Kidd Kraddick Remix

EWWWW MOMENT OF THE TODAY

Kidd talking about motorboating in the same sentence that he was talking about Kellie’s boobs

I’M KELLIE RASBERRY DAMMIT

Kellie enjoys reading aloud and was going to volunteer to read books for the blind – but when they told her they wanted her to come down and audition, she declined – “I’m Kellie Rasberry, dammit – you either want me or you don’t”

J SI’S “I’M A 7 YEAR OLD BOY” MOMENT

“You look like a tree right now!” – J Si’s slam on Kidd who was wearing a green shirt and brown pants

KELLIE RASBERRY’S DIVA MOMENT

“Does this involve me? Okay – then I need to pay more attention than usual. Sometimes I drift” – Kellie

KELLIE’S SOUTHERN MOMENT OF THE DAY

Kellie liked her babysitter, Spider, because Spider would light a candle and let Kellie burn her Barbie’s hair – when Kellie’s mom saw the pile of burned Barbie hair, Spider was never seen again

KIDD’S “NEXT YOU’LL GROW A VESTIGIAL TAIL” MOMENT

“You can chat with strangers?” – Kellie – yes Kellie – and with people you know too!

THE OUTSIDE MY HEAD MOMENT OF THE SHOW

“Okay – this is not gonna go well – oh, did I say that out loud?” – Kellie talking about the success of Kidd’s new book

THE THING AL SAID THAT MADE ME LAUGH

That girl looks perfect, let me give her herpes – Kidd as Big Al

THE THING SHANON SAID THAT MADE ME LAUGH

“Take a Fun Ed class or something” – talking to J Si and Big Al because they are completely unable to read liners on air – that’s right – they get paid to talk on the air – they’re professionals – see boys and girls – Reading IS Fundamental

WHY YOU GOTTA ACT LIKE YOU KNOW WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW

They don’t have turkeys in Mexico – which is why Mexican’s don’t celebrate Thanksgiving – at least that’s what J Si says

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie is issuing a last minute invite for Thanksgiving dinner

Big Al interviewed Usher and did animal noises

J Si is concerned because Kinsey has invited people to Kellie’s for Thanksgiving

Shanon is taking issues with Al and Andrew

FLUSH THE FORMAT

Dead and Gone – Justin Timberlake and T.I

Gimme More – Britney Spears

Scars – Papa Roach

Confession – Usher

Just Dance – Lady Gaga

Right Now – Akon

The Turkey Song – Adam Sandler

American Idiot – Green Day

Caught Up – Usher

Motown Philly – Boys II Men

The Only Difference Between Martyrdom And Suicide Is Press Coverage – Panic at the Disco

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, HERE’S THE HERP

Gailya (one of the women who works in the office) is really into holidays and sent everyone a Thanksgiving Day e-card – Kidd won’t open it because he thinks that e-cards either a. are just a reason to update your flash or b. have a virus – Kellie pointed out that she would rather have that kind of virus instead of the kind Al could get you – too bad, because Kidd came up with great greeting card messages for Al to send out at the holidays – “Happy Holidays, you’re sexually scarred for life” or how about “Here’s a little gift of my indiscriminate decision making” – genius – hey Kidd, if this radio thing goes south, you can always write for Hallmark

HIZZLE

Carson Daly is having a baby (or at least his girlfriend is)

Drama between Warren Sapp and Derek Hough behind the scenes on Dancing with the Stars

MTV is hosting an inaugural ball

Britney is trying to get permission to go on tour

J SI’S DIA DE GRACIAS SONG

The best thing about this song is the fact that J Si created all the music himself on his fancy Mac Book – he mentioned being thankful for Kidd’s shortness, Kellie’s new rack, and Shanon because they can take chicks out together – he was thankful for Al too, but not for any particular reason, Sexy Jack – and as an afterthought, J Si remembered to be thankful for his mom, dad, sister and girlfriend – I bet they’re thrilled

HIGHLIGHT – CHAPTER 1

There hasn’t been a book (according to Kidd) that has captivated the reading attention of kids and teens in a long time – pay no attention to that Harry Potter and Twilight nonsense – and disregard that entire section of books at Barnes and Noble labeled Teen Reading – according to Kidd, teens are just not reading – and he wants to change that – so what’ he going to do? Donate books to a local school – make a huge donation to a local library – nope. He’s decided to write a book – because what could be better for the kids than a book written by an amateur? Sure, Kidd wrote a semi-successful book over 10 years ago called Rude Awakenings – so successful that when I googled Rude Awakenings, Kidd’s name isn’t mentioned anywhere on the first 5 pages – and so successful that when I googled “Rude Awakenings Kidd Kraddick” there were only 56 matches – but that’s not important – I was a listener back in the Rude Awakening days and I will admit that the book was greatness – and this one will be too – if for no other reason than the fact that Kidd plays Kellie in that audio version that we’ll read every day – and he has to use Kellie voice – WOO HOO!!! And Kellie will play the role of all the other parts – including that of narrator and her 300 year old plastic surgeon, Dr Booty, who is suddenly in love with her now that he’s soon her totally naked – still interested? You should be – so check it out on the kPod and listen on Monday to Chapter 2 – I know it’s going to be great because Kidd will have a 4 day weekend to write it – who am I kidding? He’ll write it on Monday the break before we’re supposed to read it on air

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Amy Winehouse is in the hospital after a fight with Blake Incarcerated

#4 – Diddy and Aretha Franklin are doing their own “American Idol” type show

#3 – Warren Sapp and Derek Hough had a behind the scenes throwdown on DWTS

#2 – It looks like Britney may be going on tour

#1 – Alex Rodriguez will be with his children on Thanksgiving after all

“DON’T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB, PIMP” – USHER

Was it Al’s use of the word “intimate” – or Al making the statement “you’re just starting this tour” knowing full and well that it was the very last date of Usher’s tour – or maybe it was when Al made an elephant noise complete with arm motions – or the fact that he made owl noises (prompting Kellie to call him ‘Big Owl’) while Usher was talking about the rumors about him not being with his pregnant wife – or maybe it was when Al ended the interview with “damn dawg, you’re kinda hot” – whatever it was, it was awkward and uncomfortable – and I am now convinced that Big Al is gay – not that there’s anything wrong with that …

THE A.D.D. BREAK OF THE DAY

Somehow this break went from movie talk complete with an Australian accent to the idea of Kidd buying a $155,000 jet pack – somewhere in there Shanon said “I would apologize if I was sorry, but I’m not” and Kellie came up with the classic one liner, “I can get another wife but I can’t get another me” when we found out that the jet pack inventor used his wife and his young son to test out the jet pack

KELLIE’S BIGGEST FEAR OF GETTING BOOBS AND A TUMMY TUCK

It’s not the anesthetic – and it’s not the risk of having elective surgery even though she’s the mom of a baby – and it’s not the idea of having a foreign object in my body – no. Kellie is worried that she will turn into a Huge Whore when she gets her boobs

GOOD THING THERE WERE ONLY 10 MINUTES LEFT IN THE SHOW

Talking about Kellie’s plastic surgery …

“it’s not gonna do anything for your thighs” – Kidd

“and it’s not gonna help that flat butt either” – Al

Nothing like making a woman feel good about herself

AND THIS IS HOW WE ENDED THE SHOW …

With Kidd wearing his fake Richie Sambora Bon Jovi hat

And on that note – have a Happy Thanksgiving