Kidd Kraddick Remix

EWWWW MOMENT OF THE TODAY

“We’re taking him to poop court” – Kidd in response to Al losing Shanon’s bathroom card

FUNNIEST LINE OF THE SHOW

“I’m gonna sneak into your room into the middle of the night and shave your head and then tell everyone you’re crazy” – Kellie to Kidd when he made fun of Britney saying she shaved her head because she wanted a “fresh start”

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM KKITM

“There seems to be something wrong with you discussing your potential affair with your friend named Heaven” – Al talking about the plot of The Completely Original Not Stolen Story, Hi-lite

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie doesn’t advise watching the Britney special with a bottle of Merlot

Big Al realized how little he mattered by the number of people that called him while he was out of town

Shanon is mad because Big Al lost her bathroom card

Kidd spent last night on the phone with Bank of America Customer Service disputing an unauthorized charge

HIZZLE

Rihanna’s publicist made up the rumors about Rihanna and Jay-Z

Britney’s documentary may be a pre-emptive strike in case her career bombs

Heidi and Spencer are not legally married … yet

Diddy has spent $750,000 to try and become the black James bond

KELLIE aka THE BRITNEY SPEARS APOLOGIST

Now let me preface this by saying, I love Britney almost as much as Kellie does – and as a mom, I felt for Britney and just wanted to hug her and tell her that everything is going to be all right – it was so sad to see her like that – because even though she is on her way back, you can tell that she is still so sad – and she says it – poor Britney – I just love her – but that said, it was still funny to hear Kidd harass Kellie for being a Britney lover – and since Kidd didn’t see the Britney documentary (because he was being a man watching football aka hanging out at Applebees), he could be ugly and talk trash about Britney and it was funny – but only because Kellie loves her so and will defend her to no end- especially when he said, “Give us a call right now if you’re a woman and you’ve shaved your head and you’re not crazy” – and as you can imagine ***crickets***

IS FOOTBALL SEASON OVER YET????

As if losing my husband for practically the entire Thanksgiving holiday wasn’t bad enough – I then had to listen to the guys sing the “Dunh Dunh Dunh Dunh” NFL theme song – and the resulting conversation about “premature Dunh Dunh Dunhing”

OPRAH’S FAVORITE THINGS

People wait all year of Oprah’s Favorite Things episode – not only because the people in the audience get all of Oprah’s favorite things – but it’s fun to see how the other half lives – but this year Oprah decided to mix it up a little bit – in light of our current economic times, Oprah thought it would be bad form to show the world how she blows her many millions to present pricey present options – so instead, she and her staff presented affordable ideas for you and your friends – things like having a toy swap where you exchange used toys with your neighbors – or creating a memory box of all your kid’s crap stuff – or inviting every one over for a party and when they walk through the door, have them write something positive about a guest – then the guest will have a nice memory that they will have forever and something for them to  grab when their house is on fire – what the …?  Oprah, have you lost your mind?  I have news for you – people are going through tough times every year – and I wouldn’t be spending $200 on a t-shirt this year any more than I would have been doing it last year – so instead of coming up with stupid ideas that will inevitably fill my house with more clutter, just tell me what you’re buying!!

iTUNES TOP 5

5.  Beyonce – If I Were a Boy
4.  The Fray – You Found Me
3.  Kanye West – Love Lockdown
2.  Lady GaGa & Colby O’Donis – Just Dance
1.  Beyonce – Single Ladies

KANYE UPDATE

Last week, we were supposed to interview Kanye West and we never heard from him – his people were looking for him too and no one knew exactly why he never called in – well it looks like after Kanye was on Good Monring America, he decided he was too bigtime for radio and blew us off – GMA had a special room set up for Kanye to use while he did his radio interviews but I guess he didn’t need it because according to Kanye, he “stuff to do” – aka “I’m not doing no stupid radio interview – I’m going shopping” – on the bright side – he didn’t just blow us off – he also blew off Ryan Seacrest and Big Boi out of New York – so if we had to get dissed by one of the biggest rappers in the world – at least we were in the company of the biggest DJs in the world when it happened, right?

