THAT’S NOT FRANK!!!!

January 15, 2009 at 7:39 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment


EWWWW MOMENT OF THE TODAY

Jenna smacking on mints while she and J Si were waiting to go in for The Happy Couple bit – ew.

RYAN SEACREST MOMENT OF THE DAY

We’re now on in Kansas City, MO and Kidd got an alert that we were mentioned in the news release – but when he went to go look at it, it was all about Ryan Seacrest and his show, On Air with Ryan Seacrest, and how he’s coming to the station – don’t get me wrong – we were mentioned – but in passing – like oh yeah, they’re getting a new morning show too – good luck with that – now back to Ryan Seacrest – poor Kidd – like Kidd said, if  you want to find out what we’re doing – google Ryan Seacrest

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie is frazzled because she was packing this morning at 3:30am

Big Al just found out about the man who is suing his wife for his kidney in their divorce

J Si was 2 hours early for work so he pulled over on the highway to take a nap

Shanon’s credit card was denied after it was approved and now she owes iTunes $7.63

Jack’s gums are sensitive from trying to whiten his teeth

Kidd is wearing the sweater that has a hole in it … AGAIN

HIZZLE

Usher’s wife, Tameka Foster, will be on the second season of Real Housewives of Atlanta

John Mayer is getting a variety show

Jennifer Hudson is singing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl

Kelis and Nas are having a baby

LONELY, I’M SO LONELY

So the show is headed to the Bahamas and even though it’s technically a working trip, there is some downtime – and it’s over a weekend – Valentine’s weekend to be specific – and even though the majority of the people on the show are single and not seeing anyone seriously, they were still told they could bring a guest – so of course Al took that as license to go through his Little Black Book of Hoochies and invite someone – who?  Oh, anyone with a pulse who is willing to give it up in exchange for a trip to the Bahamas – oops.  Did I type that in my “outside my head” font?  As you can imagine, this didn’t go over very well with the show – I mean, I know it’s Al – ad I know he isn’t really known for his forethought – but come on, dude – what makes you think that the show wants to spend 5 days with a total stranger – and what makes you think a total stranger wants to spend it with the show – you won’t be able to give the Hoochie your total attention because you will be working the majority of the trip – and everyone else will be uneasy around her because they don’t know her (probably not any more than you do, I might add) and will be afraid of saying the wrong thing and giving off the wrong impression – it’ll just be uncomfortable for everyone – and you’d think that Al would just want to spend some quality time with his friends from the show – that in itself is sure to bring lots of content to the show – but noooo … Al stuck to his guns and insisted it would be fine and that no one would be uncomfortable if he brought a Hoochie to the Bahamas – fortunately for the show, I’m pretty sure that Al has burned all of his bridges and he won’t be able to find anyone to service accompany him in the Bahamas!!  Crisis averted!

THE HAPPY COUPLE aka AWKWARD ALERT

If you’re a soap opera fan, like me (shout out General Hospital), you’re familiar with the replacement of your favorite character – one day you’ll be watching your show and all of a sudden instead of your favorite villain walking on screen, you’ll see an actor that looks somewhat similar to the old villain and then you’ll hear a mysterious voice say “the role of Kevin will now be played by …” – well that’s kind of what happened with The Happy Couple – the role of Taylor will now be played by Jenna, the phone screener – now Jenna is a little concerned about replacing Taylor because Taylor was pretty good at the Happy Couple – she didn’t mind getting J Si’s butt kicked and had no problem yelling and screaming and causing a scene – now Jenna claims, “I just don’t have the crazy switch” which I TOTALLY don’t believe – ALL women have a crazy switch – it’s just a matter of finding it – anyway … on to the couples massage

