I don’t like to be touched

January 21, 2009 at 5:13 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment


BAD LOOKING OUT

Al thinks he taped the Inauguration over his parents’ 50th Wedding Anniversary party

BEHIND THE SCENES

“I can’t think right now, I need pants” – Big Al – someone took Big Al’s pants after his last Bahama Mama stint and he’s been wandering the office half naked since the last break of the show – UPDATE:  he’s been without pants for almost an hour … it’s not looking good for tomorrow

RYAN SEACREST MOMENT OF THE DAY

Big Al made today’s Behind the Mic because he was trying to sound like Ryan Seacrest during the liners – um, Ryan Seacrest, better than Kidd Kraddick, Ryan Seacrest?  Hmmm. Not good.

SEXY JACK’S BRITISH PHRASE OF THE DAY

“My teeth are banging” – because he was so cold – except I think he meant chattering

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie is mad that the white man tried to keep Obama down

Big Al thought Obama’s dancing was just okay

J Si is a victim of a new money laundering scheme – except it was more of a scam than money laundering

Shanon is mad that Andrew ruined her historical Presidential Inauguration watching experience

HIZZLE

Britney Spears is writing a tell-all autobiography

Joaquin Phoenix threw a temper tantrum before he bombed in his debut rap performance

Marcia Cross’ husband has cancer

Shia LeBeouf’s driver license has been suspended for a year

LOVE LETTERS TO KELLIE

If you want to be more than just friends with

If your twin sister stole your man because you sent her on a date as you, it’s all your fault

If your boyfriend lied about getting you concert tickets, it’s not because he meant to lie – he’s just a guy

If you went from an A cup to a D cup, you should expect extra attention from men

If your husband wants you to have back to back babies until you have 12 of them, you’ve married a crazy man

BAHAMA MAMA aka MY NEW FAVORITE BIT

First Obama is elected president and then the Bahama Mama – could my life be any better?  I don’t think so!!  Of course I can’t tell you what the phrase is, but find solace in the fact that every time I see Big Al wearing an old lady housecoat and a bad horsehair hairpiece, I am falling down laughing!!  Plus, Big Al whining and crying about having to dress up as a woman … again – here’s a hint Big Al – the word is “NO” – everyone else in the building knows it – why not you?  The only thing that makes me sad is that the contest will be over on Monday

IT’S NATIONAL HUGGING DAY

Kidd sent Jack to Starbucks (with Andrew as video guy) with the mission of getting 100 hugs before he could come back – that shouldn’t be too hard, right?  I mean tall, good-looking British guy asking for a hug in a public place – easy.  Except Jack walked up to a woman in her car in freezing temperatures and asked, “Can I get a big fat hug?” – yeah, probably not the best approach – since the bit looked like it was headed for failure, J Si decided to call an audible – Kellie thought that was a bad idea but J Si said, “Kellie, we’re on the line of scrimmage and the play doesn’t look like it’s gonna work” – so it’s audible time … so instead of getting 100 hugs, we decided to promote Andrew from video guy to bit guy and join Jack in hugging it out – so there Jack and Andrew stood in the middle of Starbucks – hugging each other – for an hour – and if anyone asked them what they were doing, they were to respond with, “what?  it’s National Hug Day!” – but that wasn’t enough – the payoff wasn’t big enough – so Kidd made them get down on their knees while hugging – and then work their way to the floor and writhe on the floor … hugging – ew.  Sexy Jack had just mentioned that he noticed a weird smell coming from Andrew on the car ride over –  I don’t know about you, but the visual of Sexy Jack and stinky Andrew “writhing on the floor hugging” – ew.  And Kidd wonders why Shanon doesn’t want to be touched by boys

THE INAUGURATION

There isn’t much going on beside the Inauguration so that’s what we talked about today – a.lot.

  • Michelle’s dress – Kellie did NOT love Michelle’s clothing choices – we look to the First Lady to be the fashion icon and she’s looking a little on the frumpy side – it was nice that she picked internationally born American designers, but somebody needs to find her a stylist – I did like her ball gown but I thought it needed a petticoat
  • Kidd mentioned several times how sweet Barack and Michelle were and how in love the two of them are – he said he even teared up when they danced their first dance to “At Last” – I thought it was sweet when he asked the crowd, “how good-looking is my wife?” – and it made me sad for Kidd – you can tell he misses being married L
  • We went on for what I thought was TOO long over who screwed up first – Obama or Chief Justice John Roberts – I think Obama started saying his name to early and the Chief Justice misplaced the word “faithfully” – can we all agree that they both screwed up and in the big scheme of things – it really doesn’t matter?
  • Ted Kennedy had a seizure at the inaugural luncheon but they attributed it to fatigue – they kept him in the hospital overnight for observation and should be released this morning
  • Kellie thinks that Sasha and Malia are going to be really fun to watch in the White House – she foresees books and dolls and all kinds of kid friendly stuff – Kellie also thinks that Sasha is the one to watch – and after seeing the bored look on her face during the parade, I totally agree
  • Kanye’s performance at the MTV ball left much to be desired – note to Kanye – you’re not a singer – do not sing without Autotunes
  • Kellie was a little offended by the comments at the end of Reverend Lowry’s benediction – eh. I went back and forth and back and forth about it on a few message boards I’m on – basically, what it comes down to for me – if it doesn’t apply to you, then why are you offended? Not just in this instance, for everything
  • The booing of President Bush – dude, that’s just tacky – I wasn’t a Bush supporter and I certainly don’t agree with a lot of the decisions he made – but the man was the president – and outside of the office, I bet he’s a really cool guy to have a beer with

KELLIE CLARKSON ON THE PHONE

She lives out in the country and can go to the grocery store and no one bothers her

She and her sister won their family turkey baking contest over the holidays

Claimed she listened to Kidd Kraddick growing up but didn’t know about the Brown Bag Turkey recipe – hmmm…

She grew up in a religious household

She is flattered that Brooke Hogan is covering her new song “My Life Would Suck Without You”

She just got back from Europe and she cried when Aretha Franklin sang “America the Beautiful”

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Shia LaBeouf can’t drive for a year because he refused a breathalyzer – eh, just hire a driver

#4 – Paris Hilton needs to find herself so she hooked up with MySpace CEO at Sundance – don’t look back Benji, don’t look back!

#3 – Spencer Pratt beat up his sister’s ex-boyfriend for no reason other than the fact he dumped her – one word – tool.

#2 – Lindsay Lohan wants to open a joint bank account with Samantha Ronson – please don’t leave me Sam …

#1 – Britney Spears is discussing a $14 million dollars book deal – where do I pre-order my copy?

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1 Comment »

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  1. Brit’s book will sell like hot cakes!

    http://msinformedblog.com/2009/01/21/spears-real-life-circus/


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