Kidd Kraddick Remix

FUNNIEST CONVERSATION OF THE SHOW

Talking about Al’s song

“I wanna say the song was great” – Listener Elise

“I wanna say you’re on drugs” – J Si

OOGEY QUOTE OF THE DAY

“I’m a twiddler … totally” – Kidd

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID QUOTE OF THE DAY

At least we’re on the front end and not the back end – Kellie

THINGS KELLIE SAID THAT MADE ME LAUGH

“God, please let me find a way to become more vile before I pass away – so I can earn just a little more cash” – Kellie joking about Larry Flynt might pray about

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie is wearing a Halloween hat given to her by Auntie Crazy

Big Al went on a triple date with Kidd last night

J Si still doesn’t have his Halloween costume yet

Shanon has a banana in hand

Jack wants to know if its road rage if he yells at traffic cones

Kidd sat next to a guy building a billion dollar home last night

FLUSH THE FORMAT

Thriller – Michael Jackson

Where it’s At – Beck

Baby I Got Your Money – Old D.B.

Mashup – Ghostbusters/Eminem

Big Pimpin’ – Jay Z

Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems – Notorious B.I.G.

Funky Cold Medina – Tone Loc

Ice Ice Baby – Vanilla Ice

Do You Really Want Me – Salt N Pepa

Live Your Life – T.I. and Rihanna

Like I Love You – Justin Timberlake

Guilty Pleasure – Cobra Starship

Check Yes Juliet – We The Kings

DON’T CALL HER A BIT KILLER

Kellie’s the only one on the show that bothered to wear a costume!!  well, a witch’s hat from Auntie Crazy

HIZZLE

John McCain is scheduled to appear on SNL this weekend

Janet Jackson had to edit her raunchy concert

Madonna and A-Rod hooked up in the Hamptons thanks to Jerry Seinfeld

Paris Hilton says she doesn’t have an eating disorder

BILLBOARD #1S

If I Were a Boy – Beyonce – Hot Digital Tracks
The Time of My Life – David Cook – Hot AC
Just a Dream – Carrie Underwood – Hot Country Songs
You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid – The Offspring – Hot Modern Rock Tracks
Lloro Por Ti – Enrique Iglesias – Hot Latin Songs

RELIGION 101

Al goes to church a lot – but I don’t think he pays very much attention – because otherwise, how would this Baptist boy not know about “free will” – Al honestly thinks that everything that happens is an act of God and that God is in control of everything – we were talking about planes and Al said that one time he picked up Larry Flynt in a limo and he had gold wheels on his wheelchair – the question of whether or not you would trade places with Larry – to have all of his money but also be in a wheelchair – Al said no, because if God wanted him to have that much money, he would have blessed him with millions – um, Al – so you think all rich people are blessed by God – even Larry Flynt??  “well, yeah”  WHAT??  You think God blessed HUSTLER???  And how about the entire porn industry??  All of them?  BLESSED??  Poor Al – I could tell he was getting confused when he said  ”Y’all are bogging me down” – we’re bogging you down?  I know Al has a Bible – but since God is in control of everything, he must not have wanted Al to read it

FALLOUT BOY PHONER

Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump called in so that we could be a part of their World Record Breaking interview thing – they’re trying to break the record for the most interviews in 24 hours and we were #16 in the line

They didn’t really have much to say but we did walk away finding out this:

Ashlee Simpson is due any minute and Pete is officially on call

Pete and Ashlee are having a small Halloween soiree at the house tonight and Ashlee is going to be a penguin

Patrick, his girlfriend and her friends are going to be the Robert Palmer “Addicted to Love” video

Ashley and Pete went to see Cobra Starship at the House of Blues in LA last night

Pete Wentz likes to use multiple syllable words in his songs – preferably 3 syllables or more

IT’S HALLOWEEN – AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS – SCARY STORIES!!!

Kellie was up first and after yesterday’s tirade about Kellie not bringing anything to the show, Kidd should have known that he would be a major player – I’m not sure what was funnier – the fact that Big Al murdered Kidd to keep him from firing Kellie and everyone just ignored it or the idea that Kellie would actually come to work 6 hours early

Then it was Big Al’s turn – I think Kidd summed it up when he said “Do you ever run this by anybody??” – Kidd, are you new??  Al NEVER asks for opinions before he comes up with a bit – if he did, do you think there would be so many bad ones??  Instead of following the rules, Al decided to do a song – and not just any song – he took inspiration from the R Kelly “In The Closet” and acted out all parts of the performance – I would tell you to go listen to it on the kPod – but I love you guys and wouldn’t subject you to that kind of pain – imagine Kellie with her head in her hands – that’s pretty much how she spent the whole song

Then it was redemption time – J Si would bring it, right?  Honestly, I can’t tell you what the story was about – because I couldn’t get past his terrible impersonation of Big Al – if it hadn’t been so funny, it might have been offensive – it was like the Saturday morning cartoons from back in the day were having a reunion – a little bit of Foghorn Leghorn, Pepe Le Pew and Speedy Gonzalez

Finally it was time for Kidd – we saved the best for last – now first of all, Kidd wrote a script for his story – so why was he so mad at Kellie yesterday because she wrote a script?  Oh yeah – because he’s really the whiny one on the show!!  And if there was ever a time for Kellie to be mad at Kidd, this was it – I mean he made Emma Kelly the devil and Kellie had to sing “my baby’s the devil – uh huh, yeah yeah” – but the line, “This is just great – I tried for 2 years to have a baby and when I finally get one, she’s the freaking daughter of Satan” was pretty good – I think Boggs said exactly what I was thinking, “Wow, that was sooo stupid” – yep, pretty much!

So what was the outcome on the Best and Worst – well, we didn’t do a contest like we normally do, so there were no winners or losers – but the listeners thought that Kidd and Kellie tied for best and that Al was the worst – I don’t know – I thought Kellie’s was the best and Kidd’s was the worst – don’t get me wrong – I mean Al’s was bad – ok, it was REALLY bad – but a week from now, we won’t even remember the other 3 stories – but will we ever forget Al screeching in that high pitched voice and playing the parts of 10 different characters?  no.  and now we have one more thing to add to the long list of “remember when Al did …” failed bits – maybe we can get that on the schedule for Monday

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Director Kevin Smith is so fat he broke his toilet, so he’s going on a diet

#4 – Pink doesn’t get John Mayer at all

#3 – Samuel Jackson thinks that someone will assassinate Obama

#2 – Jennifer Hudson’s family will be on Monday

#1 – Madonna and A-Rod are sneaking around in the Hamptons thanks to Jerry Seinfeld

CODY LINLEY PHONER

We must have caught him before his morning Red Bull – when he’s on Dancing With the Stars, he is bouncing off the freaking walls – I swear some days Julianne must want to smack him – she can’t even get him to focus because he’s so dang hyper – but he was super chill with us!  Cool, but SUPER chill -

More random tidbits about Cody

His mom is an acting coach and his brother was an actor

Went to school in the Dallas area and listened to Kidd growing up

Youngest contestant in Dancing With the Stars history

Has known Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez since they were kids

As an 18 year old boy, he said it’s easy to be attracted to an older woman and then asked Kellie for her number!!

KELLIE’S SOUTHERN MOMENT OF THE DAY

“Y’all ask ME – I don’t go around willy nilly giving advice”

MOST RANDOM THING HEARD ON THE SHOW TODAY

“I challenge you to come up with a better band name than Unattended Banana” – Kidd – um, okay – where should I start?

THE SACRILEGE MOMENT OF THE SHOW

J Si swore on *gasp* the Chargers, that he didn’t steal Shannon’s banana

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID QUOTE OF THE DAY

“It was so tasty going down my esophagus – it felt so good on my tongue” – Shanon

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM KKITM

“If nothing, I’m true to myself in the Inner Most Me” – Big Al

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie’s mom is leaving today

Big Al and Kellie live 200 yards from each other but never visit each other

Shanon is on the hunt because someone stole her banana

Someone stole Shanon’s banana and she’s pretty upset about it – she sent Andrew to the deli yesterday for 2 Diet Dr Peppers and as many bananas as he could buy – and she had one yesterday and was looking forward to eating the other one today – so she left it on the windowsill for safekeeping and then was shocked when it went missing – everyone seemed to think that J Si stole the banana, since he has the lowest moral character of anyone on the show – but he swore it wasn’t him – and I believe him – J Si is too much of a 7 year old boy and wouldn’t be able to contain himself if he’d done it – besides, he probably believes that we would actually fingerprint the windowsill (like he suggested) to find the culprit and he would never suggest that if it would actually implicate him – my vote?  Cleaning people!!  Either that or the roaches – ew.

HIZZLE

Ashley Olsen wants bigger boobs

T.I. can vote after all

Britney Spears may host Saturday Night Live

There will be no sitcom with Paris, Britney and Lindsay

BILLBOARD TOP 5

5.  Death Magnetic – Metallica
4.  Lucky Old Sun – Kenny Chesney
3.  Paper Trail – TI-
2.  HSM3 – Sound Track
1.  Black Ice – AC/DC

KINSEY!!!

Kinsey is mad because Kelly Jo is trying to be “hot” like Kinsey – the conversation that followed was kind of like the Abbott Costello “Who’s On First” – except with Valley Girls – and much like Abbott and Costello, I couldn’t tell who was who – “Um, I’m hot – you’re trying to be hot-T-T like me – no, you wrote it with more OOO’s than TTT’s – what?  You what?  HOT!!” – and I think there were some “duhs” and “likes” thrown in there

YOU’VE ONLY GOT 4 MINUTES TO BASH YOUR EX

For the first time in “You’ve Only Got 4 Minutes To Bash Your Ex” history, we had some men call in – unfortunately they were a little lame:

The first guy’s wife cost him 14k in legal and child custody issues – then she wanted a truce – NEXT

Borrowed money from her family for her ring and her family to start a business – NEXT

The next guy said his ex was stinky and looked like a pig in a blanket – but he dated her anyway – NEXT

Then there was the gay guy whose ex was flamboyant and boring – um, how does that make sense? NEXT

The winner was a guy whose ex was bulimic – and so was the rest of her family – then she tried to kill him – well, not really – she just took out a life insurance policy on him – BO-RING!!  Yeah, he won by default

PLEASE DON’T FIRE ME AND MAKE ME A HOMELESS BAG LADY

Kellie’s biggest fear is being homeless and being forced to become a bag lady – I’m pretty sure this is a rational fear called “Bag Lady Syndrome” – anyway, she also thinks that if Kidd fires her, she’ll never be able to find another job – but according to Kidd, the fear doesn’t have her scared enough to “bring it” every day – now of course, I beg to differ – I mean, whether she wants to or not, she gives Kidd material every.single.day.   do you think that if he said all these things in MY voice they would still be funny?

