not short and tight

September 10, 2008 at 4:43 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments


I shout out to whitey – Kellie

I’d rather be anorexic than a crack ho – Kellie


“I have a account … it has a picture of Jsi on it   BAHAHA!” -Ross


“Ugly Man – I wish death on you – go away” – Kidd as Kellie


Big Al yelling at Andrew for talking on the phone while Al was on the phone with Kidd during a bit


Andrew was on the phone with the phone screener to provide a back up connection in case Al’s phone failed


Kidd really had lightning strike when he picked me and Big Al – Kellie


You have to watch these white people, they’ll steal stuff – Big Al


Kellie wants everyone to watch “America’s Got Talent”

Big Al needs help breaking a date

J Si did a bit with Kinsey and it cost him $400

Shanon says Tivo ruined her life because it didn’t record 90210

Kidd is headed to Detroit today


J Si tried to recreate his favorite scene from 8 Mile – um, newsflash J Si – Eminem hasn’t put out a CD in years – his 15 minutes is O-V-E-R


sometimes we just do the show for ourselves – they were trying to send the theme song to “Who’s The Boss” – but much to Shanon’s dismay, they sang the theme song to Punky Brewster instead and made up the words along the way – even though Shanon tried to correct them – and the more they sang correctly, the more distraught Shanon became – I think the bit ended with Shanon’s head on the desk


Ashlee Simpson is having a boy

Someone beat up New York from “I Love New York” at a VMA after party

Usher’s wife is pregnant again


A hundred years ago, Kellie was a contestant on Wheel of Fortune – it was the final round where everyone gets to guess and the letters were N_WP_RT JA__ F_STIVAL – Kellie’s guess was Newport Jail Festival because she’d never heard of the Newport Jazz festival – and Kidd has never let her live it down


There is nothing worse than walking through the mall and being accosted by the annoying kiosk workers – and it’s gotten bad enough that Kidd wrote a blog about it – but J Si decided to strike back at the kiosk workers in his own way – with a bit – J Si headed off to the mall and when approached by the annoying kiosk guy hawking creams and lotions, J Si gave in – so J Si rubs the lotion on his  hand and then immediately starts to whine that his hands are burning – burning so badly that he got down on the ground and rubbed his hand on the floor – you can imagine the attention that J Si attracted while he was practically crying on the floor about “Stranger Danger”  in the middle of the mall – so what would prompt him to ask for more lotion – this time a different kind – and of course that one was so ‘painful’ that J Si yelled with “ahhhhh – my hands melting off!!!   you hurt me!!!” – J si tried to get the sales guy to give him one more lotion to try but I think the sales guy wanted to keep his job and refused J Si = too bad, because I think the next logical step would have been rubbing it on his face and faking blindness – but maybe that’s just me – make sure you go listen on the kPod – because words can’t express what can only be described as the most awkward 11 second rolling of the tongue I’ve ever heard – then there was that whole kissing thing …


We took calls from listeners about their crazy experiences at the mall kiosk  – one woman was grabbed by the waist and thrown into a chair where a guy started buffing her nails, one woman was told her face was ugly in an attempt to get her to try their facial products and then there was the woman whose husband was in the massage chair and was later kicked out when he said he wouldn’t buy anything – RansomLove wondered if it was Massagica that kicked the guy out of the chair – and Ross had a good idea, “OMG… I just thought of a bit … Big Al … grabbing random women at the mall … wait, that happens every weekend – nevermind” – usually I just ignore the pushy mall kiosk worker but I’m thinking of adopting the technique of dhooten3’s husband, “my husband puts his hand up to the guys and yells “Spam Blocker”!!! – CLASSIC!


Or at least he wants to – Al has a date on Saturday – and because last night, Mr. Lonely and The Date were both feeling a little lonely, they decided to have a pre-date over drinks – first of all, The Date is new in town and she had some trouble finding the place they were supposed to meet – and surprisingly enough, Al picked a place other than Primo’s – so he ended up sitting alone for awhile – and because Al didn’t have anyone to talk to than the few other guys that were sitting nearby (who i’m assuming were also alone), Al decided to text Shanon … multiple times … with a color commentary of the PRE pre-date – only Big Al would text these random messages to someone without getting a response

