics

She won 4 medals at her first World Championship

Injuries that she’s incurred while training – 2 stress fractures in her back, Broken nose, surgery on her ankle

She would like to try tennis but doesn’t think she’s good at any sport but gymnastics

She has trained 36 hours a week since 5^th grade

She graduated from Spring Creek Academy – a special school for gymnasts – and plans to attend SMU

She will major in International Business at SMU and is fluent in Russian

WHAT WOULD YOU TRADE FOR A GOLD MEDAL?

Apparently nothing – Kidd offered up just about every cool thing you could give a teenager to see if Nastia would be willing to trade them for an Olympic gold medal – yeah, not so much – she turned down a hypothetical starring role on The Hills, her parents winning the lottery for $100 million dollars, being married to Zac Efron and having beautiful babies and star in 3 High School Musical movies with him – she wouldn’t even trade it in order to eliminate all disease and famine in Africa – geez – selfish!!

J SI’S “I’M GREAT AT EVERYTHING” MOMENT

The only thing funnier than the thought of J Si in a gymnastics outfit is actually seeing him in one – yesterday, J Si “Mr. I’m Great at Everything” decided to throw down the challenge that he can do pretty much anything  - and be good at it – as long as he has some practice – so when Nastia showed up today, J Si took this opportunity to put on his sexy gymnastics bodysuit and show Nastia his stuff – and when I say stuff, I don’t mean his skills!  Can I just say that J Si has the skinniest little bird legs I’ve ever seen!  I don’t know how he thought those skinny little legs were going to support him to the point where he could do a back handspring (like the one Nastia did for us!), but he positioned himself to just bust one out – I was starting to get really worried and we were calling out for Josh to spot him – even Nastia was starting to look worried because she knew J Si was gonna bust his head open – even with that inch and a half thick mat he was standing on – but Josh must have known that J Si was gonna wuss out because he just stayed out of the way and let J Si bust out with a full on backward roll – slow motion LAAAAAAAAMME – but that’s okay – because on December 19^th (the last show of the year – and Al’s birthday), J Si promised the show that he will do a full pommel horse routine – just like the real men’s gymnasts – so it looks like J Si has just over 3 montjs to get working on this routine – and because Nastia is so sweet, she’s offered to help J Si whenever she can and even come back for the show if her schedule allows – y’all know I love me some J Si – but this has comedy written all over it – I see lots of practices in his future – and you can believe I’m going to be attending those practices because I could use some comedy relief!!

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Kelly Osborne has a huge black eye because a cabinet fell on her face

#4 – Arnelle Simpson whooped up on OJ because he isn’t supporting her mom

#3 – DMX was denied bond, dropped an F bomb in court and then worked out a plea deal

#2 – Michael Phelps and Lil Wayne will be on the season premiere of Saturday Night Live

#1 – Jessica Simpson can’t stop talking about how much she loves Tony Romo

J SI’S TRAIN WRECK MOMENT

So we’re starting to get some entries for the VMA contest – we got one letter from a girl who got hooked on drugs, picked up a homeless guy, had a baby, got sober, relapsed and is now sober again – yeah, I would say that’s a pretty good train wreck- then we read the letter from a girl who found out her boyfriend of 4 years was gay -as if that wasn’t bad enough, she found out because her boyfriend was having an affair with her gay BFF – um, train wreck – but neither of these could compare to J Si’s train wreck – why?  Because as I’m starting to realize, no true train wreck is complete without Big Al Mack – J Si, Kinsey and Kinsey’s friend, Leslie were out one night and Al was supposed to join them – Al showed up about 4 hours late and immediately started to hit on Leslie – no problem, right – yeah, until J Si had to go make a phone call and Big Al offered to watch the girls while J Si was gone – hmm … if Al was watching the girls, would Al’s drunk friend have had the opportunity to stick his finger down Kinsey’s pants???  While Kinsey was buying a drink, Al’s friend stuck his finger down Kinsey’s pants and wiggled it – OOOH!!  So what did Al do?  Kick his butt?  Tell him off and kick him to the curb? Of course not – he left with his friend (who has a lot of money) and basically said, “I’ll holla!  Note to self – do not go out with Big Drunk Al

BILLBOARD TOP 5

5.  Ice Cube- Raw Footage

4.  Soundtrack- Mamma Mia!

3.  Staind- The Illusion of Progress

2.  Kid Rock- Rock N Roll Jesus
1.  Jonas Brothers- A Little Bit Longer

AL’S RANDOM COMMENT OF THE DAY

“You weren’t watching CBS this morning were you?” – Big Al – um, no Al – we were all getting ready for work

J SI’S “I’M GREAT AT EVERYTHING” MOMENT

Could be as good as Tiger Woods in 5 years – even though Tiger started golfing at the age of 5 and J Si has never golfed a day in his life

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM KKITM

You gotta go do cancer stuff to be manly – Kellie

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie negotiated whether or not to take a shower this morning

Big Al is worried because a Category 2 Hurricane is headed to Playa del Carmen

J Si thought moving one apartment away would be easy

Shanon’s dinner was interrupted by all over body itching

Kidd witnessed a girl hit on Shanon

FAILED BIT ALERT

J Si honestly think that with practicing 8 hours of day, he could be an Olympic gold medalist like Michael Phelps – or anything else – why?  because it doesn’t take talent  – J Si thinks he could do anything as good as anyone else as long as he could practice – so we’re going to come up with something for J Si to attempt and see if he can get “really good” at something – so far our suggestions are qymnastics, extreme fighting, karate and 10 second 100m hurdle – I’ll be sure to take pictures of this when it happens

HIZZLE

Lindsay Lohan’s dad thinks Lindsay is drinking again

Nicollette Sheridan and Michael Bolton have broken up

Dawn of Danity Kane may be getting a solo career

Dr. Dre’s son died over the weekend

LOVE LETTERS TO KELLIE

Blackmailing your baby daddy into staying with you instead of accepting the fact that he doesn’t want you is stupid

If you’re so concerned about losing your identity that you can’t change your last name, maybe you shouldn’t get married

If your wife can’t sleep without you, get her a body pillow

BIG AL AT THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION

This basically consisted of a montage of all of Big Al’s random noises played in theater while he’s at the podium – I’ll just thank Ross for fillin gin when I was left speechless, “Let’s just say, you know how Hillary says “Yes we can?”… well after Al’s speech she will say, “No he DIDN’T!” and there you  have it

KELLIE’S TRAIN WRECK MOMENT

In honor of the VMA contest, everyone on the show is sharing their biggest train wreck moment – today was Kellie’s – back when Kellie was fresh off one of her many break ups with Freddie (her now ex-husband) – Kellie was supposed to  go out with Big Al – and of course Al being Al, completely missed dinner – and Kellie, being super sad because she didn’t have Freddie and feeling rejected by Big Al, decided to laod it up with the Apple Martinis – not 4, not 6, at last count there were 7 or 8  Apple Martinis – maybe you don’t know but 12 drink Kellie is cool – 3 drink Kellie is fun – 4- maybe you don’t know but 12 drink Kellie is cool – 3 drink Kellie is fun – 4 drink Kellie DRUNKITY DRUNK DRUNK!!!   Kellie, who had been waiting on Al all night long – was SUPA’ drunk by the time Al met her at the club – and Kellie went from drunk to nearly passed out minutes after Al got there – so Big Al took care of her right – um, no – did he take her home?  no – did he call her a cab?  no – instead he left Kellie in her car with the keys on the floorboard and watched by the hot dog vendor – good lookin’ out Al – Al tried to make it better out that Kellie wasn’t going anywhere and that he knew the Hot Dog Dude – um, how well can you know him if his name is Hot Dog Dude

CALLING OUT THE GIRLY MAN

This bit was a little ironic considering that our show consists of men that tend to be a tad bit (or more) on the “girly” side – so when Kidd read off the list of “Things Guys Are Not Allowed To Do”, I knew we’d have more hits than misses:

Flip through women’s magazine – everyone on the show does this

Drink girly drinks – Al and J Si

Cuddle and use pet names – they all do this

Aren’t afraid to acknowledge other guys’ looks – they won’t admit it but they all do this

Have had a spa day at some point in their life – um, Big Al – Mr. Mani/Pedi with the shiny nails

Have purchased potpourri – oh Kidd – you know this is you!!

Have a body pillow – duh.

Blow dry or flat iron their hair daily – I thought this was no one until J Si said “well not daily …”

Might wear Juicy (Al is wearing Juicy RIGHT NOW!!)

Own stuffed animals – um, i’ll let the pictures speak for themselves

yes – that’s a banana l is eating while posing with his green monkey *le sigh*

Then we went to the phones …

Elizabeth’s boyfriend asks her if he looks fat – then asks her friends for confirmation

One woman’s husband chemically straightens his uncontrollably curly hair

Kristen’s husband Jamie Ellingsworth of New Orleans (yes she called him pout like that) does his hair before he goes to the gym – we’re talking full on washing, blow drying and the use of hair products

Jamie’s husband knows all of the N’Sync dances – um, so does J Si!!!

Kimberly’s boyfriend (from the Chat Room) and his best friend (also male) split ice cream at Marble Slab. One bowl. 2 spoons. HUH???

And Sarah’s husband listens to Melissa Ethereidge while he cleans the house – he also paints his nails with color – and she caught him putting glitter on his face and wearing her bra – um, Sarah – I hate to break it to you – but your husband Ian – well, I’ll let Ross tell you – “Ian…Ian…do you know what they told me….they told me you were….gaaaaay!”

ONE BLOCK RADIUS LIVE IN STUDIO

Never heard of them before today but I really liked them – they performed “You Got Me” and they were great – I’ll definitely be checking out that CD when it comes out on September 16^th – plus, they walked through the whole office and introduced themselves to the entire staff – very cool!

RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ONE BLOCK RADIUS

Z Man looks like Snoop Dogg except he has long dreads down to his tailbone instead of braids and I touched it

MDA is inspired by Ambrosia and The Doobie Brothers

The band participated in a remix contest with Ludacris

And although Kidd didn’t actually discover the band, we were their first nationally syndicated performance

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Sporty Spice is pregnant and she has had a boyfriend for 6 years

#4 – Justin Long was destroyed when Drew Barrymore dumped him but is now dating Kirsten Dunst

#3 – Dr. Dre’s 20 year old son passed away over the weekend

#2 – Lil Wayne missed his court date because his mouth hurt

#1 – After one season, Denise Richards’ reality show has been canceled

WE’RE BRINGING SEXY JACK

British Guy Jack has been reinvented as Sexy Jack – and apparently his roommate is not down with the new name – I think his roommate’s exact words were, “dude, if you go by Sexy Jack one more time, I swear we’re not friends anymore” – aw, poor Jack – that’s okay – you can come in here and say sexy British things to us and we’ll be your friends – Josie says Jack’s voice is “ear candy” – um, YEAH!!  and did you know that Sexy jack used to be a professional rugby player – um, I think that makes him even hotter – I don’t care if he used self tanner once or twice – he’s still Sexy Jack

THE REASON I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW’S SHOW

Al has a date tonight … with a doctor – the shock sent Abbeym into a tailspin, “OMG, is he sure it’s a date and not an appt”  BWAAHHH!!  there is not enough time … there are so many places I could go with this – but I’m gonna save it until tomorrow – one guess as to where Al met this doctor – well, duh.  Primo’s – and I’m assuming that she is SMOKIN’ hot – because why else would Al not ask what kind of doctor she is – he says she’s a medical doctor and not a PhD, but with Al – you never know – she might be 21 and pre-med!  Suffice it to say that Al knows practically nothing about her other than the fact that she’s a doctor – though like Josie pointed out, “I’m sure Al has practice PLAYING doctor !”  – so we’ll have to wait until tomorrow for more info – and while it may be premature – we tried to come up with a name for Al’s new doctor – um, Doctrina?  Appendica?  Gastrointestica?   Orthopedica?  Prostatica?  TurnAndCoughica?  DING DING DING!!!