“What do you want me to do??  I come in every day, what else??”

“What if I come in early?  What am I gonna do?  Just sit there?  Sit there and do nothing?”

And what about her amazing blogging skills – no one writes funnier blogs  (except maybe me – back when I had time to actually write one!) – how can you not appreciate the greatness of “Kidd, While I appreciate the concept of writing down what I do every day, it seems pretty pointless when all I do is line shelves and unpack dishes”

And what about the one liners – who else could say:

“Mama – you stay here and do all of this because I gotta go out and LIVE LIFE!!!”

“How do I feel about my dishes??  I think I have too many dishes”

“How can I be amazing if all I do is line shelves?”

And my all time favorite “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO???”

Come on Kidd – you have to laugh at this – it’s just too funny – not to mention realistic – you certainly couldn’t make this up!!  And if you didn’t have Kellie, how would you ever come up with such thought provoking questions as, “Which is better? Kellie who stays AT HOME every night and brings nothing for the show or Al, who goes OUT every night and still has nothing for the show?”  see – genius!!

MUSIC THAT MAKES YOU COOLER

Micah, Santo Gold and Erin McCarley … and there you have it

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Celine Dion is going to try to have a baby after her tour

#4 – Sophie Monk is dating Adam Levine

#3 – Denise Richards’ has been approved for another season of “It’s Complicated”

#2 – Carrie Underwood is now dating the lead doctor from The Doctors

#1 – Guy Ritchie turned down Madonna’s offer of $31 million

TWO GAY GUYS IN A BUCKET

Business has been slow at Al’s “Two Gay Guys In A Bucket” bar – and I’m guessing Al needs to start bringing in some extra revenue – why else would he be trying so hard to sell Beer Bucket t-shirts – now, I don’t spend a lot of time on the bar website, but apparently Kidd does (either that or he was really bored) because we all got the following email …

“Now Al is using MY employees to model HIS BAR’S T-SHIRTS.”

Ok – so Kidd was mad because Al somehow convinced people in the office to model his t-shirts for the website – so J Si  responding with “wow, I’m not gay or anything but the dude on the right looks pretty damn good if I say so myself.” Probably wasn’t the smartest thing – then the gay guy in the office responded to J Si with : I am gay… and you are right! LOL!” – then Kellie jumped in with , “All I know is, I would kill for her ass. And waist line. And personality. I suck.” – are you sensing a trend here?  Kidd is up in arms because his employees are promoting Al’s bar and all anyone can do is comment on the picture – poor Kidd – he can’t win for losing  – I mean, all he wanted was a little support  – well Kidd, I have your back – that was just plain wrong – for Al to take pictures of your employees, on company time – you know he used the company’s internet – and he probably used one of the company’s cameras too – and you know whenever you go to him on the show and he does that whole “huh” thing – he’s probably thinking about the bar – or Redneck Steve – I’m just saying – anyway, you just remember who loves you!!  By the way, can I have a raise???

SETH ROGAN PHONER

Seth Rogan – for you I have 3 words – heh heh heh – they lost me when Kidd asked Seth where he was and he said “Sitting on my deck” … at his house … on the beach … in Malibu – yeah, I hate you Seth Rogan – 26 and rich for doing movies about being the kind-hearted loser/stoner – really?  He says he’ll probably make a different type of movie as he gets older and more mature but for now, he just wants to make a movie that includes capes – nice.

BIG AL FOR PRESIDENT aka THE SAFEST BLACK MAN IN AMERICA

If you’ve ever met Big Al in person, you know that he’s the kind of guy that fits in just about anywhere – I mean, with just five little words “Big Al in tha’ house” and he’s suddenly made friends with half the room – which is why Kidd thought that Al would be a great politician – because he’s good at adapting – he’s like a chameleon – and it was all good – until started letting things slip like “I’m much more comfortable with white people” and “I’m comfortable around black people in small groups” – WHY AL??  WHY???  Remember that whole internal filter thing you’re supposed to be working on – I mean you said it best, “I’ve upset a black” – then the whole thing about “talking black” – seriously??  are we still doing that?  The whole thing just wears me out – this is the part of Big Al that makes me just want to shake him – but there was that one funny line “There’s good places and blad places” – I’m pretty sure he was gonna say black but his filter kicked in mid sentence – damn – where do you get a tuner filter??

FUNNIEST CONVERSATION OF THE SHOW

“He’s a bad person Kellie” – Kidd as a random female

“Yeah he is … can I have him?” – Kellie

J SI’S “I’M GAY” MOMENT

J Si admitted that he and his friends would get together and make up dances to songs – that way, when they were hanging out at the club, they could bust out with their routine on the dance floor – dude, what do you think this is?  a movie?  You’re not Zac Efron

“SAVE THAT “OF THE DAY

“Pooping Is Cool” – Shanon – and it must be, because there are 892,000 Google hits for that phrase

PSYHCO SHANON’S PSYCHO MOMENT OF THE DAY

Everyone on the show said that Shanon had the worst opening break tease of the day – except J Si – but for some reasons, Shanon decided to take her anger out on Al and then just busted out into a full blown Psycho Shanon Tirade -

“Now I’m officially pissed at everybody on the show – so Kellie there you go – even Sexy Jack – Sexy Jack, who was supposed to take my side has even turned against me which really genuinely hurts – and if I could call into the show right now and say you were my ex boyfriend – I would go off on you for like 5 minutes”

TMI COMMENT FROM KELLIE

Intestinal Movement Formula – do I really need to go into more detail??

TRUER WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN SPOKEN

“No one else has covered the financial crisis and colon blow in the same break” – you got that right!!

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie has a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear

Big Al met a woman last night and has already screwed it up

J Si took Kinsey to eat sushi but she didn’t order any with fish

Shanon thinks someone on the show has a death wish

So there is a reason that I refer to the first segment of the show as “Things You Might Hear On Today’s Show” – it’s because we almost never get back to what the actual stories are – and I guess Kidd finally realized it because today he decided that every day, he will pick the nest tease and we’ll hear about that story – and even though the show deemed Shanon’s tease the worst, she still won the story – I’m not sure what Little Andrew was thinking, but he off-handedly mentioned that he could go a couple of rounds with J Si in a boxing ring – STUNT!!!   Well of course the next logical step is to put together some type of boxing match – 12 three minute rounds between J Si and Little Andrew – you’ve got to be kidding me!!   Now we know why Shanon thinks Andrew has a death wish – how crazy is he?  Even if he just threw that out there to get a little air time – is it really worth disfiguring your face Andrew?  Really?  What will Ralph and Lynnette say?  So Friday at 11:30am, it’s on … and this is precisely why you never say things out loud here at KKITM!!

WHO’S REALLY THE VICTIM HERE?

After one day, we haven’t had any guys enter the “Only Got 4 Minutes To Bash Your Ex” contest and Kidd said it’s because women hang on to the pain so that they’re able to bring it up at a later date – and guys get over it and let it go – yeah, I don’t think that’s what it is – I just think that it’s usually the guy that is doing the bashable behavior – now I realize that there are plenty of women out there who are participating in the wrongdoing, but I’m pretty sure if we look at percentages the men would outnumber the women –  plus guys are terrible liars and generally get caught – so if get together and bash on you, it’s because you provide us with so much material!

HIZZLE

Britney’s dad is still the boss of her

Brad and Angelina have a nanny for every kid

Jessica Simpson’s movie is a hit … in Russia

Joaquin Phoenix is retiring from acting

LOVE LETTERS TO KELLIE

If your teenage step-daughter walks around topless, you need to have a serious Come-To-Jesus with your wife because your step-daughter is competing with her for attention

If your ex-girlfriend is hanging out with your parents in an effort to get you back, your parents need to cut it off

If you’re cheating on your soldier boyfriend while he’s fighting in Iraq, you need to just go ahead and break up with him – especially if you’re a dirty legged whore who has already found someone to take his place

YOU’VE ONLY GOT 4 MINUTES TO BASH YOUR EX

Wow – this chick’s ex was such a piece of work, she went the whole 4 minutes – her husband dropped her off at hospital with appendicitis because he had to go to work – when she woke up the next day, he was there with his girlfriend – he introduced the GF and announced he was leaving her – but since she didn’t have any family, the girlfriend ended up taking her home – then when they got to the house, she was greeted by a bouquet of black roses and a letter from the girlfriend giving her all the gory details of their relationship – her husband came over that night and decided she’d feel better if he showed her the first draft of the letter from the girlfriend – apparently he made the GF rewrite it because it was too mean in the beginning  – so she filed for divorce and took half of everything but he had cleaned out his 401k and she ended up losing her house – she had to sue him to get it back – but when she finally did, the ex and his new girlfriend had bashed in all the walls – then they stuffed fish and shrimp into the walls and vents and it stunk so bad, she couldn’t sell it – damn. Winner!!

IT ONLY TAKES 4 MINUTES TO BASH YOUR EX PART 2

NEXT, NEXT, NEXT, NEXT, NEXT!!!!

The first girl’s ex tried to convince her that he was in the military – NEXT, NEXT, NEXT

The next one married a mama’s boy who was great until they got married – then left her in the middle of the night because she pulled all the covers – he grabbed the blanket off the bed and went to go sleep at his mother’s house – 3 weeks later, he quit his job – a friend got him a new one but he would call in sick to come home and watch Home Improvement – NEXT NEXT NEXT

There was also the girl who dated a bartender who lost his job for stealing from the bar – she took him out to dinner and then dumped him after he cried like a girl after “googling”

Another woman waited for her man while he was in the military – then when he got back, he took her to meet his family and then dumped her and married a 60 year old woman – then he still tried to hook up with her- NEXT NEXT NEXT

Add another cheater to the list with the woman whose husband was having an affair with the neighbor across the street AND her aunt … while she was pregnant – then he decided to sign away his parental rights so he wouldn’t have to pay child support – NEXT NEXT

The last woman dated her guy for 2 years and then turned to drugs – there was something about him picking up a woman who might have been a hooker but the 4 minutes was up and she won by default

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – The CW is considering of bringing back Melrose Place

#4 – More people watched Dancing With the Stars than the World Series

#3 – Joaquin Phoenix says he’s retiring from acting to focus on music

#2 – Britney’s dad will remain conservator over her affairs

#1 – Lil Wayne threw a hissy fit and refused to perform

MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY – MONNEEEYYYY!!!

