oh Big Al ….

August 5, 2008 at 6:28 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

FUNNIEST LINE OF THE SHOW

“Would there ever be a Church of the Big Jesus Christ Up There?” – Kidd talking about Miley Cyrus’ Teen Choice Awards acceptance speech

OOGEY QUOTE OF THE DAY

“My finger has a mind of its own” – Al as oogey Finger Man

BEHIND THE SCENES AWKWARD ANDREW MOMENT

“Kidd’s still talking to Mr. Cube” – Andrew “What Are You TAALKING About” Video Guy

yes, this is Andrew …

THINGS I LEARNED ON THE SHOW TODAY

“I was kinda kidding – I had a drink in my hand” – how you know Big Al is kidding

MY PERSONAL ‘HA-HA-HA!!!” MOMENT

“I don’t need YOU to produce” – Kidd to Al when his headphones aren’t working correctly

AWKWARD “I’M TRYING TO BE COOL IN FRONT OF ICE CUBE” MOMENTS FROM KIDD

“Gonna pour some gravy on that biscuit” – Kidd talking about clearing a room for a fight

“You don’t roll bones in Vegas” – um, Kidd – you don’t roll bones, you throw bones – bones are DOMINOS not DICE!!

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie is insisting on talking about the Teen Choice Awards because she took notes

Big Al has pound cake made by his mama

J Si saw 10 year old twins wearing t-shirts with inappropriate sayings

Shanon says you should be able to criticize parents

Kidd has a new bit based on Shanon’s last few blogs

Shanon and J Si complained about babies crying on planes – and Kidd (who had a baby at one point in time) even jumped in on the action – J Si said they sat in front of a woman whose kid basically screamed the entire plane ride – and that she should have done something about it – um, hello – do you think it was enjoyable for her to listen to her kid cry for 2 hours – trust me when I say that there is nothing worse than listening to your child cry – you can bet it wasn’t at all a fun time for her – Kidd then jumped in with his idea for the soundproof baby box and Kellie wanted to know the ending of that Jodie Foster movie where her kid disappears on the plane- um, A.D.D. Break anyone??

RANDOM STUFF FROM THE TEEN CHOICE AWARDS

Miley Cyrus thanked the Big Jesus Christ up there during her acceptance speech

Lauren Conrad forgot the name of the kid she was going to mention during her acceptance speech

Kevin of the Jonas Brothers needs to rethink wearing the too tight pants

18 year old Hayden Pannitierre screamed when she won her Teen Choice Awards and all Kellie could think is “she’s sleeping with a 38 year old man”

HIZZLE

Lauren Conrad will be a presenter at the Emmy’s and the models will wear her designs

Morgan Freeman was in a bad car accident and is in serious but stable condition in the hospital

Only 300 people showed up for American Idol auditions in Puerto Rico

Lindsay Lohan’s dad said he won’t walk her down the aisle if she marries Samantha Lohan

DIANTHE VS KELLIE

Could this be the end??  Kidd started it with this blog - and while he was trying to stir the pot, as he put it – there was some validity to what he said – I entered the Fantasy Fan contest when I realized there were only like 3 entries – I figured I had a shot – so what if the rules said employees couldn’t enter the contest – I think we all know that Kidd hates rules – and what better way to break the rules than with me – THE biggest KKITM fan ever – so I entered the contest by filming my own video and appealing to my BFOTS (Best Friend On The Show), Kellie Rasberry – I fulfilled all of her requirements that she listed and pointed that out in my video – and then about 10 people promptly copied me – whateve – imitation is the highest form of flattery, right?  at least that’s what Elvis said (thank you Miley Cyrus) – but I still thought that even if Kellie didn’t pick me, she would at least mention it – but no – not only did she not mention my video on air, she didn’t even bother to mention it to me off air – no “thanks for picking me as your favorite … AGAIN” – I got nothing – and then, to add insult to injury, the person she picks for her Fantasy Fan was a DIRECT rip off of MY video – so Kidd really was supporting me by pointing out that Kellie totally dissed me – Kellie did apologize (though like Stephen pointed out, “Is it just me or does Kellie not sound sincere at all?”) – and she offered to buy me a present – and though Kellie does give great gifts a raise from Kidd would be much better!  I don’t know – at the end of the day, my feelings are still a little hurt – and while I love Kidd to death and he is indirectly responsible for me meeting my husband – I do still love me some Kellie Rasberry – after all, like Tiffers110 pointed out, “she’s Kellie effing Rasberry, dammit.”