The Chat Room didn’t seem to appreciate the fact that I predicted failure for Al and his Doctor Date – in fact, there were a few people who called me mean – but you know what – I was just giving what God likes – TRUTH.  And the truth is that Big Al is known for his inability to carry on a conversation when he’s one-on-one – why do you think he always brings Redneck Steve with him – anyway, Mr. Architect asked, “SOOOO, how would Al fail on the first date?”  Fortunately, I didn’t have to answer because Pita was there with her witty response “lets count the ways – he could ride his bike – he could text her instead of talking to her – he could invite Redneck Steve with him” – see, I’m not the only one … i shouldn’t be mean – after all, look how excited Al is about his date

can’t wait to see what he looks like tomorrow …

Let’s start the day off with a quote from Ross - the show should be renamed from Kidd Kraddick In The Morning to 3 Gay Guys And A Cougar In The Morning  - BWAAAAHHHHHH!!!

“SAVE THAT” OF THE DAY

I have monkey feet – Kidd

FUNNIEST CONVERSATION OF THE SHOW

Kidd talking about the girl who broke his heart

Or Vicky to her American friends – Kidd

Or Licky Licky to those who really knew her – Kellie

FUNNIEST LINE OF THE SHOW

“Kidd, you bring every pile of crap you cook up here – let Jack bring his quiche”  Kellie

KELLIE’S BIT KILLER MOMENT

“Are you calling me a whore??”  Well if that doesn’t bring the show to a screeching halt …

INAPPROPRIATE USE OF THE KELLIE’S WRONG DANCE

Kellie reported a gossip story yesterday that David and Victoria Beckham were in a horrible car crash – then we found out that the whole thing was a hoax – Kidd did the Kellie’s wrong dance but since Kellie was only repeating what 100 gossip websites were reporting, I’m calling foul on today’s use of the Kellie’s Wrong Dance

KIDD’S MOST BRILLIANT IDEA EVER … OR NOT

Kidd came up with the brilliant idea to combine the moisturizing socks and the body pillow to create – wait for it – the moisturizing body pillow – yeah Kidd – great idea – about as great as Crazy Hat on a Stick – or the prescription windshield

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID QUOTE OF THE DAY

4 words – He took it out – Kidd talking about K Ci dropping his pants at a concert

THINGS KELLIE SAID THAT MADE ME LAUGH

Kellie sarcastically picked “Kung Fu Fighting” as the most painful song for her because her ex-husband is a 850^th degree Black Belt and fights on a professional fighting team – but the thing that made me laugh us when she said she was married to “Mr. Karate Pants” – I need a ROFL emoticon!!!!

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM KKITM

Hot fades really fast when you’re talking to an airhead – Kellie

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie wants Al to fix her toilet to make up for talking about her “big, fat white butt” yesterday

Big Al had his first showing yesterday

J Si’s apartment offered to replace his carpet … after he had already moved his stuff in

Shanon is offended that J Si didn’t take her up on her offer to help him move

KELLIE’S NEW OBSESSION WITH BGJ

First of all, BGJ (British Guy Jack) will now be known as SexyJack – why, you ask?  Because first – Kellie thinks that Jack and his British accent are super sexy – and second, Kellie thought it would be hilarious if the boys on the show (especially Kidd) had to say SexyJack whenever they refer to him – I agree! (of course!) – Jack says that every guy secretly loves The Hills – he said a bunch of stuff after that about British tv and British food, but I kind of lost interest in what he was saying – cause all i really cared about was his hot accent – and apparently I’m not alone because Kellie commented on Jack’s hot accent too – which led Kidd to get a little defensive – I think because no one was bestowing love and adoration on him – that’s why he tried to crack on jack for making quiche – see, that’s not nice – Jack can’t help it if he has a great accent

HIZZLE

American Idol is adding a fourth judge

Jennifer Hudson will sing the National Anthem at the Democratic National Convention

Ray J is getting a dating reality show

Britney Spears will not be performing at the VMAs

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

Since school has started, we were looking for interesting First Day of School stories – we had a Kindergarten teacher who called to say that one of the kids in her class got in a fight – and even though she’s known for making kids cry in 30 seconds, she was unable to break this kid – then there was Haley, the teenager who leaves campus for lunch because she doesn’t want to pay $3 for a crappy lunch – and Jordan who told his teacher that he wanted to be called Jumanji (like the movie) instead of Jordan – and then the kicker – Leanna who got sent home for wearing ankle socks – huh??  Apparently she goes to a strict Catholic school and they’re supposed to wear long socks – even with pants – she thought she was gonna be able to pull it off but she got busted during an Ankle Check!  Kidd thought it would be funny to “call” Leanna’s mom as a Gregorian Monk and chastise her for raising a hussy and sending her to school with ankle socks – and then Kellie busted out with “Are you calling me a whore??” – MATADORA DE CHISTE!!!

THE BREAK WHERE THE BOYS SHOWED THEIR TRUE COLORS

Al is a little bit of an A.D.D. shopper – one time he went to the store to buy a lamp and came home with a Mini Cooper – yesterday he went to Target to buy candles and came home with a full length body pillow – man, you know Al is going through a dry spell when he bought a body pillow – and then admitted that he loved it – of course that may be because he painted Bartendica’s face on it – not really – but he might as well have the way he claims to have been hugged up with it – but I guess Al’s admission made Kidd and J Si feel more comfortable because Kidd admitted to wearing one of those fuzzy eye masks you wear on planes (he says a “friend” bought it for him) and J Si says he wears those moisturizing socks that make your feet soft – and then tried to say it was okay because they’re black – um, sure J Si – that makes it okay – but Kellie had J Si’s back and pointed out that girls appreciate men that groom and suggested the guys all wear moisturizing socks during the show so we could see how soft their feet are after the show – yeah, I’ll let Kellie do the before and after tests on that – I’m gonna let Ross rate this break “that’s 10,000,000,000,000 percent gay”

RANDOM CELEBRITY STORY OF THE DAY

Call me crazy, but I think K Ci and JoJo from Jodeci should just give up this whole touring thing – they haven’t put out a song in about 127 years and they seem to be having issues whenever they perform – back in the day, K Ci dropped trou at a couple of radio concerts (one of them being ours!) and then over the weekend – JoJo collapsed in the middle of a concert in Australia – JoJo laid on the stage for almost a full minute on the floor by himself – and it looked like a crew member was going to come help but instead he just picked up the fallen microphone and K Ci continued to sing – they both just ignored JoJo – and in the background of the video, you can hear people in the crowd asking, “Is he alright” and saying “pick him up, man!” but instead of getting him some help, K Ci picked up JoJo and dragged him to the front of the stage for an ovation – K-Ci told the crowd that JoJo was dizzy from the flight – then later he called into Hot 97 and said they weren’t on drugs – that JoJo is epileptic – okay, then why this little tirade K Ci? – “When God say look, when God shuts your body down that’s it. Now people be talking junk abouts artists, man, it’s just crazy man, get them people a, I hate Bill Gates, I hate Bill Gates for inventing the computer, or whatever that’s called. You know I don’t mess with it, man.”  Um, yeah – you’re right – it’s not drugs **wink-wink**

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – David Beckham car crash never happened

#4 – Charlie and Brooke Sheen are having a baby

#3 – Kim Kardashian will compete on Dancing With the Stars despite her injured foot

#2 – Paula Abdul is concerned about adding a fourth judge to American Idol

#1 – No word on when Oprah will show up but Jennifer Hudson will sing the National Anthem at the DNC

MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC!!!

iTunes Top 5

5.  The Day That Never Comes – Metallica

4.  Paper Planes – M.I.A

3.  Disturbia – Rihanna

2.  So What – Pink

1.  Whatever You Like – T.I.

NEW MUSIC TUESDAY

Blues Traveler- North Hollywood Shootout

The Game- LAX

Slipknot- All Hope Is Gone

The Verve- Forth

V.I.C. – Beast

MUSIC THAT MAKES YOU COOLER

Nelly McKay (if you ask me, you can skip this one!)

MY “I WANNA BE CAROLINE KRADDICK” MOMENT

Caroline is off at college (man, I loved college!) – she’s getting ready for rush and her rich dad (um, that would be Kidd Kraddick) spent the week pimping out her dorm room with multiple trips to Best Buy (cause after all, he can afford to buy anything in there!) – word on the street is that she has a flat screen tv and a Wii (I want a Wii!!) – but the ultimate is that all students are required to have a Mac Book – um – not fair – I WANT A MAC BOOK!!!  Do you think it’s too late to talk Kidd into adopting me?

SONGS WE NEVER WANT TO HEAR AGAIN BECAUSE THEY’RE TOO PAINFUL

I Can’t Make You Love Me – Kellie’s song reminded her of every time she’s cried over a boy so hard that both of her nose holes close up – Tracey Clark from high school – and Chris Miles and Mark McClan – none of them loved her back – and Mark Kevin (who she never actually met) and Kevin Geebler who woke up and didn’t feel the same way about her anymore – and Chris Booker – Kellie loved him when he was just Booker Madison – he blew Kellie off at a radio convention and dates nothing but hotties now because he hosts spare shows on VH1 – and Kidd hates him

Kidd’s song was Separate Ways by Journey – the funniest part of this was Kellie telling the story about Kidd lying in the dark on his twin bed in his crappy apartment – just picture a super skinny adolescent Kidd Kraddick pointing his finger in the air screaming “if he ever hurt you, true love won’t desert you” – oh, the visual …

Al picked Ebony and Ivory (for obvious reasons) – it reminds him of all his little white girl crushes back in the 4^th and 5^th grade at Greenhill  – gee Al, it doesn’t seem like things have changed much

J Si’s song was Water Runs Dry by Boys II Men – way back before Kinsey J Si dated an Asian girl named Yumi – except they called her Yummy – which is probably why they’re not together now!

Then it was the listeners turn:

One caller picked You’re Not The One by Daniel Bedingfield – she got pregnant at 17 and then was dumped by her boyfriend – then her mom sent her to a mental institution for Post Partum Depression – but it’s okay because she ended up marrying the guy – but the song is still painful …?  O.kay.

Abe’s song was With or Without You by U2 because he was in love with this chick who wouldn’t go out with him because he was Mexican – and he used to drive by her house up the country road – hmm – I wonder if he sat outside her house with a birthday present while she walked her dogs with her new boyfriend – oops.  Wrong story!