Post Properties owns and manages some of the coolest apartment homes around – and back in the day, Big Al actually used to live in some of them – well they have a charity that raises money for different charities and this year they chose Kidd’s Kids as the recipient of their golf tournament – do you know that today they brought us a check for $59,500 – omg – how great is that??  That is a ton of money and it will definitely come in handy since the trip is less than 2 weeks away!!!

THE FINANCIAL CRISIS

The economy sucks – blah-blah-blah – no one has any money – blah-blah-blah – I can’t retire – blah-blah-blah – I’ll have to become a Walamrt greeter – blah-blah-blah – oh, I’m sorry – I must have passed out from all the excitement of this fascinating topic – someone have the smelling salts on standby though in case the government decided to print more money and give me some of it …

AWKWARD SEGUE

Somewhere during financial talk, we got on the subject of Kellie’s Intestinal Movement Formula this started an entire conversation about poop and cleaning out your system and prompted a story from Shanon about clogging up the toilet at the house of someone she was sort of dating – now to be fair, Shanon says she clogged the toilet with snotty toilet paper, not poo – but she still had to come out and ask for a plunger – but that’s not the awkward part – that was when Kidd, out of the blue, shared a news story about a man who accidentally ran over his daughter and then lied and said it was a hit and run – except the UPS guy saw him do it – can someone please explain to me why Kidd then thought he could compare that to Shanon’s clogged toilet with a simple, “see, it was an accident” – HUH????

KIDD’S “NEXT YOU’LL GROW A VESTIGIAL TAIL” MOMENT

“How do I get A 3D avatar?” – Kellie

“It’s so easy and fun” – Shanon

“I’ll tell you after” – Kidd

“That’s another topic of discussion” – Kellie

“No it isn’t – we have a limited amount of time” – Kidd

KIDD’S RICH GUY MOMENT

Kidd was all proud of himself because he bought his new hoodie on sale at 80% off – I was proud of him to until I found out that regular price the hoodie was $350 – so even at 80% off, it was still $70 – for a hoodie??  And it already has a hole in it!  I’d be returning it and getting my $70 back!

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie wants to know who can you trust if you can’t trust a Persian rug dealer

Big Al has eliminated one more thing from the things he won’t be doing after Kidd fires him

J Si could think of one thing while he was locked out of his house – Andrew’s challenge that he could take J Si in boxing

Shanon sucked the life out of herself when she crouched down in the middle of the kickball game

SENATOR BARACK OBAMA

Dino/Cappy/Aaron stepped up to the plate and scored us an interview with Barack Obama – pretty cool – especially since it’s 7 days before the election – the last time we had him on, he talked about girls being big fans of the Jonas Brothers – we reminded him of that conversation and Senator Obama said that the thing his girls are most excited about isn’t the possibility of him being president – it was meeting the Jonas Brothers!!   And if he does make it to the White House, the girls can bring posters of the Jonas Brothers to the White House, but no actual boys!!

We also let a listener ask a question and she had one I thought was pretty interesting – she said her family income is about $60,000 and wanted to know how the senator will be able to help her if he’s elected president – he said right off she could expect about a $1000 in tax relief and an addition al deduction on mortgage interest rates if she owns a home – if she has kids, a $4000 a year tuition credit in exchange for some type of national service – plus if she doesn’t have insurance, he wants to offer the opportunity to buy into the same health care pool he participates in – and if she currently has health care through her employer, he wants to lower the premiums

Other things Senator Obama told us

• He hopes that the media will respect the privacy of his children if he wins
• He and Michelle didn’t specifically discuss the dangers/risks to their families of being in the white house
• The tax increase that he’s asking for is the same tax bracket that we had during Clinton’s term
• And he’s rooting for the Phillies because his campaign manager (Pluff Daddy) is from Philly

After we talked to Senator Obama, we took a call from Carrie who was up in arms about us talking to Obama and not McCain and how we were a completely unfair liberal Democratic show – I guess she missed the part where Kellie a card-carrying Republican – we tried to explain to her that we had reached out to Senator McCain’s people several times and that they never responded – but she wasn’t hearing it – and no matter how many times we tried to tell her that we would love to have McCain on, she refused to hear what we were saying – and on top of that, she announced that she is no longer listening to our show!!!  Yeah, yeah – well Cali Mike said, “i won’t listen to Kidd Kraddick anymore because they don’t put Jack on more!” – see, we all have our issues

HIZZLE

Nicole Richie wants to adopt a baby

LL Cool J has bailed on Janet Jackson’s tour

Lindsay Lohan’s dad told the media that he is no longer talking to the media

Julianne Hough is taking a week off DWTS to have her appendix removed

FOUR MINUTES TO TRASH YOUR EX

So the point of the game is to call us and trash your ex – if you can make it 4 minutes, you qualify for the trip – but if we tire of your story, we yell NEXT and move on to the next story

Sarah was first – her ex is a major in the air force, was married with 2 kids and was basically stalking her – he used government money to come see her … NEXT

Next was Nicole – she was married 7 years and had a daughter – her ex left her with 3 kids and took her car … NEXT

Then came Amber but her phone sucked so we never got to talk to her

Then there was Jessica – Jessica’s ex worked at a mortuary and she met him at her grandpa’s funeral – he used to steal flowers from people’s gravesites and give them to her as if had bought them – then he would pick her up for dates in a limo but it was the family limo from the funeral home – he gave her a couple of pieces of jewelry but he stole them from dead people – then when he got fired, he “accidentally” sold her tv while he was crashing on her couch – DING DING DING – QUALIFIER!!!

YOU DON’T BRING ME FLOWERS

Can you believe there were people who actually admitted to stealing flowers from gravesites?  Multiple people- one girl called to say that her boyfriend used to bring her flowers all the time – she didn’t find out until later and now they’re getting married next year – net was the guy who saw a nice bouquet in a cemetery as he was on his way to pick up his first date – it was really pretty and in a box – they eventually got married and he still has the vase – too bad he never told her where it really came from – then we talked to a man who could only be described as “we do it a different way – we’re a Southern people” – he lives in Tennessee now but clearly has lived all over the South – he works in a mortuary and says people leave gifts at gravesites all the time even though they’re told not to – and because it gets really windy there – a lot of times arrangements blow all around the cemetery – and since they can’t tell where they belong, they just end up taking them home – wow.  That gives a totally new meaning to the phrase “you can’t take it with you!”

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Only 2 members left in Danity Kane after Shannon left

#4 – The cops had to come and bust Kate Hudson’s Halloween party

#3 – Julianne Hough ahs endometriosis and is having her appendix removed

#2 – Madonna is going to adopt a second child from Malawi

#1 – Zac Efron got a phone call from Michael Jackson

NEW MUSIC TUESDAY

Funhouse – Pink -
Cardinology – Ryan Adams -never heard of him …
That Don’t Make Me A Bad Guy – Toby Keith – eh. Country is country – clearly I’m not a big country fan
Evolver  - John Legend – love the new single with Andre 2000
4:13 Dream – The Cure – aw, The Cure reminds me of high school and college!

HOW IS BIG AL NOT FIRED

We all have new emails at Kiddnation and we’ve had them for a couple of months – but Al just started checking his email yesterday – which means he hasn’t been using the new Kiddnation – at.all.  so why is it that Big Al still has a job?  Shanon’s theory was “Jesus loves him – that’s how” – well, there is that saying that God looks out for children and fools … but that wasn’t a good enough reason, so we asked listeners

He’s the second reason that Sunny listens to the show

He has the lowest intelligence level of anyone on the show and everyone knows that’s where we get the comedy relief

He is freaking awesome – um, okay.

Al is smoking hot and super charming – um, super okay …

Personally, I think iOrange had the best reason – “if Al was gone, who would they make fun of?” – ooh – good point.

PUT ‘EM DOWN

Kellie’s dog George is staying with her friend Shanda during the never ending remodeling project – but that still leaves Tucker, Nanny Laura’s dog, at the house – now Tucker is a dog that has a lot of energy and normally Tucker and George entertain themselves and everything is fine – but Tucker is bored now that his friend is gone and has taken up rolling in the black dirt and grass to keep himself entertained – and that wouldn’t be that big if a deal except that Kellie has brand new furniture and Tucker wants to climb on it – hmm … Kidd is predicting death for Tucker and as upsetting as it might be, I think I might agree – after all, I know it’s been a while but Kellie was once known to scream the phrase “PUT HER DOWN!!!!”  sure, she’s all warm fuzzy momma Kellie now – but I think we all know that pets take a backseat when you have kids – out of sight, out of mind anyone??  I think the next statement is pretty telling – Kidd asked Kellie to describe a day without Tucker – her response – “fine” – yeah, Tucker’s on his way out – I mean all she has to do is let Big Al babysit – we all know his history with dogs – he over fed the dog to the point where she developed diabetes – and when she lost her eyesight due to said diabetes, he moved the furniture around and watched her run into it – then he left her outside when it was 18 degrees – and then left her (blind) outside in the middle of the night and went back inside – yep, if you’re tired of your dog – send him to Al’s – it’s the place that old dogs (and relationships) go to die.

BEHIND THE SCENES

this was the first thing i saw this morning

Little Andrew and Cappy will deny it til the day they die, but i know there was a phone call late last night and it went something like this

Little Andrew: Cappy, i’m not sure if should wear the matching outfits – then everyone is going to know

Cappy: Andrew, it’s fine – hardly anyone pays attention to me – and NO ONE pays attention to you

LA: What are you TAWWLKING about?  i’m the video guy – everyone knows who i am – after all, my British girlfriend is a cow – i’m internationally famous

C: look Andrew – it’s not that big of a deal – besides, i had to go to 3 different stores to find shoes like yours and i had to make up a lie to cover my tracks with my wife – and you went through all the trouble of sneaking the shirt out of Ralph’s closet

**Ralph is Ralph of Ralph and Lynette fame aka Andrew’s dad

LA: okay Cappy – but if anyone says anything …

C: don’t worry little Buddy – i’ve got your back – as long as we don’t arrive at the same time, no one will notice

FAST FORWARD TO 4:45AM …

twins?? What are you TAWWWLKING about???

FUNNIEST LINE OF THE SHOW

You love him because you don’t know him – Kellie telling a listener about Al

OOGEY QUOTE OF THE DAY

I’m gonna be a dirty insurance claims adjuster – Kidd – um, how does Caroline feel about that … DAD?

