His name is Sexy Jack – and he ain’t coming back – RIGHT!

November 12, 2008 at 5:47 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments


CLASSIC BIG AL

T.I. told Tyra Banks that he lost his virginity when he was 11 years old – so Al threw out the one liner, “the funny thing, on his way to lose it, he stopped by and bought guns”  ***CRICKETS***  um, Big Al – remember the other day when we talked about you talking LESS???

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID QUOTE OF THE DAY

“You penetrated my boundary” – Kidd

WHY YOU GOTTA ACT LIKE YOU KNOW WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW

“Hilary Clinton was offered a cabinet position – oh, no she wasn’t” – Kidd

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie was kept in the dark yesterday and now wants to know what’s up

Big Al has been banned from an entire city block

J Si says it was good working with Sexy Jack

Shanon was nauseous after hearing the voice mail from Big Al

Jack thought that everyone was WAY too relaxed after yesterdays occurrence

HIZZLE

Jennifer Aniston says Angelina Jolie was wrong for talking about her early relationship with Brad Pitt

Jennifer Hudson is staying at the Trump hotel and Donald is picking up the tab

Joe Jonas has already moved on from Taylor Swift

Stephen Baldwin has a Hannah Montana tattoo

KKITM – THE GOOD HEARTED KIDNAPPERS

Back in the day – before 9/11 and back when there was a lot less concern about security – the morning show kidnapped John Tesh – now when I say “kidnapped”, I don’t mean held for ransom – more like we picked him up from his hotel before his real limo was supposed to pick him up and brought him to our studio instead of taking him to the interview he was supposed to do – WHAT??  It’s not like we tied him up and starved him – and we eventually took him back to his other appearance – it wasn’t that big of a deal – sheesh  …

LOVE LETTERS TO KELLIE

If your husband only seems 100% into your new baby when people are around, give him time – he’ll come around

If you’re writing a Love Letter to get close to Kidd Kraddick, you’re pretty much SOL

If you found out your wife is spending a lot of money by hacking into her email, you’re more wrong than she is

QUITE POSSIBLY THE BEST BIT EVER

I would venture to say that about 95% of the female and teenage population has heard about the phenomena that is Twilight and the actor that is Edward, Robert Pattinson – well he’s been making appearances all over the place and yesterday he was in our town – now Robert was set to do an interview with Kidd in the early afternoon and then do a mall appearance in the afternoon – now, while doing the interview prep, J Si saw a picture of Robert and decided that our very own Sexy Jack looked a lot like Robert …

So here’s what the bit was supposed to be – it’s a bit we’ve tried to pull off a few different times but it’s almost never successful – the idea is that you try and convince the manager of a retail show that your “client” is a huge star and see what lengths they will go trough to please your “client’ – will they close down the store, give them a special table, order special food, etc. – kid of above and beyond stuff – so some brainstorming is done and the bit begins – now, I will go ahead and freely admit that I heard the pre-planning yesterday and I predicted immediate failure – which is why I was so shocked when I came in today and heard bits of pieces – because this was nothing but GREATNESS!!!  and it was no really through no fault of their own – it was like the stars and radio gods were perfectly aligned and a genius bit was born

DISCLAIMER: just keep in mind that at no point did Jack (or anyone else) ever claim that Jack was actually Robert Pattinson – J Si did say “I’ve got my client with me” but he never said who he was and when they refrred to the Robert Pattinson appearance – all they ever said was “THE” event or “THE” movie

So, here’s the cast

J Si as Fernando the agent – he even had a card with a name on it from an agent in LA

Al as the Head Security

Charles (Al’s high school buddy) acting as Al’s security partner

2 camera Guys – Austin and Sonny J

And the star of the bit – Sexy Jack as Robert Pattinson – now, the question of whether Jack actually looked like Robert Pattinson did come up – and the general consensus was that in general – well, no – but in a skull cap and sunglasses and talking with that English accent – it’s a pretty good resemblance

