Kidd Kraddick Remix

FUNNIEST LINE OF THE SHOW

Kinsey – don’t blech at angels – J Si to Kinsey when she said angels were fat

INAPPROPRIATE MOMENT OF THE DAY

Al asking Whitney to stop using the N word on the show – WHEEEEEEE!!!!

KKITM BLAST FROM THE PAST

In response to J Si’s story about Delilah eating Kinsey’s panties, Kidd shared a song he wrote about an issue he once had with his dog Landry – the song was called “Shooting Diarrhea” – yeah – either listen to it on the kPod or let your imagination run wild!

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

All is right in Kellie’s world because Kidd is back, Jack is back and Emma Kelly is back

Big Al did something that no grown man is supposed to see

J Si thinks his dog is discriminating against him because his dog eats Kinsey and Kelly Jo’s underwear but not his

Shanon pulled her groin during an unfortunate kickball incident

Kidd is giving away the stock market today after the biggest drop ever

YOURCAUSE.COM

Your Cause is a cool new site that is kind of like MySpace for charity – it’s designed to help smaller charities get funding for – you can design and activate your own page and then send it out and raise funds for your charity – so we’re asking you guys to design a page for Kidd’s Kids – and to give you a little incentive, whoever raises the most money for Kidd’s Kids through their page, wins a free trip for 4 to Disneyworld – how cool is that??

HIZZLE

Is there a tape of Britney Spears “googling”

Janet Jackson is in the hospital

Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman have been seen holding hands

DJ AM and Travis Barker have both been released from the Augusta hospital

NEW MUSIC TUESDAY –

Ben Folds – Way To Normal
Jennifer Hudson – Jennifer Hudson
Kardinal Offishall – Not 4 Sale
Ben Folds – Way To Normal
Robin Thicke- Something Else
Kellie Pickler – Kellie Pickler
T.I. – Paper Trail

KINSEY!!!

Kinsey called to tell us that she thinks J Si is the worst boyfriend in the world because he let Delilah eat all of her and Kelly Jo’s underwear – and he never buys her lingerie so she has to buy her own – somehow this turned into a discussion about Kinsey’s biggest concern – will she be fat in Heaven – J SI tried to tell her that she wouldn’t be and Kellie tried to tell her that it didn’t really matter because it’s only your spirit in Heaven and not your actual body – but since no one has been to Heaven, Kinsey didn’t believe them – but because she’s so SMRT, Kinsey googled angels and was less than happy with her “puffy” results – so she just decided that she’s not going …

“J Si, If I can’t be skinny in Heaven then I don’t want to go and you can suck it – and I can’t go to the other place because the devil’s fat – so I’m staying here” – um, good luck with that Kinsey

THE GREAT DEBATE

Warren vs. Carla – and as predicted – it wasn’t as good as yesterday … in fact – it just sucked – the topic was good though – working moms vs. stay-at-home moms – it definitely had potential – Warren took stay-at-home moms and Carla took working moms – Warren claimed that SAHMs know their kids better  because they have more time to spend with their kids and asked the all important question, “why would you have a baby just to leave it and be raised by Dora the Explorer” – Carla’s stance was that Warren couldn’t really have an opinion on the topic because he’s not a woman says the WM is a woman – and because Warren is not a woman he doesn’t have any expertise on the subject – Warren came back with just because he’s not a woman doesn’t mean he’s not familiar with raising kids – he took custody of his 2 and 3 year old cousins when he was 17 and changed diapers and wiped snot and all that good stuff – and then Carla pointed out that that basically made him a “working mom” and that he basically proved her argument – but instead, the conversation self destructed into Warren and Carla going back and forth about nothing – the show voted and it was split down the middle – although everyone should have vetoed for Carla since she proved her argument – but thankfully, the listener on line 1 broke the tie and Carla is off to Mexico!  I will say we got a great line out of the bit though – Warren said, “POW’s have nothing on the stench of a diaper” – now THAT was funny!

T.I. PHONER

Things we learned about T.I.

This is his 6^th album

He doesn’t think he’s a real celebrity and considers himself to be a working class millionaire

He still goes to the grocery store and carries his own bags

Has 6 kids, 4 boys and 2 girls – the youngest is a 5 month old boy named Major

He still has the same friends from when he was 14 or 15 and they have all grown up together

He can’t vote because of felony convictions but is still leading the charge on people registering to vote

He believes in the right to bear arms as long as you’re not a felon

His best friend was killed right next to them while someone was coming after him

He acknowledges his mistakes and takes responsibilities for them

THE “N” WORD

Big Al came in today wearing his “Abolish the N Word” t-shirt and Kidd challenged him to ask T.I. not to use the N Word anymore – Al didn’t have a problem with that and prepared a little speech for when he talked to T.I. – but before the interview, the topic spawned a whole conversation about the use of the N word – Kellie said that since she grew up in the South, she grew up hearing it and actually used it when she was a child – Kidd said he didn’t grow up hearing it and knew it was offensive – Kidd said none of his friends use it and Al mentioned feeling awkward when his black friends use it in mixed company – of course that led into “why black people can use it and white people can’t” – personally, I am tired of hearing the whole topic being brought up over and over again – Aaron/Cappy/Dino and I had a conversation  about it and he told me how he encountered the word – he took his girls to the park the other day and there was a group of young black girls that were using the N word over and over again very loudly – he was offended because it’s not a word he’s taught his girls and they wouldn’t normally hear – and now, thanks to those girls, his girls have been exposed to it and he’ll have to explain what it means and why they can’t say it and other people can – I understand that from a parental standpoint – but here’s my take on the situation – all of a sudden, it’s “cool” for girls to call each other Bs – you hear Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie call each other Bs as a term of endearment  and it’s not uncommon to see a girl walk up to her girlfriends and say “hey Bs” – those same girls would be ready to throw down in if some girl at the club called them a B – I’ve heard gays call each other the bad “f” word affectionately, but Isaiah Washington lost his job when he said the word – it’s the same thing – lots of demographics have a derogatory word that their group has claimed as their own – and they’re allowed to use it but no one else is – so why the big focus on the N word – surely it’s not the only offensive word that needs to be banned – anyway, sorry about the tangent – that’s just my 2 cents – if we’re going to get up in arms about the N word – let’s get on the bandwagon and ban them all!

SO BACK TO T.I

Al went out on a limb and asked T.I. to consider not using the N word anymore – Al’s point was that T.I.’s parents and grandparents had to suffer through being called that word and that using it would continue that pain – T.I. was cool about that whole thing and while he listened to Al’s argument – he didn’t agree – he said he grew up hearing his grandparents use the N word – he also thinks it’s something that should be left to the individual – he defended his use saying that when addressing certain audience, you have to speak to them on their level – he also pointed out that he didn’t need to use it and was more than capable of engaging in conversation without it – he also said that he doesn’t think that the problems of the black community begin or end with the use of the N word – as Al pointed out, neither Al or T.I.’s mind was changed after the conversation, but I do think that each of them was able to see the other’s viewpoint a little more – I hate that T.I. made such a stupid mistake because I truly think he’s a rapper that has a lot to contribute – I hope his ear goes by quickly and that he returns bigger and better – he gave a really great interview the last time we talked to him and this one wasn’t any different!

WHITNEY PHONER

Whitney has beautiful skin so Kidd asked her for advice on his ruddy complexion – she suggested using Skintimate and getting a new blade for his razor

Whitney went to high school with Spencer but didn’t pay much attention to him

She did try to be diplomatic and wouldn’t actually agree that he was a tool but she did say that there are qualities about him that aren’t very nice

Whitney got on the show by coincidence – she had already applied for the Teen Vogue internship and was asked to audition for the show afterwards

She doesn’t know if she’s doing a spin off but they are in talks

LANCE BASS

Not very conversational, that Lance Bass

He says he would quit Dancing with the Stars to go up in the space shuttle

He was the worst dancer of the N’Syncers – well, him and Chris Kirkpatrick

He dated Topanga from Boy Meets World before he came out of the closet

He doesn’t like the spray tan because it smells bad

Says the male dancers wear seamless underwear or go commando for the tight dance pants

Had the biggest wedgie of his life on last night’s episode

MICHAEL CERA PHONER

I don’t know which was worse – Lance or Michael – I thought he was dull also – but the show seemed to think he was super funny – here’s what I got out of the interview …

He doesn’t hang out in Beverly Hills

He considers Canada his home but has an apartment in L.A

He has a lot of funny videos on You Tube and if you really want to see his best stuff, check out Clarkandmichael.com

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Lil’ Romeo has had 3 expensive bikes stolen in the 5 weeks he’s been in college

#4 – Jesse McCartney’s neighbors have been calling the police on him for having loud parties

#3 – Janet Jackson got sick and canceled her concert in Montreal last night

#2 – Britney’s’ ex-boyfriend Adnan Ghalib is shopping their sex tape to the highest bidder.

#1 – Travis Barker has been released from the hospital and is headed back to LA on a tour bus

FLASHBACK STORY OF THE DAY

Want to see a grown man cry?  Chase after Big Al with a bug – more specifically, a roach – back when Troy was here, he actually picked up a roach with his bare hands (cause he’s gross like that!) and chased Big Al around the studio with the roach – we locked the studio so that Al couldn’t escape – boy, I wish we’d had video back then – talk about hilarity ensuing!!!