THE THING AL SAID THAT MADE ME LAUGH

Black Stallion – the nickname that Al wants to be called – BWWWAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM KKITM

“Just because you whisper doesn’t take away from your excitability” – Kellie – think the Dino drop we play for Big Al, but in a much lower tone

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie is going to a costume party tonight

J Si and Kinsey have been dating for almost 6 years and went to their first wedding ever, this weekend

Shanon asked Sexy Jack to smell her

Sexy Jack bought his first Christmas present in protest of Halloween

MISS KINSEY, WHY I NEVER …

J Si and Kinsey met the sister of Selena this weekend – you know Selena – the Tejano star that was killed by her psycho fan club president – the one that J Lo played in the movie – anyway, J Si was talking to her (her name is Suzette) and Kinsey walks up – she joined in on the conversation and somehow Suzette’s age came up – no big deal right – until Kinsey busted out with “Wow, you have really nice boobs for your age!” – to which Suzette replied, “thanks – wanna feel?” – ok, I don’t know if that was Suzette’s exact response – but according to J Si, the story ends with Kinsey feeling up Suzette – OMG – it’s Selena’s sister for crying out loud – here’s a piece of advice, Kinsey – I know that you really want to be Mexican – but even if your future last name is going to be Chavez, I don’t think feeling on the boobies of a Mexican icon is the best way to ingratiate yourself into the community – I’m just sayin’ …

HIZZLE

Madonna is in full divorce meltdown mode

Kim Kardashian is selling pictures of her partying with her injured boyfriend, Reggie Bush

$100,000 reward is being offered for the return of Jennifer Hudson’s missing nephew

Amy Poehler is retiring from SNL because she had a baby boy

ITUNES TOP 5

5.  Pink – So What

4.  T.I. – Live Your Life
3.  Katy Perry – Hot N Cold
2.  Britney Spears – Womanizer
1.  Beyonce – If I Were A Boy

COULD YOU BE ANYMORE HIGH MAINTENANCE (Friends reference anyone?)

Y’all know how I love me some Kellie Rasberry and think she can pretty much do no wrong – and I’m the first one to jump on the “how sorry is Al?” bandwagon – but Kidd and Kellie are WAY off the mark on this one – so Saturday afternoon, Al went into party mode and thought he’d have an impromptu BBQ party – so as Al often does, he grabbed his Blackberry and sent the obligatory mass text – “May grill a couple of burgers if you want to hang” – now anyone who knows Big Al (like everyone on the show), knows that Big Al is the party guy – or at least he thinks he is – and whenever he puts together a gathering, he invites pretty much everyone he knows – so why would anyone on the show (Kidd and Kellie) be surprised when they found out it was a mass text instead of a personal individual invitation – now Kidd, he’s a smart one – he immediately thought to ask “mass text?” – so when Al responded “Does that make it any less personal?”, Kidd knew that he was one of many and immediately got his panties in a wad (yes, panties- because Kidd was acting like a girl and girls wear panties) – Kellie on the other hand chose to see the good in Big Al and immediately responded that she couldn’t come because she was with her brother and his family but thanked Big Al for thinking about her  – and because Kellie knows hoe lonely Al is, she even felt a smattering of guilt for leaving Al in a lurch – too bad she didn’t realize then that she was one of 24 people that Al invited – because when she found out that she was OOT (One Of Thousands, like Kidd said), she was mad too – seriously??  seriously.  Kid and Kellie were really mad about this?  Yes – yes they were – and I just couldn’t understand why – come on people – it’s AL!!  were you expecting an engraved invitation?  Apparently Kidd was – because he went into this whole diatribe about the mass text message and how it feels like junk mail or a mass email that says, “you’re a winner” in the message to draw you in until you get to the inside where it becomes clear that you’re only a winner by virtue of receiving the email and that you won’t truly be a winner until you spend 41 minutes filling out a random survey only to find that if you really want a free Dell laptop, you have to either sign up for 22 “free” offers where you just pay shipping or you run to the Dell store and buy your own – oh.  have I said too much?  I meant to say that’s what I heard …

Anyway, back to Big Al – So Kidd and Kellie threw big temper tantrums – they’ll get over it – and at least Al was able to hang out with his other friends, right?  Yeah, except of the 24 people that Al invited – 21 friends said they already had other plans – and the other 3 – well, they couldn’t commit until they knew who was coming i.e. I need to know if this is going to be worth me skipping out on my other plans – yeah, not so much – those 3 “friends” found something better to do besides hanging out with Al and Al spent yet another evening home alone – cue the “Lonely, I’m so lonely” music now!

HALLOWEEN ISN’T JUST FOR KIDS

So Kinsey and her friends abandoned the Sexy Countries them and Kinsey went as a Sexy Princess – and to finish off the outfit, J Si was supposed to wear a mustache and be Mario from the Nintendo game – I actually thought they were going somewhere until Al pointed out that it was basically the same thing Kinsey would normally wear – she just added a tiara – don’t get me wrong, I’m not hating – I’m ALL about a tiara – I just thought there was more to it – my bad!  anyway, as it turns out, J Si nailed on the whole Halloween thing because since they live in the Geighborhood, it was a Gay Halloween and J Si decided he didn’t want to spend the whole night warding off unwanted advances – come to find out, J Si has a strict “3 Slap Butt Rule” THATSWHATSHESAID!!  Who knew?

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Jillian Michael’s Fitness Ultimatum 2009 will berate you if you’re not working out enough

#4 – Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer aren’t too serious because she’s been seen with Gerard Butler

#3 – Aubrey O’Day from Danity Kane was seen making out with Kanye West

#2 – Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump are trying to break the world record for most radio interviews in one day

#1 – Jennifer Hudson is offering $100,000 for the safe return of her nephew

Sadness.

About 45 minutes before the show ended, we got the breaking news that the body of Jennifer Hudson’s nephew had been found – if you haven’t heard the full story, she short version is that Jennifer Hudson’s (of American Idol, Dreamgirls, Sex & the City and The Secret Life of Bees fame) mother and brother were found shot to death in their home on Friday – that same day, her 7 year old nephew (the son of her sister) was reported missing – apparently there was some dispute between her brother and brother-in-law over a car – the brother-in-law is in custody and right now, it looks like he is the primary suspect – the whole thing is such a sad situation – especially when innocent people are pulled into it – I mean, a 7 year old’s life is gone – over bullshit – unreal.  So as we were talking about it, Kidd threw out his opinion – and Kidd, never one to shy away from controversy or his opinion, said what I bet a lot of people were thinking – not that it was Jennifer’s sister’s fault, per se – but when you have kids and you’re dating – it doesn’t matter how great you think your boyfriend is or how much you love him – if there is ANY chance that your kids could be in danger, you have to move around – see, the brother-in-law wasn’t the father of the nephew – and he was a convicted felon – apparently he had served time for attempted murder – really?  You think someone convicted of attempted murder is okay for your kid to spend time with – or to be the step-father of your son – yeah, yeah, people can be rehabilitated – blah-blah-blah – but I have a hard time believing that this dude was walking the straight and narrow and snapped over a car dispute – we had a lot of calls from people who said that Kidd was being unfair and that it wasn’t cool for Kidd to be saying these things while the family is still grieving – but after taking our last phone call, I have to support Kidd 110% – see, a woman named Shannon called to say that she is dating a guy that she really loves – except that he’s in prison – she didn’t tell me what he’s in prison for, but whatever it is, it’s bad enough for her to now be concerned about him being around her 7 year old when she gets out – I actually took that call and as she started to tell me her story, I started to cry – all I could think was how devastated I would be if something happened to my baby girl – and how I would not be able to go on knowing that I was in any way responsible for putting her in danger – and I think that’s what struck the cord with Shannon – she said that after hearing Kidd talk, it immediately struck a chord with her and she knew she needed to end things with this guy before her child got involved – I know we’re a wacky morning show and we spend a lot of time yukking it up – but every once in a while, we try to make a difference – and if coming off as a insensitive saved the life of just one kid, it was worth it

KELLIE’S REMODELING DISASTER

GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!!

I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU AND I HATE YOOOOUUU!!!!!!

Is that any indication as to how this whole remodeling disaster project is going??  Poor Kellie, it’s like her very own Money Pit – remember that movie with Tom Hanks??  And of course Kidd had a story to share – but god forbid it be a story to help Kellie feel better about the situation – Kidd decided to tell Kellie about a friend of his whop offered his contractors a case of beer to get them moving on their job – they were finished by the end of the week – thousands of dollars later and this whole thing could have been handled by an $11.99 case of Natural Light?  Oops.

BIG AL’S “I’M GAY” MOMENT

Telling Sexy Jack that he looked good wearing a suit all week and wearing a pink shirt while he was saying it

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

J Si had his picture taken with a girl that wasn’t Kinsey

Shanon saw a professional NBA player shorter than Kidd

Kidd is basking in the Ben Folds after glow

Sexy Jack had to listen to some guy’s life story after the simple – “how are you” – 45 minutes later

FLUSH THE FORMAT

Walk Away – Kellie Clarkson

Womanizer – Britney

Addicted – Saving Abel

Work It – Missy Elliott

We Will Rock You – AC/DC

Shorty Get Loose – Lil Mama

Scandalous – Mis-teeq

Smells Like Teen Spirit – Nirvana

Tricky – Run DMC

P.I.M.P – 50 Cent

THE 3 WORDS WOMEN WANT TO HEAR MORE THAN I LOVE YOU

I was wrong – we don’t need to hear it – we already know it!

Let’s go shopping – only if you’re paying!

Here’s my paycheck – only if it’s for my personal use

I appreciate you – absolutely!

Yes, you’re hotter – um, duh.

It wasn’t me – like I believe that crap

Marry me, insert name here - yeah, but once you’ve heard it once …

You lost weight – DING DING DING!!!!  But can you add the thing about the shopping to the end?  Thanks.

HIZZLE

Anne Hathaway’s ex boyfriend is going to jail

Blake Lively owes her tailor $500 but hasn’t paid her yet

Lindsay Lohan’s career may be coming to an end

Brad and Angelina might get married – but it’ll be for the kids

MOVIE TALK

The Changeling – a kidnapping movie about kids – no thanks – plus it’s getting bad reviews

Pride and Glory – a cop movie that is getting bad reviews – skip it!

Saw 5 – completely uninterested but my 20 year old step-son has seen Saw 1-4 – so what does that tell ya’?

High School Musical 3 – I have to be honest, after seeing the trailer I’m interested in this movie – and if you’ve got little kids, you’ll probably end up seeing this – but apparently it’s just grownups and littles that are into HSM3 because we had 3 ‘tweens call to say that they were completely out on the HSM phenomenon – Katie said HSM is too juvenile even though at the ripe old age of 13, as J Si pointed out, Katie is also a juvenile – 12 year old Clarissa thinks Vanessa Hudgens is a bad role model because she took naked cell phone pictures and I can respect that – and then there was 11 year old Eli who said he would have his toenails pulled off one by one with pliers than go see HSM3 – dang. Is it that bad Eli?