FUNNIEST CONVERSATION OF THE SHOW

“I had to pee by a tree this weekend – and it worked – well, the tree served its function” – Shanon

“That is not the function of the tree” – Kellie

FUNNIEST LINE OF THE SHOW – Kidd to Kellie

Name a time when Al has listened to your advice and heeded it … ***crickets***

KIDD’S “I’M GAY” MOMENT

Kidd owns the new David Beckham fragrance (his words, not mine!)- he and Al decided that it’s masculine, spicy, fruity, woody and tropical like – and now Kidd is an expert on all things David Beckham – um, okay …

LINE I’M STEALING FROM KINSEY

One of us has to be the smart one – I’ve looked around – it’s not you

MY PERSONAL ‘HA-HA-HA!!!” MOMENT

We called information for a listing for Heidi Montag Records and of course there was no listing (was there any doubt) – Kellie wanted to Google “Heidi Montag Records” and Kidd threatened to turn of the Internets if she did because it wasn’t interesting to listen to – no, it wasn’t – but for some reason, I found this to be hysterically funny

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU SAY HMMMM …

J Si sticking up for Joel Madden for not proposing to Nicole yet – J Si said it’s not because Joel doesn’t love Nicole – of course he loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her – but he’s really busy and on tour and is focusing on his career as a morning radio personality … uh, J Si – Joel Madden’s not on the radio …

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM KKITM

Swim diapers do not absorb pee – they are designed to catch solids – aren’t you glad you know that??

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie could not sleep last night because she was so excited about coming back to work

Big Al thinks he’s big time because he got a text message from Joe Biden

J Si’s dog got kicked in the face by some random girl and made her bleed

Shanon almost chased a drunk guy with a stun gun

HOW SORRY IS BIG AL

J Si’s intro about his dog reminded Kidd about the time that we threatened to turn Big Al into the SPCA – Big Al’s dog Stretch has diabetes and as a result is blind – did I mention that the reason Stretch has diabetes is because Al fed her nonstop and she’s overweight – so now that you know the background, Al thought it would be funny to move his furniture around (from the regular spots that Stretch was familiar with) and watch her run into everything – isn’t that funny??  NO. IT’S.NOT.

SHANON’S HOMELESS CAMPGROUND CAMPING TRIP

During vacation, Shanon went camping with 2 of her friends and they all slept in her tent – but they didn’t go camping at an actual campground – it was at a public place on the side of the road – huh??  there were drunk people camping next to them (imagine that – drunk people camping at a public place on the side of the road -  um, homeless perhaps?  Was the campfire in a barrel?) – and in the middle of the night, one of the guys from the other tent thought it would be funny to jump on her tent and yell “wake up (insert bad word here) and then touched Shanon – now, Shanon never went into detail about how he actually touched her – but like she said “you don’t touch Shanon” – I guess Shanon was prepared for some type of shenanigans (don’t you just love the word shenanigans – or in this case Shanon-igans) because she was sleeping with her stun gun (who sleeps with a stun gun??) – anyway, Shanon was fully prepared to go after the drunk guy with 900,000 watts of electricity – and she even had her hand on the zipper (that’s what she said) of the tent – but she decided not to stun him after all and well – that‘s where the story ends

THE OVERUSE OF THE WORD AMAZING

Michael Phelps has jumped on the “Freddy Bandwagon” with the use of the word amazing – seriously?  we were gone an entire week and the second thing we talk about was the use of the word for amazing? Shanon – was this on the schedule??

JESSICA SIMPSON PSYCHO ALERT

Carrie Underwood told some magazine that she and Tony Romo still talk and that he calls her fairly often – take that Jessica Simpson – well Jessica fired back during a radio interview saying that’s just not true – and how does she know?  Well because she goes through his phone of course – WT … you know the rest!  Are you serious??  it’s one thing to be a psycho – it’s another to openly admit it to God and everybody – you’ve been dating him for about 5 minutes – and you’re already believing  your boyfriend’s ex over him??   hello, I’m your psycho girlfriend and not only do I not trust you, I’m checking up on you every chance I get – yeah, I’m betting the boys in the locker room are having a field day with this one!!

6:31am - the time at which Kidd became completely annoyed with Big Al

HIZZLE

No one cares about John Mayer now that he’s no longer dating Jennifer Aniston

Kim Kardashian cut her foot on a glass coffee table and may have to back out of Dancing With the Stars

A cop pulled a gun on Diddy Saturday night during a routine traffic stop

Nicole Richie is jealous of Mary-Kate Olsen

6:51am – the time where Kidd got mad at Big Al for using his radio hook ups for the benefit of the Two Gay Guys In A Bucket bar – like texting Enrique Iglesias  for Mexican trivia

KELLIE RASBERRY THE BRITNEY SPEARS APOLOGIST

A long time ago, someone released some secret audio of Enrique Iglesias’ microphone isolated while he was singing live at a concert – in the words of Big Al, “not good” – well even though Britney hasn’t been on tour in oh, a hundred years – someone released the same type of audio from one of her concerts – and judging from the songs on the audio, it’s about 7 or 8 years old – but it’s definitely Britney and it’s definitely “not good” – she’s off key and out of breath and maybe messing up on some of the words – and while everyone in the studio laughed and laughed – Kellie could not stop herself from coming to poor Britney’s defense – Kellie claimed that Britney could, in fact, sing and that the reason she sounded so bad was because “she’d been bouncing around for an hour” – yeah, usually I have Kellie’s back and as much as I love me some Britney, I have to go with the rest of the show on this one – it was really bad – not that I care – cause  Istill love to see her perform – but apparently Mama_Nessa from the Chat Room didn’t agree, “OMG! SOmeone stab me in the eye so I can think about something more painful!  I thought that was Shanon singing the whole time!” – aww, why you gotta throw Shanon under the bus like that?

BIG AL’S WEEKEND RAP UP

I really try not to find so much amusement in Big Al’s pain – but he just makes it so ding dang easy!!  So Big Al is trying not to drink so he can drop a couple of lbs before heading to Playa for Labor Day – now normally, you would think that you would have a clearer head when you’re not imbibing – but obviously that wasn’t the case for Al – because why else would he think it would be a good idea to buy Bartendica (his ex-girlfriend) a birthday present and then deliver it to her house at 2am??  Maybe Al was feeling nostalgic – Payton (Al’s son) was in town last week and Bartendica and Payton went to lunch – so maybe the gift was partially a “thanks for still being a part of Payton’s life” present – and in Al’s defense, he and Bartendica had had a few friendly conversations/texts – but I’m willing to bet that at no time did Bartendica say “Al, I miss you and even though you haven’t changed your mind and decided to make your commitment to me more permanent – I’d still like to try this thing again” – in fact, I would bet a million dollars Bartendica didn’t say anything CLOSE to this – so, if it wasn’t liquor – what would make Al think that driving to Bartendica’s house at 2am with a $200 Juicy Couture warm up suit for her would be a good idea??  I don’t know – but here comes the amusement – while Al is sitting in front of Bartendica’s house trying to figure out his next move, who walks up?  Bartendica of course – she’s out walking her dog – but she’s not alone – who walks up walking Baretndica’s other dog?  Her new man – what new man you ask?  That would be the hotter, younger, richer and whiter than Big Al new man – Dang Pootie – so while they see Big Al and walk up to house – Al does the mature thing and fakes fumbling in the back of his car like he’s looking for something – maybe he should have followed E-nigma’s advice and “did like those swiffer commercials and play “Baby come back” J in the meantime, Bartendica and Not Al walk into the house and turn off all the lights – wow. That move evoked an eruption of clapping from the Geek Room – is there a bigger sign that I never want to see you again than turning off the lights when you’re sitting outside your ex’s house??   But instead of appearing more like a stalker and just leaving – Al quietly walked up the steps to Bartendica’s and left the present on her porch – then when Al got back in the car, he heard the one song that has defined his relationship with Bartendica – Second Hand Serenade’s “Fall For You” – I don’t know about you, but if you’re looking for a nice Juicy Couture warm up – I may know where you can get one really cheap!!

SAMANTHA HARRIS PHONER

Samantha Harris of Dancing With the Stars called in to announce this season’s new line up – I was impressed because although Kellie is not a fan of Samantha’s, the boys were very nice and didn’t throw Kellie under the bus by pointing out how Kellie can’t stand Samantha’s annoying “I’m hosting Dancing With the Stars” voice and the asinine questions she always asks the contestants – very nice boys!  Here’s the line up:

82 year old Cloris Leachman (the oldest contestant so far – I hope she doesn’t break a hip)

18 year old Cody Linley (from Hannah Montana)

Warren Sapp (former NFL player)

Toni Braxton (R&B singer)

Maurice Green (former Olympian)

Misti May Traynor (current olympian)

Jeff Ross (comedian)

Rocco DiSpiritu (celebrity chef)

Lance Bass (duh.)

Susan Lucci (All My Children)

Brooke Burke (model)

Kim Kardashian (famous for her big booty)

Ted McGinley (from Married With Children)

The show starts with a 3 hour debut on September 22^nd – I can’t wait!!!

Today was the first day of school for a lot of kids and we talked to mom’s who were having a rough time because it was their baby’s first day of school – and if that wasn’t emotional enough – Kidd read, “I Trust You’ll Treat Her Well” which is kind of our Back To School tradition – it may not have affected you if you’re not a parent but it definitely made Lucy think back – she said, “i went home and sat by the phone in case something happened and they needed to call me – it took a few days to feel safe to leave – I didn’t have a cell phone in those days – hahaha” – I’m glad she can laugh about it now – and Ammer93 said, “I stayed outside the classroom door for 2 hours” – they’d probably call the police these days – and leave it to Ross to bust in with the comic relief, “yeah well… My mom cried when I left to be on the KKITM show.” – sure, Ross – she probably locked the door the minute you walked out!    Anyway, because people always ask, here’s the poem

I Trust You’ll Treat Her Well

Dear World:

I bequeath to you today one little girl … in a crispy dress … with two blue eyes … and a happy laugh that ripples all day long … and a flash of light blonde hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs. I trust you’ll treat her well.

She’s slipping out of the backyard of my heart this morning … and skipping off down the street to her first day of school. And never again will she be completely mine. Prim and proud she’ll wave her young and independent hand this morning and say “Good Bye”… and walk with little lady steps to the schoolhouse.

Now she’ll learn to stand in line … and wait by the alphabet for her name to be called. She’ll learn to tune her ears to the sounds of school-bells … and deadlines … and she’ll learn to giggle … and gossip … and look at the ceiling in a disinterested way when the little boy across the aisle sticks out his tongue at her. And now she’ll learn to be jealous. And now she’ll learn how it is to feel hurt inside. And now she’ll learn how not to cry.

No longer will she have time to sit on the front porch steps on a summer day and watch an ant scurry across the crack in a sidewalk. Nor will she have time to pop out of bed with the dawn to kiss lilac blossoms in the morning dew. No, now she’ll worry about important things. Like grades … and which dress to wear … and who’s best friend is whose. And the magic of books and learning will replace the magic of her blocks and dolls. And now she’ll find new heroes.

For five full years now I’ve been her sage and Santa Claus and pal and playmate and father and friend. Now she’ll learn to share her worship with her teachers … which is only right. But, no longer will I be the smartest man in the whole world. Today when that school bell rings for the first time … she’ll learn what it means to be a member of a group. With all it’s privileges. And it’s disadvantages too.

She’ll learn in time that proper young ladies do not laugh out loud. Or kiss dogs. Or keep frogs in pickle jars in bedrooms. Or even watch ants scurry across cracks in the summer sidewalk.

Today she’ll learn for the first time that all who smile at her are not her friends. And I’ll stand on the front porch and watch her start out on the long, lonely journey to become a woman.

So, World. I bequeath to you today one little girl … in a crispy dress … with two blue eyes and a happy laugh that ripples all day long … and a flash of light blonde hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs. I trust you’ll treat her well.