KELLIE RASBERRY’S DIVA MOMENT

Only the great Kellie Rasberry could spend the weekend going to a hotel grand opening (complete with celebrities -Martin Scorsese, Duchess Sarah Ferguson, Kevin and Nick Jonas,  Joey Fatone and Stacy Kiebler) – then hanging out with the Dallas Stars hockey team under the tunnel after the game – and then hanging out in the owner’s suite at the Dallas Cowboys game

QUESTION OF THE DAY

Is a man that’s afraid of bugs a deal breaker?  Um, yeah.

THINGS KELLIE SAID THAT MADE ME LAUGH

“You go poo-poo in the potty?  You poo poo’d for mommy???” – loudly in a restaurant after finding out Emma Kelly pooped in the potty for the first time

WHY YOU GOTTA ACT LIKE YOU KNOW WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW

Kidd sad that Freddy isn’t listening to the radio today because it’s Rosh Hashanah – um, why wouldn’t he listen to the radio on the Jewish New Year??

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie is glad to be at work after her busy weekend

Big Al was amused by Shanon and Andrew’s fight this morning

J Si got blown off by a celebrity he thought he was cool with

Shanon doesn’t like boys because of Andrew

HIZZLE

Heather Locklear was arrested for DUI charges

Kanye West will not face felony charges

On his 36^th birthday, Jermaine Dupri threw up in Janet Jackson’s lap – ew.

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds are married

Sexy Jack’s grandmother passed away over the weekend after a long illness so he was a little down – but far be it for this show to let anyone languish in sadness – Kidd immediately accused Jack of using his dead grandmother as an excuse not to get Kidd a rickshaw – if you’re a long time listener, you’ll remember that Troy, our old production guy, once lied about his dead grandmother – we were going to cut up his Wubbie aka his dirty gross security blanket – but backed down when he said that his dead grandmother gave it to him when he was a baby – too bad he lied and his grandma was still alive and kicking

Kidd maintains that every woman has cried to get out of ticket – although Kellie hasn’t because she said she can’t cry on cue – and Shanon has teared up but she wasn’t sure if it actually got her out of a ticket – I’ve never cried to get out of a ticket – but I’ve flirted my way out of a couple and definitely been super nice and respectful to get out of a ticket – you’d be surprised how well that works!!  But Kidd says that a woman who cries can get out of anything when it comes to the PO-lice (as all pronounces it) – we even had a call from a girl who cried to keep her mom from being arrested – they were pulled over for busted tail light while they were moving – the car was filled with stuff so the police searched the vehicle – when they found a drug pipe, the daughter turned on the waterworks to keep her mom from going to jail – and it worked – the police confiscated the pipe and let her go – fortunately, the mom has been clean and sober for about 3 years now – but the kicker was from a girl who was driving drunk and got out of the whole thing by crying – she apparently t-boned a car at 10 o’clock in the morning (who the hell is drunk at 10am??) – then she called 911 and while waiting for them to show up, she slammed her head into the steering wheel to cause herself more injury – when the paramedics showed up she faked an asthma attack – she was also driving without a driver’s license and insurance – it was a good story, but I’m calling BS – do you honestly think that even the nicest cop in the world was gonna let her off without so much as a warning?  And what happened to the person in the other car?  And don’t they test you for alcohol at the hospital?  Yeah – B to tha’ S!!

DEMI LOVATO

J Si interviewed Demi Lovato and I am now a fan – she is SO super cute – WAY better than that annoying Miley Cyrus!!

Interesting facts about Demi

She wasn’t wearing shoes during the interview

She made fun of J Si for wearing a Chargers jersey

She played it off (very well I might add!) when J Si asked her about Joe Jonas and Taylor Swift dating

She and Selena Gomez became BFFs when working together on Barney

She and Selena have a movie coming out next year called “Princess Protection Program”

She’s a former pageant girl but couldn’t remember how many titles she’d won

Kellie reminds her of her mom because her mom has a Southern accent

She celebrated her 16^th birthday at Applebees – SHOUT OUT Kidd Kraddick

BAD LOOKING OUT

Kidd claims to be all BFFs with Good Charlotte but didn’t have any of their music in his iPod when Joel went through it!!

WORSE LOOKING OUT

Kidd is staying at a house in Austin that is across the street from a graveyard – the clicker on the key fob was broken so Kidd accidentally left the car unlocked – and someone broke into (or just opened the door) and stole everything in the car, including Kidd’s Adderall – fortunately for us (and y’all) A.D.D. Boy had a 3 pill hidden stash!

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Everything in Michael Vick’s storage unit was sold for $10

#4 – Miley Cyrus’ birthday is being held the same weekend as Gay Days

#3 – Jermaine Dupri got drunk and threw up on Janet Jackson at the club

#2 – Heather Locklear was arrested for DUI

#1 – Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson were married over the weekend

THE GREAT DEBATE

In honor of the upcoming election, this week’s Trip A Day will be given to the best debater – we’ll get 2 contestants on the phone and give them a topic – they’ll have 5 minutes to formulate their argument and the best one wins – today’s argument – should a woman have the right to withhold “googling” privileges when her man doesn’t help out around the house - Keenan and Melissa played with Melissa being the pro and Keenan with the con

Melissa started out with the statement that men should share the household responsibilities – and if he can’t seem to figure out how to help, he should spend some extra time with his personal laptop and use it to for some one on one “google” time

Keenan went with the argument that for men, “googling” is a basic need – just like food and shelter – and that men would be more inclined to help out around the house after a nice round of “googling” … and a nap

Of course Melissa said that “googling” is NOT a basic need and if men needed it so badly, they could “google” all by themselves

Keenan responded with not only was “googling” indeed a basic need, but women who withheld would be inflicting even more pain on the men because “googling” by yourself gives you carpal tunnel syndrome

Kennan won.

What?  I can be a sore loser if I want!

ONLY AL …

Could manage to get himself kidnapped – well not really kidnapped, but that’s what Al called it – Al hooked up with a group of random girls and was going to leave and go to the next spot with them – he was supposed to ride with them but somehow he managed to get into the wrong car – the wrong car girls knew who he was and asked him to get into the car with them and it wasn’t until after he was in the car and headed off with them did he realize that were the wrong girls – good job Al – am I the only one that thinks there may have been a tad bit of alcohol involved …

THE “UM, I’M EATING BREAKFAST” BREAK

Since our day starts about 5am in the morning, we tend to eat breakfast REALLY early – therefore, we forget that the rest of the world eats breakfast at regular time and maybe we shouldn’t be discussing things that could make one lose their breakfast – like …

Bad Naked – Kidd visited Hippie Hollow – which is a clothing optional co-ed lake in Austin, Texas – and when I say clothing optional, I of course mean totally nude naked men over the age of 50

Did Someone Say Roach – Freddy came down to Austin from New York and was staying with Kidd – he totally freaked out when he saw a roach because when he was a teenager, he experienced a really gross encounter involving a roach and his retainer

J SI’S “I’M GREAT AT EVERYTHING” MOMENT OF THE DAY

I’m pretty much the best out of dj singers – J Si

Linda Septien sent Kidd a formal evaluation of J Si’s singing and she was very impressed – overall J Si has good pitch, a good falsetto and has a great ear – and because she sees a lot of potential in J Si, he’ll be working with her once a week for professional vocal training – great. Like J Si’s head wasn’t already big enough – oh well, if it’s good for the show ….

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM KKITM

Sick kids can be bad too – Kellie Rasberry

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie thinks we should do all politics radio

Big Al has BBQ sauce, honey, beans and pickles in his pantry – and that’s it

J Si was woken up at 3 am by Kinsey and Kelly Jo talking really loudly

Shanon says there’s no better sleep than the hour and half that you oversleep

Kidd is punishing Sexy Jack for giving him the wrong address

FLUSH THE FORMAT

Lump – Presidents of the United States of America

I’m Coming Out – Notorious B.I.G.

Shake Your Bon Bon – Ricky Martin

Free Fallin’ – Tom Petty

Y’all Gonna Make Me Lose My Mind – DMX

HIZZLE

Pink has a new man

Lindsay Lohan has filed a restraining order against her dad

Amy Winehouse puked all over borrowed designer clothes

Shia LeBeouf will not face DUI charges

MORE PROOF THAT THERE IS NO MONEY IN RADIO

Sexy Jack went to Austin with Kidd and even though the company reimburses you for expenses, Jack didn’t have enough money in his account to cover his hotel room

BILLBOARD TOP 5

5. Darius Rucker- Learn To Live
4. Kid Rock- Rock N Roll Jesus
3. Nelly – Brass Knuckles
2. Ne-Yo – Year Of The Gentleman
1. Metallica- Death Magnetic

THE TEAMBUILDER

Initially I was going to give a recap – but as we got into the bit, I realized it wasn’t worth my time – I know – it’s harsh – but it was that bad – I’m not even going to recommend you listen to it on the kPod – just take my word for it or you can just see what the Message Board had to say about it - you know it’s bad when Kidd’s Fantasy Fan bashes the bit – now, Kidd pointed out that Ross is a true friend and therefore can be honest with Kidd – but Kellie had Kidd’s back – she said a true friend would diss you in private – not on a message board for 12 other people to read – BWAAHHHH!! That Kellie is funny!

