Kidd Kraddick Remix

BEHIND THE SCENES

Off air, I asked Al if he realized that the word ‘character’ was a noun and not an adjective – his response? “you’re arguing with a superhero” – um, Al?  the bit is over …

KIDD’S “NEXT YOU’LL GROW A VESTIGIAL TAIL” MOMENT

“Can I email from my Blackberry” – Kellie

“Why do you even have a Blackberry?” – Kidd

OOGEY QUOTE OF THE DAY

“Breastfeeding sucks all the life out of your boobies” - Kidd – yes, Kidd – it does – but it’s just oogey to hear you say it

PSYCHO SHANON’S PSYCHO MOMENT OF THE DAY

Marie called in during the Calf Off to say that Shanon had cankles – way to go Marie – thanks to you, women named Marie all over the world are going into hiding  **singing** Psycho Shanon – Psycho Shanon – IT’S MY SHOW!!!

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID QUOTE OF THE DAY

While talking about Christmas shopping, Kellie announced that she’s “done” just about everyone in the office

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie thinks everyone should go around the room and say something nice about her

Big Al says that iPhone people are a little snottier than Blackberry people

J Si had fun hanging out with Kellie over the weekend

Shanon want to know if cold weather can cause her car to make a “renh renh renh” sound

WHO’S ON FIRST?

When Shanon was talking about her car, Kidd brought mentioned the fact that he used to work at a car repair shop – this reminded Al of the time that Kidd worked installing car stereos – somehow, and I’m not really sure how, Kidd started in on some convoluted story about how he used to work at the car repair shop – and there was a guy named Ray and a Cockapoo and a dog whose teeth were removed after it had killed another dog – and then there was a dog named Rosie that Al kept getting confused with Kidd’s mom, whose name is also Rosie – so while Kidd was installing stereos, Kidd ended up with the amazing skill of identifying cars by the sound of their horn – and that’s car talk on Kidd Kraddick in the Morning …

HIZZLE

Taylor Hanson is a dad for the 4^th time

Toni Braxton had a benign tumor removed from her breast

Lauren Conrad called the Montag family “to express her concern” when she heard about Heidi’s wedding

No one wants to pay for Ashlee and Pete’s baby

SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!!

I don’t know how it works in other offices, but every year at KKITM there is a big discussion over Christmas and the exchange of gifts – now when I first started working here 6 years ago, there were only about 10 people who worked here – but since then, the office has grown considerably – and now there are about 25 people in the office – back in the day, it wasn’t that big of a deal to pick up a little something for everyone in the office – but now, even if you buy everyone a $10 Starbucks card, you’re looking at about $250 – not to mention the time it would take to put together 25 homemade gifts – so it was decided that this year we would do the Secret Santa and everyone would draw a name and buy a gift for just one person – but there is one person that decided to buck the system and defy Secret Santa and buy a gift for everyone in the office anyway – of course, I’m talking about the great Kellie Rasberry – every year, Kellie makes a point of buying a gift for every person in the office – and when I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE – Kellie doesn’t do it to make herself look good or because she feels guilty – she’s just one of those people that just enjoys giving gifts – and she feels like she’s  spoiled and gets so many perks from being on air, that she wants to do something for the people who don’t get those perks – no big deal, right?  right.  unless you’re Kidd Kraddick – because Kidd thinks that Kellie is making everyone else (Kidd, Al and J Si) look bad for not buying gifts for everyone in the office – so Kidd had 2 questions for the support staff

1.       Will you think less of the others in the big room, if only one person buys you a gift and

2.       Will you feel bad if you don’t have anything to give them except your Secret Santa gift

Little Andrew went first with the PC answer of “I don’t think less of you – I’m just happy to have a job” in his normal “what are you TAAALLKING about” voice

And was next Cappy and decided that he was cool with forgoing gifts from everyone in the office … everyone except Big Al – because thanks to Big Al, Cappy’s job is made exponentially more difficult every day – so not only is Cappy expecting a gift from Big Al – he also expects Al to give Cappy’s wife a present since she has to listen to Cappy bitch about how difficult Al makes his life

Then it was me – but instead of sucking up to keep my job, I decided to keep it real and say what everyone else was thinking – I don’t expect a gift from everyone in the big room – just the big guy – the person that owns the show, the supreme boss of the show – the person that makes more money than God – WHAT??  is that wrong?  Don’t most people get gifts from their bosses for the holidays?  Especially if you work for a small company?  I’m just saying … Cappy thought it would benefit the show if Kidd fired me and they split my salary as a bonus – or even had a pimpin’ Christmas party – but I had to poke a hole in that theory by pointing out that it would be a paltry bonus and even skimpier party if it was dependent on my little salary – not complaining – just pointing out facts – I’m far from the highest paid person in the office – I would venture to say I’m very close to the bottom – anyway, in lieu of gifts – Kidd asked if the Christmas party could be considered the gift?  Maybe so – but personally, I shared that I would be willing to forgo the party and just take the cash – WHAT??  am I wrong? 