BILLBOARD #1s

Whatever You Like – T.I. – Hot 100
So What – Pink- Pop 100
Jennifer Hudson- Jennifer Hudson – Hot R&B
I’m Yours – Jason Mraz – Hot Adult Top 40
She Never Cried In Front Of Me – Toby Keith- Hot Country Songs

COUGAR!!

One of J Si’s DJ friends from San Diego got a provocative photo from a listener – it was basically a body shot with no face showing and she looked pretty hot – so when she asked to meet him, he said yes – so DJ friend shows up with a group of his friends to meet her at a bar – now, having never met this chick he was probably expecting someone who looked nothing like her picture and someone who was totally misrepresenting herself – so imagine his surprise when a smoking hot woman stepped out of her $100,000 car – SCORE!!!  Except that she’s 52 … did I mention that DJ Friend is 25?  Where’s that cougar growl when you need it?  And the crazy thing is that DJ Friend really likes the Coug – they’ve been hanging out every day – she’s super cool and doesn’t have any of those 20 year old crazy jealousy issues – she doesn’t care if he goes out with his friends or even if he goes out with other girls – she takes him shopping and buys him stuff – he’s even thinking of setting up the Coug’s 19 year old daughter with his buddy – yeah, there’s no potential for disaster there!!  And speaking of disaster – J Si wrote another Bean and Cheese Production – the song’s not bad – but the title … “You’re Hot and You’re Old” – I bet the Cougs appreciate that …

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Isaac Hayes didn’t leave any money to the Scientologists

#4 – Diddy is going as the Pope for Halloween

#3 – Terrance Howard has been replaced by Don Cheadle in Iron Man 2

#2 – In case Sarah Palin doesn’t win, producers and agents are thinking of other jobs for her

#1 – Janet Jackson says she still loves Jermaine Dupri even though he threw up on her

WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO GET A SHIRT AROUND HERE

Uh oh – Psycho Shanon Alert – apparently we’ll be producing more show t-shirts soon and Little Andrew who has just been here a year is getting his very own “What are you talking about?” t-shirt – but no plans to produce a “MEE HAAWWW” – if I was Andrew, I’d invest in some spare tires … just saying

MEXI-CAN OR MEXI-CAN’T

Poor Al – he’s done such a poor job at competing against J Si in the Mexi-Can or Mexi-Can’t series – Shanon just went ahead and cut him out of this one – that’s gotta hurt – but she did offer to let him go back to the well on some of his previous bits – like “How much did you pay for those boobs?” and “How many inappropriate pick up lines can I throw at you until you give it up?”  wait, what do you mean Al’s never done those bits – oops – I must have gotten confused – what?  It happens … anyway, J Si’s challenge was to throw the football through the hole and I immediately guessed Mexi-can’t – that game is so hard, the guy at the stand won’t even demonstrate – it’s just too hard!

BEN FOLDS

Ben Folds stopped by yesterday to test out our new Performance Hall – it was a really cool session – super intimate and very reminiscent of MTV’s Unplugged series – there’s nothing I could say that would do it justice, but check out the video instead – Little Andrew did a great job with the video and as always, Kidd did a great job with interviewing Ben!

EWWWW MOMENT OF THE TODAY

Shanon has always wanted to start a side business … cleaning Port-A-Pottys

“Shanon wants to clean crap?” asked Ross? Um, I guess. Though I have no idea why seeing as how she puts up with enough of it around here!!

KKITM WEBSITE OF THE DAY

Wanna make your own mashups?  Check out jamglue.com – Kidd swears it’s easy – we’ll see …

“SAVE THAT “OF THE DAY

“He is way more fun than any lesbian you know” – Kellie to Shanon about J Si

TODAY’S ONGOING JOKE

Except Kellie didn’t really think it was a joke – yesterday during the big clean up, someone boxed up all of the personal items from Kellie’s office and now she thinks she’s being fired – gee, you think Kellie is going to let that one go easily?

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie’s new favorite martini flavor is blueberry

Big Al wonders if a good workout cancels out all the pizza he ate

J Si is sore from the KKITM workout plan

Shanon stayed up all night after watching a slasher movie because she was afraid

Yesterday was clean up the studio day – and Kidd offered up a pair of his front row tickets to the Dallas Mavericks to whoever worked the hardest at cleaning – now I’ll just go ahead and tell you – I didn’t win – why, you ask – because my work area is about 6 square feet – how much crap can you cram in 6 square feet?  Not much – and I already have a kid and a husband to clean up after – so there was no way I was going to run around here cleaning up after people I a. didn’t give birth to or b. make out with – besides, if you want to motivate me, you need to offer up cash … or Christian Louboutin shoes!  Anyway, I digress – so Kidd went down the list and named off all the people in the office that didn’t win the tickets and in the end, there were 2 finalists – J Si and Shanon – the powers that be called a tie between the 2 and before we could call for a tiebreaker contest, J Si offered the tickets to Shanon since he’s actually sat in those seats before … with Kidd – it was a nice gesture, but what J Si failed to mention is that he wasn’t  deserving of those tickets anyway – did you see the pictures from yesterday’s Remix?  He was busy playing Flamboyant Pirates of the Carribbean while Shanon was playing Mrs. Fix It with her makeshift tool belt and level!!

HIZZLE

DJ AM and Mandy Moore are back together

Lindsay Lohan has been fired from Ugly Betty, sort of

Usher and Tameka are separated

Taylor Momsen of Gossip Girl is suffering from a dangerous disease

WE’VE BEEN INVADED BY HOCKADAISIES

Kidd did a story about how more moms are into HSM3 than teens and how the moms are more in love with Zac Efron than the daughters are – and as luck would have it, we just happened to have a few teenagers in the studio – Anna, Mackenzie, Arianna and Izzie from the Hockaday school in Dallas came to visit the show this morning and the consensus from them (all 7^th graders) is that The Jonas Brothers are WAY cooler than Zac – in fact, when they just mentioned the Jonas Brothers, I was pretty sure Izzie was going to fall out – Izzie was easily the most outgoing of the forum though I wouldn’t refer to any of them as shy – I’m pretty sure that Izzie is also the one that will cause her parents to worry excessively- who wouldn’t worry when their 13 year old sweet innocent daughter loves Lil Wayne for his dreadlocks – Kidd was so impressed with Izzie’s energy, he jokingly (I think) offered her Kellie’s job – and since all of Kellie stuff is in a box … we also learned that Mackenzie and Anna are “trouble” – Mackenzie has triplet siblings and teases them mercilessly and Anna locked her brothers outside of their  house in Colorado … while they were in boxers – thank god for Arianna who didn’t get any wilder than shouting out to Alexandra  Villarreal – good thing because they were so freaking cute and fun, I almost died – I had forgotten how great life was when you’re only was 13!

BIG AL AT THE COURTHOUSE aka THE MOST STEREOTYPICALLY OFFENSIVE (BUT FUNNY) BIT EVER

The courthouse started out pretty tame – random white dude who was taking care of the DWI he got after blowing a .16 – then there was the Mexican woman who conveniently “No hablo ingles” – but no worries – Big Al was there with his amazing Spanish skills “what are you doing-o?” – seriously??  you own a bar in MEXICO and the best you can do is “what are you doing-o?” as it turned out, she was there for an Alcohol Evaluation aka a UA, or Urine Analysis – seems like Big Al could have found the common ground there – he has no problem with the Spanish phrase “un cerveza mas, por favor!” – but then the Courthouse took an exciting turn – Big Al met a sistah girl who could only be described as EXTREMELY young –  this 5′4″ 111 pounder was at the courthouse to get off probation for assaulting her mom with a butcher knife – what?  You’re shocked?  That kind of thing doesn’t happen at your house?  But I’m sure she’s going to be able to turn it around – after all, she’s a beautician – and I’m sure the fact that she caught a prostitution case that was about to dismissed just before she caught the assault case is just a temporary setback – and when she asked Big Al if she could go sit in his car, I’m sure she was just tired and wanted a place to sit down – or maybe I’m just giving her the benefit of the doubt – because like she said, “I’m seriously crazy – I got the papers to prove it!” – o.kaaaaay.

I DIDN’T TRY TO KILL HIM

When Kellie and her brother Ryan were kids, they used to chase each other through the house – the first person to the knife drawer would pull out a knife and that was the winner – but they didn’t pull the knife out because they were going to stab each other – they pulled it out just to show there was the potential …  ***this is South Carolina – we do it a different way – we’re a SOUTHERN people***

IT’S FAKE BLOOD FOR KIDS AND SLUTTIN’ IT UP FOR ADULTS

Everyone on the show hates Halloween … except Big Al – Al sees Halloween as another occasion to party – one that includes the fun of dressing up and showing your creative side – but not Kidd, there’s no way he’s participating in any dress up activities and he wants to regulate who is allowed to Trick or Treat aka “Invading and Begging”- his suggestion was to put up a sign similar to those at the amusement parks – only instead of saying “you must be this tall to ride this ride” it would say something like “you must be shorter than this to get candy at my house” – dang. Talk about a Bit Killer – my personal opinion is that as long as you go through the trouble to dress up, you get candy – I’m not talking about throwing on a character t-shirt from Walmart and claiming to be that person – I’m talking about a real costume – and in my world, costumes=candy!!  J Si hates Halloween but I think it’s all Kinsey’s fault – I think he’s was scarred from the time she forced him to dress up as a gay sailor – then last year she burned her skin while trying to hot glue her costume … to.her.legs – and this year, Kinsey and her friends have decided to dress up as Sexy Countries – yes, I said Sexy Countries  – they’ve each bought the flag to a country and they’re going to wear the flags “toga style” and be Sexy Countries – yeah – don’t ask – did I mention that Kinsey bedazzled the wrong side of the flag – okay, J Si gets a pass on the “I hate Halloween”  train – clearly he has valid reasons – and then there’s Kellie – Kellie hates Halloween because everything you dress up as, you have to put “sexy” in front of it – and knowing this, why would someone think that Kellie would be the appropriate choice to host Hot Sexy Halloween Night at the club?  Man, after hearing all of this – maybe I’ll bail on Halloween too – sorry Sydney, you’re S.O.L!