  • Gotta pee
  • Should I leave? What if I miss her?
  • Why did I wear this bandana – did I wear to much mango body butter
  • I told her she could spend the night at my house if she drinks too much
  • I probably shouldn’t have told her that before our first date
  • What if she’s hot? or annoying?
  • I hope my breath is fresh
  • I really like my white shoes – i shouldn’t have worn these white shoes

Maybe we should have called this bit “Inside Al’s Head” – anyway, The Date finally shows up – now keep in mind that she is new in town and has no idea that Al is Big Al Mack from KKITM – she thinks he’s in real estate – so she has no idea that Al’s type is “short and tight” or as Al sometimes describes it “POW POW POW POW” – maybe that’s why she thought she could post a picture on her profile that was from 10-15 years ago – when The Date showed up, she was what Kidd and Al referred to as a “serious misrepresentation” of herself – then to add insult to injury – the minute she sat down, she immediately pulled out a pack of Marlboro Reds – ew.  If Al was quick on his feet, that could have been his out – she never said she was a smoker and plenty of people refuse to date smokers – but Al felt bad because she drove about 40 miles to meet him – and everything would have been fine except that she didn’t look like her profile picture – well, that and the fact that Al had told all the guys around him that he was waiting to meet a date – so when The Date showed up looking less than “short and tight” – well … let’s just say that there was some good natured ribbing coming from the Peanut Gallery that Al had made acquaintance with – Al struggled through the date even though he is less than attracted to her but still agreed to go out with her on Saturday – he is desperately trying to find a way out of this date – even after a listener called to tell Al that he is old and played out and no longer a 25 year old with a hot body – and Al knows this, which is why he didn’t get offended when the listener called him a pig – the fact remains that Big Al has a date on Saturday  and he doesn’t know how to get out of it – Sexy Jack suggested honesty – HAHAHAHAHA!!!  Obviously Jack is new here


#5 – Pete Wentz once played Russian Roulette while he was on drugs

#4 – Diddy doesn’t own a jet after all – but he does have a time share plane

#3 – Benji Madden erased all of Paris’ ex-boyfriend’s phone numbers from her Blackberry

#2 – Johnny Depp as the Riddler and Philip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin may be the next Batman bad guys

#1 – Speidi dolls?  Heidi and Spencer say they are in talks with Mattel to have dolls made


For the first time in “What Do You Do To Afford This Big A** House” history … black people!!  And listening to the bit, you would think that Big Al had never met black people … or wealthy people … or black, wealthy people – I can honestly say that Al was giddy – in a way I’ve never seen him before – of course that was after the mistook the owner of the home as the maid – see what happens when you ASSume, Big Al!!  apparently the husband is retired from Pepsi and is living quite the comfortable lifestyle – they have been married for 35 years – they have 2 sons and 2 grandkids and are living alone in their 10,000 square foot home that has 7 bathrooms and 4 powder rooms – for you regular people, a powder room is a bathroom without a shower – or a “half bath” – the house has an elevator and a sauna and an iron cowboy in the yard!  Check out the pictures here


If your BFF is pulling away from you, add her to your Christmas card list and call it a day

If your fiancée wants to wear her old wedding dress, it’s a HUGE red flag


from Worry Free Vacations – the trips have to be taken between now and Christmas – so if you’ve got vacation time left, be listening on Monday!!



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  1. I was really disappointed in the conversation on-air regarding Al’s date with that lady and not being attracted to her. I realize, and appreciate, that ya’lls lives are open books to us, but that was just plain mean spirited. That poor girl did nothing to deserve being called ugly repeatedly on-air than to make the decision to go on a date with Al. I can honestly tell you had that been me, and the things you ALL said got back to me I would have been crushed! Why go there? Why risk hurting that lady’s feelings, just for something to talk about on the radio? I cringe to think about how she may feel today. Shame on all of you for that.

  2. Courtney…

    If you are going to post a picture on and that picture is umm… “YOUR BEST” picture, then people will ASSume that is you 24/7.

    This is why I continue to promote my account that has a picture of JSizzle on it! What you see is what you get baby! 😉 Right?


  3. I just couldn’t help but feel hurt for her. Imagine the most popular radio show in town trashing your looks and going on like that and it just didn’t seem necessary. But Ross, you don’t need to post someone else’s pic, I’d go out with you for sure! 🙂 (If I wasn’t married) 🙂

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