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Kirk Cameron’s wife stood in for another actress during a kissing scene on his new movie

#4 – Shia LeBoeuf won’t face DUI charges

#3 – Lindsay Lohan filed a restraining order against her dad

#2 – DJ AM took a bus back to Los Angeles

#1 – Oprah says Mariah Carey was not scheduled to announce her pregnancy on her show

TONI BRAXTON

Toni called in to promote her appearance on Dancing With the Stars – Kidd talked to Toni about the time he sat behind her sister when he went to see her in Aida on Broadway – and we reminded Toni about that white Grammy dress she wore with the sides missing – then we embarrassed Big Al by telling Toni about the time he had to wear it – i know SOMEONE has to still have that picture SOMEWHERE – that has to be one of the funniest things Al ever had to do for the show!

LONELY – I’M SO LONELY

Only Al would be lonely enough to call OnStar and ask for directions to Primo’s even though he lives half his life there – his OnStar operator happened to be 23 year old Britney and she sounded super cute – and in true KKITM we had to give her a name – and thanks to Chat Room Lucy, she’ll now be known as Onstarica – so of course Al took that opportunity to hit on her – and being the successful ladies man that he is, Al asked Onstarica winning questions like “What are you wearing?”, ” Do you have a boyfriend?”, “Can I call you?”, “Can I email you?” – but you could tell that Big Al wasn’t the first annoying man to hit on her because she handled him professionally and just plowed through – when Al asked her what she was wearing she immediately responded with “clothing” – see, Professional Plower Througher – but Al must have started to get to Onstarica because out of nowhere, she opened up to him about her troubled relationship with her mom and the fact that they fell out because she moved away to take care of her son – very nice, Al – but not nice enough – because the still shut Al down at the end of the call and told him he was welcome to call back anytime and talk to another operator!

MOVIE TALK

Choke – skip it

Eagle Eye – Shia LeBeouf and Billy Bob Thornton – skip it and watch this instead

Nights in Rodanthe – a chick flick with Diane Lane and Richard Gere that Kidd will forever refer to as Nights in Dianthe – go see it – it’s probably the closest I’ll ever come to having my name on the big screen

KELLIE RASBERRY AKA BITKILLER

Kidd says that the show is going to Team Building and Kellie is NOT on board – I know, you’re shocked

KELLIE RASBERRY’S DIVA MOMENT

Kellie wants to cancel the Russell Simmons appearance because she wasn’t invited to any of the parties that were thrown for him

MORE PROOF OF KELLIE’S CRUSH ON SEXY JACK

I will only fall back for Jack – Kellie – um, yeah she will

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie is going to turn down all social invitations because her calendar is too full

Big Al wants to know how long you wait to wipe your face when someone spits on you

J Si pretended to be someone else and got busted

Shanon is going to be a great audience today

KIDD’S ROLLER COASTER RECORD

Kidd broke the world record for riding a roller coaster when he rode it for 105 consecutive minutes – then 4 hours later, someone from a competing station did the same thing – except Kidd’s station was 105.1 and the other guy’s station was 105.7 – so Kidd only held the record for 4 hours

HIZZLE

Britney is looking for a new home

Leighton Meester is finally talking about being born in prison

Johnny Wright wants to manage Ali Lohan

Ciara is mad at Vibe magazine for making her look nude on their cover

ONE HIT WONDER DAY

Today is National One Hit Wonder Day so we went through our favorite One Hit Wonder songs from the last 20 years – there are some really good ones and a few I had totally forgotten about

99 Red Balloons – Nena – a bad song that was worse in German – or whatever country she was from

I’m Too Sexy – Right Said Fred – oh, totally drinking beer before going to the club in college!!

Rico Suave – Gerardo – oh, the cheese …

Rapper’s Delight – Sugar Hill Gang – the only song Al knows all the words to

Come On Eileen – Dexy’s Midnight Runners – a band that looks so bad, Kellie said “You could smell them through MTV”

Take On Me – Aha – a video MTV played to death back when MTV actually played videos

Who Let the Dogs Out – Baha Men – iOrange55 said, “I was thinking the David Blaine two hour special couldn’t get any worse.  But it could have if they played Who Let The Dogs Out throughout the special”

Knockin’ Boots – Candyman – more college – man, I miss college

Ice Ice Baby – Vanilla Ice – a song I could go the rest of my life without ever hearing again

Skillz – All 4 One – ugh.

Macarena – Los Del Rio – the nightmare wedding reception song

Tubthumping – Chumbawumba – J Si had to listen to this song for 20 hours locked in a room while he was pledging

I Wanna Be Bad – Willa Ford – yeah, Willa – you’re bad alright …

Hit Em Up Style – Blu Cantrell – the show hates Blu Cantrell – she’s a huge B!

Blowin Me Up – JC Chasez – one of my favorite KKITM stories – when this song came out, Kidd played it on Flush the Format – but he couldn’t see the entire title on the screen – so when he announced it he said “the new one from JC Chasez – BLOWIN’ ME!!!” – BWWAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

Gangster’s Paradise – Coolio – the least gangsta song ever

Achy Breaky Heart – Billy Ray Cyrus – gag.

Kiss Me – Six Pence None the Richer – aw.  Good memories

Wear Sunglasses At Night – Corey Hart – hate this song

I’m Torn – Natalie Imbruglia – you should have seen Al singing this one in the studio

Jump Jump – Kris Kross

Wishing Well – Terrence Trent D’arby – awwww, I LOVED Terrence Trent D’Arby

Whoomp There it Is – Tag Team

I Try – Macy Gray – WAY better than her rendition of The Star Spangled Banner

Just A Little Crush – Jennifer Page – she was performing on the show in the midst of 9/11

Dance With Me – Debolah Morgan – the one celebrity that Big Al actually had the chance to date

And a few of my faves …

Jump Around – House of Pain – I went to a house party and we collapsed the living room floor jumping to this song

RumpShaker – Wrecks n Effect – love the song, hate the video

Ditty – Paperboy – shout out to my BFF Angie – this song always reminds me of her!

Bizarre Love Triangle – New Order – cheerleading and high school

Bittersweet Symphony – The Verve – Cruel Intentions – one of the greatest movies ever

Groove Is In the Heart – Dee Lite – I had a friend who snuck a stray cat into her dorm room and she named him Groovis after this song – she let him go in the middle of the night after he went crazy at 2am

KARDINAL OFFISHALL LIVE IN STUDIO

How much fun was he???  Usually when we have guests in studio, they’re just getting to the point where they’re waking up and it generally takes a little time for them to warm up – but not Kardinal – we have never had anyone with this much energy – he was so much fun and kind of a cutie!

Did you know …

That Kardinal was in the Rihanna video, “Pon de Replay”

He was a talented and gifted kid and his mom worked for the board of education

He’s originally from Toronto

Kardinal used to go by the rap name Kool Aid

He worked with Nicole from the Pussycat Dolls only because she smells like vanilla, berries and cocoa butter at all times

Kardinal is filming the video to his new single “Numba 1 (Tide Is High)” (which is really good!) Tuesday in Miami – he said that J Si could be in the video and that he could even pick his own video vixen – ya think that’ll happen?  Doubtful.

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – T Pain has 22 cars

#4 – People magazine only paid $500k for Clay Aiken’s story

#3 – George Clooney will not come back for the final season if ER

#2 – Drew Barrymore is making out with Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl

#1 – The 6^th season of Girls Next Door will be the last

RUSSELL SIMMONS LIVE IN STUDIO – a man that is too smart for this show!!!

LOVE LOVE LOVE him!!  I just wanted to stand next to Russell in the hopes that some of his business acumen would rub off on me – Russell is a big time Democrat and Obama supporter and not a big fan of Sarah Palin’s – he went off on a political tangent that put the show off a bit – I don’t think it was a bad interview, but Kidd clearly wasn’t thrilled – here’s what I think the problem was – Kidd and Russell are both used to being the man in charge – and they both had something to say and were both trying to be heard -plus, they’re both a little on the hyper side – so between the two of them trying to get their point across … well, it just became a battle of the wills – nonetheless, it was still a great interview and I still love him!

Other random facts about Russell:

He says he doesn’t have as much money as people think but that his ex-wife does

He says that rich is when you’re comfortable in your seat

Russell says the saggy jeans look is out of style and isn’t a fan of skinny jeans for men

Russell is a vegan and is against the idea of hunting for sport

BIG AL’S BLOG

Kidd’s Kids day is next Thursday and the show has been going to see some of the families to let them know that they are going on the trip – Big Al and Shanon went to tell a family they were chosen for the trip and Al wrote a blog about it – it’s a really sweet blog and it’s a side of Al you don’t see that often – check it out and make sure that you don’t miss Kidd’s Kids day!!