KINSEY

Kinsey called in because it’s her first day of school – she took some time off because her brain hurt from spelling (don’t you hate it when that happens?) – she’s a little concerned about having homework tonight and wants J Si to do her homework tonight so that she can watch The Hills – and she certainly won’t be watching the Democratic National Convention because she’s already decided to vote for Osama (or Obama) cause he’s HOT!!   We also found out about Kinsey’s course load for the semester – she’s taking Introduction to the Thong and Introduction to the Introduction to the Thong (I bet those classes will be painful – hahaha – get it?  Painful – cause of the pain when wearing a – oh, never mind …) – Kinsey is also mad at her guidance counselor because he had her tested and then put her in the class with the dummies – all because she spelled college with a “K” on her essay – but not because she didn’t know how to spell college correctly – she spelled it with a K for Kinsey – bet she won’t be having babies with him either!!  And finally, a little peek into the inner workings of Kinsey’s mind – Kinsey is tired of the people that don’t dress up to go to class – so in protest she is going to wear the same thing to school every day – and then take off one piece every day and on the final day, she’s just going to wear body paint on Friday – do you Kinsey LOVE IT??

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Da Brat was sentenced to 3 years in prison for slamming a bottle into a restaurant hostess’ face

#4 – The cast of Dancing With the Stars has been revealed (see the Samantha Harris phoner for details)

#3 – Ricky Martin had twin boys born from a surrogate

#2 – David Beckham had a bad car accident on the way to the airport and left Victoria behind to catch his plane

#1 – The salaries of the cast of The Hills has been revealed – Stephanie Pratt makes $8k per episode, Lo and Brody each make $10k, Whitney gets $20k, Audrina gets $35k, Lauren’s contract requires she gets paid the most with $75k while Heidi and Spencer make $65k each

THE POINT WHERE AL COULD NOT STOP TALKING aka DIARRHEA OF THE MOUTH

You’d think that Al would know better than to tick Kellie off – especially at the end of the show – but I guess better at the end of the show rather than the beginning – anyway, Kidd discovered some stupid invention called the Butt Bra – and decided that it would be a great idea if everyone on the show ordered one and then took pictures for the website – yeah, it’s times like these where I’m REALLY, REALLY , REALLY glad that I’m not on the show – anyway, Al (clearly not using his filter) decided to tell Kellie that she could most benefit from the Butt Bra because although her butt is flat, it also has a lot of mass – gee, and you wonder why he’s still single – Kidd, thought this was the perfect time to play the drop of Al saying “Big fat white butt” – over and over and over again – and while Kidd was making it worse, Al tried to clean it up – but clearly he missed the mark because his way of cleaning it up was telling Kellie, “your butt has girth” – hmm.  You know what I think would be a really great idea – if we just played the “not good” clip every time Al opens his mouth – every.single.time

ANDREW’S BEHIND THE SCENES WACKINESS

Despite what you might think – Andrew is quite the fashion plate – he works very hard to match his dirty Vans tennis shoes to his ratty, wrinkled t-shirt – fyi, this was dictated to me directly from Andrew

BEHIND THE MIC

Glad to have all the cougar’s listening – J Si

Thanks Kidd – Kellie to J Si

Oops!

DIANTHE’S SAD MOMENT OF THE DAY

Nicole and Joel are no longer Kidd’s BFFs – they lied to him – because Nicole was in town when they were here – and Benji and Joel didn’t go to Shreveport on the bus – they got on the plane in Dallas and went home – and how do we know? because they were photographed leaving the freaking airport and it was on people.com – DANGIT!! Nicole – if you’re reading this – I’m not a psycho stalker fan – I just think that we have a ton in common and our daughters are so ding-dang cute that they should be BFF’s – Sydney and Harlow, BFFs forever – just think about it …

FUNNIEST CONVERSATION OF THE SHOW

“Remember when I had that green lacquer furniture?? That was smoking!” – Al

“You were smoking when you bought it!” – Kellie

SHANON’S PIECE OF SKIN ON THE SHOW RIGHT NOW

Thanks to Al, the missing piece of skin from Shanon’s nose called in *sigh* – but thanks to Kidd, the call went straight to voice mail – thank God for small miracles

Today was Honor Dianthe Day in the Chat Room – so everyone changed their Chat Room name to include my name – so yeah, it’s all about me!!

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie will find out today if she has been spreading the plague aka whooping cough aka pertussis

Big Al says that Michael Phelps and Katie Hoff are Al’s new favorite athletes

J Si thinks he can be a good swimmer if he eats 12,000 calories a day like Michael Phelps

Shanon and Kellie share a boyfriend again

Kidd thinks Becca is gonna bring it today

Kidd wants to see how many of his texts from Big Al are mass texts

Kidd didn’t call J Si yesterday after he said he would

Kidd told someone that they should try to be more like Kellie Rasberry

Shanon told Kidd that his sunglasses are girly

FLUSH THE FORMAT

Girls – Britney Spears

American Boy – Kanye

Love In This Club – Usher

Lollipop – Lil Wayne

Goodies – Ciarra

Miss New Booty – Bubba Sparxx

Tricky – Run DMC

Let’s Talk About Sex – Salt N Pepa

Baby Got Back – Sir Mix-A-Lot

Shake It – Metro Station

Stomp – Kirk Franklin

FANTASY FAN BECCA

Becca is 22 and going to school to be a sign language interpreter – she’s been with her boyfriend, Ryan (a manager at Nordstrom), for 2 years – Becca is also a big conservative (despite her multiple piercings and tattoos) and probably gets her political views from her big time Republican dad – one of her tattoos is of a huge peacock because she thinks they ward off bad dreams and spirits – and the majority of her 17 piercings are above her neck – 2 of them below the neck but above the ribs – Brown chicken brown cow …

Becca also works at a group home that helps adults with special needs – she has one particular girl that she works with that she has developed a close relationship with – she’s 21 years old but has the mentality of a 2 year old – she cleans her, feeds her, bathes her and basically takes care of her – it was really sweet to see that side of Becca – and it’s a great departure from what your perception about her would be based on her appearance

SHANON GIVING IT UP FOR THE SHOW

Shanon chose Becca as her Fantasy Fan and then realized that she wasn’t even Becca’s favorite – so basically, Shanon spent all of yesterday trying to make Becca like her more than anyone else on the show – so Shanon offered her one hour where she would do anything Becca wanted to do – and Becca decided during her hour they needed to get a tattoo or a piercing – I think Shanon decided that a piercing was a little less permanent than a tattoo, and agreed to a piercing – too bad Shanon’s body rejects piercings – but Becca didn’t really seem to tbe too concerned about Shanon’s well being and continued to push the point – Becca wanted Shanon to pierce her boobies but Shanon said no because they were too valuable and pretty much all she has – then Shanon vetoed her eyebrow – but Shanon promised that she would do what Becca wanted – and Shanon (stupid as it may be) is always true to her word – so she ended up with her nose pierced

As Shanon described the piercing process – the “That’s What She Said” comments started flying:

So he’s coming at me with this thing and it’s like round and big and an inch and a half long – “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID”

It feels like there’s a rubber band on the end – “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID”

He tugs at it and sticks it in with a lot of force – “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID”

And then he just leaves it – “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID”

And yes – J Si giggled through the whole thing – “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID”

BECCA B.S.

Becca said she doesn’t have a tramp stamp because she wants an epidural when she gets pregnant – huh?? Somewhere in Becca’s short life, she fell victim to the lie that you can’t get an epidural if you have a tramp stamp – first of all, that’s crap – there is no evidence that supports the theory that a tattoo is dangerous to you or the baby with an epidural – and second, even if it was – a tramp stamp is at the bottom of your back – the epidural is usually administered a lot higher -yeah, it’s called Google people – look into it

HIZZLE

Lisa Marie Presley is naming her twins Jesse and Gladys Love

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia DeRossi are getting married this weekend

“Wardrobe Malfunction” is now in the dictionary

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden have started their charity to benefit new moms in need

FREDDY UPDATE

If you haven’t seen Freddy’s new video – check it out on werenotgoingdown.com

J Si has a huge crush on Olympic gymnast Alicia Sacramone and wrote a song to the music “I Kissed A Girl” called Hey Sacramone – the verse that stuck out to me the most was the line that said, “You’re flexible and she is not” – referring to Kinsey – well no wonder Kinsey ’s not fond of the celebrity crush action – what are you thinking?? Then J Si has the nerve to admit that he would go to Alicia’s hotel room for lunch if she asked – real smart, dude! He tried to retract it – but the damage was done – sweet little whipped J Si came off looking like a lech :::shakes head::: – clearly he’s been spending too much time with Big Al!! J Si might have some competition though – Intern Geoff is digging Miss Sacramone also (I think his exact words were “she’s freaking hot!”) and he has a connection – Geoff goes to school at Boston College and has a friend who goes to Brown – which is where Alicia went to school – so stay tuned to see where that goes

NOT READY FOR DRIVE TIME PLAYERS – GEOFF AND JACK

Pretty much all of the movies that are coming out today suck – so Geoff and Jack gave us a 10 second review of the movies to save us 8 hours – here’s the overview

Mirrors – 2 hours of painful boredom

Star Wars: The Clone Wars – same thing as last time, but animated

Pineapple Express – high people cussing a lot

See – and now I’ve saved you 8 hours and the money you would’ve wasted at the movie – you can send my check to the studio

As Psycho Shanon’s Fantasy Fan, Becca wrote a parody song to “When I Grow Up” by the Pussycat Dolls – because Psycho Shanon is the original queen of all parody songs – I was trying to come up with a tactful way to give my opinion about this song – but then iLoveDianthe from the Chat Room jumped in my head – “ouch … hurts my ears”

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Donald Trump is helping Ed McMahon out by buying his house and leasing it back to him

#4 – Ellen DeGeneres and Portia DeRossi are getting married tomorrow

#3 – Christina Applegate is postponing chemo until she has a baby

#2 – Jessica Simpson’s experienced abuse but it wasn’t by a man – it was by girls at her high school

#1 – Miley Cyrus is dating Adam Sevani – an actor from Step Up 2

WHAT’D YOU DO aka BIG AL AT THE COURTHOUSE

Thr highlights were:

The 30 year old woman who played the lookout while her homegirl was stealing DVDs to boost (that’s sell for those of you who aren’t up on your street vocab)

The woman whose son is on the 3^rd day of a murder trial that she says he is being falsely accused of

The 17 year old girl that was stealing Ambercrombie and Hollister clothes – but she says she’s learned her lesson

And then there were the drug dealers that Al ended the bit with – “so, um – good luck to ya’!” – good one Big Al! and while I’m at it, were there any white people at the courthouse?? If I didn’t know better – I’d think that this was an attempt from the white man trying to keep the brotha’ down – but I know better – and I just think Alcaught the courthouse on all brotha’ day – I’m sure that if he goes back next week, he’ll be able to find some white folks – or at least a Mexican!

CONSUMER WATCH

I don’t really care that Best Buy is going to start carrying the iPhone on September the 7^th (even though I REALLY want an iPhone), and I don’t care that this dude took video of himself taking a bath in the Burger King Bathroom and posted it on YouTube

and I don’t care that there is a 90 year old woman whose dying wish is to have her 22 year old male nurse serve her fish and chips in a thong and a see through apron – even if it does get comments like, “Can a 90 year old see his junk anyway?” from Megg in the Chat Room – all I care about is that when Kidd sings “Consumer Watch” – everyone else on the show sings the “YEAAAHHHH” part and ruins it for Kidd – sorry dude – it just makes me laugh – every.time.