So the idea was to go in for a couple’s massage and then have the masseuse go a little too far and have Jenna go off on the masseuse – and it worked, but there were a couple of things that were crazy – first, when you go in for a massage the masseuse leaves the room so you can undress – and when you’re a couple, people assume you’ve seen each other naked before – except J Si and Jenna aren’t really a couple – but that didn’t stop Jenna from taking it all off and giving J Si a little show – you could tell J Si was completely off guard when he started saying “no looksie, no looksie!!”  – Jenna tried to throw him under the bus by saying “J Si stop staring” really loudly, but I know better than to think J Si would have looked – he’s too afraid that Kinsey would kill him!!  anyway, when the masseuses came back, J Si pretended not to like his  while Jenna was really enjoying hers – so they switched so J Si could get a different experience – talk about experience – J Si went from silence to a lot of “oh my god, oh my god” while he pretended that the masseuse was copping a feel – of course Jenna got pissed and started ranting, “You weren’t touching me down there – why are you touching him in that area?” – they tried to calm her down but I guess she found her crazy switch because a few minutes later, Jenna stormed out – but not before the best part of the bit …

SHE’S BOTH THE NAMER AND THE CLAIMER

Jenna’s masseuse was making small talk and telling Jenna some story about giving a massage to someone with a full sleeve of tattoos when all of a sudden, Jenna let one go – not a big one – it was actually so small that if you weren’t paying attention, you would have missed it – but when you listen the second time around, it’s definitely a “toot” – you know, like the kind Taylor couldn’t say – anyway, she immediately freaked out and started to apologize and offering up the excuse that  she had a lot of coffee during the day – and the masseuses were great about it saying “it happens all the time” – but I don’t think that helped because she asked J Si to say something to make her feel better – and J Si’s typical guy response?  “that was awesome” – nice, J Si, real nice.

GET OVER IT

J Si hasn’t changed his email greeting since they went to the Bahamas last year and now it’s time to go again so … GET OVER IT!!

Al knows his voice mail is full – but it’s because he wants to feel important – GET OVER IT!!

Kellie to Big Al – you are NOT bringing a perfect stranger to the Bahamas – GET OVER IT!!

Kidd to everyone, if I don’t text you back in the middle of the day it’s because I’m asleep – GET OVER IT!!

To my brother the trainer, I like beer and pasta – GET OVER IT!!

I’m 26 and like Hannah Montana – GET OVER IT!!

To Kidd – Nickelback is great – GET OVER IT!!

To my baby daddy – I’m allowed to have a life too – GET OVER IT!!

To high school girls and your drama – GET OVER IT!!

To my boss, you’re not a ladies’ man – GET OVER IT!!

I’ve been married to an illegal Mexican for 8 years – GET OVER IT!!

I’m American Indian so I don’t know Spanish – GET OVER IT!!

To everyone with McCain-Palin bumper stickers, Obama won – GET OVER IT!!

To my boyfriend’s ex, he doesn’t want you anymore – GET OVER IT!!

To my mortgage company, I’m late on my payment – GET OVER IT!!

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Ricardo Montalban aka Mr. Rourke from Fantasy Island has passed away – aw, that’s sad

#4 – Jackie Chan will be the mentor in the remake of “The Karate Kid” starring Will Smith’s son – failure anyone??

#3 – John Mayer put one of Jennifer Aniston’s poems to music and sang it to her – cheesy, but sweet

#2 – Jennifer Hudson will perform the National Anthem at the Super Bowl – I’m looking forward to seeing her – hopefully it will be a good return for her

#1 – Jennifer Lopez says she didn’t wear her wedding ring to the Golden Globes because “it didn’t go with her dress” – *cough*divorcingsoon*cough* – I hate it when my 8.5 carat diamond doesn’t go with my dress

BILLBOARD TOP 5

5.  Twilight Soundtrack
4.  Beyonce – I am…Sasha Fierce
3.  Kanye West – 808s & Heartbreak
2.  Nickelback – Dark Horse
1.  Taylor Swift – Fearless

THE WORST FOODS OF 2009

In the bit that should have been called “Inspiration to Keep Your New Year’s Resolution”, Kidd went over some of the foods from the Top 10 Worst Foods of 2009:

Worst “Healthy” Sandwich
A 12″ Veggie Supreme from Blimpie’s ought to be fairly healthy – right?  How about 1106 calories and 56 grams of fat – are you kidding me?  That’s equal to two Big Macs – it has 3 different kinds of cheese and is drenched in oil – sound like an artery clogger to me – even a 6″ would put you down for a nap!