AL’S RANDOM COMMENT OF THE DAY

I use a hairbrush to brush my teeth – Big Al

Yep.  Glad I know that

PHONE TOPIC OF THE DAY

Call now if you did not believe that Clay Aiken was gay

***crickets***

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM KKITM

Women don’t like to look at ugly stuff – Kidd

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie wants to talk to women who were convinced Clay Aiken was straight

Big Al got weird looks because he was driving a Ferrari

J Si has begun training to beat David Blaine’s stunt

Shanon is mad because Kidd only hugged Jack AGAIN

HIZZLE

Clay Aiken admits to being gay

Lindsay Lohan admits to dating Samantha Ronson

David Blaine is cheating on his latest stunt

T.I’s child support is increasing

LOVE LETTERS TO KELLIE

If your new husband wants to keep his crappy stuff instead of your nice new stuff, you need to give him his own “guy” room

If your wife wrecked your ‘67 Corvette and is crying about it to make you look like the bad guy, you’re SOL so suck it up

If you’re a 21 year old mom and you’re dating a guy who’s only been sober for 6 months, you need to slow your roll

BIG AL’S POINTLESS BIT OF THE DAY

You know how when you do something that is really great – and then you try to recreate it and make it better – but the first one was so good, you can’t possibly measure up to it – welcome to Big Al’s “What Do These People Do To Afford These Big A** Houses” – except this time I’m gonna change the name to “What do these people do to afford These Big A**Cars” – I guess what Al failed to see was that you could easily interchange ‘houses’ with the word purses or shoes or diamond ring – anything – and it’s still basically the same bit – so Al runs into a guy driving a Ferrari 430 Spider and asks him what he does for a living – he owns a jewelry store – okay.  Bit over.  Except that the guy was really, super nice and let Al drive the Ferrari – so there was that …

A side story – back when I first started with KKITM, I worked part time at a women’s boutique – we primarily sold high end costume jewelry but we also sold some women’s clothing – anyway, the Ferrari guy’s wife used to come in the store to shop – I always felt stupid when she came in because we had so much jewelry and I knew she wasn’t going to buy any of it – she was super sweet and I loved that although she was blinged out, it was still very tasteful and understated – BIG but understated!!  And that was MY pointless story of the day!

CONSUMER WATCH, YEAAHH

Sometimes Consumer Watch is hysterically funny and other times, the best part is when the show sings the “YEAAHH” part just to aggravate Kidd – today was one of the other times – so, the new Google Phone – blah-blah-blah – Kidd says that the new G1 Google phone is going to give the iPhone a run for its money –  the G1 has a touch screen like the iPhone but it also has a slide out keyboard – so no more texting errors like with the iPhone – and anyone write applications for the G1, so they don’t have to be approved like Apple – and you have to have T-Mobile and it’s 20 cheaper than the iPhone – and there you have it!

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Nick Hogan is getting out of jail early for good behavior

#4 – David Blaine says he hasn’t been hanging upside down non-stop

#3 – Sharon Stone has lost custody of her son

#2 – Lindsay Lohan admitted she is dating Samantha Ronson

#1 – Clay Aiken admitted he’s gay

THE BREAK THAT MADE ME WANT TO STAB MYSELF IN THE EYE WITH RUSTY, CRUSTY NAILS

The biggest story of the day is that Clay Aiken is gay – the biggest story of the week is the Travis Barker/DJ AM plane crash – they both made the cover of People – but Clay’s story is the lead with him posing on the cover with his gaybie and the plane crash only landed a small inset – for some reason, this created a HUGE discussion – “we already knew Clay was gay” – “but he admitted it” – “60 year olds don’t know Travis Barker or DJ AM” – “Blink 182 was huge” – “it was on CNN” – “would anyone care if they weren’t celebrities?” – “would anyone care if Clay Aiken wasn’t a celebrity?”

O.M.G.  after this discussion, I no longer cared about either!!

The best thing that came out of this break was the drop of J Si saying “I’m gay and I killed somebody” – I could tell you how we got to the point where J Si would even say that – but does it really matter?  Isn’t the funny part that he said it and that we now have a drop that we can play at any time of J Si saying “I’m gay and I killed somebody” – it almost makes it worth sitting through 19 minutes of “which is the bigger story” talk – almost.

IT’S ALL ABOUT MEEEEEEEEEEEE

Kidd and Kellie were meeting Big Al at Primo’s – Al called both of them to say, “You need to hurry up and get here – cause once i sit down, everybody’s gonna want to sit down with me” – WHAT??  Dude, I know you run Primo’s and all, but are you really that special that you’re gonna get swarmed the minute you sit down?  Come on??  And because Big Al is apparently so freaking special, Kidd wrote him a song – ***to the song “He’s Got the Whole World In His Hands”

The Whole Word wants to sit with Big Al

The Whole Word wants to sit with Big Al

I said the whole world, wants to sit with big al

Everybody in here wants to sit with Big Al

I can’t remember the last time I laughed this hard

DOES THAT MAKE ME CRAZY

I love Does that Make Me Crazy – one, it’s funny to hear the crazy things that other people do and two, it’s nice to know that I’m not the only crazy one on the planet!!  As always, the show starts off by giving their crazy things …

Kellie won’t drink after someone unless she makes out with them on a regular basis

Kidd purposely shuffles his feet on carpet so that he can shock himself on door handles

J Si leaves the Pringles can in the pantry and goes back and forth to eat them one at a time

Big Al messes up the covers so there’s not a constant reminder that he sleeps alone

Sexy Jack can’t sleep with his neck exposed because he thinks someone is going to kill him in his sleep and

Shanon stands on the toilet in her bathroom and does a sexy dance in the mirror and tries to pick herself up to see if she’s hot enough for someone else to ask her out – um, yeah.  that’s definitely crazy!

Then the callers …

Fatima pretends to host a cooking show whenever she’s cooking

Shayna has to have a separate plate for every food

Carrie won’t touch the pictures of diseases in her microbiology book because she’s afraid she’ll catch it

Kristi is afraid of Claymation and Carly is afraid of cows

Oree knocks on the wall before “googling” when he brings a girl home to make sure no one is listening before they get busy and

Wade, well he makes up stories for his cats – he started by narrating while he was cooking and somehow that turned into him telling a story about him being a journalist during a war and that somehow turned into him fighting vampires – did I mention that he named his cats Stupid, Sexy and Claw-dia (because she has 7 claws on one paw) – um, yeah dude – CA-RA-ZAY!!!!

BIG AL’S POINTLESS STORY OF THE DAY

A guy at church was wearing high water pants – and Al said “at least he’s here at church – hmmm … good.story.

BIG AL’S REVELATION

After a failed marriage and multiple failed relationships, Big Al had a conversation with a single buddy and has come to the realization that maybe he wasn’t meant to be married – especially when he figured out that he can basically hire someone to do all the things a wife would do for him – but don’t worry ladies – he’s not giving up on relationships, just marriage – in the words of the great Kellie Rasberry, “you’re saying you’re still gonna date around like a ho-dog?” – yep, Kellie … pretty much!!!

J SI’S “I CAN DO ANYTHING” MOMENT OF THE DAY

J Si thinks that David Blaine’s attempt to hang upside down for 60 hours is going to be easy

THE THING THAT MADE ME LAUGH TODAY

After J Si said he could hang upside down like David Blaine, Al suggested that everyone on the show stand on their head – but instead of everyone doing it, it just ended up being Big Al

Shanon helping Big Al get on his head

Al using the least used part of his body

Al just before Shanon tried to kill Al by pouring water in his mouth

OOGEY MOMENT OF THE DAY

Kidd getting an email from a listener saying they saw him eating ice cream yesterday at the gas station – somebody cue up Rockwell’s “Somebody’s Watching Me”

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM KKITM

Drink more water – Kellie’s advice for combating MSG

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie made it through Monday without killing Emma Kelly

Big Al is super proud of J Si

J Si gets everything in Spanish because he was late paying the bill

Shanon wants to know why Kidd comes in and hugs Sexy Jack every day

Sexy Jack feels a little less manly because Kidd hugged him this morning

HIGH MAINTENANCE KIDD

Kidd says that Sexy Jack is his travel companion because he “needs someone to get him stuff” – um, Kidd Kraddick – you had better not ever accuse Kellie as being high maintenance again – EVER.

HIZZLE

90210 has been picked up for the whole season

A spare High School Musical actor was convicted for robbing a pizza shop

Kim Kardashian says she has a 26″ waist and is proving it

Authorities are trying to recover pictures of Jamie Lynn Spears breast feeding

KINSEY

Kinsey is going to vote for Sarah Palin for America’s Next Top Vice President

Kinsey started to get a headache because we were talking about stuff that wasn’t her

Kinsey is made because J Si won’t let her paint her car pink

Kinsey asked J Si when they’re getting married and J Si said he would marry Kinsey if the Chargers go to the Superbowl

SCORE!!!!

