Dawg, I can sew!!

January 22, 2009 at 7:12 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments


BAD LOOKING OUT

After spending $800 over his original budget and the $99 delivery charge – J Si found out that one of the furniture delivery guys hit on Kinsey when they delivered the furniture – yeah, maybe he couldn’t see the 50 pictures of you and Kinsey that are all over your apartment?

BIG AL’S “I’M GAY” MOMENT

Big Al told us that his mom used to make his clothes when he was little – and one time she made him these pants that had one blue leg and one white leg – and because his mom couldn’t make him a belt, she made him a sash instead – a sash that hung down to the side of Al’s leg – that’s right – the pants with the sash – is that anything like the boots with the fur??

J SI’S RANDOM COMMENT OF THE DAY

“Don’t be that club that doesn’t allow hats … or shoes” – J Si – um, what club doesn’t allow shoes?

“SAVE THAT “OF THE DAY

“you can all know my Twitter on the Twitter – I’ll show my Twitter” – Kellie

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM KIDD KRADDICK

When buying furniture from Furniture Barn (which is where Kidd bought his fancy picnic table bedroom furniture) don’t buy from inside the tent and make sure you look at the stuff on the side of the road because if it’s been nicked by a car, you might get a good discount!

THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR ON TODAY’S SHOW

Kellie thinks she left her shawl in Kidd’s hotel room

Big Al wants to know the rules about buying drinks for a girl

J Si had a dream that Kidd was eaten by a shark in the Bahamas

Shanon’s life was in danger yesterday when a prank went too far

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF J SI AND KINSEY

Kinsey:  “Have you ever punched yourself in the face?”

J Si:  “No”

Kinsey:  “Would you ever do it?”

J Si:  “No, why would I do that”

Kinsey:  “What if I dare you to do it?”

J Si:  “Getting hit in the face hurts!”

Kinsey:  “I dare you!”

J Si:  “You’re really going to dare me to hit myself in the face?”

So what did J Si do?  He braced himself and took his fist to his cheekbone and gave himself a black eye – J Si’s rationalization, “See, I won and lost – so it’s a tie!” – ***shakes head***

HIZZLE

Katy Perry has taken a vow of celibacy

There will be a sequel to the Sex & the City Movie

George Clooney is coming back to E.R.

The first daughters got a surprise performance at the White House by The Jonas Brothers

AMERICAN IDOL

Apparently the San Francisco auditions suck and no one from that area of the country has any talent – except for

Laneshe Young – Kidd says that she will be Top 10 – then there was the contestant that told the judges to “take care and be careful” as he exited the audition room – well I guess Paula Abdul is still a little on edge after her stalker killed herself in front of Paula’s house – because she freaked out a little and thought the guy was threatening them – no Paula, he’s just old and Southern – it’s all good

BILLBOARD #1s

Hot 100 Airplay – Single Ladies – Beyonce

Hot Adult R&B Airplay – If U Leave – Musiq Soulchild featuring Mary J. Blige

Hot AC – The Time of My Life – David Cook

Triple A – You Found Me – The Fray

Hot Country Songs – Start a Band – Brad Paisley with Keith Urban

BAHAMA MAMA

So yesterday at the end of the show when Al put on his Gertrude Bahama Mama costume, he left his clothes on the bathroom floor- now that was a mistake for 2 reasons – 1. The bathroom floor is just gross – there are a lot of men in this office and let’s just say that their aim is less than perfect 2. There are a lot of men in this office – men that think practical jokes are funny – so when Al went back in the bathroom to change out of his Gertrude costume, his clothes were missing – so what did Big Al do?  Did he:

a.       call out from the bathroom, “hey guys – joke is over – bring my clothes back!”

b.      call Tamara (at the front desk) and ask if someone could look for his pants or

c.       leave the bathroom and walk around the office in his tighty whiteys and interrupt a staff meeting being conducted by the big boss

well duh.  It was Big Al – so of course the answer was C!  the whole situation could have been handled a dozen other ways – he could’ve even left the Gertrude costume on – but no – Al was trying to prove a point – I’m not really sure what the point was, but as Kelley pointed out, “There is no point except that you’re a perv exhibitionist” – yeah, pretty much!  Anyway, after he made the eyes of almost every person in the office bleed, someone finally fessed up that Cappy had stolen Al’s pants and hid them under Josh’s desk – but by that time, Rob the Engineer had gotten in on the action and moved the pants to the rafters of the Sponsorship Opportunities Available Performance Hall – then during our Monday meeting (which was on Wednesday because of the holiday and the Inauguration), we had to put Shanon on Al’s shoulders to get his pants down – now, here’s my take on all of this – Big Al might have been upset at the beginning, but I think he was starting to get kind of used to hanging out around the office half naked – and am I the only one that doesn’t think that Skinny B Diet he’s on is working?  I’m just saying – anyway, check out the video and let me know what you think!

and just because it bring sme so much joy …

bahama-mama

Gertrude!!!


whats-a-black-man-gotta-do

what’s a Black man gotta do?


SLANKET VS SNUGGIE aka I’M A 97 YEAR OLD CROCHETY OLD WOMAN

While I understand the concept of the Slanket and Snuggie, I also think the only people that don’t look crazy wearing one are senior citizens!  Come on, have you seen the commercial?  but I guess I’m in the minority because Kidd, Kellie and countless listeners discussed all the reasons one should have this great invention – apparently the Slanket came first and there is a loyalty there because it’s made in America and has extra length so you can fold the blanket part under your feet  – but then along came the knockoff more economical option, the Snuggie – it’s basically the same thing but it has a pocket for the remote control – which apparently makes you super cool – or 100 – call me crazy, but can’t you just put on sweats and socks?  Or how about just turn up the heat!