BIG THANK YOU

I know that this is going to sound mean and cynical and I’m sure people will tell me that I’m a huge B – but whatev – I can take it -this is where Becca lost me – I’m all for the sentimental thank you – I can even get down with throwing out some love to your man – but I need it to sound real and not contrived – and in the words of Randy Jackson, “Dawg – this just didn’t do it for me” – Becca wrote a thank you letter to her boyfriend Ryan and basically said that her life was headed in the wrong direction when she first met him – she was a hard core party girl that was dabbling in illegal substances – and meeting him turned her life around – he became her rock and she became a better person – and again, that’s all fine and good – but to me, it sounded like she was forcing the emotion – and at one point, the Chat Room was sure she was going to propose to him – and that would’ve been awkward – especially when she morphed back into her true self and reminded him (and all of us) that she was expecting an engagement ring from Tiffany – um, way to keep that sentimentality going – again, I’m sure I’ll get all kinds of hate mail – and that’s fine – but I know I’m not the only one – the Chat Room totally had my back – and I was going to post their comments – but dang – my peeps were kinda harsh today – so instead, I’ll take one for the team and leave it at that

BECCA’S FAVORITES AFTER THE SHOW

so after spending the day with Shanon yesterday and hanging out with the show this morning, it was time for Becca to reallocate her KKITM love – when she entered the contest, Kellie was her favorite – but thanks to a nose ring, the tide has shifted

5. Big Al

4. J Si

3. Kellie

2. Kidd

1. Shanon

Shanon was thrilled to be thought of as someone’s number one – but even if Becca hadn’t moved Shanon to number one, Kellie pointed out, “You always have Peter” – THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!

And so Fantasy Fan Week came to a close – I asked the Chat Room for their end of week comments and overall, they were happy with the outcome

ROSA

Rosa is a nice girl and very pretty – but iLoveDianthe thought she was a little on the shy side, “she could have tried a little more, but i understand it must be hard if you’re a shy person” – she had it harder than everyone else because she was first and didn’t know what to expect – though we did expect her to be a bigger fan of the show – Sidneysmomrules said, “Rosa was tooooooo quiet and not a true fan. She didn’t know the prayer. Fans know the prayer!” – Dianthethebest “yeah, I mean, who doesn’t know about Al’s prayer for The Lord” – overall consensus?? DiantheRoxMySox – Rosa, not Rosawesome

ROSS

Ross definitely made a good impression – and since he’s one of us (from the Chat Room), you know we had love for him - Megg said, “Ross may not have been as out there as Jason or Becca…but he is the ultimate fan of the show!” and that’s true, because after all “Ross eats, breathes, sleeps KKITM – I think that Ross was the Ultimate Fantasy Fan…as far as knowledge and facts about the show, following Kidd’s career, etc.”said DiantheRoxMySox – plus, he did the video with Kidd and that was hysterical – Sidneysmomrules said it was “priceless” and Dianthethebest was the only one who had love for Kinsey, “that video was hilarious but poor Kinsey”

ANNA

Anna was in the middle of the week, and while we thought she was super nice – she just didn’t stand out enough - Pita said “she was ok … i don’t really remember her too much” and iLoveDianthe said, “she is pretty much forgettable” and then ” oh yeah, her HIP HOP drive thru was exceptional!!” – so when we remembered who she was, we loved her! DiantheRoxMySox said, “Anna was very sweet and funny. I think she had a lot to bring to the table” and Megg liked her and thought “She was a genuine chic” – I say anyone that has the patience to hang out with silly J Si all day gets points in my book!

JASON

Yeah, I liked Jason but can’t give him all of my love for obvious reasons – and even though he brought me a nice coffee mug from Café Du Monde – he brought one for everyone else too – so I guess he doesn’t think I’m as special as I think I am *sniff sniff* – whateve, video idea stealer!! Nevertheless, he did get love from the Chat Room even though they though we talked about him being gay way too much – Megg blamed it on Kidd saying, “I think Kidd was fascinated with the flamboyant gay guy” and Mr. Dianthe said, “yeah – i don’t think Kidd knows many gay people the way they kept playing the gay reference songs and stuff” – Jason was fun and outgoing and seemed to mesh with the show the most – iLoveDianthe said, “He was funny, lively, kinda like RuPaul without the dress and make up” and Sidneysmomrules said that Jason “chimed in when needed, but didnt over-do it” – I think DiantheRoxMySox judged Jason the best ” Sweet, funny, and loved the “SNAP!” “WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *hands in the air* – Jason brought a lot to the table, too. Great character and personality. That’s the thing about radio…you have to make that personality known without body or facial language. Quick note to Kidd – study up on what REAL gay people like and less stereotypes – though you hit that Cher thing right on the head – THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!

BECCA

The Chat Room had mixed reviews on Becca – I wasn’t real thrilled that she badgered Shanon into getting that stupid nose ring – I hope it doesn’t leave a scar – I agreed with both iLoveDianthe who said “Becca is solid and jumps right in” and DiantheRoxMySox who thought “she tries too hard” – even Sidneysmomrules said ,”Becca was okay til she started the ‘making herself cry’ thing”

Looking back- I think they all did a good job – I know that we’re really lucky and really blessed to have the jobs that we do – and while it’s not rocket science and we’re not saving the world – it’s not always easy – all the Fantasy Fans get props for coming on the shoe – it can be tough to put yourself out there and even tougher to take the criticism that goes along with it – and all of y’all remember that when you complain about us going on vacation – like we are next week – we’ll be back live August 25^th and the shows are ALWAYS good right after vacation – so make sure you’re here – and while we’re gone, enjoy the Best Of shows – and check the Remix because I’ll be doing brief updates and adding some surprises here and there!!

AL’S RANDOM COMMENT OF THE DAY

Big Al took a crock pot full of beans to LFT -um, okay …

BIG AL’S CLUELESS MOMENT OF THE DAY

“If the worst thing she’s doing is being a little boy crazy, she’s doing pretty doggone good” – Al talking about Miley Cyrus – really Al? she’s throwing herself at rock stars, posing half naked on magazine covers and sending pictures of herself in her bra to her boyfriend at the age of 14 and you still think “she’s doing pretty doggone good”?

FUNNIEST LINE OF THE SHOW

You’d be the Robert Downey Jr of women – J Si commenting on Kellie trying to be a black woman

KELLIE RASBERRY’S DIVA MOMENT

I only frequent businesses that treat me right – Kellie

THE BIT WE SPENT WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON

Jason’s Gay – yeah, it doesn’t really matter to me that Jason’s gay – but the fact that we talked about it ad nauseum … we get it – he’s gay

GAY DOUBLE ENTENDRE

Have you ever manhandled a flame thrower – Kidd to Jason

KATY PERRY MOMENT OF THE DAY

I kissed a girl but didn’t like it – Jason

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie thinks she might have whooping cough – or at least Big Al

Big Al says that Robert Downey Jr is a better black guy than he is

J Si isn’t buying Kidd a birthday because Kidd stole back his Rock Band

Shanon says tired texting is just as bad as or worse than drunk texting

Kidd thinks the phrase text-messaging is too difficult

FANTASY FAN JASON

He is a chemical analyst and has a Bachelor of Science in Chemistry from Grambling State University – he’s from New Orleans – Jason spent the day with Kellie yesterday and did all the thing that Kellie likes to do – like get manis and pedis and then went to dinner with Kellie and even ordered the same thing as Kellie – um, Jason – just a little too much kissing up there dude – especially when the person you need to be kissing up to is ME – video idea stealer!!!

FUNNY JASON STORY

Jason shared some of the social stigmas he dealt with growing up gay – When Jason was growing up and going to church, the pastor would make comments like “2 men shouldn’t raise a child” and Jason’s mom would say “Amen”

HIZZLE

Lauren Conrad is moving out of her house after The Hills is over

Mary-Kate Olsen is having money problems

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson will not talk about their relationship

The 40 Year Old Virgin guy is pleading not guilty to stabbing his girlfriend

Jamie Lynn Spears’ baby daddy cheated on her and the other woman is talking

BILLBOARD TOP 5

5. Lil Wayne – Tha Carter III
4. Kid Rock – Rock N Roll Jesus
3. Sugarland – Love On The Inside
2. Miley Cyrus – Breakout
1. Various Artists – Mamma Mia Soundtrack

Kidd then decided that we need our first Safe Rapper – um, the world already had him and if you had asked me, I could’ve saved you 5 minutes with 2 words … Will Smith

THE GAY FAN HAS WON – THE GAY BOY IS COMING

Jason’s cousin heard him on the radio (and Kidd throwing out the fact that he’s gay) and called his mom – Jason hadn’t told anyone that he entered the contest because he didn’t think he would win – and when he found out he was going to be on the show, he didn’t want his parents to find out that he was gay over the radio – he also didn’t want to come on the show and pretend he was straight – so he drove to 4 hours to his parent’s house to tell them that he was gay – if you’ve met Jason, you’ll know that it didn’t come as some big surprise to them – but it was something that had never been directly addressed – and while Jason’s parents weren’t completely shocked that he was gay – they did have some concerns about his health and how he might be treated – but ultimately, they just want him to be happy and still love him no matter what – and fortunately for Jason, Shanon isn’t his mom – because she took Jason’s Coming Out as the opportunity to put in her 2 cents about his “lifestyle” – she said he should’ve tried a little harder to change – and maybe he should’ve tried some therapy and make everyone happy instead of being selfish and a huge disappointment to his parents “as all of the gays are” – dang, that Psycho Shanon is hardcore

HI – I HAVE NO GAYDAR

Even after meeting Jason, girls still hit on him – one girl tried to convince him that he wasn’t gay – Al wanted to know if she was hot – Jason said she was – “got her number?” Al asked

I’VE GOT A SECRET

Jason’s coming out story led into a discussion about secrets – and you wouldn’t believe the calls we got!!

Tiffany agreed to pay for the flowers and cake for her wedding – but then went way over budget – so she talked her wedding coordinator into overcharging her parents and taking that money to pay for the cake and flowers

Karen has been married for over a year and her dad doesn’t know but her mom does – they live together and have 2 kids but her dad doesn’t like him – apparently her husband isn’t a good guy but she’s stayed for the kids – it probably won’t work out which is why she says she hasn’t told her dad

Becky is engaged to a guy she’s never met and her mom and dad don’t know – she met him online a year ago and he is moving here to be with her

16 year old Jasmine dates white guys and her parents don’t know – parents are very into the African culture and want her to date an African

Jessica’s parents think she’s in college but she’s not – she lost her financial aid and is working to get the money to go back to school

Lauren lives with her boyfriend and her mom thinks she’s a virgin and is constantly telling people that Lauren is a virgin – um, can you say DENIAL???

Kidd playing African tribal chants in the background music

One woman bailed her sister out of jail for shoplifting – and now they have to lie to their mom every time she wants to go shopping at that store because the sister has been banned from there

Mandy burned down her parent’s kitchen while drying out pot in the microwave – then she told them that she was trying to bake a potato – she’ll never tell the truth because it cost her parents $15,000 to fix everything

Sarah’s mom is cheating on her dad – and she knows because her little sister told her and her mom’s friends have confirmed it

And the last person’s mom cheated on her dad with a woman – and she had to lie for her mom for 6 months – then she ran away from home and told her mom that she wasn’t coming back until she told her dad – her mom finally told her dad, left him and now has a new girlfriend that she’s been with for 4 years – and she has never been happier!