THE MOST WATCHED VIDEOS ON THE SHOW LAST WEEK

#1 Kidd shows his ab – in case you need a little comic relief – and fyi, Kidd’s ab will now be known as Abby

#2 Hanson

#3 J Si forgets the Lyrics

NEW MUSIC TUESDAY

Everlast – Love, War & The Ghost Of Whitey Ford
Joe – Joe Thomas, New Man
Demi Lovato – Don’t Forget
Plain White T’s – Big Bad World
Pussycat Dolls – Doll Domination
Jazmine Sullivan – Fearless

AL AND THE BATHROOM ATTENDANT

Big Al went on a truth seeking mission – to find out the purpose of the bathroom attendant – do you really need a guy to hand you a towel or to squirt soap on your hands? especially when it costs you $2 every time? Most of us would say no – and Al says that a lot of guys skip out washing their hands altogether so that they don’t feel obligated to tip – but the bathroom guy said it’s okay if you don’t tip him – because he doesn’t get offended if people don’t tip him for – instead he just thinks, “I’ll let you deal with your conscience” – nothing like a guilt trip! After talking with the bathroom attendant, Kidd became very animated of the bathroom attendant and suggested him as a possible replacement for J Si?? “Let’s hire him and see if we can make him a popular DJ,” said Kidd “Hey, Why don’t you make him as popular as you?” – aww – is it be mean to J Di day today? Because I’ been pretty nice do far!!

MORE PROOF THAT J SI IS REALLY A 7 YEAR OLD BOY … OR PATHETIC

J Si is a huge Chargers fan – and he thinks he’s found something that will help the Chargers win – an air horn – while J Si sat at home last night – alone – and watched the Charger game, he pulled out his air horn – and every time the Chargers scored, he would blow the air horn 3 times – and since the Chargers won, he blew the air horn a lot – so much that his neighbor left a note on his door that said “WARNING” – so how did Mr. Maturity handle the situation? He responded to the note with the phrase “BOO HOO” and put it back on his neighbor’s door – only J Si

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Nina Garcia from Project Runway missed shows because of bad botox

#4 – Janet Jackson has left her record label

#3 – Dane Cook has been evicted for not licking picking up his dog’s poop

#2 – Scarlett Johansson snapped at a doorman that asked to take her picture

#1 – Miley Cyrus says she is not leaving Hannah Montana

J SI’S “OH CRAP” MOMENT – A BEAN AND CHEESE PRODUCTION

For some reason, yesterday when K Si was at the Gay Pride Parade (BAD LOOKING OUT),J Si had some trouble making the association between the Gay PRIDE Parade and a t-shirt that said “Dallas PRIDE” has – plus instead of it saying ROMO on the back (for Tony Romo) it started with an “H” – silly J SI – you can’t help but love him! Check out the song on the kPod – it’s a good one and definitely worth a listen

AWKWARD MOMENT OF THE DAY

Sexy Jack singing EN-GA-LAND, EN-GA-LAND, EN-GA-LAND in response to Americans chanting U-S-A, U-S-A

BIG AL’S POINTLESS STORY OF THE DAY

Al saw a woman in a bar with a pouty face that said “please kiss me, please kiss me, please kiss me” – ummm … okay

TYPICAL BIG AL

He knows Jenna Jameson, the adult film star but he doesn’t know Jenna Fisher, Pam from The Office

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie w as almost responsible for

Big Al was invited to a destination wedding and wants to know if he has to pay his way

J Si bought a t-short that has something written on it

Kidd was trumped by J Si on the dumbest thing ever happened to him

HIZZLE

Travis Barker and DJ AM are expected to recover from their injuries in the plane crash

Jessica Biel is doing an album with Justin Timberlake’s help

Miley Cyrus is trying to get off of Hannah Montana

Portia de Rossi is changing her name to Portia de Generes

iTUNES TOP 5

5.  Katy Perry – Hot N Cold
4.  Taylor Swift – Love Story
3.  T.I. – Whatever You Like
2.  Pink – So What
1.  Kanye West – Love Lockdown

TMI BREAK OF THE DAY

Ok – ew.  I’d rather not even talk about this – but we spent way too much time on it – somebody in the studio passed gas and – Kidd asked Al if it was him – Al said it wasn’t – Shanon and J Si said they couldn’t even smell it on their side of the room – so it couldn’t have been him – Sexy Jack said if it was him, he would’ve proudly admitted it – we know it wasn’t Kellie because she’s in another room – so that leaves Kidd and Al …

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – George Michael was arrested in a bathroom for drugs

#4 – Jessica Simpson credits Tony Romo for sticking with her because she farts

#3 – Miley Cyrus and her dad are trying to get fired from Hannah Montana

#2 – The Jonas Brothers might be working with Britney Spears

#1 – Travis Barker and DJ AM are expected to recover from their

KKITM STUPID OFF

Who had the most stupid thing happen to them this weekend – Kidd or J Si??

Kidd was going to the Hanson concert and was running late and decided to save time by shaving with his electric razor while he was in the car – he was shaving his upper lip just as the battery died and right as it was grabbing a hair off his upper lip, the razor got stuck  - he tried to pull the razor off of his face, but then his entire lip started to come with the razor – so he thought he would turn the razor on and off so to see if he could get a quick burst of battery – but every time he did that, the razor would get closer to his face – so there Kidd is with an electric razor stuck to his face – so what did he do?  He went to CVS WITH THE CHARGER STUCK TO HIS FACE – because the logical thought would be to buy a new charger for the razor – only once he got to CVS, he found that they don’t sell the charger alone – so he spent $60 buying a whole new razor just to get the charger  – so he gets back in the car and opens the razor and then take it back inside to see if he can plug it in – but when he gets out to the car, he realizes that the charger doesn’t plug into the razor so that you can use it simultaneously – instead, it’s the kind that has a dock and you have to leave it on the dock to charge before you can actually use it – so, he goes back inside to return it and as he’s standing in the line he hits the release button on the razor – and all of the hair that he’s shaved off goes into his mouth – EWWWWWWWWWW.  At this point, Kidd just gave up on the whole mission and headed home – my question was, WHY DIDN’T HE JUST BUY SCISSORS???

In case you haven’t heard – J Si and Kinsey live in the Gayborhood – which isn’t normally a big deal – but this weekend was the big Gay Pride Parade and Kinsey decided to have all of her gays over to have a big Gay Day party before they headed out for the festivities at their house – J Si’s buddy, Mario, was with him and the whole group heads out because J Si and his buddy are gonna go watch the football game at the bar after the parade – so they see a table selling t-shirts for the local sports teams – so they’re gonna pick up a couple of Dallas Cowboy Tony Romo t-shirts cause that’s Mario’s favorite player – so, they buy the t-shirts because they look like Cowboys t-shirts and they say ROMO 08 on the back – so they throw them on and continue on with their partying – and as they’re hanging out, J Si is getting hit on by the gays – more than usual – and there’s one dude that is hitting on J Si in a more aggressive manner than usual – so J Si plays it cool and lets the guy know that’s not the way he rolls – but the guy is still hitting on J Si – and this guy is getting grabbier and grabbier and finally reaches down and grabs J Si – and I mean grabs J Si – down there!!  So J Si decides he’s had enough and tells Kinsey that he’s headed back to the house – and when he gets home, he takes the shirt off and leaves it on the bed – and when he looks down at the shirt, he realizes that the shirt says HOMO 08 – well duh, dude – Tony Romo is number NINE!!!!  Yeah, J Si wins!

THE BREAK WHERE I YELLED “KIDD, SHUT UP!!!!”

I love Kidd but sometimes he just cannot stop talking long enough to let someone else get their story out – he was like Big Al – oh, did you pause – Let me talk – UGH!!!  anyway, Kellie went to Krista Brewer’s funeral on Saturday and Sunday morning Kellie got up to go to church in part because she is so thankful to be blessed with a healthy baby girl – after they got home, Kellie decided it was a beautiful day outside so she decided to take Emma Kelly to the park – and Emma Kelly was on the junior slide – and attached to the slide was a wobbly bridge connector – and there was a little girl playing on the bridge with Emma Kelly and she was a little older than Emma Kelly – and her mom was telling her to be careful of Emma Kelly since she was smaller – and no sooner than Kellie told the mom “oh don’t worry, I’m starting to think my daughter is indestructible”, the other girl took one little jump and Emma Kelly landed on her butt on the bridge and fell backwards off the bridge and fell 4 feet hitting her head – as Kellie told this story, my heart just sank – I mean obviously she was okay because Kellie was at work – but as a mom, I hurt for her – so Kellie scooped up Emma Kelly, told the other mom that it wasn’t her fault and called her pediatrician – but she couldn’t get a hold of him so she called Dr. Mary (the chiropractor) – and they both started calling every one they knew and couldn’t get in touch with anyone!!  So Kellie finally gets Emma Kelly home and she seemed okay but she was still a little tired and lethargic – so Kellie took her to the doc in the box – she finally heard back from her pediatrician and everything is fine with Emma Kelly – which is good because Kidd took this time to ask if Dr. Brown (the pediatrician) was the same doctor as Dr. Doody (Kellie’s reproductive doctor) – that led into “do you know a Dr. Huge?  what about a Dr. Big Brown Doody” – ugh.  you see where this is going – boys are dumb – and make no mistake – they are all boys!!!