Before Ice Cube got to the studio, Al announced that his mom sent a piece of cake just for Ice Cube – and Kidd being Kidd, decided he wanted to taste the cake first – so even though Al tried to keep it from him, Kidd grabbed the cake and broke off a piece (with his bare hands) – if that wasn’t bad enough, he pointed out that Dora Bell’s (ding dong) cake was a little dry – actually, Kidd just said it wasn’t that good – but Kidd couldn’t just let it go – he then had J Si taste it – and J Si called it sour – then he made Kellie come in from her studio and taste it – and she pointed that the sour taste was because it was lemony – and while it was a tad bit dry, it was still okay – but that wasn’t good enough for Kidd – he wanted Kellie to flat out say that the cake was BAD – and far be it for Kidd to allow Kellie to try and be tactful, he decided to treat her as a hostile witness and badgered her over and over again with, “YES OR NO – IS IT GOOD??  YES OR NO – IS IT GOOD??” – easy dude – you are asking her to bash a 75 year old woman!!  of course this was all Big Al needed to hear – in about 2.2 seconds, he went into Dino mode with his high pitched “what – I know you not talking about my mama’s cake – call her – you call Dora Bell Mack right now and tell her you don’t like her cake” protests – and just to prove the point, Al had the phone screeners get an unsuspecting Mrs. Mack on the phone – too bad she didn’t know that it was because everyone on the show dogged out her cake – poor Mrs. Mack – in his defense, Al did try and defend his mom by tasting the cake on air – but maybe not the best move considering YOU LEFT THE CAKE IN YOUR CAR ALL NIGHT!!!   Al tasted the cake and then began to choke – I think he needed a little milk – which is exactly what Ice Cube said when he tasted Mrs. Mack’s cake – but that’s not the point – the point is that Big Al should know better than to go up against Kidd – because even though Al tried to throw Kidd under the bus for talking trash about his mama’s cake – Kidd turned it around on Al – all of a sudden it was Big Al on …

FRONT STREET WOAH, FRONT STREET WOAH

First, Kidd fronted Al out by asking Mrs. Mack about Big Al growing up in Compton – yeah, even though Al’s son Korey was born in Compton and even though Al’s mom lived in Compton for a minute – Big Al never actually lived there – then Kidd followed up with “Mrs. Mack, how proud were you when Al was playing for the Dallas Cowboys” – as a mom, I know you’re always supposed to support your child – which is why I understood when she said, “I guess I better not say anything about that either” – poor Al – even your mama knows you’re a huge liar

FAKE AND BAKE IT

Al hooked up with a DJ at DJ School after asking her inappropriate questions like, are you really a woman – clearly she has high standards – ::eyeroll::  anyway – she may or may not have a tanning problem – and because of that J Si recorded a new song that may or may not have been in reference to her – or other women who have an addiction to tanning – the tanorexics of the world, if you will – to his credit, J Si sounded just like the Metro Station dude – but instead of singing “Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake-a, Shake It” – he sang “Fake, Fake, Fake, Fake and Bake It” – to get the full effect, you have to hear the song on the kPod – but prepare to hear compelling lyrics like “Smells like bacon”, “Can’t tell if you’re Jamaican” and “Your mom and an orange had an affair”

MORE HOW SORRY IS BIG AL

The show went to New Orleans right after Katrina and couldn’t catch a flight back home because of the new flight schedule – but since the whole show was there, they decided to give a little money back to the NOLA economy and headed for the French Quarter – everyone except for Al – who decided to hang out in his hotel room because he “waiting on a phone call” i.e. a booty call from a listener that he had just met that day

ICE CUBE IN STUDIO

Ice Cube was in studio today and he was SEXY!!!  You know I was extra cute today and I have to say it paid off because I think he was checking me out – and when we took our picture (you KNOW I got a picture), he gave me an extra big smile – no, I’m not delusional – it’s all true!!