We could have gone all day long with this topic – some of the stories that we couldn’t get to:

My mom has a boyfriend and my mom and I know and my dad doesn’t

I have a 2 year old daughter and I haven’t told my dad (this was a guy)

I’ve been a stripper for 10 years and my mother doesn’t know

I’ve been passing my daughter off as my BFFs little girl and my mom doesn’t know

I’m 16 and pregnant – and my mom is the school principal and my dad is the superintendent

… Yeah, I think I’m gonna be sick

THE POINT WHERE THE SHOW ALMOST WENT HORRIBLY WRONG

When we talked to Jasmine, Kidd decided that it would be a good idea for her to practice telling her parents and that Al and Kellie should act as her parents – except rather than just play the part, Kellie tried to play a “black Southern woman” or as Al put it, “an old white Southern woman that owned slaves” – Al was slightly offended and tried to “talk black” but ended up sounding like a very bad version of Colonel Sanders – then J Si came up with his horribly offensive accent and it just went downhill from there … fortunately Kidd put a stop to it before we offended EVERYONE on the planet

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Diddy rehired Laurie Anne Gibson after he fired her on Making The Band 3

#4 – One of the America’s Next Top Model contestants is transgendered

#3 – Lindsay Lohan says her sister, Ali, did not have her boobs done

#2 – Miley Cyrus said she is not signing anymore autographs

#1 – The Jonas Brothers hate whiny girls that are mean to their moms

THE WORST BIT OF THE SHOW

Kidd hosted the Chinese Press Conference with the Chinese Women’s Gymnastics team so they could prove that they are indeed 16 and old enough to compete in the Olympics – there were some good things and some bad things about this bit – now, keep in mind that when I say bad, it doesn’t necessarily mean it wasn’t funny – just, not good

First the good – the names of the reporters and the publications they were from

Susie Smith from Wheelbarrow Weekly

J Si playing the Australian from the Daily Koala Pouch

Tyrone Johnson with Black Angus magazine

Gerald from Ben and Sven Magazine

Pepe from the Azteca Daily

Shanon Murphy from the 24 Hour Mississippi Badminton Update

Corinthian from the Black Jesus Chronicle and

Ivana La Rue (the obvious drag queen)

And then there was the bad …

The fact that Kidd doesn’t speak Chinese but tried to show off his newly acquired (but extremely limited) Chinese speaking skills by saying the phrases “can I have a fork?”, “can I have a huge fork?” and “the weather’s really good right now” – not surprisingly, each phrase sounded exactly alike

Another bad sign was when Kidd asked the gymnast the first question in English – hello – you’re the translator – how about asking her in CHINESE!!

Then there was when Tyrone Johnson with Black Angus magazine (aka Big Al) messed up the bit by asking the questions out of order from the script – who has that “not good” drop again??

PROOF THAT LIFE IS NOT FAIR

The girl that won a trip for 2 to Atlanta to see the Jonas Brothers in concert and meet them was what you would call a mediocre fan – she didn’t even know who the oldest Jonas Brother is – even I know who the oldest Jonas Brother is

Jason ended his Fantasy Fan day by interviewing Danny McBride from the movie Tropic Thunder -

The first question Jason asked, “Tell me about your role in Tropic Thunder”

Danny McBride’s response, “I’m not in Tropic Thunder”

***awkward silence***

i SO wish we could’ve seen this on video because Danny was just kidding – but I would have paid real live money to have seen Jason’s face!!

J SI’S ESL MOMENT OF THE DAY

J Si’s use of the word “parking structure” – um, you mean parking garage??

KELLIE’S COUGAR MOMENT

“I appreciate the attention from 19 years olds to 36″ – Kellie in response to the Love Letter to her

KIDD’S RANDOM COMMENT OF THE DAY

“Are you ready Bub??”  (Bub??  Who says Bub??) – Kidd to Jason about being on the show tomorrow

HIGH MAINTENANCE KIDD

Kellie texted Kidd last night to tell him that she was impressed with his acting skills on the video with Ross – Kidd tried to play it off like Kellie NEVER compliments him and fished for another one by saying, “Tell me another time you complimented me” – and of course Kellie couldn’t come up with one specific time …

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie had the wrong day all day yesterday because Shanon used a page from her calendar as scratch paper

J Si is apologizing on behalf of all the white girls in his life

Shanon thinks she has social anxiety

HIZZLE

John Mayer dumped Jennifer Aniston after being on “a break”

Lenny Kravitz may be the new front man for Velvet Revolver

Jay-Z is selling half of his 40/40 sports club for $44 million

A random actor from 40 Year Old Virgin has been arrested for stabbing his girlfriend 20 times

Tom Cruise has been replaced by Angelina Jolie in a new spy movie

“BWAAAAHHHHHHHHH” MOMENT OF THE DAY

When Kellie dated Freddy, she went to a lot of his fights – and of course when the fight is over, you’re supposed to run up and hug and kiss your man – even if he’s covered in blood, sweat and tears – and Kellie was saying how she could never do that because she was too wigged out by all the grossness – and then she’d see all those hot looking girls – and Kidd interjected “The ones kissing Freddy?” – BWAAAAHHHHHHHHH

LOVE LETTERS TO KELLIE

19 year old Dylan wrote a love letter offering to be Kellie’s next ex-husband – we called him so he could profess his love – but if you ask me, he wrote that letter just to get on the show – because he could not have seemed less interested in Kellie or the fact that he was on the show – he wasn’t even listening – but he did get extra points for saying “yes sir” and he prompted Kellie to admit that she will beat Emma Kelly – so maybe it was worth it after all

In other Love Letter News

Your ex-girlfriend/best friend can love you but not be in love with you – that’s why she’s dating other people!

If you’re making yourself “available” to your female friend at work, your girlfriend is right to be mad

If you’re 21, getting divorced and have already fallen in love with someone else, you need to slow your roll

If your husband has excessive amounts of saliva, see a doctor

BEST BREAK OF THE SHOW

So here’s where we really got to know Anna – apparently she is really, really smart – she got an 1160 on her SAT and made a 30 on the ACT – she took the GRE because she wants to go to grad school to get her Masters in Art Administration – she also knows a little bit about rap music but she’s not really good at free styling – and neither is J Si – which is why he writes all of his raps – so since Anna is J Si’s Fantasy Fan, he took her to Chick-Fil-A for a Hip-Hop Drive Thru and she was pretty good – Kidd was also impressed with Anna’s hip-hop skills and asked “where’d you get all that hood?” – apparently, she went to a “racially diverse” high school – plus she was a cheerleader and she had mad cheering skills with cheers like “It’s hot – it’s whut?  it’s hot – it’s whut?  it’s hot up in here” – too bad that was no contest from the most popular cheer at Florence Christian High School “We’re not number  1 -God is!!” – Kellie later said this wasn’t an actual cheer from her cheerleading days, but it was true that they weren’t allowed to say “We’re Number 1″ – because of course you can’t put yourself before God!!  And since Kellie couldn’t come up with an actual cheer – the fake Kellie Rasberry appeared with “real” cheers from Florence Christian – cheers like …

“You can’t beat us no matter what you do

We gonna be so much better than you

You know no matter what you say we’re right

Even if we both lose – it don’t matter cause we’re white!!!”

And then the socially conscious

“We’re white, we’re white

We’re so, so white

We’re white, we’re white

We have massive economic advantages over you”

Can you say seriously rolling on the floor laughing my butt off – Kidd honestly made my stomach hurt with that one – Kellie tried to defend herself saying that Florence Christian did have one black student – a girl names Dolores Howard – and even though Kellie has lost touch with Dolores, she was really good friends with her back in the day – of course the funny part wasn’t that Kellie had a black friend – it was that Al asked Kellie “How many sentences started with bring me or fetch me” when talking to her

OTHER ANNA INFO

Anna wants to leave Tallahassee to pursue her art career but her boyfriend of  4 years isn’t ready to leave yet – the question is whether or not they will be able to maintain a long distance relationship while she’s in Chicago or New York – we had 2 callers that had advice – one said that she and her now husband dated long distance overseas for 2 years and now they’ve been married for three – then we had the overly optimistic caller who said, “break up now” because it was inevitable that he would cheat on her so she might as well get it over with upfront!!  Yeah, good luck with that!!

SCHOOL SUPPLY LISTS

Who would have thought that school supply list could cause so much controversy – I don’t have a kid in school but as a lover of school and office supplies, I know how expensive they can be – I can also see both sides of this argument – yesterday we asked for people to send us the ridiculously long (and just ridiculous) School Supply Lists that their kids have and today, Kidd read them on the air – some of them were standard lists, but some of them got to the point where they were downright ridiculous – shaving cream, dry erase markers, toilet paper – I get why some of this stuff is necessary – though this whole idea of parents having to shell out big bucks for school supplies is just ridiculous – I had this long conversation with a teacher who called in too late to get on air – while she did have a couple of valid points, she was so busy trying to tell me why Kidd was a jerk for saying teachers were stealing school supplies – she couldn’t be bothered to listen to anything I was saying – her point was that teachers shouldn’t have to come out of their pockets to spend money on supplies for the classroom and that the school districts implement these programs that require things like glitter glue and shaving cream – and that parents shouldn’t mind spending $50-60 when it goes to help their children – I agreed that teachers shouldn’t have to spend their money and tried to tell her that the blame goes back to the school district and the state for not allocating enough money towards supplies – as citizens, we pay taxes to support the public school system, so things outside of the standard paper and pens should be supplied by the school and that $50-60 adds up for families with multiple children – especially when so many people are struggling to make ends meet – there really is no right or wrong answer to this one – I realize that kids get bored and teachers have to come up with creative ways to teach – and I get that there are a lot of children with learning differences and disabilities and need to be taught in different ways – but “requiring” parents to spend $100 on supplies that may or not be used by the kid isn’t right either – I live in a state that has a lottery and taxes that are supposed to be sent right back to education – but I’ve yet to see any sweeping improvements – I think the real question needs to be directed back to the state and administration and find out just where all this money is going – then maybe the people who really need the money (teachers and parents) can hang on to a little more of it!

