Kidd Kraddick Remix

Let’s start the day off with a quote from Ross - the show should be renamed from Kidd Kraddick In The Morning to 3 Gay Guys And A Cougar In The Morning  - BWAAAAHHHHHH!!!

“SAVE THAT” OF THE DAY

I have monkey feet – Kidd

FUNNIEST CONVERSATION OF THE SHOW

Kidd talking about the girl who broke his heart

Or Vicky to her American friends – Kidd

Or Licky Licky to those who really knew her – Kellie

FUNNIEST LINE OF THE SHOW

“Kidd, you bring every pile of crap you cook up here – let Jack bring his quiche”  Kellie

KELLIE’S BIT KILLER MOMENT

“Are you calling me a whore??”  Well if that doesn’t bring the show to a screeching halt …

INAPPROPRIATE USE OF THE KELLIE’S WRONG DANCE

Kellie reported a gossip story yesterday that David and Victoria Beckham were in a horrible car crash – then we found out that the whole thing was a hoax – Kidd did the Kellie’s wrong dance but since Kellie was only repeating what 100 gossip websites were reporting, I’m calling foul on today’s use of the Kellie’s Wrong Dance

KIDD’S MOST BRILLIANT IDEA EVER … OR NOT

Kidd came up with the brilliant idea to combine the moisturizing socks and the body pillow to create – wait for it – the moisturizing body pillow – yeah Kidd – great idea – about as great as Crazy Hat on a Stick – or the prescription windshield

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID QUOTE OF THE DAY

4 words – He took it out – Kidd talking about K Ci dropping his pants at a concert

THINGS KELLIE SAID THAT MADE ME LAUGH

Kellie sarcastically picked “Kung Fu Fighting” as the most painful song for her because her ex-husband is a 850^th degree Black Belt and fights on a professional fighting team – but the thing that made me laugh us when she said she was married to “Mr. Karate Pants” – I need a ROFL emoticon!!!!

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM KKITM

Hot fades really fast when you’re talking to an airhead – Kellie

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie wants Al to fix her toilet to make up for talking about her “big, fat white butt” yesterday

Big Al had his first showing yesterday

J Si’s apartment offered to replace his carpet … after he had already moved his stuff in

Shanon is offended that J Si didn’t take her up on her offer to help him move

KELLIE’S NEW OBSESSION WITH BGJ

First of all, BGJ (British Guy Jack) will now be known as SexyJack – why, you ask?  Because first – Kellie thinks that Jack and his British accent are super sexy – and second, Kellie thought it would be hilarious if the boys on the show (especially Kidd) had to say SexyJack whenever they refer to him – I agree! (of course!) – Jack says that every guy secretly loves The Hills – he said a bunch of stuff after that about British tv and British food, but I kind of lost interest in what he was saying – cause all i really cared about was his hot accent – and apparently I’m not alone because Kellie commented on Jack’s hot accent too – which led Kidd to get a little defensive – I think because no one was bestowing love and adoration on him – that’s why he tried to crack on jack for making quiche – see, that’s not nice – Jack can’t help it if he has a great accent

HIZZLE

American Idol is adding a fourth judge

Jennifer Hudson will sing the National Anthem at the Democratic National Convention

Ray J is getting a dating reality show

Britney Spears will not be performing at the VMAs

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

Since school has started, we were looking for interesting First Day of School stories – we had a Kindergarten teacher who called to say that one of the kids in her class got in a fight – and even though she’s known for making kids cry in 30 seconds, she was unable to break this kid – then there was Haley, the teenager who leaves campus for lunch because she doesn’t want to pay $3 for a crappy lunch – and Jordan who told his teacher that he wanted to be called Jumanji (like the movie) instead of Jordan – and then the kicker – Leanna who got sent home for wearing ankle socks – huh??  Apparently she goes to a strict Catholic school and they’re supposed to wear long socks – even with pants – she thought she was gonna be able to pull it off but she got busted during an Ankle Check!  Kidd thought it would be funny to “call” Leanna’s mom as a Gregorian Monk and chastise her for raising a hussy and sending her to school with ankle socks – and then Kellie busted out with “Are you calling me a whore??” – MATADORA DE CHISTE!!!

THE BREAK WHERE THE BOYS SHOWED THEIR TRUE COLORS

Al is a little bit of an A.D.D. shopper – one time he went to the store to buy a lamp and came home with a Mini Cooper – yesterday he went to Target to buy candles and came home with a full length body pillow – man, you know Al is going through a dry spell when he bought a body pillow – and then admitted that he loved it – of course that may be because he painted Bartendica’s face on it – not really – but he might as well have the way he claims to have been hugged up with it – but I guess Al’s admission made Kidd and J Si feel more comfortable because Kidd admitted to wearing one of those fuzzy eye masks you wear on planes (he says a “friend” bought it for him) and J Si says he wears those moisturizing socks that make your feet soft – and then tried to say it was okay because they’re black – um, sure J Si – that makes it okay – but Kellie had J Si’s back and pointed out that girls appreciate men that groom and suggested the guys all wear moisturizing socks during the show so we could see how soft their feet are after the show – yeah, I’ll let Kellie do the before and after tests on that – I’m gonna let Ross rate this break “that’s 10,000,000,000,000 percent gay”