MANUFACTURED HOLIDAY #2

The Halloween conversation led Kidd to rant about another “manufactured” holiday – Valentine’s Day – I think the following conversation pretty much summed it up

“why don’t you look at it like Jack and take it as an opportunity as an extra day to celebrate your woman?” – Kellie

“because I don’t have anybody” – Kidd

” you still have a few months to find someone” – Kellie

“it’s not enough months – I need like 3 ½ years or 7 or 9 …” – Kidd

um, awkward …

BILLBOARD TOP 5

5.  Jennifer Hudson –  Jennifer Hudson
4.  Death Magnetic – Metallica
3.  Gossip In The Grain – Ray LaMontagne
2.  Paper Trail – T.I.
1.  Lucky Old Sun – Kenny Chesney

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Heidi Montag’s clothing line is no more

#4 – The guy that hacked into Miley Cyrus’ email has been caught

#3 – Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s marriage has been in trouble for years

#2 – Usher has left his baby mama and may be dating Kelly Rowland of Destiny’s Child

#1 – Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are engaged – at least that’s the rumor

MEXI-CAN OR MEXI-CANT

J Si vs … Andrew??   Chicken Fried Bacon anyone??  Starting off, the premise is funny – I mean, a piece of deep fried battered up bacon goodness – though I think calling it goodness may be a stretch … does that really sound like something you want to eat? Ew.  No.  but someone came up with it and J SI and Andrew’s mission was to eat it – lots of it – and of course the question was could J Si Mexi-CAN or Mexi-CAN’T eat more Chicken Fried Bacon than Andrew – Kellie set the timer at 60 seconds and they were off – I have to say that it was about the fastest 60 seconds I’ve ever experienced – and since Andrew has about 50 pound son J Si and I watch him eat more food than necessary every single day, I put my money on him – but Andrew was at an unfair advantage because he ate a funnel cake, ice cream and a Diet Coke before the contest started – as it turns out, it was a tie – they each had 5 pieces of bacon left – but Andrew’s pieces were bigger so Al declared J Si the winner – glad I didn’t put any money on it

OMG – IT’S AMIGO WUSS

One of the coolest new additions to KKITM is the new Performance Hall – the next time we have artists in to perform, they won’t have to cram into our small studio and sit on our little stools while trying to sing their song – instead, they’ll be able to spread out and bring in instruments if they want and really perform in our new fancy Performance Hall – it’s right next door to the studio and really cool – there’s room for super fans to come in and sit inside – there’s room for the entire show to perform – it’s got all kinds of high tech technological equipment that Rob the Engineer designed and put together – in fact, check out the mini tour right here

so today after the show, Ben Folds is coming to do a private performance in the performance hall – so Rob the Engineer wanted to test it out – and fortunately the Australian band, Amigo Wuss happened to be nearby – so Kidd and J Si grabbed the band and threw them into the Performance Hall to test it out – hmmm … how to describe??  Well, the sound quality was amazing – maybe too amazing – if the sound had not been so clear, maybe Kellie would not have commented, “That’s the worst Mexican Australian accent I’ve ever heard!”

BEHIND THE SCENES

“Not only am I a great chicken in the pot thrower but I’m also a great cleaner – cause I’m Mexican – Mexi-CAN that is” – J Si

BOYS ARE EASILY DISTRACTED

When you work in radio, you collect a lot of stuff over the years – and rather than throw it away, we end up holding on to it forever – today everyone was supposed to be cleaning the office, but clearly, the boys are easily distracted …

KELLIE RASBERRY “IT’S ALL ABOUT ME” MOMENT

I spent the day looking for drawer knobs – who cares?  That’s what I do!

KELLIE RASBERRY’S DIVA MOMENT

Kellie invited everyone who doesn’t have plans to Thanksgiving dinner at her house – but after throwing out the invitation, she realized that it sounded like she was inviting everyone – so she then she threw out the caveat that it wasn’t a contest and she wouldn’t be inviting Caller #15

KELLIE’S SOUTHERN MOMENT OF THE DAY

” awwww, you’re so sweet” – Kellie’s response to the Chick Fil A worker who told her “God Bless You”

MOST RANDOM CONVERSATION OF TODAY’S SHOW

“I heard about a woman who played Beethoven while she was pregnant and the kid became a classical pianist” – Al

“I heard about a lady who flew in a plane while she was pregnant and her son became a pilot” – J Si

OOGEY MOMENT OF THE DAY

Kidd freak-dancing with Al’s mama – I’m not sure which was oogier -Kidd actually saying that he was doing it or him pretending to “spank ‘dat ass”

PSA: KKITM CATCH PHRASE CHANGE

Good Looking Out is officially used and has now been replaced with Good Job Shanon

THE THING THAT MADE KELLIE LAUGH TODAY

The idea that other shows (or just one show) has tried to steal her away from the show

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM KKITM

“Crazy is crazy from the get go, you just liked it in the beginning” – Kidd

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kidd has a girlfriend and her name is Inga … she is a charming blue eyed blonde eager to meet a man for some virtual chatting through email – she offers dates in reality

Kellie brought Kidd presents because he had such a crummy day yesterday

Big Al’s dream was so real that he went back to sleep to see how it ended

J Si missed his 5 minute window of opportunity to hang out with Kidd

Shanon was called “as aggressive as a boy” by Gavin DeGraw

Kidd has Post Traumatic Contest Syndrome after yesterday’s Telephone Meltdown – we deducted that the reason the phones died was because we did something really bad and God was punishing us – because obviously we’ve all been really bad people and I couldn’t remember all of the Hail Mary, despite having a rosary hanging from my rearview mirror – but Shanon apologized to Jesus and I suddenly remembered the line “and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus” and lines 5 and 6 began to ring – the lesson learned here?  Be nice to Jesus.

HIZZLE

Lindsay Lohan is being sued

It’s a mistrial for Britney Spears

Barack Obama may appear on SNL

Julianne Hough was taken to the hospital after DWTS last night

DO WE HAVE A BACK UP PLAN

Dancing with the Stars does a complete dress rehearsal before the actual show every week and Saturday Night Live does the same thing – and they record it – that way, if they need to change something or fill in something on the live show, they have a backup plan – so Kidd asked if we had a backup plan – but based on yesterday’s Telephone Meltdown, I’m guessing not so much!

LOVE LETTERS TO KELLIE

If your best friend is bringing his girlfriend to your guy’s weekend, she either doesn’t like you or doesn’t trust him

If your boyfriend changed his MySpace password after you looked at his account, harass him to death til he gives you the new password so that he can see you for the psycho you are

If your psycho ex-girlfriend won’t stop harassing you and your new girlfriend, you’re lucky your new girlfriend is still sticking around

KINSEY!!

Kinsey called in to brag about getting text messages from Jesus – and I think she had actually convinced J Si that Jesus was texting her – until she told J Si that Jesus mentioned him by name and said to tell J Si ‘hi’ – that’s when J Si realized that it wasn’t actually THE Jesus – it was actually J Si’s friend Jesus – pronounced ‘Hey – Seuss’ – poor Kinsey, “you mean I’m not getting text messages from the Messiah?” um … no.

“HE’S GOT YOUTH AND STRENGTH AND AGILITY”

Those were the reasons Kellie gave for picking J Si over Big Al for a hypothetical round of Mexi-Can or Mexi-Can’t – J Si and Big Al went head to head in a heart-stopping game of “Fling the Chicken In the Pot” – Al claimed to be “the reigning champ of chicken in a pot” and even tried to talk a little trash with hard core lines like “stand back little man – this is my game!” – yeah, that’s why J Si whipped his butt and proved yet again, that he is a Mexi-CAN and Al is an African-Ameri-CAN’T

ASKMEN’S TOP 10 MOST INFLUENTIAL MEN OF 2008

I’m not really sure why we talked about this list other than the fact that Barack is at the top of it – but in case you care, here it is:

1. Barack Obama

2. Steve Jobs

3. Michael Phelps

4. Robert Downey Jr.

5. Stephen Colbert

6. Gordon Ramsay

7. Christian Bale

8. Rob Kay

9. Christiano Ronaldo

10. John McCain

BLENDING IN WITH THE KENYANS

Big Al has decided to train for a half marathon – now, I know what you’re thinking – Big Al and athletics??  But long distance running is something that Big Al doesn’t totally suck it at – of course, he isn’t the greatest at it either – as he found out the day he tried run with the Kenyans – Al was able to keep up with them for about 5 yards before they totally bailed on him – the end result?  The Kenyans finished the full marathon in about the same amount of time it took Al to run the half

IF YOU’RE GONNA EAT AROUND PEOPLE, THEN PEOPLE ARE GONNA EAT YOUR FOOD

Big Al has been friends with his buddy Andy for years – and legend has it that every woman that meets Andy instantly becomes smitten with him because he is so damn nice – so knowing that about Andy, can someone please explain why Big Al would take a woman that he is trying to establish some type of relationship with around Andy  – and then ponder the appropriateness of passing said date off to Andy when she showed WAY more interest in Andy than in Big Al – um, what makes you think Andy wants your sloppy seconds?  Don’t you think cute, rich, super personable Andy is more than capable of getting his own woman?  And when Andy tried to play it off when Al’s date spent the whole night flirting with him, Al had the nerve to say “and Andy, bless his heart” – um, I think the heart that needs to be blessed is Big Al’s

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Kim Kardashian spent her birthday with Reggie Bush in the hospital

#4 – Guy Ritchie wants to spend Christmas with their kids

#3 – Sarah Silverman bombed in London

#2 – Britney Spears’ driving without a license trial ended in a mistrial

#1 – Lindsay Lohan is being sued by the guys she hijacked in the SUV

PLAYING THE DEAD MOM CARD

Kidd is not a good dancer.  I know that sounds harsh, but he’s not – and now he claims to have an excuse – Justin Timberlake’s mom says that part of the reason that Justin can dance so well is because she took dance lessons while he was in the womb – come on Kidd – you really think the reason you can’t dance is all your mom’s fault?  Really?? Um, okay.

BIT KILLER aka THE FUNNIEST BREAK OF THE DAY

Even when Kellie goes along with the bit, she still manages to ruin it – normally when Kidd says “let’s all say what we’re thankful for – Kellie, you start” – Kellie whines, “Kidd, I don’t want to do this – I can’t think of anything to say” – so this time, when he expected her to moan and groan, Kellie cheerfully responded, “I’m thankful for my healthy beautiful daughter!” – BIT KILLER!!!  You wouldn’t think that saying what you’re thankful for would be that big of a deal – but Kellie was scarred by the public expression of thankfulness by her Aunt Velma who not only required everyone to say what they were thankful for – one year Aunt Velma put up a poster and everyone had to put it in writing – which caused Kellie to go off on this tirade …

“that’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard – I’m not writing on there – it’s stupid – I hate you Aunt Velma – and I wish you were dead – with your stupid loaf – you got that stupid loaf you make outta your refrigerator – mixing together everything from olives to cheese whiz to whip cream – it’s nasty – you’re nasty – y’all are white trash – and I’m big time now – I’m moving to the big city – I’m a big time radio personality – so SCREW YOU!!   I’ll tell you what i’m thankful for -this thing’ll be over and I get to go home … away from you all – cause you know what – when I do interviews in magazines – I lie about you all – I don’t even say y’all exist – I tell everybody I’m from New Jersey – and I’m the daughter of a mayor – that’s what I say – so write on your own wall – thank you!!”