WII CONTEST

For the Wiidnesday contest, you had to guess which artist sang the Wii song

QUESTIONS

We Belong Together

We Are Family

We Belong

We Are the World

ANSWERS

Mariah Carey

Sister Sledge

Pat Benetar

Michael Jackson

Surprisingly enough, the first caller got all 4 songs immediately – so Kidd had the rest of the show guess the remaining songs – the first one was We Don’t Need Another Hero by Tina Turner – it took Al a minute to remember Tina’s name so he immediately accused Al of cheating and said that someone had given Al the answers in his headphones – now, I know that no one gave Al the answers because the only person that ever helped Al was Troy – and since he’s no longer here, Al is on his own – the next song was “We Got the Beat”  - J Si guessed Debbie – WHO?  Kellie obviously knew it but Kidd wasn’t about to let Al make it on not knowing the artist so he bet his life that Al wouldn’t get it – actually, his exact words were, “I’ll bet … my life – that Al won’t get this!” and then stood there looking all smug – and then God smiled on Al because he suddenly said, “The Go-Go’s!” – BWWWAAAAHHHHH!!!!  ” Kidd you gotta die” Kellie said – and Shanon tried to be nice and politely asked, “How do you want your life to be taken” – but I guess Kidd didn’t think it was nearly as funny as everyone else did – cause he just moved on to the next song

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Billy Bob Thornton will play Freddy Krueger in the new Nightmare on Elm Street

#4 – Chase Crawford says Gossip Girls is not a bad influence on teens

#3 – Paris Hilton is being sued for not promoting her movie

#2 – John Mayer has dumped Jennifer Aniston

#1 – Carrie Underwood says Tony Romo still calls her even though he is dating Jessica Simpson

OLYMPIC TALK

You know what would be great – if someone on the show was actually watching the Olympics – because I’m watching it – and so is everyone I know – I wanted to pop Kidd in the head when he said that it was Alicia Sacramone’s fault that the women lost the gold medal – yeah she messed up twice, but even if we hadn’t had those deductions, we still wouldn’t have had enough points to beat China – it would’ve been a smaller margin but we still wouldn’t have beat them – and the Chinese women weren’t perfect – they had a couple of mistakes and even if the USA women had been perfect, we still would’ve needed another big mistake on China’s part because of their level of difficulty and start values – I felt so bad for Alicis because you know she felt like it was all her fault – I don’t care how bad she screwed up – that is WAY too much pressure to put on an 18 year olds’ shoulders – and was I the only one who heard Bela throw out the slam against the underage Chinese women – too funny – those girls are 12 years old and they know it!  Anyway, I love the Olympics and I miss the days back when they showed all the events – even the teams that weren’t going to medal – now we just get to see a few highlights here and there – even if they aren’t the teams that are going to medal, they’re still the best in their countries – and that translates to the best in the world – and who doesn’t want to see that??

iTunes Top 5

5. Katy Perry – I Kissed A Girl
4. The Game & Lil Wayne – MY Life

3. Jonas Brothers – Burnin’ Up

2. M.I.A. – Paper Planes

1. Rihanna – Disturbia

KELLIE’S WRONG DANCE

Kellie said that the Duran Duran video Rio was filmed in Sri Lanka – but it was actually filmed in Antigua – after Kidd did the dance, Kellie still refused to say that she was wrong – because they did film one of their videos in Sri Lanka

and now for the very first time, recorded forever in history, the KELLIE’S WRONG DANCE

6:18 AM – FIRST TIME KIDD WAS WRONG TODAY

Kidd said guys can’t name things and then we took a million calls from men that say it’s okay to name inanimate objects as long as you use a girl’s name

FUNNIEST CONVERSATION OF THE SHOW

Is there out there now that feels me right now – Kidd

Would you like a guy to feel you? – Kellie

There’s only one thing a guy can name – Kidd

NO NO NO – everyone on the show

That makes you a tool – J Si

KELLIE’S WRONG DANCE

Kellie said Kim Basinger was nominated for an Oscar for Mulholland Drive or something like that – Kidd looked it up and it was actually LA Confidential – which, Kellie did come up with before Kidd did – she was talking it out (like on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire) when Kidd called her out – even Ross had her back but Kidd did the Kellie’s Wrong Dance anyway – y’all know I love me some Kellie Rasberry, but watching Kidd do the KRD does make me happy

KIDD’S “I’M GAY” MOMENT

Kidd has said “cute” about 10 times this week – to balance it out, he’s skinning a deer in his office – yeah right!

KIDD’S “LOOK AT ME – I’M SMARTER THAN YOU” MOMENT

Kidd was all proud of himself because he spotaneouesly said “Because he’s ROSSOME” in reference to Ross – when the show tried to call him on his cheesiness, Kidd said it was his catchphrase and he could alter it if he wanted – except Aly in the Chat Room came up with Rossome around  7:19am – and tigernamedtony made up rosstastic – so you’re kind of late dude

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Endorsements are crazy for shooting – Kidd talking about the Olympic gold medalist for “shooting”

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie injured herself this morning and drew blood

Big Al says there is no need to be naked old guy in the gym

J Si has learned the difference between a real and a fake diamond

Shanon hopes she’s able to share her Footloose video with the world – because it’s fabulous

Shanon tried to learn the Footloose dance so that she could clear the dance floor and perform it at 80s night at the club – I could tell you the whole story but it’s nearly as entertaining as the video itself

FANTASY FAN OF THE DAY

ROSS!!!  I hope Ross is prepared to step it up because Tigernamedtony07 is expecting “ross to be a pizza man today and deliver” – what was supposed to be Ross telling us all about himself turned into a major discussion on whether or not it’s okay for guys to name inanimate objects – Ross won Kidd’s heart by telling him that he just got a new I Mac – but Ross lost him when he said he named his 24″ I Mac, Natasha – Kidd maintained that it was less than manly to name stuff – to which J Si responded with “Oh please, Outfit Boy” – that made me laugh!!  But J Si said it was okay to name stuff as long as you give it a girl name – unless it’s your PS3 – you can give that a guy name because that’s your boy, your homey – and just to prove his point – J Si shared that he named his car Carrie and his Playstation Thomas – if there was a Kidd’s Wrong Dance, we would have been doing it about now because every single call I took was from a guy saying that he named his car, guitar, computer, etc. and they all had girl names – so Kidd, you were wrong.

HIZZLE

Tori Spelling quit the remake of 90210

Denise Richards will not be on “Dancing With the Stars”

Britney Spears is doing an interview with OK! Magazine

Kate Hudson was moving too fast for Lance Armstrong

Hayden Panettiere’s dad is out on bail

NEW MUSIC TUESDAY

Jonas Brothers – A Little Bit Longer
Various Artists – Songs for Tibet: The Art of Peace
New Kids on the Block – Greatest Hits
Extreme – Saudades de Rock

Kidd and Ross hung out yesterday and Ross came up with a plan to steal Kidd’s Rock Band back from J Si – so they headed over to J Si’s and “kidnapped” Kinsey and forced her to participate in their scheme by stuffing a sock in her mouth – I don’t know if it was clean or used or what – but that just sounds nasty!!  Anyway, while they were at J Si’s they went through his room and found all kinds of weird stuff – which shouldn’t be a big surprise knowing how weird J Si is!!  they almost got busted on the way out of the parking garage but Kidd with his quick thinking/great lying told J Si they were filming something about his wisdom teeth – and J Si aka Mr. Oblivious fell for it – so imagine how surprised he was when they brought in the Rock Band this morning – ha-ha-ha!!!  Oh well – it wasn’t J Si’s game to begin with – though I seriously doubt that Kidd will be hosting and Rock Band tournaments at the house anytime soon – it’s just going to sit around and collect dust – but that’s okay, this whole scheme got us this great video – and isn’t that what’s really important??

KELLIE’S DIARY

YAY!!!  I LOVE Kellie’s Diary – why?  Because Kidd does the Kellie voice and that’s what makes the diary so great – ao last week Kellie had her worst date ever – and it was all her fault – Kellie has a really bad sinus infection but had to go to a fundraiser for Kidd’s Kids – so she and Mr. Date were going to make an appearance at the event and then head out to dinner – and it seemed like everything was going okay until something flew into Kellie’s eye which caused her to cry for about 10 minutes before she finally took off for the bathroom to retrieve the foreign object from her eye – then she grabbed an hor d’oeuvres while Mr. Date took off to get them some wine – everything’s great, right – yeah until Kellie began choking on the hor d’oeuvre and go into a severe coughing fit – she was coughing so violently that Kellie thought she was going to throw up – so she took off for the bathroom again – by this time she had coughed her way into a new voice and had cried off all of her makeup and Mr. Date still wanted to take her to dinner – but during dinner, Kellie’s nose stopped up thanks to her sinus infection and she turned into Miss Mouth Breather – that’s attractive – somehow she made it through dinner – but no kissy-kissy for her – instead, Mr. Date offered up the excuse that he was leaving for the Grand Canyon the next morning – now THAT’S a bad blow off!!  Mr. Date did call the next day to make sure that Kellie was alive but Kellie doesn’t think he’ll ever ask her out again because she hasn’t heard from him since …

BAD DATE STORIES

Kellie’s bad date prompted us to take calls on your worst date – but instead of bad dates where your date sucked, we wanted to hear from people who ruined their own first dates – I have to admit, here were some really good ones – like the guy who didn’t realize that he didn’t have enough money to cover the bill – then when he tried to explain it to the waiter, the waiter fronted him out in front of his date!!  Then there was the girl that puked 3 times during dinner and one of those times was almost on her date – and the girl who had pictures of her vacation with her ex in her purse – when they fell out, her date asked about them and she proceeded to have a breakdown, complete with tears, in front of her date – there was the OCD girl who had to order a whole new plate of food after her date touched it – and the girl that was drunk before her date picked her up – there was a guy that knocked out his date with his elbow while they were doing some Tejano dancing – and then the kickers – the girl who got into a fight with some random drunk chick who was hitting her car with a hammer – then there was the girl who got really drunk on her date with Redneck Steve (and Big AL) – and Al couldn’t remember the date – and the guy that punched his date in the boob and accidentally pulled her skirt down when he tripped while trying to hand her a drink – they’re married now, for the record!!  2 funny calls that didn’t make it on air – the girl who backed her dates truck into a car – she ended up getting arrested because she was underage and the police called her husband – then there was the guy whose male date left him in the movie theater after he screamed in the middle of the scary movie – yeah, that would’ve been enough to make me leave you too!

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Hayden Panetierre’s dad is out on bail

#4 – Lance Armstrong dumped Kate Hudson because she wanted to get serious

#3 – Sean Paul busted on drug charges at a reggae concert in Sweden

#2 – Barack Obama asked Joss Stone to do his campaign song

#1 – Disability groups are boycotting Ben Stiller’s movie because of the use of the word retard

FREDDY UPDATE

Freddy is back in New York with his mom and with everything that has been going on – he hasn’t really been paying attention to all of this things that are going on in the world – he hasn’t been very aware of the world affairs or politics – but all of that has changed and Freddy was inspired to write the song “We’re Not Going Down – it’s really inspiring and you can check it out here

ROSS’ WEIGHT

If you’ve ever met Ross in person, you’ve probably noticed that Ross is a big guy – and until today, I never noticed just how big – Ross weighs 492 pounds – I never would’ve guessed – and I’m not sure why – maybe because I’m not good at guessing weight – maybe because I first met Ross in a Chat Room – maybe because Ross’ personality is much bigger than his body could ever physically be – whatever the case, the fact remains that Ross is a big guy – and while he hasn’t always been this big and he doesn’t currently have any health problems, that probably won’t always be the case – so Ross has decided to take control of his weight and his life and do something about it – he has decided to have lap band surgery and he’s already started the process – Ross has tried to lose the weight the “right” way and this is pretty much a last resort for him – Ross knows that he needs to make a change and he’s 100% committed to it – and maybe that’s why his story touched us so much – but it didn’t touch anyone the way it touched Kidd – while Kidd was reading Ross’ story (which you can read here), he asked for help in getting the lap band done for Ross because it won’t be covered by insurance – and then he did something that Kidd rarely does – he offered to pay for the procedure himself if we couldn’t find someone to do it – I was blown away – I’ve seen Kidd do some really generous things in my time as a listener and while working here – but this is a really expensive surgery – but Kidd is the kind of person that knows how one thing can change your life forever – and I think that’s why he offered this up for Ross – it’s not often you come across people who are really, really good – and Ross is definitely one of the good – this is the kind of thing that can give Ross’ life a total 180 – and I for one, can’t wait to watch it all unfold!!