PROOF THAT KIDD DOESN’T WATCH TV

We had a brief conversation about the new tv shows that are coming out and as a tv junkie – I am so freaking excited I cannot even stand it – so when Kidd started rattling off random info about shows he knows nothing about – I just got annoyed

Heroes – Kidd knows nothing about it- come on, dude – I’ve never even seen it and I know about “Save the Cheerleader, Save the World”!!

Dancing With the Stars – HELLO – everyone is watching this – you have to identify with at least ONE of the contestants!

Boston Legal – “it’s been on since i was 10″ – um, or not Kidd – but you get partial credit for thinking about The Practice because it is a spin off

Everybody Loves Raymond – you’ve never seen it?  Ever?  Even in syndication – it’s on a million times a day!!

Mad Men – the ONLY show Kidd watches besides The Office – it may be winning awards but you are the only person I know watching it – if it wasn’t for Kidd, I wouldn’t even know about this show!

FUNNIEST LINE OF THE SHOW

“Are you dating Valtrexia?” – Kidd to Al when teasing him about having herpes

INAPPROPRIATE COMMENT OF THE DAY

“That $5000 camera is worth more than Andrew’s life” – Kidd – rude, rude, rude-y huxtable!!!

RYAN SEACREST MOMENT OF THE DAY

Even in Austin, Kidd can’t get away from Ryan – Kidd and Ryan were both up for the Radio and Records Personality if the Year award – Kidd found out the he lost (and Ryan won) by reading it on a sign – GRRRR – Ryan Seacrest …

TODAY’S ONGOING JOKE

Teasing Al about having herpes (which he doesn’t have – at least we don’t think he does …)

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie feels like she’s back in high school wearing Kidd’s hoodie

Big Al went to Coyote Ugly last night

J Si will never ever sing again because Kidd hurt his feelings

Shanon auditioned for Coyote Ugly

Kidd made a big speech yesterday

FLUSH THE FORMAT

Regulators – Warren G

Fly – Sugar Ray

Hard to Handle – Black Crowes

Walk This Way – Run DMC

Walk Like An Egyptian – The Bangles

Cars That Boom – L’Trimm

Freedom – George Michael

New Soul – Yael Naim

Macarena – Los Del Rio

HIZZLE

Seinfeld is being replaced

Britney is going to trial

A-Rod is single again

Audrina is leaving “The Hills”

J SI’S SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY – defender

“Last week I wrecked my car but nothing happened to it, just defender” – J Si

BILLBOARD TOP 5

5. Slipknot – All Hope is Gone

4. Jessica Simpson – Do You Know

3. Kid Rock – Rock N Roll Jesus

2. Young Jeezy – The Recession

1. Metallica – Death Magnetic

KRISTA BREWER

This is my 6^th year with KKITM and I’ve met a lot of Kidd’s Kids – but since I’ve never been on the trip, I’ve never really had the opportunity to connect with any of the kids – until Krista – we met Krista before she was actually a Kidd’s Kid – she was in the midst of her fight with medulloblastoma when we got an email about her from a listener – Krista’s favorite food was popcorn and the only thing she wanted was a popcorn machine – that touched me, because like Krista, I LOVE popcorn – and I’ve always wanted a popcorn machine too – one like they have at the movies that has the wheels on it – I still remember taking calls from people who wanted to help get Krista the machine – I was in my car yesterday when I read the email about Krista and I immediately started to cry – Krista was such a sweet kid – she always had a positive attitude – even when she didn’t feel well – Krista had gone into remission and then about 2 months ago, the cancer came back – when the doctors told Krista’s parents that the chemo was no longer working, her parents elected not to continue with the treatment – Krista passed away Wednesday night, September 17th, at  11:15pm at the age of 11- she will definitely be missed  – http://kristabrewer.com/

SECONDHAND SERENADE LIVE IN STUDIO

John performed “Your Call” and of course “Fall For You”

“Fall For You” is the song that reminds Al of Bartendica – and every time he thinks he’s close to getting over her, he hears the song and it pulls him back in

John used to work at Neiman Marcus in the men’s department and wrote songs on receipt paper while he was working John called Kellie petite and said that she should go with a small C for her new boobies

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Dylan is the father of Kelly’a baby and want Luke Berry on the show

#4 – LL Cool J is threatening to quit rap because Jessica Simpson outsold hi this week

#3 – Jennifer Lopez is okay with not having lost the last 10 pounds of her baby weight

#2 – Audrina is leaving The Hills

#1 – Joel Madden and Nicole Richie are on the outs

THE MARCONI AWARDS

Kidd has been nominated for a Marconi for the last 4 years – and he’s lost for the last 3 – and it’s gotten to the point where this year, the show wasn’t even going to come to the award ceremony because the ceremony itself tends to be w hipping – and Kidd’s award is usually a the very end – and since he hasn’t won … well – the show was just going to skip it – until Kidd got a text message from a big time radio insider who basically told Kidd that he had won – so while the entire show is making arrangements to come to the award show – Kidd raced back to his room to write an acceptance speech (appropriately titles, “Ryan, IN YOUR FACE, Idol Boy!!!”) – so when they called out the nominees names and forgot to announce Kidd’s – he didn’t think anything of it – though he did get a little suspicious when they called out the winners name and he heard, “Glenn Beck!” – the next sound you heard was Kellie laughing

After the awards ceremony, everyone migrated back to the KKITM hospitality suite where Leslie Roy was performing- it was a pretty good party and apparently such a good party that someone on the floor complained and ended up having security come to shut the party down – they did manage to talk them into letting Leslie finish her set – but after that, they were going to have to move the party – no problem – the hotel offered then the Governor’s ballroom – so they told everybody where the party was being moved to and then Kidd and Rob moved the baby grand piano to the Governor’s ballroom, 20 floors below – but when they got there, there were only about 10 people there – and most of them were KKITM employees – somehow, the show lost about 30 people in the move – by that time, it was too late to try and track everyone down and they declared the party over – talk about a letdown – first the Marconi, now this …

STRANGER DANGER, STRANGER DANGER

This bit started out funny and then went horribly, terribly wrong – Al, Shanon, J Si and Andrew were out on the street trying to do some bits – Big Al sees a girl driving a Mini Cooper, bangs on her window and asks them if she’ll give them a ride – she actually says yes and pulls over so they can get in – so Shanon and Al run towards the car and as J Si heads in that direction – Andrew suddenly starts yelling, “J Si, J Si – don’t do it – STRANGER DANGER – STRANGER DANGER – J Si” – now in Andrew’s defense, it does seem a little odd that a young woman (who is about 5′2″ and 100 pounds) would stop and let 4 strangers get in her car – but Shanon was carrying the recorder and Andrew had the video camera – and Al said they were with KKITM, so that’s probably why she said it was okay – but that wasn’t enough for Andrew – when he got to the car, Andrew refused to get in the car with everyone else – I think his exact words were, “I’m not gonna do it – I’m not gonna get in a car with a total stranger” – but J Si, Shanon and Al were already in the car, so they left Andrew standing on the street – but before they left, they took the camera with them – so while Andrew stood there looking crazy – they all went to go to do a couple of bits – and they were gone about 45 minutes – and when the girl brought them back, there was Andrew sitting in exactly the same spot they left him in – and this is where the story starts to go wrong – someone came up with the brilliant **sarcasm font** idea of hiding the camera – so Shanon sticks it in her bag and they all get out of the car – as they get ready to head back to the hotel, J Si casually mentions that they left the camera in this girl’s car and never got her phone number – but it’s okay, because she has Shanon’s number and is supposed to call – um, did I mention that it’s a $5000 camera – did I also mention that Andrew has been threatened with his job (and his life) if anything ever happens to his camera – and in the beginning, Andrew didn’t believe them – but everyone stuck to the story and Andrew quickly moves into panic mode – especially since his job is in jeopardy and he knows that he’ll have to work at KKITM as an indentured servant for about a year just to pay for the camera –  after a couple of “come on guys, I know you’re joking” and no one fesses up – Andrew freaks out, turns around and storms off – did anyone bother to chase after him and tell him they were kidding – NO!  they let him believe this charade – until he cried!!!  How sick and twisted is that?  The boy had to CRY before anyone bothered to come clean with him – now, I would just like to say that we all have had some fun with Andrew – I will freely admit that i threaten his life (or to punch him in the face) on a daily basis – but it’s all in good fun and Andrew knows that we love him – even if he does wear those ugly Van shoes every day – because at the end of the day, he really is a sweet kid – and Spielberg is probably just as off in real life as Andrew is – but making Andrew believe that he was responsible or a $5000 camera gone missing just crossed the line – it was already bad enough that they left him by himself – but to make him think he was going to lose his job?  Too harsh – I think someone owes Andrew a HUGE apology – or an apology cake … that he can share

ANDREW SLAM OF THE DAY

Andrew only knows the first part of anything – and then makes up the rest – Kidd

AWKWARD ANDREW MOMENT

Andrew told J Si about the Furries – socially awkward nerds who dress up as stuffed animals to meet each other and there’s some sort of fetish attached to it -  J Si was going to tell us more until Andrew said to J Si, “what does off-air mean?” – hmm. Awkward.