Except it wasn’t actually Kellie who said all of that – it was Kidd doing Kellie’s voice – and it wasn’t Aunt Velma who made “loaf”, it was Mother Price – and if Kelley had to pretend she was from somewhere other than South Carolina, it damn sure wouldn’t be New Jersey – who would pick New Jersey?  Besides, she could never pull off Jersey with that accent – but it was still the funniest break of the day – and it makes me laugh just thinking about it

BEHIND THE SCENES AWKWARD ANDREW MOMENT

Andrew went to go see New Kids on the Block on Sunday – in his defense, he was only there because he had to video Shanon’s interview – but he did pick up a few things while he was there – and a Shout Out to J Si at the end

BIG AL’S POINTLESS STORY OF THE DAY

The last time that Big Al was REALLY late to work, it’s because Al was kicking it with Gavin DeGraw – aren’t you glad you know that?  Yeah, me too.

KELLIE’S “I LIKE TO DO STUFF TO ME” MOMENT OF THE DAY

Kellie Googled all the creams and ointments in her medicine cabinet so she’s know what they did

J SI’S “I’M GAY” MOMENT

“I wear the cucumber melon – I don’t care” – J Si talking about what kind of lotion he wears

KIDD’S “LOOK AT ME – I’M SMARTER THAN YOU” MOMENT

“Have You Read Elvis and Me??” – Kellie’s response to Kidd asking why she hadn’t read George Orwell’s 1984

MOST UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT OF THE SHOW

Kellie watching Shanon’s NKOTB makeout video with her mom – Mrs. Rasberry will never view Shanon the same again

THE BIT WE SPENT WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON

The phones don’t work and we can’t play any games – the phones are down today – we’re having issues with the phones- hey, did I mention that our phones aren’t working – oh, we were going to give away some money but the phones don’t work ***banging head against a brick wall***

THINGS KELLIE SAID THAT MADE ME LAUGH

“Dawn hasn’t even cracked yet and I haven’t had an alcohol treat” – Kellie

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie’s mom isn’t speaking to her because she forgot to tape DWTS

Big Al’s 17 year old son has had his new car for 5 days and already got his first speeding ticket

J Si’s TV somehow picked up his neighbor’s TV signal that was showing some inappropriate material

PREPARE TO FALL ON THE FLOOR

Today was Day One of Jack Wears a Suit – apparently Jack only has 2 suits “here in the states” so expect to see him in some of those really tight Jonas Brothers type Italian trousers starting on Thursday

WHAT’S YOUR NAME??

Dino/Cappy/Aaron has undergone several name changes since he started – first he was Cappy and then Kidd changed his name to Dino – then when he became super producer (or whatever his title was then) he became Aaron – but now he wants to be called plain old Cappy – but since he got to change his name – Shanon wanted to change hers and everyone fell in line behind her

Shanon – “Can I be called Tina?  I want to be Tina”

Al – “I think I want to be Abraham”

Kellie – “For the first 2 months of my life I was Angie – I want to go back to Angie”

And then Kidd – “I’m Josh Betterman … and we’ll be back, featuring Tina, Cody, Angie and Abraham”

And Sexy Slurpuccino – WHAT???

HIZZLE

Nick Hogan is getting out of jail

Pink’s not an alcoholic, she just likes to get drunk

Justin Timberlake will never perform SexyBack ever again

Britney is still waiting on a verdict on her driving without a license case

THINGS WE’LL NEVER DO AGAIN

After Justin’s edict that he’s never performing Sexy Back again, the show went down the list of things that we don’t do anymore simply because we got sick of them – Hip Hop Lounge Singer, J Si’s Job Interview, Drunk News, Match Game … except Kidd was the only person who doesn’t like Match Game – everyone else loves it – but Kidd refused to believe us – proven by his response of “NO!  Call right now if you have a shoestring in your mouth” when Kellie said “Call if you love Match Game” – clearly Kidd doesn’t care of we love Match Game – but we put a poll up anyway – If you love the Match Game, you can vote for its return here

6:45am – THE EXACT MOMENT WHEN THE SHOW BEGAN ITS MELTDOWN

The phones are down – and that pretty much set the tone for the rest of the show – in case you haven’t noticed, Kidd doesn’t really “do” well when technology doesn’t work quite like it’s supposed to – it was okay for a while, but the longer we went without phones, the grumpier Kidd became – and by the end of the show, Kidd was in full blown “I’m a 7 year old whose toy train broke tantrum” mode

NEW MUSIC TUESDAY

Black Ice – AC/DC
High School Musical 3 Soundtrack
Damn Right, Rebel Proud – Hank Williams III
Back to Now – LaBelle
Ikons (4 CD Box Set) – Kiss
Lucky Old Sun – Kenny Chesney

OUT ELMO’D AND OUT BOW’D (Thanks Abbey!!)

Emma Kelly’s 2^nd birthday was this weekend and Kellie hired “Copyright Infringement Elmo” for the occasion – everything was going well until Kellie’s BFF Amy showed up with her daughter Ayden and tried to out-Elmo Emma Kelly with her daughter’s Elmo outfit – hello Amy – it’s not Ayden’s birthday!!  See, Kellie had the lady from Glam R Baby make a special Elmo outfit for Emma Kelly to wear – Kellie swears that Ayden upstaged Emma Kelly, but to be honest I hardly remembered Ayden’s outfit because Emma Kelly’s was so ding dang cute!   and I almost missed all of this because on the way to the party, I had a blowout in my truck and had to wait for my husband to come change it – so, I didn’t get to the party til the very end – but as it turns out,  that was my downfall – because in true diva fashion, Sydney and I made an entrance – at least according to Kellie – apparently after the party, everyone kept telling Kellie how great I looked and how cute Sydney was in her bow that was bigger than Emma Kelly’s – what Kellie failed to mention is that 1. I was wearing sweats from Old Navy and 2. The bow that Sydney was wearing was a gift from Kellie – so really, is it my fault that me and my kid are so freaking cute??  Um, no. and as you can see here, Emma Kelly was pretty freaking cute herself – and she was NOT out Elmo’d by Ayden

BIG AL’S WARDROBE

When I first started working here, Big Al had a pretty fancy wardrobe and wore expensive designer shirts from stores like Neiman Marcus – but I guess the Two Gay Guys In  A Bucket Bar is slowly draining him because all of a sudden he’s become t-shirt man – now, he’s not quite down to Shanon’s “I’ll only wear free station t-shirts” level yet, but he’s close – and wearing a t-shirt isn’t all bad – but when your shirt is so kitschy that we can member the last time you wore your STUPID 1 (with the 1 upside down) shirt  - well Big Al, maybe it’s time to switch it up – Kidd suggested that everyone have their own shirt made that best describes them and I immediately had the perfect description for Al … Emotionally Inept – but that was a little long for the shirt and as Kellie pointed out – just the word INEPT was so much more inclusive!  Suggestions for the rest of the show:

Drunk for Al

Whiny for Kellie

ADHD for Kidd

French for Shanon and for J Si – Huh, Huh, Huh – come to think of it, that might fit his BFF Little Andrew better

GAVIN DEGRAW IN STUDIO

What is better than the smooth voice of Gavin DeGraw – Gavin is totally a party guy so you never know what you’re going to get with him – but he was pretty chill today – and in an almost reflective mood – he talked about coming from a place “where people work really hard and don’t get a lot back” and how he identified with soul music because he felt like al ot of those artists had experience the same type of life and had grown up without a lot – his voice was worn out so he only sang a few notes, but I’ll take whatever he gives – it wasn’t much, but it was enough for Al to (randomly) say, “When I close my eyes, I can’t tell the difference between you and Ray Charles” – except that as Kidd pointed out, Ray Charles sounds like an old black man

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Pink isn’t an alcoholic, just a drunk

#4 – Justin Timberlake has performed SexyBack for the last time

#3 – Britney Spears is performing on Good Morning America on Dec 2

#2 – Nick Hogan has been released from jail

#1 – Eminem is talking about his marriage in his new autobiography out today

STRIP SHOW SURVEY

Just when you thought you were going to get to see Sexy Jack naked … the idea was to have Sexy Jack take off an article of clothing every time he missed a question – but Kidd’s man crush started showing because 1. He threw Sexy Jack the softball questions like “Eats poorly or skips exercising” – duh, Kidd “Muscle Milk” Kraddick – or “I usually say no to new experiences” – gee, Kellie Rasberry anyone?  Then when Jack managed to miss a question or two, he let Jack off the hook by removing his watch and his ring – um, SLO MOTION LAAAAAMMMMME!

AL’S RANDOM COMMENT OF THE DAY

“I don’t know if that’s a vest or a muffin top” – Al talking about the shirt that Kidd was wearing – proving that Al has NO idea what a muffin top is – did you see the shirtless picture of him the day that he arm wrestled J Si??  But that’s okay – I’m pretty sure that Kidd got even with the phrase “big tub of goo”

FUNNIEST LINE OF THE SHOW

“I take that as a compliment because I don’t know what that means” – Shanon – when one of the NKOTB refers to her “formidable”

KELLIE RASBERRY “IT’S ALL ABOUT ME” MOMENT

I love being right, that’s my joy – Kellie

KINSEY-ISM IF THE DAY

“I’m so full because for breakfast, i licked a Chiclet” – must be nice!

“ow, you’re burning my Skinsey – does the god of water hate me?” – no Kinsey, just try using the cold water faucet!

MOST UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT OF THE SHOW

Shanon, Donnie Wahlberg and tongue – need I say more?

OOGEY MOMENT OF THE DAY

Back in the day, Kidd offered $100 to anyone on the show who would run their finger down the cheek of a guest – no preparation or warning – just walk up to them and run your index finger down their face – it may not sound oogey, but go home and do it to your husband or wife – it’s oogey alright!

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID QUOTE OF THE DAY

“Your thigh strength doesn’t come from riding horses – it comes from riding NKOTB” – Kellie

THING THAT MADE ME LAUGH

“I’m a womanizer, you’re a womanizer, we’re a womanizer” – Little Andrew – be prepared to hear this drop every day – Friday while Sexy Jack was preparing for his birthday calls, he and Aaron/Cappy/Dino conspired to get Andrew to say stupid things so we could replay them on the show – it worked!