Poor Big Al – usually when we need someone to run to the deli, there’s a whole crew of people standing around – but our “crew” has dwindled over the last week or two – so Big Al decided to send Anna, J Si’s Fantasy Fan, who was watching the show today – and because Big Al is big time – he gave her his credit card – which means “Breakfast is On Big Al” – thanks Al – I’ll have some Chee-TOES please!!!

The show ended with Ross (of course) but not before he had his celebrity interview with iCarly aka Miranda Cosgrove – it was a decent interview, though it could have been a little more conversational – Ross seemed really well prepared – despite the fact that he dropped his iPhone that had all of his questions on it – and he ended the interview awkwardly – but I’ll blame that on Big Al – because he’s the one that gave the “so make them feel comfortable – something positive that you know that they did and they know that they’re very fond to them” advice -

Private note to Ross:  For future reference, Al’s advice is never a “do”, it’s always a “don’t”!!

I don’t know who to hold responsible for today’s show, but that person will NOT be getting my undying love and devotion

Kidd - I don’t care if you were on a plane at 1am – you are NOT allowed to be that late the day after 2 celebrities died – usually when you’re late, I think you just overslept or you’re sitting in your car listening to the first break – today I prayed we wouldn’t find you a la Isaac Hayes

Big Al - maybe next time you’ll think twice before basing your decisions solely on looks

J Si – hurry up and heal your teeth – the show sucks when you can’t laugh

Kellie – I know you’re sick but you’re still pretty perfect

And Shanon – I (unlike some unnamed people – Kidd) do not hold you personally responsible when the show crashes and burns

I still love you all and I know tomorrow will be better

BEST LINE OF THE SHOW

It was great – I would do it again if I had more wisdom – J Si talking about his wisdom teeth surgery

CHAT ROOM COMMENT OF THE DAY

We should have known Al’s fan would be the one without the radio personality– but as usual he didn’t disappoint in the looks dept – Lucy

FUNNIEST CONVERSATION OF THE SHOW

“What do you think Rosa’s chances are of having a career in radio?” – Kidd

“Not good” – Kellie

“Thank you” – Rosa

“You’re welcome sweetie” – Kellie

FUNNIEST LINE OF THE SHOW

What Kidd would be listed under in Big Al’s phone

What would you put Kidd under if you met him at a bar and didn’t know him? – J Si

DJ Pocket – Al

TRUER WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN SPOKEN

“This is what you’re best at – monologue – continuous talking” – Kidd referring to Al interviewing Carly Patterson

WHY YOU GOTTA ACT LIKE YOU KNOW WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW

Al was talking about the kid with the medical problem that was walking with Yao Ming during the Olympic Opening Ceremonies – um, way to go and screw up a really good story Al – the real story is that the little boy is 9 year old Lin Hao and he survived the Chinese earthquake – he was selected because after getting himself free, he went back into the collapsing school and saved 2 of his friends – when they asked him why he went back in – he said “I’m the hall monitor – it’s my job” – it makes me cry just thinking about it

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM KKITM aka INTERVIEW TIPS FROM BIG AL MACK

“so make them feel comfortable – something positive that you know that they did and they know that they’re very fond to them” – Big Al Mack – I think I’m gonna put this on a t-shirt

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie tried to watch the Olympics but had to watch I Love Money on VH1 instead

Big Al gave a shout out to Cullen Jones for winning the gold medal in swimming

J Si is alive

Shanon woke up on J SI’s couch

Rosa is here

And Kidd is not

FIRST (AND LAST) OLYMPIC FACT WITH ROSA

Olympic medals were last made out of gold in 1912 – except she said it wrong – she said “The Olympic that were entirely out of gold were awarded in 1912″

HIZZLE

Clay Aiken’s baby was born

Mary-Kate Olsen posted pictures of her partying on her Facebook for everyone to see

Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes both passed away this weekend

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson refused to have their picture made with the chef at a NY restaurant

J SI’S ORAL SURGERY

Well, J Si showed up to work today,  so it looks like he was able to make it through the surgery alive – but it wasn’t without a little comic relief – leading up tot ht e surgery, J Si’s biggest concern was peeing in his pants while he was under – he even considered getting an adult diaper on his way – but instead of stopping off for Depends, he taught Kinsey how to use the recorder so she could record him while he was drugged up – the dental assistants joined in on the “HA-HA-HA, J Si’s drugged up so let’s ask him a lot of questions” fun – the only problem was that J Si was so out of it, he was pretty much unintelligible – I couldn’t understand a word that was coming out of his mouth (thank you Chris Tucker) – but there was one thing I did understand – when someone asked “Are you and Kinsey gonna get married” – SILENCE – a little too convenient, don’t you think??  The surgery went well and only took about 30 minutes and J Si said he didn’t feel a thing – afterwards, Kinsey offered to get J Si his favorite Taco Bell and put it in a blender but he was more concerned with calling Kidd – imagine a drugged up J Si calling up Kidd saying “Hey Kidd – wanna go get a beer?”

BIG AL’S WEEKEND WRAP UP

So Rosa hung out with Big Al on Saturday so they could do some bits and she could see what Al does on the weekend – the only problem is that Rosa is really quiet – and after dinner Friday night, Al knew he was going to have to do something drastic to get any kind of reaction out of her – so he treated her the same way he treats his girlfriends – he put her to work …

J Si said her thought Al made her do the lawn because she’s a Mexican and Tigernamedtony wanted to make sure she got this message, “Umm Rosa, if you can see this I’m having a FantasyFan Part 2 contest later today …” – After Rosa did all of Al’s weekend chores, it was time to party – that went out to the lake and hung out on Redneck Steve’s boat – still no major reactions from Rosa, but we did find out that Rosa thinks Redneck Steve is hot

Kidd was late today – he said it had something to do with him being on a plane at 1am in the morning but he offered up the following lame excuses …

5. He was competing in the 400M relay with Michael Phelps – well, sort of – he actually just gave him a push

4. He went back in time – back to when he hired Big Al to see if he could undo it

3. He met with J Si’s dentist to get his wisdom teeth so that he could try and negotiate to get his Rock Band game back  2. He went to see Dark Knight again – the movie started at 4am and he thought he could make it

1. Kidd thought that Fantasy Fan meant they host the show

BA DUM PSHHHHH

PICK A HOTTIE

We decided to go through Al’s Phone book again in a quest for hotties – and since it’s Al phone, where should we start – by searching for the word “hot”- here are the search results …

Hot But No Idea

Hot But Stupid

Hot Ex Asian – she and Al dated a little but – so she’s kind of his ex, she’s Asian and she’s hot

Hot Latin Primo

Hot Stuff

Hottie O Bar

Carami Hot

Cici White Dress Hot

Christy Trainer Hot

I Bet She’s Hot – cause you haven’t met her yet???

Jack Hottttt – not BGJ – girl named Jackie

Jess Teacher Hot

Katiya Hot

Kelli Primo Sistah Hot

Lynn Fam Hot Realtor

Maria!!!! HOTTTTTT

Marie Asian Hit 4

Michelle Hot Playa (as in Playa del Carmen)

Missy Hot Wolf

Patti – Way Hot – Tattoo On Leg (who according to Kellie has no use for Al)

Hot Dirty Conversation

Sonya Hottie 9 – cause she’s a 9 on the hottie scale

Tish Hot Hot

Tracy Hot

So out of all these names, we decided to call Hot But Stupid because we thought she’d be the most interesting – guess who answered the phone … KINSEY!!

We were supposed to talk to Diddy today – but while we were waiting to get a confirmation, we got a cancellation instead – so we decided to call Diddy on his phone – but instead of leaving a professional voice mail asking him to reschedule, we let Psycho Shanon leave a message – it went something like this “Hi there Diddy – this is Psycho Shanon with the Ryan Seacrest show – you were supposed to be on our show today because allegedly  your flight got delayed – but I don’t believe you – and because you didn’t call, you ruined our entire show and now Ryan hates you – and um, (awkward pause) I’m not Psycho Shanon – um, o … kay … then we played the Psycho Shanon – It’s My Show Theme song – I think it’s safe to say that we’ll never have Diddy on our show now

I hate to say this because normally I try to be nice to listeners (despite what people would have you believe) but so far Rosa’s appearance on the show left much to be desired – and certainly not worthy of a trip to Playa del Carmen – that’s right – you read correctly  – a trip to Playa – but don’t get it twisted – it wasn’t a prize, or even a reward, from KKITM – this was all courtesy of Big Al Mack – though I’m not sure what for – maybe he felt bad for making her mow his lawn and pick up dog poop – or maybe as the Chat Room Mrs_Al_Mack said, “she will have to bartend there ” – whatever it was, it still didn’t elicit an interesting response – I wonder what would’ve happened if he had told her she had just won the lottery – I’m guessing nothing – and lest you think my critique too harsh, Tigertony 07 said, “Rosa, I’m bout to jump out of a window and hope to catch my eyelid on a nail.” – hmmm … still nothing  - if it wasn’t enough that Rosa prepared nothing, had nothing to say and basically said “thanks” after receiving a free trip to Mexico, there was some talk behind the scenes about the WHY Al gave Rosa the trip – was it to get a plug for Al’s Two Gay Guys In A Bucket Bar?  Was it to get some sort of reaction out of Rosa?  Was it to make up for the fact that out of the 2 minute and 12 second interview with Carly Patterson, Al only let Rosa talk for 9 seconds?  I can’t call whose fault the bad interview was – it could’ve been Al’s fault for his non-stop rambling or it could’ve been Rosa’s fault for her non-stop silence (abbeym32 said “she might as well be an avatar” – dude harsh!!  either way, the interview was bad – and that sucked because I was actually interested in Carly Patterson – but oh well … at least the day was almost over

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Carey Hart’s brother died in a motorcycle accident during a practice session

#4 – Hayden Panitierre’s dad was arrested for spousal abuse

#3 – Nicole Scherzinger from the Pussy Cat Dolls was caught making out with Will.I.Am

#2 – Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes both passed away over the weekend

#1 – 10,000 fans showed up to see the Jonas Brothers perform on Good Morning America

THE BREAK WHERE THE SHOW LOST ME aka POOP TALK

When Kidd started talking about why his flight was delayed, I thought this was going somewhere – and as it turns out, it did – down the toilet – literally – apparently the flight was delayed due to a SBA - Significant Bathroom Event – really?  Did I need to know this?  No – but he continued anyway – there was talk about who had been in the bathroom and use of the other bathroom and how long it had been and yeah – I just tuned out – I’m sorry, but ew.  And I mean – so much “ew” that I couldn’t even focus when he got to the real story about the 73 year old woman whose husband was catastrophically injured – I can’t tell you what the exact details were because I was still ooged out by poop talk – but it doesn’t matter because according to the phone calls I got, the woman gave Kidd incorrect info anyway – so there you have it

BOOB TALK

The Chinese have been taking photos with the blonde haired tourists because blonde hair is such a foreign concept in Chinas Kidd said the closest he had seen anything come to that was when he was on a cruise and tourists were taking pictures with topless women – Kellie thought that was stupid because as she so eloquently put it, “A boob is a boob is a boob” – I would tend to agree – that is until a man called in to set me straight – he said “Saying all boobs are alike is like telling a woman that all diamonds are alike” – point taken.

As Rosa’s Fantasy Fan day came to a close, we asked Rosa the best thing about the show and she said Andrew – really??  Andrew??  I think Lucy called it correctly – “Rosa has her fingers crossed behind her back”