HIGHLIGHT

When we left off yesterday, Kellie was headed off to get the scoop from Dr. Booty’s ex-wife – he had never mentioned an ex-wife, but thanks to the office Google King, Kellie had managed to track her down – the Google King had also uncovered that there was a man with the same name and same likeness of Dr. Booty that had died over 100 years ago – Kellie was killing time and looking through a 10 year old photo album where she found pictures of Dr. Booty looking exactly the same as he does today and a guy who looked exactly like Dr. Ivan – only Dr. Ivan would have been a teenager 10 years ago – hmmm – finally, Kellie arrived at the home of Dr. Booty’s ex-wife and the woman (who looked to be in her mid-40’s) came out to meet Kellie – but as Kellie spoke with her, the woman let Kellie know that she wasn’t actually Dr. Booty’s ex-wife – she was Dr. Booty’s granddaughter, Tina Booty **insert dramatic gasp here**

IT’S A BIRD, IT’S A PLANE – IT’S S.T.D. MAN

now, if you know anything about Big Al, it’s that he pretty much breaks every stereotype there is about black people – he’s not a good athlete, he’s the playa’ with no game, he doesn’t dance very well, his favorite musical artists are Kelly Clarkson and Gavin DeGraw – need I go on?  so a few weeks ago, Kidd and Al came up with a bit – the idea was that since Al is a man that destroys stereotypes, he would be the perfect person to portray a character that seeks out people that destroy stereo types – so off Al went with his trusty recorder to “destroy” stereotypes about the Mexican – but before we get to the actual bit, first let’s focus on the theme song – it’s no secret that Al’s theme songs are often better than the bit – and while I’m not sure if this theme song was actually better, per se – it was definitely more entertaining -

the character that Kidd and Al came up with was called “Stereotype Destroyer” – so why did Al refer to himself as Character Stereotype Destroyer Man – before we even got started, the Chat Room was on it -

“where in the world did he get this name?” Lucy asked “he can’t pick a short name … no no no has to pick a really longgggg hard to say fast name”

We tried to point out to Al that he was supposed to be a character named Stereotype Destroyer – but for some reason, Al just wasn’t getting it – he kept maintaining that the character part was an adjective – only I guess Al missed the day in 3^rd grade where they discussed descriptive words – because the word ‘character” is a noun!!  And he kept trying to explain something about a characteristic – but that didn’t make sense either since a characteristic would have been something descriptive – I don’t know – all I can say was that I was confused – and I wasn’t the only one – because Minty said, “we never understand what you’re saying Al” – see, it’s not just me – but anyway – back to the bit – so after our dissection of the theme song where Al referred to himself as the Character Stereotype Destroyer – we got into the bit part – Al tracked down a couple of Mexicans and asked them the offensive stereotypical question. “Have you ever ridden in a car with 3 other people?” uh … yeah … once again, there was no need from commentary from me because the Chat Room was all over it …

“who hasn’t ridden in a car with 3 other people?”, Minty asked -

“wait what in the world does riding with 3 people have to do with being Mexican?” asked Lucy

“apparently only Mexicans ride with other people,” Pita said

I don’t know – I’m sure Al was trying to go somewhere with this – and maybe if he had asked the question, “what’s the most people you’ve ever ridden in a car with?” and they answered “12 people in a station wagon” he might have had something – then again, like Lucy said, “I’m sure it made sense in his head” – let’s hope so …after all, when Al announced “I’m Character Stereotype Destroyer Man” and then paused for the thundering sound effect – there had to been a point – would it have had something to do with him announcing that “All men were created”? – um, yes Al – all men were created – it’s about this time when I noticed Kellie’s complete look of bewilderment and Kidd quickly losing his reason to live – Abbeym32 noticed it too because she suggested, “ummmmm can we say pack your box and leave quietly” – yeah, I’m pretty sure that was what Kidd was thinking too – especially when he announced that today would be his last show – “all we should here now is static – the show has been cancelled” said Abbeym32 – Yep – that’s exactly how Kidd felt

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Jason Meznick, the new Bachelor says he is in love and engaged

#4 – Dancing with the Stars is in talks with Stevie Wonder

#3 – Nobody wants pictures of Ashlee and Pete’s baby – and Taylor Hanson’s fourth baby was born

#2 – Taylor Swift has dating rules and won’t call boys

#1 – The second Twilight movie, New Moon, is going to have a new Jacob

THE FACT IS, I’M CALF-TASTIC!

I could tell you how this whole discussion got started, but it will easier to just give you a montage of the statements that were declared by the skinniest member of the show:

“I have good calves – best calves on the show, frankly – maybe this is my sweet redemption, right there below the knee – Is there some doubt that I have the best calves on the show? – If I had one area that men would trade with me in a second … it’s the calves – I avoid shorts because I just get tired of the compliments”

Yes, Kidd Kraddick declared that despite his complete lack of muscle tone and only having one ab, that he had the best calves of any member of the show – and you know what happens around here when somebody lays down a challenge – out whipped the camera and a poll was posted - now, I have to admit that I would never have picked Kidd as having the best calves – especially considering he’s the DJ that fits in your pocket – but after looking at the pictures – I think he may be right – they’re not the biggest calves – but dare I say, in this case, bigger is not always better – and that *gasp* size does not matter - the fact of the matter is that Kidd has more definition where as everyone else just has girth - THATSWHATSHESAID!!!

PEOPLE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF SHANON’S KINDNESS AND GENEROSITY

**crickets** – well, not really – but you have to go and listen to it on the kPod because there is no possible way that I could convey in print the 3 different stories that Shanon must made up in her head as scenarios of where people have taken advantage of her kindness and generosity – nor could I properly put into print the manner of speaking in which Shanon is able to complete sentences without ever taking a breath – but it all started with a caller named Marie who said that Shanon has cankles – and it ended with an email to me, from Shanon, saying:

“Will you please take pics of my ankles at every angle so that I can prove to Maria that I don’t have cankles? It hurts my feelings and I will obsess over it and probably become cankle bulimic.

Thank you,

Shanon”

Trust me when I say that Shanon will indeed obsess over her nonexistent cankle problem and that she is probably at home, as you read this, trying to figure out a way to shave down her ankle bones so that they will appear smaller – when I said that we at the Kidd Kraddick in the Morning show are just like family, I meant it – however, I never said that we weren’t dysfunctional – I think that should be our new tagline – Kidd Kraddick in the Morning – we put the “fun” in dysfunctional!