see, he wants me …

The funniest part of the interview was when Kidd asked Ice Cube to give Al lessons on being a little more, shall we say, “harder” than he currently is – because well, in Al’s words, “I’m the kinder gentler black guy” – so Al’s first lesson was learning how to establish his rep, so to speak – so when things are about to go down, Cube told Al he should say something like, “When I come back, I’m clearing everything outta this room – so you better be gone when I come back” – Kidd tried it first and sounded like the whitest of the white men – and then Al tried it – and I have to say, that he didn’t sound much better than Kidd – that may sound harsh but I’m not the only one who though that – Lucy said, “funny ice is trying to teach al how to be black hahahaha” – see, it’s not just me!  But I do have to give Big Al credit for calling the show out for not knowing who Morris Chestnut was – especially since he starred in Boyz In The Hood with Ice Cube – and just for the record, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we “haven’t had time” to get to J Si asking black people if they recognized Morris Chestnut – I’m pretty sure J Si got his butt handed to him with that challenge – so if you’re wondering where that bit went – it’s probably been buried – why?  Because all black people know who Morris Chestnut is!!  But I digress – if pointing out Al’s lack of “hardness” wasn’t enough humiliation, Kidd dug out Big Al’s first (and only) acting debut in The Riff – it never fails to amuse the masses and Ice Cube was no exception – I wish you could have seen his face – he was more than amused – I think the look I recognized was full on fall on the floor laughter – but I think he held it together so as not to hurt Al’s feelings!  Overall, I love Ice Cube more than I did when I got up this morning – and that was already a lot – definitely check out his new movie, Longshots – it sounds like it’s going to be a good one and you can take the kids – plus it was directed by Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit!!

WHO IS THE BEST WHITE RAPPER

Because Ice Cube is one of the original gangsta rappers, we decided to get his opinion on who the best of the white rappers is – Kidd pitted each of the rappers against each other in a bracket style rap off

Paul Wall vs House of Pain – Paul Wall took it even though Cube and Everlast are friends

Lady Sovereign vs. Kid Rock – Kid Rock took it because, well Lady Sovereign is lame!

Bubba Sparxx vs. Vanilla Ice – Bubba Sparxx – duh.

Eminem vs. Limp Bizkit – Eminem because Limp Bizkit is a better director than rapper

Beastie Boys vs. The FloBots – Beastie Boys because they are old school

Snow vs Syrai – Snow won out because although he sucks – Informer is a fun song

On to Round 2 -

Eminem vs. DJ Lazy Eye aka Shanon – we put DJ Lazy Eye got a bye the first round and shockingly enough, knocked out Eminem with a 1-2 punch – personally, this elevated my already insane attraction to Ice Cube to an even higher status – I mean, who doesn’t think Shanon is a fantastic rapper/singer/performer – I mean who, besides Kidd, doesn’t think Shanon is a fantastic rapper/singer/performer – um, no one – and Cube called it – his exact words were “I think Lazy Eye is the best white rapper in the world” – and THAT boys and girls, is what Shanon should put on a t-shirt!!  Anyway, we ended up spending so much time with the “Who Is The Best White Rapper” contest that we didn’t have time for the rap off between Kidd, J Si and Big Al – so instead, Big Al decided to do an exhibition – here’s a clue as to how it went – Al rhymed “Ice Cube” and “inner tube” – um, yeah.

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Bernie Mac is still alive despite reports that he died

#4 – Only 300 people showed up to the American Idol auditions in Puerto Rico

#3 – Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are considering a trial marriage

#2 – Morgan Freeman was in a car accident and is in the hospital in serious condition

#1 – Nick Jonas and Selena Gomez are dating

One of the downsides to this job is being a semi-celebrity – that means that a larger than average number of people recognize you when you’re out somewhere – and for most of us, this isn’t a problem – unless your name is Big Al Mack and you routinely do dumb things – because then people feel compelled to email the show and call you out – like today, when a listener emailed Kidd to let him know that that Al had hit on a hot Latin girl in the security line at the airport – but you know that wasn’t all of the story – the important part of the story was the fact that he looked at her and said, “apparently, I forgot to wand you” – and you all know Al well enough to know that he didn’t say it in a funny, lighthearted way – he said it in a lecherous, oogey way – why?  Because we all know that the whole “hi – I’m Al – it’s nice to meet you” thing would never work

SETH ROGAN and JAMES FRANCO PHONER

We were the 47th interview and either they were really tired or really well … heh heh heh – they called to promote their new movie, Pineapple Express which is basically a plea to legalize marijuana – and that’s pretty much what the whole interview was – them talking about marijuana, talking about how they were gonna pretend to smoke marijuana at the VMAs and they even said they were “smoking weed right now” – um, good to know.  Yeah, what I took away from this interview – Seth and James think “weed should only be legal for people who want to use it” – words of wisdom from Seth Rogan and James Franco

1 Comment »

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  1. All black people do know who Morris Chesnut is!!!


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