Worst Kids’ Meal
I hate to even hear this because I LOVE LOVE LOVE Chili’s – but I guess I won’t be taking Sydney to seat there any time soon – from Chili’s Kids’ Menu, the Pepper Pals Country-Fried Chicken Crispers with Ranch Dressing and Homestyle Fries – 1110 calories and 82 grams of fat – OMG – I think that’s enough to kill a kid!  a moderately active 8-year-old boy is supposed to consume around 1,600 calories a day – no wonder there’s an obesity problem in this country!

Worst Dessert
Romano’s Macaroni Grill Dessert Ravioli – oh no!  who doesn’t love dessert?  And who doesn’t splurge on dessert for special occasions – anniversary, birthday, Valentines – 1630 calories and 74 grams of fat – that is equal to 4 Quarter Pounders – I don’t think I could eat one Quarter Pounder – but I could sure as hell finish off that Dessert Ravioli – maybe 2 – ugh!!

Worst Burger
oh no – not Chili’s again – the Chili’s Smokehouse Bacon Triple-The-Cheese Big Mouth Burger with Jalapeno Ranch Dressing has 2040 calories and 150 grams of fat – first of all, with that long of a name, you KNOW it’s not low-fat – but come on – two and a half days’ worth of fat in one sitting – and a third of that fat is saturated!!  That’s the same as eating eight 6-ounce roasted sirloin steaks

Worst Starter
Uno Chicago Grill Pizza Skins I haven’t been to Uno’s in years and thanks to this it’ll probably be a few more – a full order has 2,400 calories and 155 g fat – you have got to be joking me right now – eating a full order by yourself is the same as eating a Large Domino’s Hand-Tossed Sausage Pizza! I guess I’ll stick with that because I KNOW I can’t eat an entire pizza

And last but quite certainly NOT the least …

The Worst Food of 2009
Baskin Robbins Large Chocolate Oreo Shake – aw man!!  Who doesn’t love a shake?  Especially one with Oreos!  2,600 calories and 135 grams of fat – last year baskin Robbins made the list with the Heath Bar Shake – it has more sugar than 20 bowls of Froot Loops, (mmm Fruit Loops!) and more calories than 11 actual Heath Bars – ugh.  I think I’m going to go work out – or take a nap – anything but eat!!

AMERICAN IDOL

Blah-blah-blah – this part is so dull because you don’t really care about any of the contestants – but there were 2 people that stood out from last night’s auditions – Michael Castro and Danny Gokey – Michael is Jason Castro’s(of last season) little brother and has a very nice voice – he made it through and it will be interesting to see how far he goes – then there was Danny – before Danny sang, he talked about his wife who passed away 4 weeks before the audition – the story was very touching and then he sang a song by Gavin DeGraw – he was pretty good and of course made it through – but he wouldn’t have if Shanon had anything to do with it – for the most part, Shanon stays pretty quiet on the show … until she has something to say – like accusing Danny of playing the dead wife card – Shanon says that she wasn’t trying to be mean, she was just telling it like it T-I-S – if Shanon was on American Idol, she said she would TOTALLY play up the fact that when she was 5, her cousin was killed in a car accident and the next day her grandma had a stroke and her house got broken into twice that same week – and they walked in on one of the robberies with 2 guns propped up in the kitchen – then her mom yelled, “that’s right you F’ers – run away!!” and that was the first time Shanon heard her mom say the F bomb – surely that would elicit enough sympathy to get her to Hollywood – and then she called Danny a big fat liar and I’m pretty sure there are going to be a LOT of people that are going to be really mad at Shanon – but that’s okay, because Mr. Architect and AprilButterfly  from the chat room agreed with her

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