RANDOM CELEBRITY STORY OF THE DAY

Call me crazy, but I think K Ci and JoJo from Jodeci should just give up this whole touring thing – they haven’t put out a song in about 127 years and they seem to be having issues whenever they perform – back in the day, K Ci dropped trou at a couple of radio concerts (one of them being ours!) and then over the weekend – JoJo collapsed in the middle of a concert in Australia – JoJo laid on the stage for almost a full minute on the floor by himself – and it looked like a crew member was going to come help but instead he just picked up the fallen microphone and K Ci continued to sing – they both just ignored JoJo – and in the background of the video, you can hear people in the crowd asking, “Is he alright” and saying “pick him up, man!” but instead of getting him some help, K Ci picked up JoJo and dragged him to the front of the stage for an ovation – K-Ci told the crowd that JoJo was dizzy from the flight – then later he called into Hot 97 and said they weren’t on drugs – that JoJo is epileptic – okay, then why this little tirade K Ci? – “When God say look, when God shuts your body down that’s it. Now people be talking junk abouts artists, man, it’s just crazy man, get them people a, I hate Bill Gates, I hate Bill Gates for inventing the computer, or whatever that’s called. You know I don’t mess with it, man.”  Um, yeah – you’re right – it’s not drugs **wink-wink**

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – David Beckham car crash never happened

#4 – Charlie and Brooke Sheen are having a baby

#3 – Kim Kardashian will compete on Dancing With the Stars despite her injured foot

#2 – Paula Abdul is concerned about adding a fourth judge to American Idol

#1 – No word on when Oprah will show up but Jennifer Hudson will sing the National Anthem at the DNC

MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC!!!

iTunes Top 5

5.  The Day That Never Comes – Metallica

4.  Paper Planes – M.I.A

3.  Disturbia – Rihanna

2.  So What – Pink

1.  Whatever You Like – T.I.

NEW MUSIC TUESDAY

Blues Traveler- North Hollywood Shootout

The Game- LAX

Slipknot- All Hope Is Gone

The Verve- Forth

V.I.C. – Beast

MUSIC THAT MAKES YOU COOLER

Nelly McKay (if you ask me, you can skip this one!)

MY “I WANNA BE CAROLINE KRADDICK” MOMENT

Caroline is off at college (man, I loved college!) – she’s getting ready for rush and her rich dad (um, that would be Kidd Kraddick) spent the week pimping out her dorm room with multiple trips to Best Buy (cause after all, he can afford to buy anything in there!) – word on the street is that she has a flat screen tv and a Wii (I want a Wii!!) – but the ultimate is that all students are required to have a Mac Book – um – not fair – I WANT A MAC BOOK!!!  Do you think it’s too late to talk Kidd into adopting me?

SONGS WE NEVER WANT TO HEAR AGAIN BECAUSE THEY’RE TOO PAINFUL

I Can’t Make You Love Me – Kellie’s song reminded her of every time she’s cried over a boy so hard that both of her nose holes close up – Tracey Clark from high school – and Chris Miles and Mark McClan – none of them loved her back – and Mark Kevin (who she never actually met) and Kevin Geebler who woke up and didn’t feel the same way about her anymore – and Chris Booker – Kellie loved him when he was just Booker Madison – he blew Kellie off at a radio convention and dates nothing but hotties now because he hosts spare shows on VH1 – and Kidd hates him

Kidd’s song was Separate Ways by Journey – the funniest part of this was Kellie telling the story about Kidd lying in the dark on his twin bed in his crappy apartment – just picture a super skinny adolescent Kidd Kraddick pointing his finger in the air screaming “if he ever hurt you, true love won’t desert you” – oh, the visual …

Al picked Ebony and Ivory (for obvious reasons) – it reminds him of all his little white girl crushes back in the 4^th and 5^th grade at Greenhill  – gee Al, it doesn’t seem like things have changed much

J Si’s song was Water Runs Dry by Boys II Men – way back before Kinsey J Si dated an Asian girl named Yumi – except they called her Yummy – which is probably why they’re not together now!

Then it was the listeners turn:

One caller picked You’re Not The One by Daniel Bedingfield – she got pregnant at 17 and then was dumped by her boyfriend – then her mom sent her to a mental institution for Post Partum Depression – but it’s okay because she ended up marrying the guy – but the song is still painful …?  O.kay.

Abe’s song was With or Without You by U2 because he was in love with this chick who wouldn’t go out with him because he was Mexican – and he used to drive by her house up the country road – hmm – I wonder if he sat outside her house with a birthday present while she walked her dogs with her new boyfriend – oops.  Wrong story!