BIG AL’S POINTLESS STORY OF THE DAY

During Big Al’s Hizzle story – he thought it would be funny if he added the phrase “at the hospital” to it and had the whole show repeat it n unison – there was no point to it and it led to an entire discussion about saying the phrase “saying things in unison” in unison – or saying “thing in unison” in unison – see, I told you it was pointless

CHAT ROOM QUOTE OF THE DAY

I will never be able to look at Romo again without thinking about his hands being up a man’s butt…thanks Al – Megg in reference to Al saying that Tony probably didn’t mind about picking up a few lbs

INAPPROPRIATE MOMENT OF THE DAY

“Your daughter’s an All For Free?” – J Si to Kidd referring to Caroline pledging Alpha Phi

J SI’S “I’M A 7 YEAR OLD BOY” MOMENT

J Si put his gum in his beer to see if it would float

KELLIE RASBERRY “IT’S ALL ABOUT ME” MOMENT

“Kidd are you gonna make us go with you to watch you lose again or can we go do something else?” – Kellie

KELLIE RASBERRY’S DIVA MOMENT

Kellie asked if the napkins were lint free and when they weren’t, she asked for a black napkin so it wouldn’t get all over her black outfit

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie caught grief over a black napkin

Big Al included a near stabbing

J Si cuddled with the hotel body pillow

Shanon is offering crab cakes

THE GOOGLE BOOTH

Across the hall from where the show is broadcasting, there’s an exhibit hall with all the new electronic equipment for radio and tv – and I’m pretty sure it distracted Kidd for the entire show – especially when he found The Google Booth – the big draw in the Google Booth is the new Google Phone – Kidd doesn’t know what it does or why it’s supposed to be so great but according to Kidd, the new Google Phone has the iPhone people shaking in their boots – I think that may be overstating it a bit – I mean how “scary” can a phone be?  Anyway, Kidd started talking about the Consumer Electronic Show – and after that, all I heard was blah-blah-blah and something about combining them with Adult Film Stars and blah-blah-blah – then there was Andrew – there is also a big video game convention going on and people attend the convention dressed as their favorite character from their video game – um, weird!!  Andrew wants to go as someone from Lord of the Rings

HIZZLE

The new 90210 girls are too skinny

Jessica Simpson has put on weight because she’s nervous

Hilary Swank had a benign growth removed

Mischa Barton is chasing after Josh Hartnett

J SI’S SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY – Bishop

BIG AL’S AL-XAGGERATION aka THE BIGGEST LET DOWN ON THE SHOW

I’m not new to radio – and even as a listener, I understood the concept of the Major Market Tease – which is why when they give the Major Market Tease and it turns out to be nothing … well, it’s like the anticipation of opening a Christmas present you’ve been waiting to open and finding out they’re socks!   So when Al opened the show with him almost getting stabbed at Buzzard Billy’s I was interested – somehow the top secret challenges weren’t really secrets (or challenges) so there was no big excitement with the show road trip – but they did stop at Buzzard Billy’s to do a couple of bits and this is where Big Al was nearly stabbed – now initially Al said that he thought this guy was a little racist – but after listening to the tape, I’m more inclined to believed that this 70 year old white dude just had no patience for the obnoxious Big Al harassing his wife – Al’s idea was to sing “Let’s Get It On” to someone – because that bit isn’t old and tired – oops – was that in my outside my head font?  Anyway, Al picks a couple who already seems to be annoyed with the rowdy KKITM crowd – so he walks up to the table and tries to introduce himself and sit down in the booth with the woman – but before he could say anything, the woman immediately starts saying “no no no no” – and of course the old man has to defend his wife so he jumps in and starts to get out of his chair to bow up to Al and tells him to get away from the table – now this is where the story gets “scary” **cough**BS**cough** since Al has never been one to leave well enough alone – he put the microphone back in the woman’s face and tried to sing to her – then the man said “did you hear what I said? Leave!!” and according to Big Al reached for the first defensive item he could find – an 8 inch blade – but thanks to J Si, we found out that the man was about 5′6″ and 140 pounds- and the only knife he had was his table knife – so, I hate to break it to you Al, but you were never in any danger – especially when you got punked by a man a 1/3^rd of your size that basically made you slink back to your table … without a bit – as usual, Kellie was right, “it seemed a lot worse than it sounded”!

LESLIE ROY IN STUDIO

Leslie Roy is an Irish singer who Kidd “discovered” (insert eye roll here!) – and since she’s Irish – and since we have 2 master impressionists on the show, we decided to start off by dazzling her with their amazing impersonation skills – first up, Big Al Mack – I guess the trip to Austin wasn’t long enough because Al still needed some serious practice time – since when does an Irish accent sound like Indian??  Next up was Shanon – and though she swore she her voice would not go up an octave (or 10) when she did her impersonation – she just couldn’t help herself – but at least it was funny!!  and Leslie seemed amused – she performed her new song, “Unbeautiful” – and she killed it – I don’t know how anyone sings this early in the morning but she did – she has an amazing voice and a very laid back, soulful sound – her album comes out in 2 weeks and I’ll definitely be checking her out!

TEMPTED

Day 4 of tempted – and after winning 3 days in a row, I just knew Sofia was going to win $10,000 tomorrow – but after being offered an additional $300 to walk away, Sofia took her $3000 and walked – she had already discussed it with her boyfriend, Neil and decided that $3500 for the week was pretty dang good – so she walked and left us with 2 more contestants – I’m really starting to get into this contest – I know it’s gonna send the show to the poor house and probably ruin my inevitable raise, but I’m hoping someone wins the $10k!

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Ryan O’Neal and his son Redmond were arrested for meth

#4 – The Academy is giving away 300 bleacher seats to the Oscars

#3 – Megan Fox has 9 tattoos and says she’s getting more

#2 – Hilary Swank had a minor medical procedure at the hospital

#1 – Jessica Simpson isn’t pregnant, she’s just fat

Kinsey called but we had some severe audio issues when it was live- luckily, Aaron/Cappy/Dino fixed it in production so you can hear the whole thing on the kPod – and it is funny!!!   Kinsey dreamed she was an Easter egg and they hid her and no one could find her – and when she woke up – J Si wasn’t there – so he can suck it!!!

THE MOMENT KINSEY FELL IN LOVE WITH J SI

Kinsey had J Si recreate their very first conversation – and since they’ve been together for 100 years (just ask her to marry you already, J Si!!), J Si still had a thick accent back then (or so Kinsey says) – anyway, J Si was telling her a story and said, “I was walking down the street and this girl fell down so I had to help the bishop” – get it??

THE NAB AWARDS

Kidd is up for a big award tonight – and since he hasn’t won in a couple of years – Kidd is going to the awards alone – poor Kidd – I guess no one cared enough to see him fight it out against Glenn Beck (who has a tv show), Bob and Sherry, Neil Bortz and Steve Harvey – don’t feel bad Kidd – I would’ve gone to the awards with you – and just think, you’ll get to see Billy Bush (who is hosting) and see a special performance by Sarah Pierce and Seth Walker – um, who are they again??

WHEN I TELL YOU WHAT I HAVE, YOU’LL WANT ME TO GET OFF YOUR LAP

In an effort to find comedic moments for the show Big Al talked to a few more people at Buzzard Billy’s – so Al talked to Chad, a waiter at Buzzard Billy’s who listens to the show – but obviously he doesn’t check out the website because he didn’t recognize Kidd – or maybe he does check out the website and he just thinks that Kidd and Andrew look alike – because Chad asked if Andrew was Kidd and the show said yes and went along with it – so while Al was talking to Chad, he asked Chad to give him the history of Buzzard Billy’s … from Al’s lap – um, okay – and it was all good – until Chad told Al that he had a husband – and until Kellie told Chad that Al has herpes – at least that’s what they think in Nashville – BWAAAHHHHH – the back story there is that while recording liners for Nashville, the show jokingly made a reference to Al having herpes – and the Nashville station played it – have I said BWAAAHHHHH yet today??

I NEED THE GAYS TO LOVE ME!!!!

So for some reason (***you’re GAAAAAYYY!!***), Al wanted Chad to pick the hottest person at the table – why?  I think it’s because Al has effectively spread the news to every woman on the planet that he is emotionally inept – but the word hasn’t spread to the men yet – anyway, Chad picked his men – and at the top of the list was J Si – next Kidd Kraddick aka Andrew – HUH??  Andrew?  Andrew with the wrinkled t-shirt and dirty Vans Andrew?  Because that leaves Big Al in 3^rd place – how can that be?  Well, maybe Chad’s not down with the brown – no.  as it turns out, Chad’s husband is black!!  And he STILL picked Al third – and that’s when the 70 year old man pulled a knife on Big Al – maybe you should have lt him stab you!!!

BEHIND THE SCENES AWKWARD ANDREW MOMENT

“I’ve got birthing hips” – Andrew

“Did you say birthing hips?” – Ben

“Yes, I have wide set hips” – Andrew

KKITM CELEBRITY RUMOR

Kellie says she is dating Kevin Jonas – and she can say it because according to a gossip website, he will never comment on who he is or isn’t dating – so it very well may be Kellie Rasberry – we’ll just never know!

