Kidd Kraddick Remix

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie is a walking ball of static electricity

Big Al wants to know why office buildings lock up toilet paper

J Si is mad that Kinsey appears on an ad for a dating website on MySpace

Shanon has not bought a single Christmas gift and is officially in panic mode

Sexy Jack realized that 3 of his 5 favorite movies are chick flicks

HIZZLE

T.R. Knight is leaving Grey’s Anatomy

Tom Cruise thinks Spencer Pratt should have another wedding with Heidi

DMX was arrested at Scott Storch’s house, who also had a warrant out for his arrest

Britney’s back up dancers have to be drug tested

LOVE LETTERS TO KELLIE

If all of your friends are cheating on their husbands, you need to get new friends

If your husband is a lying druggie, don’t stay with him “for the sake of your children”

If your ex wants to “be friends” after your break up, it’s because he wants to keep you around to come back to later

If your mom is cooking Christmas dinner even though she knows that you are, don’t play in to her pouty attitude

HIGHLIGHT

When we left off, Dr. Booty was looking longingly at a picture of him and Kellie from, presumably, a past life – we pick up today with Kellie thinking about her investigation of Dr. Booty and Dr. Ivan – but she was distracted by a ME ME ME conversation with Clarence, the old security guard, who was also having surgery – only Clarence’s surgery was an important, life saving open heart surgery – not an insignificant, superficial cosmetic surgery that included a luxury private recovery room and a limo ride, like Kellie’s – but no matter, because between that and Kellie’s obsession with the office Christmas party, she still found time for another ME ME ME conversation with her BFF, Heaven – Kellie told Heaven that she needed to do some serious research before her surgery the next day and intended to start with Dr. Booty’s ex-wife

GOOD SAMARITAN THEATER aka A KIDD KRADDICK IN THE MORNING RE-CREATION OF THE DAY

Apparently J Si isn’t a baby DJ anymore – because he was able to drop a hundie on the doorman to get a listener and her 10 friends to get into the club the other night – the next day, the listener sent an email to Kidd to tell him about J Si’s good deed and Kidd forwarded it to the staff – Kellie came in to the studio to tell J Si that she was proud of him, then she left to go poop – but Shanon wasn’t about to be trumped by J Si and his hundie – Shanon had a cancer patient up her sleeve – all of a sudden, Shanon busted out with “oh what is this over here – a New Kids sleeping bag” and pulled out a New Kids On The Block sleeping bag that was sent to her by a listener – but not just because the listener loves Shanon – but because when Shanon was in fifth grade, her dad threw her sleeping bag away – and a long time ago, Shanon offered to help said listener with some sort of makeover that she was unable to use because she had cancer – now the sleeping bag has been here a couple of days – funny how Shanon aka the Good Deed Trumper didn’t feel the need to mention the sleeping bag (or the cancer patient that sent it to her) until J Si mentioned his good deed …

GET OVER IT

To the lady at the concession stand who told Kidd,  ”You can leave me a tip if you wish”- GET OVER IT!

To Kidd Kraddick – you planned the Christmas Party late so don’t be mad when people can’t come – GET OVER IT!

To the flight attendant who got mad at Al for talking to people through the flight – GET OVER IT!

If you’re wearing nothing when it’s 20 degrees outside (Kinsey), don’t be made when J Si won’t give you his coat – GET OVER IT!

To my family -I moved and have a better life and you don’t – GET OVER IT!

So your boyfriend stares at me – I’m hot – GET OVER IT!

To Big Al – J Si is Kidd’s right hand man – GET OVER IT!

To the guy I just cut off in traffic – GET OVER IT!

To the junkies in our small town – we’re not the reason for your addiction – GET OVER IT!

To my ex – we’ve been divorced for 3 years – GET OVER IT!

To my sister – your daughter has a big head but she’s still cute – GET OVER IT!

To all the cougars – I’m young- GET OVER IT!

To all the Texas fans – the BCS has spoken – Boomer Sooner – GET OVER IT!

To Kellie – at least your boss is throwing a Christmas party – GET OVER IT!

To my husband – my mom called the police on you 16 years ago – GET OVER IT!

For all you Twilight haters – GET OVER IT!

My boyfriend is 23 years older than me – GET OVER IT!

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – T.R. Knight wants out of his contract at Grey’s Anatomy

#4 – The Gossip Girl cast is busy hooking up with each other

#3 – Britney Spears has all of her background dancers tested for drugs

#2 – Paula Abdul is blaming Fox and Simon Cowell for trying to ruin her and her career

#1 – Big changes on “The Real Housewives of Orange County” – Vicki may be leaving and Laurie may be coming back

IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK LIKE A CRAIGSLIST CHRISTMAS

• There are only 14 shopping days left before Christmas and the Craigslist pickins are starting to get limited …
• A free hot tub – it has some trash in it and has no pump – it worked fine but the water burned his skin
• A great gift for the beekeeper in your life … never mind, NEXT
• 30 empty bottles that were used to make wine – would like to trade them all for 1new bottle
• A Walmart lamp – he loves it has to get rid of it now that he’s married
• 100% free freezer that is sitting on his curb – it stopped working 6 months ago and it might have some meat in it – sorry
• Like new treadmill – it’s only been used about 5 times – it’s $350 and he’ll deliver it – or if you can get his wife to use it and drop a couple of pounds he’ll give you $350
• Clear empty tennis ball canisters – you can use it to put bandannas in it – there are between 70-100
• A coupon for $5 off admission to the carnival – it says its expired but still usable
• 2 big boxes of cereal, canned food and pasta sauce, canned foods – they’re expired but probably still good
• A TwoDaLoo – it’s a toilet built for 2 with a 7 inch television and iPod docking station – his wife was disgusted and left him because he gave it to her for their 4 year anniversary

THE CHRISTMAS PARTY

Our last show of the year is next Friday and we’re having our annual Christmas Party – we’re going to have lots of bands – Gym Class Heroes, Lenka, BC Jean and Ryan Cabrera – and the show will be hanging out with everyone – so we want everyone to come down and see the show – but not just to see the bands – you should come to see Al in his Effeminate Elf costume

WAH-WAH-WAH

Here’s the story – this year’s office Christmas party was planned at the last minute -and it was originally planned for Thursday so we all planned to attend on Thursday – then yesterday it was changed to Friday – so now Kidd is whining because people in the office (like Kellie) will be late or aren’t coming (like me) – now, Kidd says he’s not mad – but he keeps saying it in that “it’s fine” voice that women use on their men when the guy wants to do something that she REALLY doesn’t want him to do – “I know you have plans and lives outside of KKITM and can’t (or won’t) change them to attend our thrown-together-at-the-last-minute office party – but it’s fine” – that voice – now before you get all “you should just be happy you’re having a party” on me – we are grateful that we’re having a party – but we also would have been fine with lunch after the show – because at the end of the day, we’re people that are pretty happy with food – and no one was demanding a party – we just wanted to know when the party was if we were indeed having one – but instead, Kidd is making us (i.e. Kellie) out to be high maintenance and demanding for trying to do nothing more than being proactive in our holiday planning – and to prove my point that Kidd is being a little pissy, Kidd decided to throw Kellie under the bus (again) with his story about the Christmas party that Kellie referred to Kidd’s Mexican best friends as the caterers – now, in Kellie’s defense – I also thought that Danny and Joann were the caterers – I mean, they were in the kitchen wearing aprons – and who invites their friends to the office Christmas party?  But it’s a way better story when Kidd makes Kellie out to be the bad guy – especially when he talks in “Mexican/Southern Kellie” voice – it almost makes listening to Kidd’s incessant Christmas party whining worth it!