Now the plan was for them to purposely stay away from the part of the mall where the actual appearance was – and it shouldn’t have been an issue considering that the appearance was scheduled for 3 ½ hours later – so they start off headed towards the Lucky store – and there are tons of teenage girls hanging out in the mall getting ready for the real Robert Pattinson – and while the guys are attracting some attention – it’s nothing too out of the ordinary – until one girl sets the whole thing in motion – she spots Jack (and his entourage), immediately thinks he’s Robert and starts motioning wildly to her friends across the mall that “Robert’ is in the mall – you’ll have to check out the video on kiddlive.com or kiddnation.com to see what I’m talking about – but it is HI-larious!!

So they spend about 10 or so minutes BSing in the Lucky store – and in that short time span, a crowd outside the store grows from about 5 to 50 people – they leave Lucky and head to another store – and in those few minutes, the crowd swells to about 100 – as they head to Juicy Couture (which is all female clothing – note: there are no females in the entourage), you can hear the girls screaming as Jack waves to them as he’s walking through the mall – they get to Juicy and talk the manager into closing down the store so that Jack can do some shopping – now keep in mind that there is no men’s clothing in the store – so Jack is having a little trouble keeping up the charade because he doesn’t really have anything to shop for – at this point, there are HUNDREDS of screaming girls outside the store and the people inside the store are convinced that they are “Robert and entourage, but they’re running out of material for the store – so the salesgirl tells them that Saks has Juicy for men and Big Al hears Saks and quickly needs to DQ that because he’s a regular Saks shopper and KNOWS they’ll be busted over there – so he suggests Versace – Versace sounds like a go because they can get there in the back hallways of the mall, they can escape the madness of the Twilight fans and bring the bit to a close

BIG AL IN THA’ HOUSE

Let me just go ahead and tell it like it T-I-IS (cause that’s what I do) – this was all Al’s fault – Big Al got caught up in the moment and started to think of himself as a real live celebrity – but hold on, I’m getting ahead of myself – by this time, have mall security escorting them to Versace and it’s all good – they’ve radioed ahead to Versace and they have cleared the store and kicked everyone out – they’ve drawn the curtains and locked the front doors and they are completely prepared for “Robert” the celebrity – so Versace starts catering to the guys – they’ve even requested the CD to a “Robert” requested CD (our very own Freddy) – the music is pumping and all of a sudden Al starts dancing – the Versace staff offers champagne to Jack, who has the sense to turn it down, but then here comes Big Dumb Al – “CHAMPAGNE – LET’S PARTY!!!!” – um, hello – you’re not part of the entourage dummy – you’re security – security doesn’t get drunk on the job!!  And even J Si tries to reign Al in by saying “aren’t you working?” – but that had absolutely  no impact on Big Al!!  so J Si decides this is where they need to start making an exit and suggests grabbing something to eat – but one of the police officers offers to take them somewhere else – Gucci perhaps??  Nope – we’re out of here – and everyone is starting to get anxious – everyone except Big Al – who is busy hitting on one of the store workers – and then one of the other employees recognizes J Si and Al!!  ABORT – ABORT – ABORT!!!

So now it’s time to go and the plan is just to get out of the mall and back to their car – they’re in the hallway and they’re headed for the elevator – one of the cops hears something come over on his radio – he talks for a minute – the elevator doors open and then the cop blocks the elevator and says, “hang on a second guys” – he heads around the corner – the guys are shooting the you know what and then the cop comes back around the corner and says “WHO ARE YOU GUYS?” – damn. Busted.  They were so close and if they had gotten out of there about 5 minutes earlier, they would have been free and clear – but no. Al is raising eyebrows by living it up in Versace like he’s never been anywhere before – so when the call comes across the radio, it’s all over!!