THINGS I LEARNED ON THE SHOW TODAY

All Kellie’s Friends Have Tails – Kidd says that every time Kellie talks about one of her friends, she uses the word ‘tail’

Turn tail and run

Tuck their tail between their legs and run

Jerk a knot in his tail

And the funniest – Kellie’s allegation that Kidd has a vestigial tail – maybe Kidd was right

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie needs the Internets and the Google and never thought she’d say that

Big Al ordered something of the TV at 3am

J Si realized that he’s not good at something

Shanon locked herself out again

Sexy Jack is making tea for the show today

Kellie is so into Sexy Jack that Kidd is worried that he may accuse Kellie of sexual harassment – of course, like Kellie said, it’s only sexual harassment if you’re offended – if you’re not offended, it’s a compliment – I don’t think we have anything to be worried about – I’ve already predicted Sexy Jack will leave his girlfriend for Kellie – it’s just a matter of time – then the only thing we’ll have to worry about is Kidd’s jealousy – you saw how he acted when Kellie and Big Al were hanging out all buddy-buddy – how do you think when Kellie and Sexy Jack become a couple??

HIZZLE

Amy Poehler is leaving Saturday Night Live

Jamie Foxx likes blondes

Paris Hilton has found her BFF

Britney’s people are worried about her … again

J SI’S SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY – BRIEF

My girl farted in the car and it smelled so bad, I couldn’t brief

A.D.D. BREAK OF THE DAY

J Si’s Spanish Word of the Day was brief – Kidd felt the need to define the word and since ‘brief’ can be used as an adjective or a noun, it started an entire discussion about why you don’t say boxer ‘brief’ – we always say boxer ‘briefs’, even when we’re only talking about one – why is it a pair of underwear or pair of pants when there is only one piece – is it because there are 2 holes – there are 2 arm holes in a shirt but you don’t refer to  one shirt as a pair of shirts – is it because back in the day, pants consisted of 2 pieces?  Kidd says people in the clothing industry refer to pants as just ‘pant’ – like, that’s a really great pant – nothing else that consists of one piece is referred to as a pair – except glasses … and headphones … KKITM, the show that makes you think!!

LOVE LETTERS TO KELLIE

Love Letters started with an improv skit starring Kellie and Big Al as a married couple – the husband had been served with a subpoena for child support because apparently he has a secret child that he hasn’t told his wife about – they already have one child and another on the way, so Kellie’s advice was for the wife to decide whether she was prepared to deal with the consequences of having a stepchild and living with the fact that her husband has been less than honest with her – that led to an entirely different discussion about dating and Kidd’s crazy assertion that all women should ask the man they’re dating id he’s married – ON THE FIRST DATE!!  Kellie thinks (and I agree) that if a guy asks you out, you should assume he’s single – besides, if he’s low enough to be asking you out when he’s married – what makes you think he’ll answer the “are you married” question honestly

Other useful advice from Love Letters

If you’re dating a guy that can’t fit you into his schedule, you need to work on your communication skills and tell him you need more quality time

If you’re 19, a sophomore in college and are ready to marry your boyfriend, running off to elope is a stupid idea – especially when your parents are still supporting you and paying for your school – you need to slow down and not be in such a big hurry

THE MEANEST BIT OF THE DAY

I would just like to go on record as saying I had no part of the meanest bit ever – and if I had known about it ahead of time, I never would have endorsed it – yesterday, we played some of J Si’s voice lesson with the great Linda Septien – after their lesson, Linda sent J Si off to prepare 2 acapella songs so that she could further assess J Si – after that,  J Si would perform the songs for us live on air today – now, before J Si even sang, Linda went on and on about J Si’s fabulous tone and how even though he needed to work on his control, he still had a ton of natural talent – and you could tell that he was still a little nervous (especially when he decided to count it off … alone!  “ready 1-2-3″) but he still managed to sing “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz and “Water Runs Dry” by Boys II Men – now, I love both of these songs and have to say, J Si did not pick the easiest songs in the world to sing – and he did a pretty good job – I mean, he didn’t blow them out of the water but he didn’t suck either – Kellie even told him he was cute – so by this point, J Si is gaining a little confidence and starting to think he may not totally suck – suddenly, by the magic of radio, we had Marlo Rosado, a big time producer of Latino music on the phone – he is friends with Linda and said that Linda had sent him J Si’s vocals and he thought they were pretty good – so good, in fact, that he wanted J Si to head to Miami so that they could get started working together – at this point, J Si is starting to freak out – but he’s being super cool about it – and even when Kidd offered to let him out of the big radio convention this weekend, J Si still played it cool saying that he would do whatever Kidd wanted him to – and that’s when Kidd let the bomb drop – it was all a joke – Linda Septien might have think J Si has a “phenomenal” voice but it wasn’t phenomenal enough for Marlo to fly J Si to Miami – dude – that was rude!!  I’m talking full on RUDE-y Huxtable rude – all I know is they better be glad that J Si is a nice guy – a lesser man might not have seen the humor in “giving it up for the show” and might have drop kicked Kidd into next week – but not J Si – he just goes with the flow – hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m calling Bad Looking Out

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Eva Longoria isn’t pregnant, she’s just fat

#4 – John Mayer did a strip tease in a club for Heidi Klum

#3 – Mariah Carey pooped on the sidewalk in NY and she left it there

#2 – Obama’s campaign turned down Lindsay Lohan’s offer to host an event

#1 – The Jonas Brothers say they date non-celebrity fans

HOW TO MAKE YOUR KIDS HEALTHY EATING

Since we got derailed yesterday, Kidd attempted (and actually succeeded) in the list of ways to get your kid to be a healthy eater – Kellie talked a little bit about her struggles with food and her eating disorder – and I could totally relate when she said that the most important thing for her now is not passing those habits on to Emma Kelly – she never wants food to be an issue for Emma Kelly like it was for her – while I never had a full blown eating disorder, I have been on a constant quest to lose 10 pounds since I was in my early 20s – combine that with my crappy eating habits and my not-so-healthy diet of skipping a few (or several) meals to drop a few pounds – and obviously I don’t want my daughter to be obsessed with food or her weight either – so I’ll be making a concerted effort to use these tips with my kids!!

1.       Let your kids hang out in the kitchen – wanna get your kids interested in food – have them help you cook

2.       Don’t force kids to take another bite or bribe them to eat certain foods – rewarding them for food they don’t want gives a negative food association

3.       Don’t restrict “bad” foods or hide treats from your kids – if you want them to eat the good foods, hide those instead!

4.       Don’t diet in front of your children – kids follow your example – so if they see you constantly dieting, they’ll diet too

5.       Don’t serve boring vegetables – make them fun to eat by adding butter or cheese or some type of dipping sauce

6.       Don’t give up when they say don’t like something – studies say that you may have to offer a food 15-20 times before they realize they like something – so keep offering it after the first “no”

The show is headed to Austin today for a radio convention – everyone but Kidd that is – well, that’s not entirely true – Kidd is going to the convention – but while the rest of the show is road tripping it in the KKITM Ford Flex, Kidd is flying – why you ask?  Because he somehow was scheduled for some urgent meeting that interfered with his leaving with the rest of the show – so instead of riding along and participating in road trip fun and games, he created a super, fun challenge competition (sarcasm font) for the rest of the show to participate in – not only that, he’s created a specific challenge for each show member – they won’t find out what their challenges are until it’s time to get into the car – the best challenge performance will be upgraded to a suite in Austin – the bottom 2 challenge performances will have to share a room and forgo their solo room – and to add a twist, J Si’s challenge is harder than Kellie’s because Kellie is Kidd’s favorite – stay tuned – I believe that hilarity will ensue …

PILATES ASSISTER or PILATES A SISTER

Big Al couldn’t sleep last night and was awake at 3am – now, this is dangerous for a couple of different reasons – the first being that Al has to be at work at 4:30am – so when you’re still awake at 3am, that means you didn’t get any sleep second, nothing good can come of watching tv at 3am – particularly when despite having 187 channels,  the only thing on is infomercials – so in Al’s defense, he was practically forced to buy something – but it probably should have been the Time Life Soultry Soul Songs – not the ab chiseling, dynamo work out known in the “As Seen on TV” world as The Ab Rocket – The Ab Rocket promises to change you from flab to fab in only 30 days – and don’t worry about the cost – because they’ll ship it to you at no charge (except shipping and handling) and you get to use it for free for 30 whole days – and Al fell for it – he called the toll free 800 number, gave them his credit card (which they don’t actually charge but do process a hold) and is now awaiting the arrival of The Ab Rocket – never mind that in order to get the abs he wants, he would probably need to do a real work out on a daily basis – and cut out all the fat in his diet and stop drinking – and get rid of the existing layer of fat that is on top of his current abs – :::shakes head::: – I know the infomercial says that the offer is not available in stores but J Si said he just saw it at the sporting goods store – and with a quick search on The Google, look what I found for only $13.99 – I hope Big Al can get a refund …