DON’T LET YOUR MOUTH WRITE CHECKS THAT YOUR BUTT CAN’T CASH

During the whole Slanket vs. Snuggie debate, we had a listener that called in and said she found a pattern online and made her own Slanket/Snuggie knock off for $12 – which prompted Big Al to pop off at the mouth with this little gem “I can sew” – **I’ll pause while you fall out of your chair with laughter” – seriously?  does anyone actually think that Al can sew?  Anyone?  Bueller?  Yeah, that’s what we thought too – but fortunately for us (and for the listeners) we have a way to test Al’s declaration – I just happened to have gotten a brand new sewing machine for Christmas – and it’s portable – so guess who is going to get to sew himself a pair of pajamas to wear to the Pajama Party that he and J Si are going to this weekend – that’s right – our very own Big Al Mack!!

SHORTY’S

Today was the Grand Opening of the new Kidd Kraddick in the Morning nightclub (or dayclub as the case may be) – and I’ll have to be honest – I’m a little disappointed – there weren’t that many people there and there’s still some areas that aren’t quite ready – even though the music was good, I didn’t get to dance on the speaker – and there was this totally scary bartender (if you can call him that) with a scary hairlip/lisp/accent thing going on that was serving drinks – plus, the doorman didn’t even know who Kidd was – we almost didn’t get in – not a stellar first impression – I’m hoping things improve – after all, it is our club – and if this doesn’t make it – then how will Kidd’s next venture, the ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Sushi’ sushi bar ever take off?

SHOWBIZ TOP 5

#5 – Nicole Richie is getting a reality show – can’t FREAKING wait!!!  LOVES IT!!!

#4 – Katy Perry is taking a vow of celibacy for 2009 – thanks for that info Katy

#3 – Paris Hilton went to Sundance and left with 30 bags from the Hollywood Life House gifting suite – poor Paris – she must be going broke if she had to go to Sundance just for Swag!

#2 – Lil Wayne canceled a concert in Rochester … for the third time – come on Wayne – just do the show already

#1 – John Travolta is being blackmailed for $1 million dollars with a picture of his son dying in the ambulance – classy.really classy

AWWWW – WHAT A GOOD BOYFRIEND

J Si and Kinsey have been functioning with young “living in sin” furniture – you know the kind you buy when you’re young and living on a just out of college salary – it’s nice and pretty good quality but it’s not going to last you 25 years – plus, it’s the kind of furniture that you put together and J Si let Kinsey put it together – and you can imagine how that went – anyway, that furniture was on its last leg and Kinsey has been pestering J Si to buy some new stuff – so J Si, being a baby DJ, did some creative financing and came up with $1000 to buy a dresser and 2 night stands – great – that’s totally doable – they go to the furniture store and start looking around – but J Si being a dude, quickly lost interest, and decided to test out a mattress while Kinsey shopped … and then fell asleep – but not before he added a last minute $200 to the furniture budget – now J Si says that he wasn’t asleep long – but it was long enough because Kinsey came back to J Si and said, “J Si – guess what – I got a headboard and a footboard and a dresser and a2 night stands and a lamp …” – and J Si’s all, “cool!  For $1200?” – “welllllll … he told me he would throw it in for $400 more – and then there was some tax…”  $2000 later … J Si and Kinsey are the proud owners of a brand new bedroom suit – so what if J Si has to eat ramen noodles for the next 3 months – and he’ll have to take public transportation to work – he did it all for love – and Kinsey is happy – the only problem now is how to deal with that furniture delivery guy that hit on Kinsey – uh.oh.

TWITTER aka CHEAP THERAPY FOR KELLIE

Kellie signed up for Twitter because Kidd told her that’s what all the cool kids were doing – and the only people that don’t Twitter are old people and those that have vestigial tails – so she signed up – and it’s basically become an outlet for Kellie so that she can get free therapy – Kellie is still quite some ways from full post op recovery – basically, she’s not quite ready to move into sexy lingerie – she’s still wearing a girdle and she has a pretty good sized hip to hip scar – she was prepared for all of that but it’s still an adjustment – and despite the fact that Kellie is blessed with a lot of good friends that love her – she doesn’t currently have  man lovin’ on her – and she’s feeling a little lonely – so what has she done – she’s decided to talk it out … on Twitter – if you want to follow Kellie’s therapy (or any of the rest of us) – sign up at twitter.com and follow us with these names … KiddKraddick, Kelliereasberry, Bigalmack, JSi5 and Dianthekiddlive

I AM GAY AS A PINK PICNIC BASKET aka STEREOTYPE DESTROYER MAN

This week’s mission was to bust the stereotype that “All gay men sound gay” – or extra effeminate – or, well you know – basically, Character Stereotype Destroyer Man aka Big Al was looking for a gay man who didn’t sound “gay” – he was pretty unsuccessful – you have to admit, when a man says, No more Big Al, we’re changing your name to Sweet Al” – he’s probably gay – finally Big Al found one guy who didn’t “sound” gay – until he said, “I’m as gay as a pink picnic basket” – close, but no cigar – Al’s next bit … Character Stereotype Perpetuator Man

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2 Comments »

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  1. Good day! I know this is kinda off topic but I’d figured I’d ask.

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