At this point – everyone shuts down – because no one knows what to say – we’ve got audio and video going that we’re trying to hang on to and the cop is yelling at the guys – Big Al decides he’s going to save the group and that went something like this …

Al – “I’m Big Al”

Cop – “SHUT UP!!  Everybody take a seat”

J Si – “Yes sir”

The cops have now figured out that they’re imposters and have them sitting in the hall like real criminals – Jack is completely freaking out because he’s here on a visa and then they hear the cop on the radio mentioning words like “3 patrol cars for transport” and “then just send a wagon” – they’ve even confiscated one of the videos – ugh.  text messages are being sent to KKITM staff that the guys may be getting arrested – it is sheer panic time – and then God stepped in and took control (as he always does, right Big Al?) – the police officer gets another call and because the REAL appearance is getting out of hand, the cops are needed for their real job and don’t have time to deal with a bunch of yahoos trying to pull a prank – so after a pretty intense talking to and a “don’t you dare come within the 4 streets that surround this mall” complete with a detailed listing of the street names – the guys were let go – we didn’t get the video back, but everyone is still alive – Jack still has his visa and no one went to jail – yet …

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Desperate housewives’ Jesse Metcalf is recovering after falling 40 feet off a balcony in Monaco

#4 – Stephen Baldwin will appear she dared him on Hannah Montana after getting a Hannah Montana tattoo

#3 – Joe Jonas dumped Taylor Swift and is now dating Camilla Belle

#2 – Rob Pattinson changed his diet and worked out like crazy to get his skinny vampire body for Twilight

#1 – The finale of TRL will be Sunday and every celebrity in the world will be there

WHITE TIE AFFAIR IN STUDIO

White Tie Affair is a band Chicago that got their big break thanks to The Hills – they’re on the label that Audrina works for and I guess she made them her project – they performed on the show and the rest is basically history – they performed their new song, ‘Candle’ – they were also the first band that came in and interviewed Kidd – which basically was them asking him whether or not a bunch of stuff they found on Wikipedia was true

AND THAT’S CROC TALK

Here on Kidd Kraddick in the Morning – I’m not sure WHY we were talking about alligators possibly being an endangered species, but we were

KIDD KRADDICK vs PSYCHO SHANON SMACKDOWN

Shanon called Kidd selfish for keeping the Rock band game even though he doesn’t have a Playstation 3 to play it on – so of course Kidd got defensive and said, “Why do you have a girlfriend when I don’t?” – so then Shanon says “Well, some of us have skills and some us don’t”  – take that Kidd Kraddick – there’s a reason we call her Psycho Shanon

ITUNES TOP 5

5.  Hot N Cold – Katy Perry
4.  You Belong with Me – Taylor Swift

3.  If I Were a Boy – Beyonce
2.  Live Your Life – T.I.
1.  Heartless – Kanye West

AND WE HAVE NIPPLAGE

Kidd and J Si went to the basketball game last night and were hanging out in the lounge area – a bunch of guys were sitting around laughing and watching this woman in the bar – she was sitting at the bar talking to a guy she clearly hadn’t known for long – so Kidd walks up to her and whispers to her – “I’ve embarrassed myself in public before so I know what it feels like  and I just wanted to tell you that you might want to pull your top up” – she doesn’t say anything to Kidd, but pulls her top up – no less than 2 minutes later … well, like Si said, “it was like her nipple grew arms and climbed out of her dress”!!  then they made fun of Kidd because he wouldn’t go back and tell her again!

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5 Comments »

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  1. Great summary of today’s show!

  2. I had to miss most of the show today once they finally got to yesterday’s fiasco.The remix was great, as usual.

  3. You guys have got to stop bashing Al. That T.I. joke was funny, and if Kidd or J-Si had said it, you all would have laughed your asses off. But just because it’s Al, you’ve got to act like there’s something wrong with it.

    Leave Al alooooonnnnnnneeeeeee!

    Serioulsy, get off Al’s back.

  4. I always look forward to your remix, Dianthe! You’re the best!

  5. i would assume that it’s a temporary tattoo…


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