My daddy wants his handcuffs back

January 16, 2009 at 5:27 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

BAD LOOKING OUT … OR WAS IT???

Kidd and Kellie were on the plane (that was delayed because of mechanical issues) when the news of the US Airways plane crashed – Kidd got a text from a friend that said, “are you watching the news?” – he replied, “no – I’m on the plane” – his friend texted back, “oh – never mind” and then Kidd was left wondering what had happened and didn’t hear about the crash until after they landed in L.A.

CELEBRITIES KIDD THOUGHT HE SAW IN L.A.

Kidd swore that he saw Rod Stewart in the lobby of their hotel but Kellie swears it was just an old white haired man with a driver!  Kidd also thought he saw Paul Reiser (not to be confused with Paul Rudd) – and here’s a question for you – does anyone even remember who Paul Reiser is?

KELLIE RASBERRY’S “ME ME ME” MOMENT

Kellie complained about the redhead always being left out when Jenna said that men prefer brunettes over blondes

KELLIE RASBERRY’S DIVA MOMENT

When Kidd and Kellie checked into the hotel, Kellie asked for a “nice room” – or at least one nicer than Kidd’s – and when she got to her room, there was a lovely fruit and cookie tray – so Kellie settled into her room and started snacking on the tray assuming that Kidd had sent the tray to her – as she snuggled into her bed for the night, Kellie looked over to see an envelope next to the tray that said, “Mrs. Greenstein” – oops.  Oh well – she is Kellie Freaking Rasberry – Damnit!

THE THING KELLIE SAID THAT MADE ME LAUGH

“If you date me, you’ve seen me naked – well, I’ve dated a couple of guys that haven’t seen me naked” – where is that “cougar” drop??

FLUSH THE FORMAT

Crack A Bottle – Eminem

California Love – Tupac

Shake It – Metro Station

Just Dance – Lady GaGa

Dance, Dance – Fall Out boy

Faint – Linkin Park

Toxic – Britney Spears

Dead and Gone – T.I

One Week – Barenaked ladies

That’s What You Get – Paramore

Going Back to Cali – Notorious B.I.G.

HIZZLE

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are fighting – and it’s getting physical

Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis are finally getting married

Lance Armstrong has asked his pregnant girlfriend to marry him

Lindsay Lohan has moved out from Samantha Ronson’s house – but they are NOT broken up

‘ZINE SCENE

have i mentioned how much I love this theme song?  You just can’t stop singing it!  Today’s ‘Zine Scene focused on what men and women like in each other – we started off with physical attributes and as you probably guessed – men are all about the boobs and the booty!!  There’s a surprise!  But women can be superficial too – ’cause we like the abs, the chest and those guns!!  When it comes to the actual face, eyes and smile are important and men do NOT prefer blondes – and for all you men with Short Man Complex (or short something else complex), women do not subscribe to the “Bigger Is Better” theory – the majority of women don’t want their men to be over 6’3″ – turnoffs?  Men are turned off by women who carry a little too much extra weight and women hate bad teeth and body hair – and the female trait that personally turns Kidd off?  “I’m most turned off by their criticism” – that’s funny!

THE RETURN OF B. WOODS

The break started with Al telling a story about a date he went on a couple of weeks ago – and then suddenly it turned into the B Woods show – now if you recall, B Woods is the board op that runs the board for Kidd when he’s in L.A. – and if you ask me, B Woods ought to maybe just stick to the board – don’t get me wrong, he’s probably a very nice guy – and he has his funny moments – but I’ve had about enough of him bagging on Big Al – I mean, I know I give Big Al a hard time – we all do – but that’s cause he’s family – and you know how that goes – you can talk about your family, but if someone else does … watch out!  The first thing B Woods did was call Al out for dressing like a woman – back off dude, that’s OUR job!!!

SHE WAS NOT AS PRETTY AS I REMEMBERED

This break could also have been called Big Al’s Pointless Story of the Day simply because I have no idea why he mentioned it – a few weeks ago, Big Al went on a date with a woman who started talking about another guy less than 10 minutes into their date – she went on and on about this dude, telling Big Al that he seems to be the perfect guy – I don’t know – maybe there was a point to the story and we just never got to it – that could have been the case but we’ll never know because Kellie called Big Al for saying that the woman was “not as pretty as I remembered” – as Kellie pointed out, there was really no reason to mention that at all other than the fact that she dissed Al by talking about the other guy – if she had been smoking hot or had been really into Al, he never would have mentioned that she was less than attractive – but that’s how Al rolls – Kellie let him know “she’s probably listening and you just hurt her feelings, so congratulations” and that was the end of that

DUDE, WHERE’S MY CAR??

It’s a fairly well-known fact that Kidd has a terrible sense of direction – so it didn’t really make sense to Kellie that they would get in the car in L.A. and Kidd would refuse to use the GPS – Kidd insisted “this is my town – I know where I’m going” but he still managed to get a little sidetracked on the way to the hotel – Kidd claimed performance anxiety and said that he felt pressured to perform in front of Kellie – which I sort of understand – I mean, L.A. is his town – kind of like New York was his town when he went with Jack and pointed out the infamous Sbarro pizza!  But in Kidd’s defense, he was trying to do about 5 things at one time in addition to driving – and it’s not like he ended up in San Diego and had to turn around – they were only delayed a few minutes and then it was all good

WHO’S A CRACKHEAD??

