Kidd Kraddick Remix

AWKWARD ANDREW MOMENT

“Is your web-guy wearing a toupee?” – asked about Andrew at the holiday hunk party

BEHIND THE SCENES

“lesbians always have good hair” – J Si – um, okay …

OVERHEARD IN THE MONDAY MEETING

“did you see my boobies?” – Kellie to Kidd

BIG AL’S “I’M HOOD” MOMENT

“All the ballers do some calligraphy” – Big Al – or not …

KELLIE RASBERRY “ME ME ME” MOMENT

“If you didn’t kiss me, you better not kiss her” – Kellie talking about Sexy Jack and Crystal

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie has to go to the post office today even though it’s the busiest post office day of the year

Big Al is a pleasant fun date but last night was really, really bad

J Si had his apartment Christmas party and some guy used, “mmmm sexy” as his pick up line to Kinsey

Shanon swears she wasn’t trying to kill the peanut allergy lady by offering her peanut butter balls Saturday night

Sexy Jack – one of the most awkward nights of his life

HIZZLE

Tara Reid is in rehab

Kanye West is moving to London to study fashion design

Demi Lovato is NOT a cutter

Big changes are coming to the new season of American Idol

HIGHLIGHT

When we left off last week, Kellie had just met with Dr. Booty’s ex-wife who had told Kellie that Dr. Booty was at least 150 years old – when we picked up today, Kellie was on her way back home and debating changing doctors when she received a phone call from her smoking-hot work BFF, Dian-Say – Dian-Say was a huge fan of Kellie’s for several different reasons -first because Kellie was absolutely THE funniest woman in radio – plus Kellie always defended Dian-Say and never said horribly mean things about her – like calling her a B and an A-hole on air – and Kellie had an appreciation for Dian-Say’s witty sarcasm, unlike their richer-than-God, grudge-holding (but often hilarious), manorexic boss – but Kellie didn’t have time to focus on her conversation with Dian-Say – because she needed to get home to the finale of The Biggest Loser

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – A catfight broke out on “Rock of Love 2″ between Sharon Osbourne and swimsuit model Megan

#4 – Ne-Yo is going to write songs for Marilyn Manson

#3 – Jennifer Hudson has decided she’s not ready to go back to work since the tragedy in her family

#2 – Despite pictures on the internet, Demi Lovato is NOT a cutter

#1 – Britney is trying to get Madonna to make an appearance at her first concert in New Orleans

THE COMPANY CHRISTMAS PARTY

I missed this year’s Christmas party due to a previous commitment so I can’t give a first-hand account – but based on the on-air recollection, it was pretty much a fun-filled evening of Drunkity Drunk Drunk Drunkenness – Little Andrew rsvp’d but didn’t make it to the Christmas party because he went to another party first and decided it would be the perfect opportunity to start drinking – Little Andrew isn’t typically one that partakes in alcohol treats but after 3 glasses of what he described as “a really sweet wine”, he was much too drunk to drive to the party – Big Al showed up with a girl tall enough to elicit the response “hi, I’m down here” from Kidd – but she was apparently pretty ill from a dental procedure and only stayed for about 20 minutes – Kellie showed up with J Si’s buddy Paul as her date, and somehow ended up being Jack’s girlfriend for the evening – probably because despite the fact that Kellie was a little late to the party, she still won the Drunkity Drunk Drunk Race – and drunk Kellie is Uninhibited Flirty Kellie – but thankfully (and fortunately for Jack’s girlfriend Brittany), Sexy Jack is also Gentleman Jack – and even though Kellie dragged Paul to the bar that Sexy Jack was hanging out at – he was still immune to Kellie’s feminine wiles – Kellie admitted that she may have been a little on the annoying side but said “I didn’t think I was really bothering him – I just thought maybe I was bothering him a little” – and even when Al tried to burst Kellie’s bubble (I think he was feeling a little jealous) by saying that at one point during the night, Jack flashed him a “SAVE ME” look – but Jack maintained that it was all harmless fun and he seems to be just fine with Kellie’s flirtatious ways!  Let’s just hope his girlfriend is okay with it too!

WHAT’S THAT I HEAR BIG AL?  A SUCCESSFUL BIT!!!!

