Kidd Kraddick Remix

FUNNIEST CONVERSATION OF THE SHOW

Talking about Kenny Chesney …

J Si: He’s short, like you

Kidd: You didn’t have to say “like you” – you could’ve just said he’s short

J Si:  He’s short

Kidd: I’m not that short

J Si: I think he’s shorter than you are

Kidd:  Of course he is – if he’s short, he has to be – in most countries, I am not thought of as short

Kellie: The underdeveloped malnourished countries where their growth is stunted

BWAAHHHHHHH!!!!

GEEZ, KIDD – MEAN MUCH?

Kellie posted a picture on her MySpace of her younger, heavier days – she’s wearing a “belted khaki safari dress” with the collar popped because the salesgirl told her that wearing the collar up would draw people’s attention to her face and away from her body – comments from Kidd during this story – “Looks like you went on a wild game hunt and ate all the wild game” and “You look SO much better now” – um, thanks … I think

THE THING AL SAID THAT MADE ME LAUGH

While we were trying to decide on a name for the KKITM nightclub

Kellie:  “We can call it Ego”

Big Al: “We can call it Eggo and serve pancakes”

**crickets**

Kidd:  “Um, Eggos are waffles”

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie wants to know who high fives a blind guy

Big Al says veggie burgers are EWWWW

J Si says don’t let your girl pick her name on your phone

Sexy Jack says he has a joke that will beat anything J Si can bring

Shanon cried after a salesperson tried to make her feel like crap

Kidd is asking the questions “Why would anyone listen to us?” and “Who on the show is most likely to die alone?”

HIZZLE

Britney ran into Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel at a restaurant but there was no confrontation

David Cook and Kimberly Caldwell have split are no more

Tony Romo and Papa Joe are all BFF and Tony may propose soon

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner have named their daughter Seraphina Rose Elizabeth Affleck

LOVE LETTERS TO KELLIE

If your husband leaves you at home alone with the baby every weekend to go play video games with his friends, you should be mad

If you found your fiancé/baby daddy in bed with another girl and you stay with him, then you get what you get

If you’re still hanging on to your ex who dumped you 3 years ago, it’s time to move on

If your baby daddy is with you but doesn’t want to get married, give him an ultimatum but be ready to back it up

If you’re 20 years old and mature enough to live with your 50 year old boyfriend, then you should be mature enough to tell your parents

If you caught your boyfriend coming out of a strip club, you need to decide if that’s something you can deal with

BAHAMA, MAMA!!!

The show is headed to the Bahamas and they’re taking you with them!  We are giving away 9 – that’s right, NINE – trips to the Atlantis resort in the Bahamas – but it’s not just the trip – there’s going to be a big concert with Kelly Clarkson as the headliner – I LOVE Kelly Clarkson – plus Lily Allen, Second Hand Serenade, Kevin Rudolph and Krista (from Music That Makes You Cooler) – the trip starts February 11^th, from Thursday to Sunday – so the winner also gets tickets to the concert and tickets to the premiere of the remake of Friday the 13^th- and did I mention we’re giving away 9 trips??  We haven’t worked out all the details on how we’re giving away the trips yet, but I can guarantee you that one will include Big Al the Bahama Mama and a costume – and considering Al’s previous costumes … the Wordie Birdie, the Fairy Godbrother, the Bunny Suit, the Effeminate Elf – this contest is guaranteed to be comedy gold – and you know what I’m thinking … pictures – lots of them – blackmail anyone??

AMERICAN IDOL aka WHO HIGH FIVES A BLIND GUY

I don’t watch American Idol – I haven’t since Kelly Clarkson (who I LOVE) won – and i’ll be watching The Biggest Loser instead – but I don’t have to watch it because I can get all the scoop from KKITM!

Kara Dioguardi’s overuses the whole “honey, sweetie, baby, etc” – yeah, that won’t get old fast!

This season is a kinder, gentler American Idol – 11 of the 18 auditions they showed are going to Hollywood

Scott McIntyre was the blind guy with the great voice – when he came out of the audition room, Ryan Seacrest gave him a high five – but the guy obviously couldn’t see it – um, awkward

Katrina Darrel was the girl that auditioned in a bikini – she sang Mariah Carey and was immediately voted through by Simon and Randy – I’m guessing it was because of the bikini because she wasn’t that great – then she got into it with Kara after Kara told her she didn’t do Mariah’s song justice – Kara tried to show her how it was done but she took it the wrong way and Katrina said Kara did a bad job – um, not so much – I’m predicting failure for Katrina

WE NEVER CLOSE (shout out New Orleans!)