The National Enquirer is reporting that Oprah was a crackhead back in the 80s – well, sort of – an ex-lover of hers is basically on his death bed and wrote a book saying that back when he and Oprah were dating, they not only did drugs together but that Oprah introduced him to crack – Oprah moved on to become Oprah and he became a crackhead – B Woods  brought Barack into the fold and Kellie confirmed that Barack admitted to trying drugs in one of his books – and that entire discussion led into …

CHARACTER STEREOTYPE DESTROYER MAN

Today’s mission was to identify a Black Nerd – except the only one I can even think of would be Steve Urkel – so Al went off (I have no idea where) to ask black people “nerd” type questions like “have you ever played WoW?” and “what was the last Star Wars movie you saw?” – he finally ran into one black guy who was able to answer those questions as well as fill-in-the-blank for the names, Luke Skywalker, Jabba the Hut, R2D2 and Darth Vader – one dude was even into Star Trek – but the kicker was when Al found himself in the middle of a real live drug deal – I’ve never witnessed an actual drug deal but I’m pretty sure when a guy says, “do you know anything about pills? I got some Benadryls (yes, he said it with an ‘s’) and some downers – I’ll give it all to you for $3 – I’ll take $3 just to get on this bus”, he might be a drug dealer!

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – the National Enquirer says Oprah’s ex-lover has written a tell all book that says they did coke back in the 80s – yeah, talk to me when this dude is interviewed by Barbara Walters

#4 – Carrie Underwood is dating hockey player, Mike Fisher – um, I’m starting to think that Carrie gets around …

#3 – The Jonas Brothers have had to hire extra security because someone is stealing their underwear!  Ok, that’s just oogey

#2 – Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have had a few pushing and shoving fights – is anyone surprised by this?  You KNOW J Lo has a psycho gene – and she uses it a lot

#1 – the National Enquirer says Patrick Swayze’s cancer has spread to his lungs, not pneumonia – sad.  Just sad.

MOVIE TALK

Defiance – Daniel Craig NOT playing James Bond – average ratings – eh.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop – it’s not getting great ratings but it’s Kevin James – how can you not love Kevin James??

Notorious – BIGGIE!!!!   If you’re a fan of Biggie or hip-hop, you’ll love this

My Bloody Valentine 3D – oh come on, do you need me to tell you anything about this?  It is getting decent reviews though

ROBIN MCGRAW IN L.A.

Robin McGraw is the wife of Dr. Phil and a long time friend of the show – Robin is 55 (and beautiful!) and has written a new beauty/health book called “What’s Age Got to do With It?” – she teamed up with a few experts and wrote the book because as she said, “I don’t think I’m old but I’m old enough to know what works and what doesn’t” – that sounds like a plan to me!!  there are chapters on skin care and make up and hormones and how to make natural beauty products – a little free advice – spend money on skin care and blood work to check your hormone levels – and if you have to get one beauty treatment – go with microdermabrasion to get rid of your dead skin cells!

KELLIE RASBERRY, BITKILLER or “LEAVE KELLIE ALONE”? – YOU DECIDE

Kidd went to L.A. to tape a few segments of the show “The Doctors” with Sommer – the person we chose to “Get Her Sexy Back” – and since Kellie just recently had her Mommy Makeover, she joined Kidd – the show will tape today and air a few weeks or so from now – but Kidd and Kellie aren’t coming back until tomorrow – and you know what that means – party time in L.A. – well, unless you’re traveling with Kellie Rasberry – Kidd is bound and determined to take Kellie out tonight and probably hang with some of his celebrity friends – but Kellie seems less than interested – we’ve basically been having this conversation all week long and Kellie has yet to commit to a night out on the town – so I’m thinking Kidd is going to be flying solo – I know he planned on having Kellie be his “date” – but she is SO not interested – and Kidd is more than familiar with Bad Attitude Kellie who is forced to do something that she doesn’t want to do – is that really who you want hanging out with you at the cool club in LA with Joel and Nicole?  No!  but you know who you do want?  The party girl who loves Nicole Richie more than anyone on the planet (except my sweet baby girl) …ME – duh!  But that’s okay, keep pestering Kellie to go out with you until she gives in and makes your evening miserable – at the very least it will make for good radio and you’ll be able to hold it over her head for the next 6 months

We’ll find out on Tuesday (because Monday’s a holiday and we’re off) what kind of wild shenanigans (I love the word shenanigans) Kidd managed to get Kellie into – I’m betting the wildest Kellie got was ordering a $28 hamburger from room service – but I could be wrong – at any rate, we’ll find out next week – and in the meantime, because I’m a total AW (Attention Whore) – check out this video of my baby girl walking!!  I’ll post the whole story in my blog this weekend, but in the meantime, here she is!