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie’s feelings are hurt because neither Kidd nor Al returned her texts this weekend

Big Al has 37 pairs of shoes and 40 pairs of jeans and has decided he’s living in excess

J Si was in the valet line until 3:30am because the valet lost his keys

Shanon interviewing New Kids on the Block was either the best or worst day of her life

Jack is dreading the first official day of KKITM Fitness Day

IT’S KKITM FITNESS DAY

I’m not sure who came up with the idea of “fitness day”, but apparently everyone on the show is going to do 20 pushups during every break of the show – that would mean 240 pushups every day – uh, how long before this nonsense falls to the wayside?   Any bets on who will be the first cast member to bail?  I”ll give you a hint **in your best Bit Killer voice** “I’ll do a guy push up if you do a full split” … and Kellie Rasberry walks back to her office as the rest of the cast gets down on their hands and toes

HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?

Al is convinced that racism caused some white person to take the Obama sign from his yard, rip it into pieces and leave it in his yard – we wondered if the same thing had happened to any one listening to the show and it looked like cricket time – that was until we heard from the guy that said his Obama sign was knocked down and left with a bible and a note – what did the note say, “please get closer to God and you’ll vote for McCain – love, Mom”

HIZZLE

Zac Efron celebrated his 21^st birthday over the weekend

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson had a fight on the train

Don Cornelius of Soul Train was arrested for domestic battery

Guy Ritchie and Madonna have already reached a divorce settlement

iTUNES TOP 5

5.  Live Your Life – T.I.
4.  Hot N Cold – Katy Perry
3.  So What – Pink
2.  Fearless – Taylor Swift
1.  Womanizer – Britney Spears

KKITM “WHY DON’T YOU JUST GROW A TAIL” MOMENT

Kellie doesn’t understand Twitter – she signed up for it because Kidd told her to but she doesn’t understand why she has it or how it works …

Ok – I’m only going to explain the “vestigial tail” reference once – and after that, if you don’t get it – I’m just going to jump on the Kidd Kraddick bandwagon and snarl “why don’t you just grow a tail?” – Kidd is clearly the technological genius of the show – and because he’s a genius, he can’t fathom the idea that the rest of the world (i.e. the normal people) don’t understand even the most basic concepts of the Internets – especially Kellie, who 8 or 9 years ago refused to even get a computer because she was sure that this whole “Internet” thing was just a phase and would pass – oh the comedy!  Anyway, the next time you’re talking to someone who clearly doesn’t get it, “just ask them if they have a tail”

NKOTB! NKOTB! NKOTB!

Okay – let me just start by saying that I was never a New Kids fan – although I did think Marky Mark was hot in those Calvin Klein underwear – with that 12 pack washboard stomach that you could break your finger on just by touching – holy crap he was hot back in the day – and he’s just gotten better with age – mmmm … oops sorry – I got a little distracted … anyway, back to New Kids – I wasn’t a fan but I have friends who were and they were so excited about the concert, they could barely stand themselves – so I understood Shanon’s love for NKOTB and the sheer excitement she was experiencing when Kidd got her the hook up with the chance to not just meet, but also interview them – let me just go on record now – best.interview.ever. – ever.

SHANON, THEY’RE GONNA TAKE YOUR CARD

I will say that there is no one at KKITM that gives it up for the show more than Shanon – I mean, the girl caught the Staph and nearly died trying to save a bit – so I really should have had more faith in her – but when you say NKOTB to me, my mind instantly starts to wander to more exciting things – like what I should mop my hardwood floors with and how I convince my husband how to do the floors without sounding like a huge nag – but when I came in this morning and Little Andrew declared the interview as greatness, I knew there had to be something to it – from the very beginning, Shanon deemed it the best concert she’d ever been to – she also said it was the loudest concert that she’s ever been to – but I had to take it with a grain of salt, because Shanon is a huge fan – not big enough to be a member of the fan club and know everything about the guys, but she did have the NKOTB sleeping bag and it was the first concert that she ever attended – so on to the interview …

Shanon’s goal was to make the interview interesting, because Kidd had already told her that he had no interest in anything NKOTB – well that was all the inspiration Shanon needed – I wish there were words that could do this interview justice – but there are none – you have to go to kiddlive.com to watch the actual video – but I will give you the highlights:

• “Donnie, your brother Mark was in studio last week and I asked him if he could work it out where I could be strapped to one of you …”

• One of the guys (I think it was Joey) referred to Shanon as formidable after noting how strong her thighs were after they were wrapped around his waist

• Shanon bragged about taking stripper lessons and then used Jordan Knight as a stripper pole

• Shanon went in for the open mouth (YES – an actual FRENCH FRECKING KISS!!) kiss when Donnie Wahlberg obviously only meant to give her a peck

• Shanon requested a second kiss when she deemed her first not quite up to par … and Donnie said YES!!!

So this is now the second celebrity that Shanon has frenched and I’m a little worried – I’m wondering if the neighbors on Shanon’s side of the street have a “3 strikes and you’re out” rule – she is getting dangerously close – and if she mugs down with one more male celeb, well – I’m just saying there could be problems … But regardless, it was a great interview and it totally made Shanon’s life – and if there was any questions to the entertainment value – well, I turned to the chat room  – and they were, well, for lack of a better word … entertained???

iorange55 – “its rated G for gross”

canadfrog – “I had to change the video! I am turning red”

iorange55 – “if you put the jaws music in the background of the video it might be better”

abbeym32 – “it was a bit oogie but not even close to the ooginess of her frenching Billy Bob, plus they are cuties”

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Wedding plans are in the works for Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady

#4 – No verdict over the weekend for Britney’s trial for driving without a license

#3 – Miley Cyrus says her parents are okay with her dating a 20 year old

#2 – Travis Barker has been released from the hospital and is home now

#1 – Madonna’s rep says her divorce settlement to Guy Ritchie is not final

KINSEY!!!

Kinsey called in with a great idea on how J Si can get her more shoes – he should date Madonna!  After all, since she and Guy Ritchie are getting divorced – she’ll be needing a new boy toy – and Kinsey’s not above whoring out her boyfriend as long as she gets new shoes out of the deal – J Si could just go into Madonna’s closet and take a pair of shoes here and there and then bring them home to Kinsey and if Madonna asks why he’s taking her shoes, he can just say that he’s taking them to his mom – Madonna will believe that, right?  Doubtful – and the whole idea is kind of stupid – especially since she doesn’t even know if she and Madonna wear the same size shoe – of course J Si could bypass this whole scenario if he would step it up and just by Kinsey some shoes – I mean, I realize that he’s already bought Kinsey presents for all of the major holidays coming up, but he forgot the all important special Mexican holiday that Kinsey said is fast approaching – her “Kinsey -a-nera”!!!!  BWAAAHHHHH!!!  Now THAT was a good one Kinsey – I’m thinking that was worthy of Marc Jacobs!

HE’S BRINGING SEXY JACK – RIGHT!

Last week when Kidd was gone, Sexy Jack threw out that he was smoking hot in a suit – actually, reports say that his exact words were “when I wear a suit, women fall to their knees – it will take your breath away” – poor Jack – I don’t think he’s been here long enough to realize that there is only one person on the show that can pull off the “I’m great everything” bit – and that role is already taken by J Si – so to punish Jack for being so full of himself, he has to wear a suit every day for the rest of the week – I’ll post pictures here daily – and well, if you drop dead after seeing Sexy Jack in a suit, be sure to let me know when you come to …

MEXI-CAN OR MEXI-CAN’T FOR TRIP A DAY

Today’s Mexi-Can or Mexi-Can’t Challenge was a game from the Fairway at the fair – based on that, I’m already voting Mexi-Can’t – I mean, seriously – who can ever win one of those games??  Then we find out it’s the “knock over the milk bottles with a softball” game – absolutely not!  And Lynn agreed with me – too bad – because Natasha took the opposing side and won – because not only was J Si was actually able to knock down the milk bottle – he did it on the first try – no wonder he thinks he can do anything – there just might be something to that …

BIG AL’S WEEKEND WRAP UP

And this man wonders why he’s alone – Al had 2 dates in 2 days – the first one started Friday night at 6pm and lasted until Saturday night when he dropped her off at her house at 10pm – seriously?  not only that – this girl started the date off by telling him that their “date” would be strictly platonic?  What?  What guy believes that a girl wants to be “just friends” when she spends 26 hours straight with you and spends the night?  The next date only lasted one hour, but what do you expect when a girl calls you at 11:40pm to invite you to a party and you show up in a shirt that says “JUST DO ME” ***shakes head*** will he never learn???  No – because after 2 dates in 2 days and what undoubtedly included less than Jesus-like behavior, Al got up Sunday morning and headed off to church to work the parking lot ministry – which is all fine and good – but then he had the nerve to ask himself (and us)”Is it okay to go out and ‘sin’ all weekend and then praise the Lord on Sunday knowing you’ve been doing wrong and have no intention of changing your down and dirty heathen-istic ways?” – okay – maybe that’s not exactly what he asked himself – but it was close – and what’s that they say about ‘if you have to ask …” – I think this may be what your pastor would refer to as Bad Looking Out

WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE – Shout Out to Paul Newman and Cool Hand Luke

Tomorrow the show is going to have their lives evaluated by Kidd – and in preparation, everyone had to fill out a questionnaire – the instructions clearly stated that you’re to read the statement and then write down the name of the person that the statement best describes – for example – “I find it hard to prioritize and take on too many projects” would best describe Kidd – “I automatically say no to new experiences” obviously describes Kellie – and if there was a statement that said, “I don’t pay any attention to directions and just do what I think is right”, then that would describe J Si – why else would he be the only person on the show to answer every statement “yes, no, no, yes …” – that’s J Si – great at EVERYTHING!!

MY NAME IS BIG AL AND I HAVE NO FILTER CLUELESS

Big Al is not known for his tact – or his self awareness – he’s known for such gems like…

“You must be from Europe because you have hair under your arms”

“You have a really big nose – you must be Jewish!”

“Are you sure you’re a woman?”

“Are you black or white”

and the ultimate comment – directed towards my future BFF, Nicole Richie, “We both have something in common – I have a black daddy and you have a black daddy, and after watching you on television – how come you’re not black?” – she’s adopted you moron!!!  and then had the nerve to be offended when she hung up on him – ugh.  but I regress – so three listeners came to watch the show this morning after coming in town to see the New Kids on the Block concert – Al had talked to one of the girls by email and she mentioned that they might be staying with her mom – so when Al went outside to meet them, he looked at the girls and said, “hi girl #1 – hi girl #2- hi mom!” – um, there was no mom – it was just the three girls – and they’re all the same age … I have no words – none.