Even if this bit had failed horribly, we still would have loved it because we got to hear Sexy Jacks talk with his Sexy Accent for an extended period of time – and what could be better than that?  So the whole idea of the Holiday Hunk was to send Jack as the date to someone’s holiday party – and we came up with the plan to send Jack to Crystal’s party as an up and coming British rock star – Crystal has only worked at the business for about 2 years and it was being held at the home of her boss – he’s a custom home builder and just built his own fancy new house, so we thought this was the perfect set up for Sexy Jack and his entourage – so when they first arrive, Jack comes in with his entourage – this is completely hysterical to me because in walks Crystal, with Jack and 3 extra people  (Andrew complete with the video camera) but the hostess, Yvonne, never said a word!  Apparently it was a very small and intimate crowd and completely the opposite of what Jack was expecting – he thought there would be about 100 but it was closer to 50 – and it’s a pretty low key crowd – people standing around making small talk (quiet small talk) and mostly drinking Coke and Sprite – and no one really gave a second glance to Jack et al – so to draw some attention – Jack decides to propose a toast to his date – and that’s when he introduced himself as “Jamie P”, lead singer of the fictional band “Cheers Finch” – of course after the toast, people starting taking notice -  first was a female party-goer to whom Jack introduced his entire posse – he apologized for bringing his web-guy (Andrew), drummer (Austin) and handler (Jack’s buddy) – but that seemed to break the ice because word quickly spread amongst the party about “Jamie P” which led to a face-to-face with the big boss (Who according to Andrew “is very, very intimidating”) – Jack told The Boss that he met Crystal at a concert at the Palladium and then proceeded to tell him about their newest single, “I Wanna Lick You All Over” – it’s “a bit dancey, a bit hip” and “may not appeal to everyone but it’s gaining popularity” – YIKES!!  I’ve seen the original footage of The Boss’ face – OMG – can you say “stone cold?” – Jack even told The Boss about his MySpace page – and because we’re the show that is well prepared for a bit (at least if you’re someone besides Big Al), Jack had set up a MySpace page for Cheers Finch beforehand – and a good thing because about 10 minutes later, 5 people from the party are standing around a computer looking at the Cheers Finch MySpace page!!

AND THE ENDER

It’s not enough that you keep the bit going – there has to be some type of payoff – and what would that be?  A performance!!  So Jack says that he’s written a song for Crystal – and the plan was for J Mac to play the guitar and for Jack to sing it, but J Mac didn’t show – so it was on for Jack to sing a capella – except Jack’s not really a singer – so he thought he would do more of a poetic recitation – and that would have been fine – gather up a few people, do the poem and jet – except grandma (I’m not sure who’s grandma) had heard the story of Jamie P and called for everyone’s attention so Jack could sing the song – then she brought Jack center stage in front of the Christmas tree – at this point, Jack was clearly in way over his head – but he reached into his little black bag of “I’m a rock star” tricks and asked the crowd to sing along with him when he got to the chorus :

I used to be confused, but now it’s crystal clear

I am falling for you and all i can say is cheers

You smell like English Roses and I prefer you to beer

These last two months have been wicked

I just want to nibble your ear

The first night we met, I saw you standing there

I was singing my famous song “I want to lick you all over”

And it all became so clear

(and the chorus, which sounded very much like Purple Rain!))

Crystal Clear, Crystal Clear – Crystal Clear, Crystal Clear – Crystal Clear, Crystal Clear – Crystal Clear, Crystal Clear

And the crowd just jumped right in – not only that, but they started clapping along also!!   Everyone was so impressed by Jack’s song that they “oohed” and “ahhhed” and “how sweeted” and then started calling for Jack and Crystal to kiss – yeah, that’s great that it was all believable – but Jack has a girlfriend – a serious girlfriend!!  But Jack is the consummate professional and figured out a way to deflect – then people started asking for pictures with Jack so they’d have pictures for when he makes it big so they can say they met him way back when – Now this is where Big Al would have ruined the bit – you’ve got everyone believing you, the bit is what you would call a success – now it’s time to make a run for it – if had been Al, he would have stuck around for another hour, had a couple of drinks and somehow blown his cover – but not Jack – he made his excuse, said his goodbyes and was out!!  Yvonne called into the show and said they figured out who Jack was after they left – and then went to the website to determine if the “web guy” was Andrew – but it didn’t matter – because it was still a successful bit!