THE COMPETELY ORIGINAL NOT STOLEN STORY – HI-LITE

When we left off last week, Kellie had just met with her long time friend/plastic surgeon, Dr. Booty – it was their final consultation for her “Mommy Makeover” and the first time that Dr. Booty had ever seen Kellie naked – and while Kellie was droning on about how miserable she is, Dr. Booty was having Bow Chicka Bow Bow notions mixed with the thought of a secret he had been keeping for 300 years …

When we joined Kellie today, she was on the phone with her close friend Heaven (not to be confused with her real life BFF Haven) – Kellie was telling Heaven about her meeting with Dr. Booty and how, despite the fact that she has known him for years and they have spent multiple holidays and family occasions together, Kellie thinks Dr. Booty has the hots for her – and while Heaven pointed out that Dr. Booty is married, Kellie pointed out that they’re not 100% sure that he’s happy – and just to prove Kellie’s point, Dr. Booty called while she was talking to Heaven and asked Kellie if she would meet him for a drink … presumably to discuss her “Mommy Makeover” – or his 300 year old secret

BROWN BAG TURKEY RECIPE

Every year we take calls on the success and failure of the Brown Bag Turkey Recipe – and I’ll be honest – I think it’s hit or miss – one year I did it and ended up having to carve the turkey and finish cooking it in the microwave because it wasn’t done – this year I did it and it came out really good but I brined it first so I think that made a big difference – so I’m pretty sure it could either way – but I don’t think any Brown Bag Turkey experience could beat this story – some guy sent an email to Kidd with a story about how he was driving through the country and a hit a turkey – but the turkey wasn’t crossing the road like a chicken – instead, it came flying through his windshield – and the impact was so forceful, that the turkey ended up all the way in the back of his SUV – and this dude was such a Bad A, that not only did he walk away from this accident with a mouth full of glass, he took the turkey home to eat for Thanksgiving – um, yeah – this is where I call BS – you’re telling me that this dude ate a turkey that he hit with his car?  He had a mouth full of glass and he wasn’t all concerned about a turkey with glass shards in it?  Come on dude – I mean it’s a good story and all – but still … I’m sticking with the dude that put the brown bag around the turkey pan and caught the oven on fire!

ALL AMERICAN REJECTS IN STUDIO

They played “Dirty Little Secret” and the world premiere acoustic version of “Gives You Hell”

The band was inducted into the Oklahoma Music Hall of Fame

They’re all from Oklahoma except Toad, who is Canadian

“Swing Swing” was a last minute addition to the album

First band to do live video blogs during their tour

Nick played on “Snakes on a Plane” with Cobra Starship

“Gives You Hell” is about a guy who crossed him – it’s like “a big middle finger to him”

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – $125k worth of jewelry suddenly disappeared while in Winona’s possession in Madrid

#4 – Robert Downey Jr was knocked out cold by a 350 lb extra on the set of his new movie

#3 – Nicole Richie won’t let Benji talk to any girls because she wants him to get back with Paris

#2 – Diddy spent $750k on an audition video to be the black James Bond

#1 – Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt’s marriage isn’t legal yet – but they say it will be … eventually

THERE’S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO STEAL FROM YOUR BOSS AKA BIG AL’S SINGLE GUY CHRISTMAS CAROL

I was wondering why the most interesting Al had from his Thanksgiving trip to Playa was a 3 hour trip to the bank and some cockamamie story about getting a sponsorship from Corona that turned out to really be a loan – well, all of that was Big Al’s way of posturing – the goal was to position himself as being so dang busy in Playa, that Kidd couldn’t possibly be mad at him when he totally annihilated his Single Guy’s Christmas Carol – for some reason, Al decided to sing it live – and if that wasn’t bad enough, it completely sounded like AL made it up on the spot – oh, he denied it – but there is no way he put any thought or effort into that song – and if you don’t believe me – go to the kPod and listen to it – if for no other reason than to listen to Kidd and Kellie make up their songs on the spot right after Al – and to hear Kellie nearly die of laughter – people often ask if the show is scripted – are you kidding me?  We couldn’t make this ish up!!!