So we headed over to the KKITM club next door – and wouldn’t you know it – those same construction sounds were still going strong – so it’s not ready to open just yet – but Kidd says that the club will open either today at noon or tomorrow at 9pm – either way, we won’t be here – sooooo … Kidd says that based on a major market research focus group, the perfect name for the club would be Kidd’s Krib – and then the commercial would have a sound bite of a baby crying after it – but everyone else immediately vetoed that – some alternate names that were thrown out were Stress, which doesn’t sound that positive for a club, Free Beer – which J Si said was false advertisement unless we spelled it Fribiere like Kidd suggested  - Great , which Kellie called lame – Skeered, which sounded too country – Ed’s Disco just because it sounded funny and then back to Kidd’s Krib – it might have been a go if J Si hadn’t called it stupid – but then Kidd got defensive because no one liked his name and decided that the rest of the show should come up with a name – so during the break, everyone but Kidd got together to choose a name and 8 minutes later, it was done – but before they announced it, they went down the list of the previous finalists – funny how they all had to do with Kidd …

Fax Paper – not an appropriate cub name but funny because Fax Paper totally gives Kidd the heebies – why?  Because he thinks about licking it – ew.

Perez – in honor of Kidd’s feud with Perez Hilton (who I find to be completely lame)

Seacrest – in honor of Kidd’s Number One Nemesis

Club Busey – in honor of Kidd’s infamous Tickle and Pee Incident with Gary Busey

Freddys – because of Kidd’s love for all things Freddy

And Shanon’s recommendation – Hangars – which of course is a call back to Kidd’s nose issues – yikes!

Over all, the names weren’t terrible but the one that won out was Shorties!  It’s perfect – we can have all the doors be 5′6″ and use “Shorty Get Loose” as the theme song!  Plus think of all the promotions – we’d be the only club in America with a V.I.P.WEE card = we could have Short Night and everyone would have to wear shorts – Petite Meet and Greets – Tiny Guy Night where you have to come in through a dog door to get in – the possibilities are endless!

KELLIE RASBERRY – GET OFF OF MY SPEAKER!!!!

So now that we have a name, we need a commercial – please, please, please listen to it on the kPod – CO-ME-DY!!   talk about Behind the Mic – this is exactly why we don’t do liners live – we had Cappy as the announcer – of course I’m not sure why we chose a guy who hasn’t been to a club in years to be the club announcer – Jenna as the female voice – only she’s still a little new and had trouble pronouncing the word “hottest” – then there was Kellie aka the Bitkiller – she was pretty much over the whole commercial from jump and after the 3^rd take, she was D-O-N-E, DONE!  But you know what it was – FUNNY!!!  I am SO hoping we get to hear the finished product before we send it out to the stations to promote the club – Cappy???

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – NKOTB is doing a fantasy fan cruise – Slow Motion LAAAAAAAAAAAME

#4 – Amy Winehouse has to beg guests for alcohol after being cut off by hotel staff – but at least she’s off the crack, right?

#3 – Katy Perry says she is O-V-E-R Travi – sure you are – that’s why you’re talking about it

#2 – Hayden Panitierre was kicked out of a club in Suffern NY for being underage and then called the police when they confiscated her ID – Suffern is the place where Aiden had his house on Sex in the City – remember Carried suffering in Suffern?

#1 – Britney and her mama ran into Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel at a restaurant but no one spoke to each other and Britney left early – AWKWARD!!

“I’D RATHER NOT GO AND YOU WISH I WAS THERE, THAN HAVE ME GO AND WISH I HAD NOT” – Kellie Rasberry

Kidd and Kellie are headed to LA on Thursday and you know what that means – hookers and blow!!  lol – TOTALLY kidding – while Kidd is probably down for a little kicking it, Kellie is known to head back to her room for room service on business trips – Kellie’s NOT known for her party all night lifestyle – plus, she just had major surgery and hasn’t fully recovered yet – so it’s not a stretch to expect that Kellie will want to bail on Friday night – and Kellie is COMPLETELY fine with Kidd hanging out with his celebrity friends without Kellie – but Kidd really wants Kellie to go despite what Kellie says – Al suggested Kidd whip out his secret weapon – the Cosmo – because 2-3 Drink Kellie is FUN!  Not to be confused with 7-10 Drink Kellie (who while amusing, is NOT fun!) – Kidd and Al went on and on and threw out everything they could think of to get Kellie to commit to hanging out in LA Friday night – and after all of that, the conversation went like this -

Kidd:  “Are we hanging Friday night or not?”

Kellie: “I’ll have to get back to you on that”

BITKILLER!!!

Tomorrow – a new Happy Couple with J Si and Jenna